The Problems You Never Knew You Had

You know, Dear Readers, that you have lots of things to worry about nowadays ... political ass-clownery, an economy in ruins (largely thanks to political ass-clownery), and insane levels of religious intolerance, just to name a few. You also know, thanks to floods of television ads from law firms with names like Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, and McCormick (thanks, Groucho!), that you may be on the verge of dying a horrible (but financially lucrative in the meantime) death from all sorts of diseases, poisons, and medical malfeasance you wouldn't know about if it weren't for television ads run by big law firms. And on top of all that, the advertising industry wants all you insecure ladies out there to know that your well-being is menaced by all sorts of ghastly things like bad breath, vaginal odor, and ... gasp! ... exposed armpits!

Yes, Friends, you may enjoy this very interesting article by Libby Copeland from Slate.com - The Cure for Your Fugly Armpits: How Advertisers Create Body Anxieties Women Didn't Know They Had, and Then Sell Them the Solution.

The article begins with a look at the recent advertising campaign by Dove Ultimate Go Sleeveless Deodorant, which implies that women's armpits* are naturally ugly, and promises to turn them from the Ugly Ducklings of Summer Exposure to dry, sweet-smelling, and attractive hints of her hidden beauty, waiting to be proudly exposed by the sleeveless dresses she's always been ashamed to wear. It then goes on to discuss other great moments in advertising, including the marketing of Lysol as a contraceptive and vaginal deodorant and the horror of bad breath, which leads unfortunate women to the curse of always being a bridesmaid, but never a bride.

Oh, for pete's sake. Ladies, if the worst thing you have to worry about is whether or not your armpits are attractive, you have a pretty good life.

I don't pay much attention to advertising any more, especially ads for cures for erectile dysfunction, ambulance-chasing law firms, and candidates for political office (who need those cures for erectile dysfunction so they can better screw the voters once in office). Neither should you.

Have a good day. Ladies, don't worry about the sleeveless dresses - I promise not to criticize your armpits. More thoughts - unrelated to armpit hygiene - tomorrow.

Bilbo

* By the way, there are actually websites out there dedicated to celebrity armpits. Don't ask me how I know.

B.