You Are What You Eat

Agnes and I both love to cook. This is not a bad thing, because we both like to eat, too. And collect cookbooks. Every time we go to the local Costco megawarehousestore, cookbooks lie in wait for us, peering out from their ambush sites behind the latest thriller or historical fiction offerings for just the right moment to slide unseen into our cart, only to be discovered later when Agnes does her usual steely-eyed review of the receipt, just knowing we couldn't have spent that much.

We have a collection of cookbooks that is the envy of the Library of Congress. We have cookbooks for every conceivable type of cuisine, by every celebrity, from every charity, addressing every cooking style, using every ingredient.

Agnes: "What's for dinner?"

Me: "What do we have?"

Agnes (peering into refrigerator and pantry cupboards): "A pound of dried octopus, four kumquats, half a box of quinoa, and a block of some kind of cheese that needs a shave."

Me: "Look! Here in this Coastal Albanian Peasant Cooking for Two cookbook, there's a recipe for Octopus with Kumquats and Partially-Moldy Cheese on a Bed of Almost-Enough Quinoa!"

Agnes: "Yum!"

Actually, the truth is that we have so many cookbooks that we don't have enough time to search all of them for recipes, and can never find the cookbook with the recipes we want to use. We usually end up searching on Epicurious.com for suitable recipes.

But, as usual, I digress.

Yesterday I noted this interesting article, reproduced on CNN's health page from Cooking Light magazine: What You Eat Can Improve Your Health, Mind, and Appearance. According to this article, eating a varied diet which includes a wide range of meats, fish, fruits, vegetables, and grains provides all sorts of nutrients and vitamins and amino acids (acids from Italy) that contribute to health, vitality, mental acuity, and long life. Eat right and you, too, can have smooth and glowing skin, silky hair, eyes like an eagle, strong bones, a mighty heart, and a brain that would make Einstein look like the school dumbass.

What a crock.

I eat all this stuff, and I still look like a confused, squinting, gray-haired, saggy man in search of his second childhood. I drink fruit juices, eat vast quantities of vegetables, enjoy fish (brain food, as my Mother always said), and generally eat pretty much anything that doesn't move fast enough to get away, prepared in pretty much any style. I do draw the line at beets, though. Beets are what Satan put on earth to take the fun out of brussels sprouts, peas, green beans, and other yummy vegetables.

So if you are what you eat, I ought to be a leafy, finned character with gills and a vague resemblance to a cabbage resting atop a scaffolding of celery, asparagus, and carrots. At least I don't look like a large sack of Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese Extra Large Value Meals, like many of the folks I have to squeeze next to in narrow seats on the bus.

Want to try the recipe I made for supper last night (Creole Catfish with Tartar Sauce and Red Rice), or a few nights ago (Chicken Breasts with Wild Mushrooms, Marjoram, and Marsala)? E-mail me and I'll send you the recipes. You'll thank me.

You are what you eat. Eat well. I need you around to read this blog for a long time.

Have a good day. Tomorrow is Cartoon Saturday!

Bilbo