But all things must pass, and now we have the problem of seeking out a new vehicle to replace it. Agnes wants something that's comfortable on long trips, is reliable, and gets good gas mileage. I'm looking for something that will be safe on our chaotic highways, and can dominate the automotive scrum of the morning and afternoon rush hours.
I want a tank.
Now, you'd think that it's not easy to buy a used tank, but you'd be wrong ... following a few links from a recent article on Yahoo News brought me to the fascinating website of a company called Mortar Investments, which sells reconditioned military vehicles. Including tanks! How cool is that?
Mortar Investments can sell me a World War II-vintage Russian T-34 tank for a mere $38,965 (only about $3,000 more than we paid for the Bonneville 16 years ago) ...
Or for something a bit more sporty, they offer a more modern Russian T-72 tank for just $50,097 ...
Just think of it ... a tank! No more worrying about inconsiderate ass clowns dinging your doors in parking lots ... no more annoying searches for a good parking place (just park on top of whoever is in the spot you want) ... no more cursing vainly at morons who cut you off at intersections (just one round from the main gun, or a few rounds from the machine gun, will cure that behavior pretty fast). Of course, acceleration isn't what one might wish, gas mileage is poor, and the interior can be a bit cramped for those lovers-lane moments ... but when it comes to safety and security, you just can't beat it.
I want a tank. Now to convince Agnes ...
Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.
Bilbo
Get it! I'm not sure how comfortable they are on the inside but it would be so cool. Plus those wheels must be good for your snowy/icy weather right?
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see you on the Nightly news when you motor down the Beltway in that!
ReplyDeleteHow fast do tanks go, and how many miles per gallon? Or is it gallons per mile?
ReplyDeleteDo they come in chickmobile colors?
I wonder how much trade-in I could get for a Toyota Camry?
ReplyDeleteThat could really save time on the beltway. In your way....no problem run over 'em. I thinkn if I saw you I'd move over. It's make for a quick commute.
ReplyDeleteBet the gas mileage sucks and with gas over $4 a gallon? Why not go with a Humvee so we can post your pic on www.FUH2?
ReplyDeleteAmanda - I'm sure it's not a very comfortable ride ... but it surely will be a safe one!
ReplyDeleteAndrea - I'll wave to you from the top hatch.
Angelique - The gas mileage is miserable, but if you can afford the tank, you can probably afford the gas. And as for the chickmobile colors, that's an after-market option ... check with your local MAACO.
Elvis - Before or after I run over it?
Peg - I'd love to drive it around the Beltway. But of course, there would be some ass clown who would still try to cut me off or something...I'd just be able to deal with him/her more appropriately.
Leslie - Humvees are so five years ago. You still see plenty of Humvees on the road, but a TANK? That's class!
You could redefine the word tyrant.
ReplyDeleteA tank, wow, that would get peoples attention alright.
ReplyDeleteJohn and Ben were contemplating fun ways of dealing with traffic and were at one point teasing me about getting me one of those trucks with the hook on the front to toss offending vehicles into the back with. They figured I needed a bigger truck and the hook would be a fun accessory.
The traffic really INSPIRES people in this area to dream.
Elvie
Hummer drivers wouldn't crowd you, that's an advantage.
ReplyDelete