The Things That Make the News

A quick stroll through today's headlines ...

Porn industry legend Harry Reems, co-star of the ... um ... classic film "Deep Throat" died this week at age 65. He was eulogized by fellow porn star Ron Jeremy, who said that Reems was "a pioneer whose battle for First Amendment rights paved the way for the adult film industry to enter the mainstream." Thanks, but I think I'll go and see "Oz the Great and Powerful" instead.

Mr Tom Clements, the head of the Colorado prison system, was shot dead yesterday when he answered the door at his home. The NRA reminds you that he was killed by a person, not a gun. Just in case you were confused.

The Senate has approved legislation that would fund the government through the end of September and avoid a partial federal shutdown. It's not quite the same as a budget, but it's something. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was quoted as saying "I hope that this practical, commonsense leadership will be a good sign for other things in the future." Of course, the measure must still pass the House, which has plenty of time to reject practical, commonsense leadership. Stay tuned.

In a strange twist, retail giant Nieman Marcus has been accused by the Federal Trade Commission for selling genuine fur which it advertised as "faux fur." And here I thought I'd seen it all. Silly me.

One outcome of the recent Conservative Political Action Conference was a decision to change the meaning of the acronym "GOP" from the traditional "Grand Old Party" to "Growth and Opportunity Project." This new meaning beat out several other proposals, including: "Get Out, Peons," "Glorify Our Palin," and "Give Out Perks*."

The government of Cyprus, having failed in its attempt to levy large fees on bank deposits in an effort to remain solvent, is searching for a "Plan B." When asked for recommendations, Representative Paul Ryan (R, Wisconsin) suggested cutting either the Greek or the Turkish side of the island.

And that's all the news I can stand for now.

Have a good day. Please come back for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

* Applicable only to the top 1%. Sorry.