Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I'm a Senior Citizen (Depending on Who You Ask)!

In about three weeks, the age fairy will wave her wand again, and I'll be 58 years old. I can remember a time when I thought nobody was that old...now, at work, it inspires no small amount of horror to realize that I'm older than many generals and senior NCOs (one of my old college ROTC friends who graduated a year behind me is now a four-star general, for pity's sake). I just keep telling myself that, even though I already qualify for the senior citizen discount at many places, when compared to Agnes's father (90) and my own father (87), I'm not really that ancient.

And I can face getting older, particularly when I think about the alternative. And so, here is my look at the advantages of being a "senior citizen"...

I’m the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8PM.

I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer

I’m usually ready to go home before I get where I’m going.

I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, Beano, antacid, etc.

I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

I’m very good at telling stories…over and over and over.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren aren’t as bright as mine.

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, and politicians. Especially politicians.

I’m positive I did housework correctly before my Agnes retired.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m wrinkled, saggy and lumpy…and that’s just my left leg.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…

I’m spending more time with my pillows than with my wife.

I realize that aging isn’t for sissies.

I’m anti everything now. Anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory, etc.

I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

They seem to be making adults younger these days.

If you’re as old as you feel, how could you still be alive at 150?

I support many movements now…by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

I’m a walking store room of facts…I just can't seem to find the store room.

I’m a senior citizen and I think I’m having the time of my life!

Yee, hah!

Have a good day, and lots more of them. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - did I mention the part about not liking politicians?

B.

10 comments:

The Mistress of the Dark said...

My brother is a year younger than you and in many circles he's already a SS.

Bandit said...

We were paying green fees at a new course and one of the guys came running out all excited and happy because he got carded. They didn't believe he was old enough to get the senior discount. Ahhh, the little things in life.

Debbie said...

Bilbo we have reached the age of lying about how old we are. I tell people I'm 62 and smile when they tell me how good I look for my age. :)

Bilbo said...

Andrea - misery loves company!

Bandit - interesting how our perspectives change over time, eh?

Debbie - but women like you and Agnes are beautiful at any age, anyhow!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

"I’m usually ready to go home before I get where I’m going"....bwahahahahahahaah!!!...

SusieQ said...

One nice thing about getting older is that your eyesight starts to fail about the time your wrinkles kick in.

Bilbo said...

Phfrankie - speaking from experience, are you?

SusieQ - I hadn't thought of that one...I'll add it to the list!

Mike said...

I've got way to many check marks on that list.

Amanda said...

My parents are both older than you and they can't wait to get just a few years older so they can qualify as senior citizens here :)

Leslie David said...

Last time I shopped at Harris Teeter, the check out guy reminded me that seniors got a special discount. I told him that was really nice but I had 7 more years before I qualified for it.