The baby, suspected to be a terrorist because it was wearing a butt turban, was never found.
Yes, security screening - whether by the TSA or by other overly enthusiastic security agencies - is an unfortunate by-product of the sad times in which we live. It does serve a useful purpose, though ... consider these statistics released by the Department of Homeland Security which document the results* of security screenings over the past year:
Terrorists Discovered (not counting babies) - 0
Transvestites - 133
Hernias - 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases - 3,172
Enlarged Prostates - 8,249**
Breast Implants - 59,350***
Natural Blondes - 3
So ...
The next time you are stuck in screening hell while trying to get to your flight, just remember that the dedicated men and women of the TSA and other security organs are doing a vital and thankless job. Inconveniencing you is just a bonus.
Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.
Bilbo
* Statistics do not include confirmation that 535 members of Congress had no balls.
** Under a new GOP health care reform proposal, money will be saved by mandating administration of prostate and breast exams during airport screenings.
*** Studies show that the potential destructive power of explosive underwear is directly related to cup size.
P.S. - Thanks to my brother Mark for giving me the idea for this post.
B.
The baby is on the lamb!! Like so many commenters on the post..how do you know you didn't screen the baby if you can't find a baby!
ReplyDeleteI've been pulled for extra screening several times when I thought I'd get away because I had a baby with me.
ReplyDeleteI never thought of the relationship between cup size (either type) and explosive potential; but it might increase the likelihood of our intrepid TSA personnel in doing their duties to the max!
ReplyDeleteI try not to call attention to myself during screening. It works.
'535 members of Congress had no balls'
ReplyDeleteSome, unlike blonds, are natural no ballers. Most others have their balls held in jars on CEOs' desks.
I am one of few that aren't bothered by all the screening at the airport. Now tomorrow I am taking the train to NYC.
ReplyDeleteNow there is absolutely no screening on a train at all.
Why is that?
Just wondering...or maybe I just have a need to be groped. :-)
The only place I experienced really slow screening was LAX. But it's like a madhouse there.
ReplyDeleteI got the one about natural blondes.
ReplyDelete