Who ... or What ... Do You Want Representing You in Congress?

This is a question of no small importance, as the individual you elect will be receiving a princely salary for doing ... as far as I can tell ... absolutely nothing of consequence except naming post offices and complaining about the shortcomings of the other party. It's a question not applicable in many of the stupendously gerrymandered-to-be-GOP-until-the-sun-goes-nova Congressional districts that will never elect anyone that doesn't make Atilla the Hun look like a flaming liberal, but in the less hidebound parts of the nation, it deserves serious consideration.

For one thing, do you have to elect a person?

In 1997, The Onion published a satirical article titled "Texans Elect Gun," which reported that Texas voters had elected a .44 caliber revolver to the Senate on the strength of its "tremendous stopping power* ... deep nickel plating, the smooth action of its finely machined cylinder, and the crisp, positive pull of its trigger," and that it "took an impressive 71 percent of the women's vote by prominently displaying its elegant pearl grips and well-tooled leather holster throughout the campaign."

And that got me thinking** ... what other things might get elected in other parts of the country?

I can foresee Colorado residents electing a bale of marijuana.

Florida residents might elect a hurricane, figuring that it would hold its own with all the rest of the mighty windbags in Congress ...

Louisianans might decide to send a jazz band to Congress, which would certainly enliven otherwise dull, droning C-SPAN coverage and make filibusters more fun ...

Given that California has already elected a showboating blowhard like Darrell Issa to the House,  perhaps residents of the Golden State might elect a wind turbine to take advantage of Mr Issa's major contribution to the government ...

Vermont might well vote for a bucket of its famous maple syrup ... a good move, given that it would fit right in with all the other saps currently occupying Congressional seats ...

Kentucky could elect a fine thoroughbred horse to the Senate ... they've already got Mitch McConnell, and it's about time they were represented by a whole horse ...

Nevada, famous for the gambling and questionable morals of Las Vegas, could choose a set of loaded dice ... which would help ensure that the House always retains an advantage.

And, thinking again about Texas, perhaps they'd actually be better off with that .44 caliber revolver than with an ignorant and self-important buffoon like Ted Cruz.

Any other suggestions out there for other nontraditional Congressional representation? Leave a comment. You can't do much worse that what we've got already.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Tremendous stopping power would be very useful in Congress, where conservatives tend to stop everything from happening, anyhow.

** Always a dangerous thing.