Some Thoughts on Bullying

It seems like the latest crusade (if I can use that very non-PC word) is the one against bullying. There was an extensive discussion of it on NPR's Diane Rehm Show the other day, the high school where my granddaughter's dance competition took place was plastered with anti-bullying posters, a Google search on the term bullying gets you about 71,600,000 hits, and there's even a National Bullying Prevention Center and a Bullying Information Center available online. There have been high-profile stories of young people driven to suicide by incessant bullying. The only thing it doesn't have is it's own colored ribbon, but I may have missed it.

So, when and why did bullying get to be such a huge issue?

You will no doubt be profoundly shocked, Dear Readers, to know that I was not always the handsome, buff, witty man of the world you have come to know over the last six years. No ... during my elementary and most of my high school days I was a skinny, bookish, bespectacled fellow who seemed to have a permanent kick me sign taped to his back. I wasn't especially athletic (although I was on the high school cross country team, where I typically finished near the end of the pack) and didn't move in the upper crust of my high school (which, as at most high schools, was populated by football players, wrestlers, and cheerleaders). Things got better in my junior and senior years, but it seemed to take forever to get there.

Bullying back then seemed to be more physical. I got used to getting snickered at, tripped or shoulder-slammed in the hallways by passing thugs, and having small things stolen. Bullying today seems to be more "full-spectrum" (to use a military term) - the physical element is still there, but is augmented by the ability to bully remotely via anonymous online Facebook posts or Twitter tweets.

Bullying has always been with us, and it will not go away because of radio shows or posters on high school walls. I think it starts with poor parenting - parents who don't properly educate and supervise their children, and is exacerbated by a culture of failure to accept responsibility for one's actions. It may also be made worse by a modern behavioral culture that seeks peaceful resolution of conflict, rather than fighting back.

In any case, it's tough to fight back against a bully nowadays. Back in the day, my father always counseled me to fight back ... which was good advice that I took when I could, except that fighting back against someone significantly larger than you are isn't always a viable option. Nowadays, if you fight back against a bully, the bully's parents are likely to sue you for damaging their precious little boy (or girl). My mother often told me to ignore the bullies ... which was also good advice, except when I was smarting from another hallway body block or from the embarrassment of being picked on.

I've sometimes wondered over the years what happened to the worst of the bullies I encountered in elementary and high school. There were four of them, and I suspect that they either met sad ends at the hands of bullies larger than they were, or ended up in professions in which the skills of a bully can be channeled into profitability - used car sales, law enforcement, or politics, for example.

Yes, bullying is a problem that's tough to address, because it has so many causes and because the parents of bullies tend to not believe that dear little Johnny could ever do anything bad. On an individual level, it can be difficult to stand up for yourself when you're considered an outsider who isn't part of the in-crowd. Parents need to educate and properly supervise their children, and bullied children need to know that they can fight back without being themselves accused of something.

I survived it all. Today's children can, too. We need to teach them how.

Have a good day. Diss a bully.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo