Monday, April 23, 2012

How I Spent My Weekend

I'm sure we've all had some variation of the grade-school experience of having to write the little essays on "How I Spent My Summer/Holiday/Weekend/etc." Fun, wasn't it? Here's how I spent my weekend, presented as a play in two acts ...

Act I: Saturday

Scene 1 - Morning: Bilbo enters, stage right. Mows the lawn in advance of the expected torrential rains.

Scene 2 - Afternoon: Bilbo goes shopping with Agnes, orders a new tuxedo to replace the old one, which has shrunk very badly over the years. After all, I will need to look spiffy for our upcoming 30th anniversary cruise, and Daniel Craig can't play James Bond forever ...


Scene 3 - Evening: Rain arrives. Bilbo and Agnes attend the second annual Showcase at Forever Dancing in Falls Church, where Bilbo is serving as the DJ and master of ceremonies.


Bilbo immediately misjudges the sensitivity of the controls on the laptop where the music is stored, reshuffling the entire playlist - carefully arranged in order of performance - into a new, alphabetical order by title. Hilarity ensues. Performers rise up with pitchforks, flaming torches, and large stones. Bilbo defuses the situation with lame, self-effacing jokes and finishes the evening with only about 56 other mistakes. He does, however, get to dance with numerous beautiful ladies, including Agnes.

Act 2: Sunday

Scene 1 - Morning: Rain continues. Bilbo and Agnes make a whirlwind visit to their local grandchildren. Bilbo receives this note from four year-old Leya, making the entire weekend worthwhile ...


Scene 2 - Afternoon: Rain continues, becoming biblical at times. Bilbo and Agnes pick up their friend Nadja and make their third excursion to the  barrel-tasting event at Linden Vineyards in - where else? - Linden, Virginia. In spite of weather more suitable for the construction and loading of arks, they have a grand time sampling wines, eating delicious hors d'oeuvres provided by the Ashby Inn, and enjoying a light lunch on the deck, out of the rain ...


Bilbo also takes the opportunity to admire the measures taken to ensure safety in the production and eventual enjoyment of fine Virginia wines ...


Scene 3 - Evening: Bilbo and Agnes return home, exhausted from a long drive in pouring rain, the delayed effects of a few hours of play with a pair of super-energetic grandchildren, and the lingering afterglow of well-sampled wines. They bravely stay awake long enough to watch this week's episode of Once Upon a Time, then disappear into bed for a well-deserved night's sleep. Rain continues, but who cares?

The End - Curtain Falls
Applause

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend. But, like all wonderful weekends, it serves as the entry point to a new week ... and now it's time to gird my professional loins and head out to do battle with the evil forces of ass clownery ...

... which, at the moment, seem to be winning. It is, after all, an election year.

And it's still raining.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

11 comments:

eViL pOp TaRt said...

You look spiffy in your tux, Bilbo. Bon voyage! It was a great weekend for you, I'm glad.

Duckbutt said...

It sounds like a great weekend you had -- even a little wine-tasting. Family visits are such a pleasure.

Mike said...

'..do battle..'

Give up now. You're going to lose.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Bill I love that sign stating I can't dive into a vat of wine.
Damn it!!

How dashing you look in your tux Mr. Bilbo.

Bilbo said...

Angelique - Thank you! I like to think I clean up well.

Duckbutt - In spite of everything, it was an awesome weekend. And I have a great family, thank you.

Mike - I know. I was trying to be a little positive. Uselessly, as it turns out.

Peg - I'd be diving in right behind you, were it allowed. Not in the tux, of course.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

You need weekends like that to get through a week of ass clownery.

Ass clowns are everyehere!

allenwoodhaven said...

When I was about 13 I had the opportunity to stomp grapes at a wine festival. My friends and I did so just to say we'd done it. That would have been fine but soon an all out grape fight ensued.

Two pieces of advice for those who might find themselves in a similar situation: 1) remove your wallet (everything in mine was permanently grape stained), and 2) realize that your skin may be grape stained too, plus your skin will itch like crazy for days.

On a positive note, there was a photographer there from Life Magazine covering the Festival and a photo of us all having the grape fight got in!

Big Sky Heidi said...

Wearing a tuxedo becomes you!

Elvie Fornshell said...

Wow! you look great, Bill!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

You clean up nice Bilbo! Glad you had a good weekend.

lokesh said...

It seems like a great rainy weekend you had..

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