Guest Post

Hi, there! It's me again, Nessa ... you know, Bilbo's dog. I haven't blogged for a while (actually, since last Christmas), and many of you have been asking why I haven't been around. Well, I've been here, but I just haven't had too much to say that Bilbo hasn't already covered. He's been trying to train me to bite Republicans, Democrats, and Tea Party wingnuts, but I don't like it, because they all leave a bad taste in my mouth. He should just bite them himself instead of complaining about them all the time.

Anyhow, there are other reasons I don't blog very often. First of all, do you know how hard it is to work a keyboard with paws instead of hands? It's not easy, let me tell you. But there are a lot of other reasons why we dogs don't work well with computers. Here are just a few ...

Things started to go south when we realized we couldn't stick our heads out of Windows '95.

We still don't understand why there's not a FETCH command available on all platforms.

Have you ever tried to read a monitor with your head cocked to one side?

Bilbo gets really upset when I "mark" the websites I visit.

Just hearing that stupid "You've Got Mail!" thing is not nearly as satisfying as barking hysterically at the postman.

That fire hydrant icon is just not as good as the real thing.

The boss knows we're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working because of that darned involuntary tail wagging.

We keep bruising our noses when we try to catch that MPEG frisbee.

We need an emoticon that signifies tail-wagging.

Typing will be much easier once they introduce the Microsoft Tactile Mouse with Opposable Thumb.

Carpaw Tunnel Syndrome is really painful.

Have you ever tried to work with a saliva-coated mouse?

We're still looking for the alt.pictures.master's.leg newsgroup.

Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than fooling around in online chat rooms.

Well, I guess that pretty well sums it up. Today is something called Easter. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but it seems to involve eggs, candy, and fancy hats for the ladies. Like Christmas, it also seems to have something to do with the master you worship, and how he rose up after three days. Well, I worship Bilbo, and Agnes is always complaining that it takes him three days to rise up and get anything done, so I guess this is all about him. Hmm...maybe he'll make some of those good eggs for breakfast. I should head out to the kitchen and practice my Sorrowful Lab Look^TM so I'll be ready when they get to the table.

On behalf of all us dogs everywhere, Happy Easter! We know you'll be busy with those egg hunts and Easter baskets and such, but don't forget to play with us while you're at it. Who knows ... we might find some of those eggs you hid last year and forgot about!

Woof!

Nessa