Sunday, May 28, 2023

Poetry Sunday


This parody of the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrman was popular when I was in college, and it's plenty applicable to today's political and social conditions ...

Deteriorata
by Tony Hendra

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three lefts do.
Wherever possible put people on "HOLD".
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.
Know yourself.  If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you;
That lemon on your left for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls,
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.
Carefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
For a good time, call 606-4311.
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog
Is finally getting enough cheese;
And reflect that whatever fortunes may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Sioux City.
You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive him to be,
Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up.

Well, don't give up just yet ... there's still hope that people will wise up about the GOP.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Cartoon Saturday


Have you finished storing your savings in your mattress in preparation for the GOP stampede to crash the national and world economies? And in other news ...

Tina Turner, known both as the "Queen" and the "Grandmother" of Rock, died at the age of 83Amanda Gorman's poem "The Hill We Climb," written for President Joe Biden’s inauguration, has been placed on a restricted list at a South Florida elementary school after a parent complained that it was "inappropriate;" Russia, having conducted a devastating year-long invasion that has killed tens of thousands and devastated Ukraine, has threatened "harsh responses" should Russian territory be attacked; because screwing up Florida wasn't enough, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced his entry into the 2024 presidential race in a glitch-rich Twitter presentation; and in Florida (where else?) a man claiming to be a time traveler threw a brick through the window of home in Ocala, claiming he was trying to save the infant inside from a future threat*.

This week, as long as I can still pay for my Internet access until the GOP tanks the economy, I thought some cartoons about modern economics would be appropriate ...

That about sums it up ...  


I remember when banks used to give you a gift when you opened an account. Things are a little different, now ...


It makes sense to me ...


We're surrounded ...


Whatever it takes ...


I know this is how economics really works ...


A rose by any other name has really big thorns ...


Two good graphic explanations of the conservative scam trickle-down economics theory ...


This one is actually a bit more accurate ...


Mine, too ...



That's it for this week's Cartoon Saturday, trying hard to make fun about the least funny thing out there other than gun worship. This is where our parties have gotten us.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

* I'm not sure what future threat would be worse than Ron DeSantis, unless it was Ron DeSantis as president.

Friday, May 26, 2023

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Last batch for May ... here we go!

I'll bet she does ...  


Well, they elected Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul, what do you expect? ...


Less dicks, for sure ...


I really don't want to know anything more ...


I'm surprised he remembered the hair color ...


Ya think? ...


Uh ... no further comment ...


I guess the Rocky Mountain Oysters were too expensive ...


When you can't spell "chicken" ...


I'm always amazed by what modern medicine can do ...


And there you go! 

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll take a look at what's left of the economy after the Republicans and Democrats finish beating each other up with it. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Monday, May 22, 2023

Time to Revisit Immigration Policy ... Yet Again


Those of you who have been with me for any length of time will remember that, unlike anyone in Congress, I have actually proposed what I believe is a perfectly legal and workable plan to reform our long-broken immigration system. This is because I have no political axe to grind and, consequently, no need to use immigration reform as a cudgel with which to beat my political opponents. I won't bore you again up front with my detailed plan, but if you haven't seen it before or if you're interested in reviewing it again or sending a copy to your elected reprehensives, you can find the latest version (dating to February, 2017) at the end of this post.

Now, before those of you with a more conservative political outlook start raging at me for being an open-borders, America-hating, commie pinko ratbastard, you should know a few things:

(1) America does not have "open borders." What we have are a set of antiquated laws which no longer are appropriate to the economic and political situation that drives millions of people to seek a better life in America ... even as other countries warn their citizens that America can be a dangerous place to visit.

(2) No one in any elected position of responsibility advocates "open borders." What they do advocate is better control over our borders and a thorough review and update of our immigration and asylum policies, although they strongly disagree on how to accomplish those things. 

(3) If you advocate building a giant wall along the Mexican border as the best way to keep undesirable people out, you ought to take note of how well other attempts to keep people out with walls worked out: the Great Wall of China, Hadrian's Wall between England and Scotland, and the Berlin Wall (with which I have personal experience), did not succeed in eliminating invasions. Money wasted on walls would be better spent on expanding immigration and asylum courts and improving the integration of legal immigrants into American society.

Discussing immigration reform is a lot like discussing gun control ... it's pretty much useless since both sides see no room for or desire to compromise. Nevertheless, I'll keep trying. As a retiree, I have lots of time to waste when I'm not gardening, baking, or sitting on the deck with a glass of wine, reading a good book.

Have a good day. See below for my proposed immigration reform plan, and leave comments if you think you can improve on it. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Proposed Comprehensive Compromise Immigration Reform Plan
February, 2017

First, Congress enacts legislation to create a new category of immigration status – the “Provisional Resident Alien (PRA)” – and designate the status with a new form of ID card – let’s call it a “Blue Card.” Anyone who is in the United States illegally as of the date of enactment will have a grace period of six months to register for PRA status and obtain a Blue Card without fear of arrest, imprisonment, or deportation on any immigration violation charge.  They would, of course, be subject to arrest for outstanding criminal violations unrelated to their immigration status.

A person registering as a PRA must pay a fee of $100 per person or $500 per family (whichever is less) for the privilege of obtaining that status. This fee does two things: it levies a fine for having broken the law in the first place, and it partially funds the cost of the new program.  It provides something for those who oppose blanket amnesty, because it imposes a penalty, albeit a modest one, for the willful violation of the law. Many churches and immigrant rights organizations will object to the fine because they think it’s either unfair or too much for poor immigrants to pay; in this case, individuals or organizations who object to making the illegals pay the fine could be offered the opportunity to pay it on behalf those who, for whatever reason, can’t or won’t pay it themselves.

Once a person has been granted PRA status, they will be required to obtain a valid social security number, and will be entitled to the same rights, privileges, and social services as other legal immigrants; in exchange, they will be required to obey all laws, pay all taxes, enroll in basic English classes, and otherwise act as responsible members of American society.  They will have the protection of labor laws which require payment of the minimum wage, and with a legal status, will no longer be subject to exploitation by shady employers.

Initial PRA status would be valid for five years.  At the end of this period, the individual must report to the immigration authorities with proof of employment, proof of a clean police record (no felonies), and proof that taxes have been paid.  If these conditions are met, the individual may either extend the PRA status for another five years, or apply for citizenship.  Citizenship is not automatic – it will still have to be earned through the same naturalization process completed by many millions of legal immigrants throughout our history, with the clock for all associated requirements starting at the end of the PRA period, regardless of how long the individual has already been in the country.  This protects the interests of those who have weathered the legal immigration process by preventing previously-illegal immigrants in PRA status from “jumping the line” for quick citizenship.

On the date the grace period for PRA status applications ends, anyone still present illegally in the country will become liable for arrest and deportation.  Because the great majority of previously-illegal immigrants will have taken advantage of the opportunity to legalize their status by becoming PRAs, those remaining in an illegal status will probably be those with criminal records.  Immigration authorities can then proceed to concentrate on this much smaller number of more dangerous criminals.

On the date the law is enacted, most immigration enforcement agents would immediately transfer to border security duty to crack down on new illegal immigration. Border security will be severely stiffened and those caught attempting illegal entry to the country will be summarily deported after being photographed and fingerprinted. Facilitation of illegal immigration (whether by “coyotes” who help smuggle illegals across the border or by those who knowingly employ illegals) will be made a felony, as will a second illegal immigration attempt.

On the date the grace period for PRA registration ends, a set of very steep fines and jail sentences goes into effect for businesses and individuals hiring persons who are in the country illegally (without a Green or Blue Card).  This will help to remove the economic incentive for businesses to support illegal immigration.

Employers would be responsible for reporting to the immigration authorities any change in the employment status of a PRA. If a person in PRA status is fired from a job or becomes unemployed and has not acquired a new job within 30 days, his or her status is revoked and he or she must leave the country until otherwise eligible to apply for legal immigration in the future.

The 14th Amendment to the Constitution states that "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside." This means that children born within the United States - even to those who are here illegally - are US citizens, even though their parents may not be. If we as a nation wish to change the birthright citizenship status of children born in the future to illegal immigrant parents, the relevant part of the Fourteenth Amendment would have to be amended, perhaps to read,

"All persons born in the territory of the United States to parents who are citizens thereof, or to those who have attained citizenship through lawful naturalization, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside."

This would, of course, require passage of an appropriate Constitutional amendment, but it would remove a legal issue that complicates immigration and citizenship questions.

Regardless, although children born in the US to illegal immigrant parents are citizens under the Constitution, the parents of those children would be required to obtain PRA status just like any other illegal immigrant.

This takes care of those who are in the country illegally today. But comprehensive immigration reform must also address the need for a responsive program to allow unskilled, low-wage workers to enter the country to take jobs that might otherwise go unfilled. PRA status can be used for these persons, too. Businesses would project their labor requirements, and the State Department would make an appropriate number of specialized visas available to meet the need.  Immigrants would then apply at the US embassy or consulate in their home country for PRA status covering any period of time from six months to five years, and need only maintain a job and pay taxes in order to maintain their status.  At the end of five years, they would also have the opportunity to apply for citizenship under the same rules as any other person in PRA status.

This plan won’t please everyone, but that’s the nature of a compromise, and the ability to compromise is what has been missing from political discourse in this country for too long.  The advantages of this plan are:

1. It offers a way to legitimize the persons already here illegally (who, after all, are too numerous and well-protected to be rounded up and deported), but imposes a fine on them as a condition of legalizing their status (i.e., no reward for having broken the law in the first place).

2. It funds itself, in part, through the fines collected from those applying for PRA status.

3. It provides resources for increased border security by freeing up immigration agents who otherwise spend their days fruitlessly hunting down illegals.

4. It provides a pathway for low-wage workers to legally enter the country and take advantage of economic opportunities not available to them at home, while contributing to the US economy in taxes.

5. It removes the incentive for businesses to hire and exploit illegal immigrants who cannot seek their rights for fear of exposure and deportation.

6. It does not, of itself, provide the “path to citizenship” that is a red line for hard core opponents of immigration reform.

7. It recognizes the reality that there are children of illegal immigrants who are, by virtue of being born in the United States, citizens, and requires the parents of those children to legitimize their status.

The downside of this plan is, of course, that prices on some goods will rise as a result of the improved status of low-wage, formerly illegal immigrants.  We’ll pay more for the produce picked by immigrants who are finally being paid a decent wage, and the services provided by those who no longer live in the shadows and earn meager wages.  But I believe that in the long run, this plan represents a good start toward a stronger America and a better life for those who would share in its dream.

Sunday, May 21, 2023

Musical Sunday


As many of you know, I love ballroom dancing. Sadly, I didn't discover it until I married a dance teacher and so had to learn ... after all, it just wouldn't do to have the teacher's husband not able to dance, right? Agnes taught ballroom and Latin dancing for more than 30 years and we competed as a Pro-Am couple for many of those years. And as I always told people who laughed at me for dancing as a sport, what's not to like about a sport where you can hold a beautiful lady close ... and have your wife criticize you if you're not holding that lady properly?

All of which reminds me of this song written and originally performed by Mason Williams. Although Williams was best known for his instrumental tune "Classical Gas," my favorite of his songs is "The Last Great Waltz," the definitive TV version of which was performed on the Smothers Brothers Show by Dick and Tommy Smothers and Janet Leigh ...


So tell me ... do you know which of those three legs was the artificial one?

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, May 20, 2023

Cartoon Saturday


While you were waiting for Congress to do its job, these things happened ...

In response to relentless attacks on the company by Governor Ron DeSantis, the Disney Corporation has decided to drop plans for a $1 billion office park that was slated to bring more than 2,000 jobs to Florida; GOP negotiators struggled to find a solution to the debt ceiling crisis that does not involve them, so that they can then condemn the Democrats for whatever they do; following back-to-back mass shootings earlier this month, citizens in Serbia - which has the fifth-largest ratio of guns per person in the world - turned in more than 13,000 weapons, including guns, grenades, and rocket launchers; researchers have found that the immense weight of buildings in New York City - estimated at 1.7 trillion pounds - is causing the city to sink at a rate of 1-2 millimeters per year, exacerbating the effects of sea level rise on the city; and two staff members at a Christian college in New York, both of whom have unusual first names, were fired by the college for including their preferred pronouns in their e-mail signatures ... the administration evidently feared that potential students and their parents would view such usage as a sign that the university was accepting of transgendered persons.

Since the country is clearly going to hell in a handbasket, I thought a few cartoons about hell, devils, demons, and the like would be appropriate for today.

Uh, oh ...  


Somebody hired the wrong architect ...


It's only fair ...


"People who ordered pitchforks also ordered ..."


You just can't escape death and taxes, can you? 


It's what seems to be served up a lot lately, and not just in Hell ...


You'd expect them to play the hottest hits ...


I feel that way sometimes during election season ...


I don't think that's how it works ...


It's the dress code ...


And that's it for this week's salute to the place of eternal punishment and its managers ... no, not Florida, although the heat might confuse you for a minute.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming tomorrow, when Musical Sunday dances onto the stage with the great Jonathan W. Astor ... see you then.

Bilbo

Friday, May 19, 2023

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2023


Two weeks go by quickly, don't they? It seems like only yesterday that we presented this award to America's Second Amendment Zealots, and now it's time to single out another Ass Clown for appropriate recognition. Oddly enough, the choice this time was a little easier than usual, as I found myself weighing the relative "merits" of two candidates rather than dozens, and gave my quasi-scientific coin a flip to choose

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2023


and the award goes to

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis


It's terrifying to think that our once-great country could produce both Der Furor and Ron DeSantis, but here we are. Mr DeSantis appears to know and care less about the Constitution than Der Furor (difficult as that is to believe), but his actions and those of his far-right supporters clearly show what the future of the nation under his administration would look like: banned books, limited medical care, a disdain for human rights, and a bleakly authoritarian place in which the twisted beliefs and hatreds of one man ruin life for millions.

We can see in the Florida microcosm what Mr DeSantis would bring to the nation at large: millions of dollars wasted on frivolous legal fights with the Disney Corporation, education limited only to subjects approved by Mr DeSantis and his religious supporters, libraries forced to strip from their shelves books that somehow offend the snowflakiest of persons, millions of more dollars wasted on defending the state from lawsuits over the banning of books and the content of educational curricula ... the list goes on and on. And we haven't even mentioned immigration laws so unconstitutionally offensive that many Latino truckers are now refusing to carry loads to the place once known as the "Sunshine State" for fear of being arrested and deported on the flimsiest of pretexts.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown award for May, 2023, is presented to Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, whose reckless crusade against people and topics he despises threatens to ruin his state and - should he somehow manage to get elected President - what's left of the nation's moral center after the depredations of Der Furor and his supporters.

Vote for sanity.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

P.S. - for those of you who are interested, the other finalist this time was Ohio Representative Jim Jordan, although North Carolina's Empty G was a strong third.

B.

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Mothers Day, 2023


If you came here looking for Poetry Sunday, you'll need to wait for two weeks. Today, we revisit my traditional salute to mothers everywhere.

Today is Mothers’ Day, the one day each year we set aside to honor the lady we undervalue the other 364. It’s the day we remember the person who made our hurts better, explained our homework, cooked our meals, washed our clothes, drove us where we needed to go, warned us about our less-savory acquaintances, embarrassed us in front of our friends, and did her best to point us down the straight line of a moral and upright life.

Mothers are the wonderful and woefully underappreciated people from whom the Army and the Navy stole their one-time recruiting slogans - the Army's "We do more before 9 AM than most people do all day," and the Navy's "It's not just a job, it's an adventure." With all due respect to Soldiers and Sailors everywhere ... you guys ain't got a clue.

Somewhere in my web surfings I found this little riff on how we look at our Mothers at different ages:

Age 4: Mommy can do anything!
Age 8: Mom knows a lot!
Age 12: Mother doesn't know everything.
Age 14: Mother doesn't know anything.
Age 16: Mother is so old-fashioned.
Age 18: Her? She's out of it.
Age 25: Mom might know something about that.
Age 35: Before we decide, let's ask Mom.
Age 45: What would Mom have thought about that?
Age 65: I wish I could talk that over with Mom.

It’s true.

My mother passed away twenty-two years ago at the far-too-young age of 74. She spent a long and honorable life raising four children who, I like to think, made her proud ... most of the time, anyway. And in her twilight years, her once-formidable mind ravaged by Alzheimer’s Disease, she missed much of the result of her love and care and sacrifice – a son who finally knows how to dance (and who may yet write that book she thought he had in him), a small army of grandchildren, and six beautiful great-grandchildren who will never know her love and wisdom and off-the-wall sense of humor that brightened the lives of everyone who knew her.


The next generation of Mothers has taken over. My beloved daughter Yasmin and the best daughter-in-law in the world, Tabitha, between them are raising the world’s six greatest grandchildren. And someday those wonderful grandchildren will sit down on Mothers’ Day and reflect – just as their grandpa does today – on the woman who gave up so much of her own life and dreams to make them who they are.

Take the time today to give your Mother a hug and a kiss. Someday, you’ll wish you had.

And so again this year, I wish all the mothers out there doing the world's toughest job, a very happy Mothers' Day and many more to come. We couldn't be what we are, or do what we do, without you.

And lest you think I'm getting too maudlin about the whole thing, here's a picture from long ago of my Dad with four then and future moms: my daughter Yasmin, my sister Lisa, Agnes, and my mother ...


We're a weird family, but somehow we've all turned out all right. More or less.

Have a great Mothers' Day!

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Saturday, May 13, 2023

Cartoon Saturday


Please, just make it stop ...

Der Furor was found guilty on multiple counts of sexual abuse, battery, and defamation by a Manhattan court and ordered to pay plaintiff E. Jean Carroll $5 million in damages ... which, knowing Der Furor's history of paying his debts, she'll never see; Covid-era restrictions on immigration have ended, and the nation is braced for a surge in both legal and illegal immigration at the southern border; astronomers have discovered what they believe to be the largest stellar explosion ever detected, more than 10 times brighter than any recorded exploding star and exceeding even the largest recorded angry rant by Der Furor; New York GOP representative and serial liar George Santos was arrested and charged with 13 counts of wire fraud, making false statements to Congress (gasp!) and other offenses ... he was released on $500,000 bond, posted - of course - by anonymous supporters; and in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a man caught on traffic cameras riding an electric scooter on Interstate 94 (speed limit, 70; his estimated max speed, 15) escaped a high-speed police chase when he exited the highway and went out of camera coverage.

This week, I thought I'd feature a collection of cartoons about books and the printing thereof, before the raging conservatives remove them all from the libraries ...

Who better to write the history of the dinosaurs? ...  


There's trouble down on the farm ...


This is what happens when literature is dumbed down for the current audiences ...


Sounds right ...


He's right, you know ...


I'm absolutely sure this is how it went down ...


It makes sense, doesn't it? ...


A million monkeys can't churn out the works of Shakespeare, but ...


Perfectly accurate ...


Suddenly there came a tapping ...


And that's it for this week ... turn off the computer and go read a book!

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for my annual tribute to Mothers everywhere. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, May 12, 2023

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


First batch for May - get 'em while they're hot!

Well, an award is an award, I guess ...


It's an interesting combination of products to sell ... maybe you can get a good deal on casters for the furniture pieces, too ...


It's a good, descriptive label, you have to admit ...


I think I'll go with the curved yellow ones ...


Anything I could say would be problematic, so I'll  just leave this one here ...


I guess they'll sell their produce to anyone, even rude beggars ...


I like to hyphenate in the winter, too. My word processing program helps with it ...


I've always found this to be true ...


Okaaaaaay ...


Ol' Charles is a really good sport ...


And that's it for this week. Enjoy a curved yellow fruit for a healthy snack while you wait for tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns. More thoughts then.

Bilbo