Ohmygawd, I thought, I'm not old enough to have a granddaughter who's old enough to be ready for The Talk!
I mean, she's only eight years old, for Pete's sake!
But then I thought about the vice presidential candidate whose daughter is seventeen years old and pregnant and I thought, well, maybe nobody had The Talk with young Bristol Palin when she was eight years old. Might things have turned out differently? Or did she get The Talk, and then have the misfortune to meet a Faster Talker? Or did she get the Republican Version of The Talk (otherwise known as "Just Say No to Hormones")?
Yesterday Jessica Hagy posted this apropos diagram at her wonderful blog Indexed:
As you might suspect, it generated quite a few comments (including my (unedited) favorite: "when you knock up the daughter of a pro-life, nra, republican vice-presidential candidate... feel any pressure to marry the girl?").Now, you can argue whether it's better to have a comprehensive discussion of sexual matters with your child, or just give him (her) the Thundering Biblical Injunction About the Evils of Sex. For the record, my parents never had The Talk with me...they gave me a book filled with annotated diagrams of the appropriate body regions, line drawings of smiling boys with wispy beards and girls with hairy underarms, and clinically exact explanations of things I'd begun figuring out on my own...and sort of let me fill in the empty spaces. In the end, it all worked out somehow.
So I'll let the die-hard family values conservatives figure out how they'll put the lipstick on this particular news pig (they're doing a marvelous job, if this morning's news is any indication), and will write not a single word more on the subject. It's none of my business, after all.
And Marcy can get The Talk from parents who love her as much as I do.
But I still feel old.
Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.
Bilbo
The school system here teaches abstinance only in sex-ed. No discussion of ANY other alternatives. The other night, I complained about this with another Mom of an 8th grader with hormones raging, and she nominated my OB-GYN sister to give all the girls a more informed TALK. I may just ask her to do that...if not for the sake of my daughter, for the sake of the girl friends of all her son's friends. My nephew is also in 8th grade, after all.
ReplyDeleteI'm convinced it does no good at all to preach absintance only; I'm equally aware that presenting the alternatives does not mean they will be used. But ignorance is unforgivable and one reason you could blame the parents for a teen pregnancy.
All I can say about Bristol, is Oye Vey.
ReplyDeleteI think my parents must have chickened out about giving me "The Talk". I seriously don't remember them talking to me about this. Yet, somehow, the whole abstinence message was passed on.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to do better with Aaron. Especially in today's world.
You forgot to mention the hurricane. That's what the repubs are talking about! We don't need to talk 'bout no stinkin' pregnancy. We got us an emergency!
ReplyDeleteThis may be to graffic, but my husband used a lamp plug and wall outlet to explain things to our youngest daughter. She was about 8-9. She is 14 now and whenever something near that topic comes up, she always says, I'll go find a lamp.
ReplyDeleteEveryone parents differently. And we live where that is an option. At least I do.
Don't feel bad. Afterall, I had to give the talk to my son when he was
ReplyDelete5! After watching a 20-20 special, (not sure if it was Barbara Walters hosting it) about how kids in this day and age were engaging in sex as early as 9 years old. I was sure and confident that Josh whom I raised with christian values would be innocent and not even know what I'm talking about. So, I pulled him aside & asked him if he knows what is SEX? He replied very calm but firm, "Of course, mom!" My jaws fell to the floor in disbelief & I continued to ask him one more time. "Are you sure?" Thinking perhaps he was just confused & got the words mixed up. He just went on and said. "Sex is when a man & a woman love each other, gets married, sleep together and have a baby". I could not believe that a 5 year old was able to come up with such deduction. I knew he was smart, but not that smart, right? Anyhow, I went on mom mode and decided I would give him the talk right then. Instead of going the religious route, I went the financial route. I told him that he needed to get a job, because obviously he would have to support not only himself but his wife and his kids. And I went on & on, and Josh just patiently listened. When I was through I asked him again, so when do you think you should have sex? First he said thirteen. I didn't like the answer so I continued to preach. I asked him the second time, "when do you think you should have sex?" Finally he said, I guess when I'm forty. I felt good about it. So I Patted him on the head and left the room able to breathe much easier. A couple of days after, he found my VS catalog and as he was going into the bathroom, I asked him, what do you think you're doing with mommy's catalog?" He said, I needed some reading material". I grabbed the catalogs & replaced it with age appropriate book. I really think kids loose their innocence very early. No matter how hard we try to shield them from the fact of life, they seem to get their 4-11 somewhere else. When Josh turned thirteen, I was ready to give another talk. I think this time my husband had to do it.
Katherine - as so often, you and I are in violent agreement.
ReplyDeleteAndrea - very succinctly put!
Amanda - these are difficult times to have to give "The Talk," but that makes it more important, doesn't it?
Mike - I understand your frustration. You were expecting all the howling wind to be in Minneapolis/St Paul...
Tulsi - that's an interesting approach I hadn't thought of before, but it makes a lot of sense. After all, we do talk about "male" and "female" plugs.
lacegem - The Talk at age FIVE??? I guess I'm not as bad off as I thought. But it could have been worse...when you asked him if he knew what sex was, he could have answered, "Sure, Mom, what do you want to know?" And if you're done with that VS catalog, bring it to the next party and...uh...never mind.