The Grandparent Shortage

One of my recurring pet peeves, as regular readers of this blog know, is the lack of common courtesy in modern society. It manifests itself in many ways: the ridiculous liberal-vs-conservative diatribes that are a staple of talk radio; the thunderous blare of top-volume stereos from the car beside you at the traffic light; and the insistence on receiving "respect" while being unwilling to give it are just a few.

Author and commentator Peggy Noonan published an article in last Friday's Wall Street Journal titled "That's Not Nice," which took an interesting approach to this issue. She noted that much of what we hear in daily discourse makes us wince, and that it was our grandmothers who taught us to wince, grandmothers who said disapprovingly, "that's not nice!" Ms Noonan is right: it's "nice" that's missing from current social intercourse.

When I first became a grandfather nearly seven years ago, my first thought was "I'm too young for this!" But my second thought was, "Am I ready for this?" Both of my grandfathers died before I was born, but I was blessed with two wonderful, "traditional" grandmothers. They didn't do yoga, they didn't have face lifts and botox injections to hide their age, and they didn't try to maintain the lifestyles of their youth. They were proud grandmothers, matriarchs of their expanding families, and set the example for us. They taught us to be nice.

I think that one of the reasons we have such a lack of common courtesy is that we have a grandmother shortage. The elderly, respected ladies who once taught us to wince are getting younger every year, and the new grandmothers don't want to be elderly. They want to keep on as they did in their youth, pushing off the ravages and the responsibilities of age as long as possible. The very thought of being a grandmother is horrifying to the new generations of tattooed, buffed young ladies. The very thought of a Paris Hilton or a Britney Spears as a traditional grandmother is beyond my poor mind's ability to grasp.

We also have a grandfather shortage. Grandfathers set the example of successful lives for new generations of young men, and if they don't teach us to wince, they teach us how to be successful men, to provide for our families, and to know right from wrong. Grandfathers used to be old. They used to command respect and honor as they passed their wisdom down to us. But like traditional grandmothers, traditional grandfathers are also in short supply. Can you imagine almost any overpaid athlete, obnoxious rap singer, or street thug as a grandfather?

Part of the problem is distance. Families no longer tend to remain in the same areas and grow larger over time...they expand geographically, and the influence of grandparents tends to diminish with distance. My father lives in Pennsylvania. My sons are in Ohio and California, my daughter lives about 45 minutes away, and my parents-in-law are in Germany. It's hard to be a good grandparent when distance works against you. It's not an excuse, it's a sad reality.

For me, my father is the Gold Standard of grandparent: strong, gentle, funny, and full of wisdom it took me many years to appreciate. My grandmothers, long gone now, are the female equivalents. Whether or not I can live up to their standards is a matter of some debate, but I'm trying. I hope I can encourage my grandchildren to be nice.

You can read Peggy Noonan's article that inspired this post at http://www.opinionjournal.com/columnists/pnoonan/?id=110009761. It's worth your time.

Have a good day. Plan to be a good grandparent when the time comes. And try to be nice...you may discover you like it.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo