Safe Houses

The so-called "safe house" is a staple of spy stories and police dramas - a secret location where a spy in danger can hide out, or where a key witness can be tucked away until his (or her) grand jury appearance. It can be a real house, a rented hotel room or apartment, or a cabin in the remote woods. The emphasis is on safe.

But in these troubled times, when we are surrounded by drug addicts, radical Islamic terrrorists, homegrown lunatics, and roving packs of feral Republicans and Democrats, ordinary people want to feel safe, too...we want to know that our home is really our castle, strong and mighty and ready to protect us from all harm. We want to know that there's a place to which we can repair when the world gets too dangerous. We want our own safe house.

Well, for about $7.25 million, you can have just about the safest house on the market...

Yes, friends, far up in the hills above Los Angeles (where else?) stands what may be the safest of safe houses - a mighty fortress that includes panic rooms, not one, but two "safe cores" which can be completely isolated from the rest of the house, and its own heliport on the roof. It's five stories tall, has almost 8,000 square feet of living space in 32 rooms, and perches on top of a virtually impregnable underground six-car garage. And it's not just safe, but luxurious (for $7.25 million, you would hope so, wouldn't you?) - it features an elevator (who wants to walk up and down all those steps from garage to heliport?), a gourmet kitchen with granite counter tops and high-end appliances, two offices, a wine cellar, and a home theater. You can be protected behind polycarbonate from Germany and ballistic steel from Sweden - in complete safety and luxury - from intruders, natural disasters or even nuclear, biological or chemical attacks.

Forget buying a big dog or a Glock or extra deadbolts for your doors. Don't rely on calling 911 and risk being put on hold because nobody wants to pay the taxes to hire enough operators. Don't depend on police who are outgunned by criminals...who have better lawyers than you can afford, anyhow.

Save your money and invest in the ultimate safe house. Not only will you be safe, but you'll be providing your own economic stimulus to the nation - just think how big the realtor's commission will be on that $7.25 million house!

Have a good day. Be safe.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo