Making a Clean Breast of Things...So to Speak

Okay, Rima and Fiona and Mike started this, so blame them if you're one of those odd people easily offended by sexual imagery.

Yes, I am going to write about breasts this morning.

Being a normal, healthy American male, I am as obsessed with the female figure as anyone else. The difference is that my obsession is a reasonably moderate and well-controlled one...I don't (usually) stare at the bosoms of young ladies, and neither do I get huffy when a young mother decides to breast-feed her child in public (hey, I learned from my daughter that one can now buy "hooter hiders" to make public breast-feeding less of a traumatic event for those exposed to it). Ladies come equipped with breasts, and men like them. It's been this way since Adam first realized that Eve had fine knockers and Eve went to Victoria's Secret Tree for leaves to cover said knockers, and it's unlikely to change any time soon. For my own part, I depend on beautiful breasts, partially exposed by teasingly low necklines, to encourage me to keep my head up while dancing. Most of the time, anyhow.

Which is all part of my long-winded introduction to this article from Time Magazine: Facebook's War on Nipples.

According to the article, "Facebook has drawn a line in the sand by removing any photos it deems obscene, including those containing a fully exposed breast, which the site defines as 'showing the nipple or areola.' In other words, plunging necklines or string bikinis are fine — just no nips."

You may remember the hysteria which accompanied Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" on live television some years ago...part of her costume was designed to pull away to expose a ... gasp! ... nipple on television. The horror! Oh, dear God, there couldn't have been enough psychiatrists in the world to deal with the incalculable harm done to the minds of the millions of impressionable children who might have caught a split-second glimpse of Ms Jackson's partially-exposed breast (and a fine breast it was, too, if I may offer the opinion). And think of the damage done to carpets and upholstery everywhere when alert men spilled their chips and beer at the sight.

We're doomed, doomed, I say! When breasts are wantonly exposed, surely the rain of fire and brimstone from an aggrieved deity cannot be far behind. Surely the collapse of the economy and all of our other ills can be traced directly to our willingness to expose female breasts.

Okay, it's time to cash the reality check.

A staple of modern prime-time television programming is violence. You have your CSI, you have your Bones, you have your police and detective shows in which people are routinely stabbed, shot, beaten, burned, tortured, bent, folded, spindled, mutilated, and subjected to many other types of hideous bodily harm. The small screen is awash in violent imagery of wounds, decomposed bodies, rape, murder, and all sorts of other examples of man's inhumanity to man.

And we're worried someone might see a nipple? Or - God forbid - a whole breast, still attached to a live, functioning lady? Oh, the horror! Maybe it's just me, but I tend to prefer the sight of a baby peacefully nursing at a mother's breast to a scene of violence and depravity.

This...

As opposed to this:

I'm weird that way.

Well, other ways, too, but that's a discussion for another day.

If you are one of those people who get hysterical at the sight of an exposed breast, my message to you is: get a life. After all, the life you have is probably a result in large part of a breast your mother exposed to you some years ago. And I don't think you complained about that one.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo