The Suit's Here!

You may recall that I told you some time ago that I'd ordered a custom-tailored "tailsuit" to wear for international-style ballroom dance competitions. I'd grown used to wearing a tuxedo for the smooth dances (Waltz, Tango, Fox Trot) in the American style, but as a result of a conspiracy hatched many years ago between the High Overlords of Ballroom Haberdashery and the tailoring industry, it is considered necessary to wear tails to dance the standard dances (Waltz, Tango, Slow Foxtrot, Quickstep, Viennese Waltz) in international style.

The tailsuit arrived yesterday via Fed-Ex, and is now hanging up to let the worst of the packing wrinkles fall out. I hope it works. Agnes has tried hanging me up to get the wrinkles to fall out, and that didn't work.

Anyhow, I've been looking at this very expensive suit and trying to figure out how to wear it. There are the pants (which have a very high waistline) and the jacket, and there's the shirt, which has separately-attached cuffs and celluloid collar, as well as the shirt studs and cuff links. And the white tie. And the suspenders (braces, I suppose, for my British readers). This is going to be interesting. It took long enough to get used to wearing an ordinary tuxedo: between the suspenders pulling the pants up and the garters pulling the shirt tails down, I kept having an almost uncontrollable urge to pitch forward all the time.

One particularly interesting thing about this suit is that I can pretty much only wear it for dancing because of the way it's cut. An ordinary suit (or tuxedo) is designed to fit as one stands in a normal position with arms at his sides. But when you dance, and raise your arms to the position required to hold the lady in dance position, the jacket rides up and bunches across the back because you're standing in a somewhat unnatural position (to imagine dance position, stand up and extend both arms straight out to the sides at shoulder height. Then bend your left arm up at about a 45-degree angle, and fold your right arm forward at the elbow until the flat of your hand is parallel to your chest. That's basic dance position for a gentleman). The tailsuit is tailored to fit properly when I'm actually in dance position...meaning that when I'm just standing there, it looks as if it's not properly cut. Sigh.

It does look good, though, for the most part. I am very upset, though, because the tailor has spelled out its logo ("Pure Class") in silver rhinestones across the top of the front breast pocket. I think this is tacky. Everyone knows I'm a classy fellow and don't need to advertise the fact. I don't think it's dignified to look like a decal-bedecked NASCAR entry while I'm dancing. Ladies' ball gowns don't have such tacky advertisements on them.

AARRGGHH!!

Well anyhow, once the wrinkles fall out, I'll try the suit on and have Agnes take some pictures so you can see how I look when I clean up. If nothing else, I can wear it to fancy restaurants and try to trick people into thinking I'm the headwaiter, and give me tips.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - Letter-writing project update: the first letter (for Andrea) is nearly done and should be ready to mail tomorrow. The next ones will go to Amanda, Mike, John, and my daughter. Jean-Luc, if you're still interested, I'll send you one...just drop me your address.

B.