The old motivational adage says that "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The meaning, of course, is that you should always look for ways to turn misfortune to your advantage. It doesn't always work, but it sounds good.
Perhaps one of the ultimate lemonade moments came recently for the city of Portland, Oregon, where hydoelectric turbines have been installed in one of the main water pipelines to use the pressure of running water produce electricity. The advantage is clear: each time you hit that handle on your toilet, the pressure generated by the flush helps to power your television so that you can watch more C-SPAN coverage of Congress doing nothing.
But satire aside, it behooves us to look for new sources of both renewable (such as solar, wind, and hydroelectric) and nontraditional (such as flush-generated) energy. There's a scene in the great* comedy film Kentucky Fried Movie in which scientists search for new sources of oil, extracting it from teenagers' faces and recycling used combs. That's all well and good, but we need far more energy nowadays than can be generated by such measures. Here are a few of my ideas ...
1. Install thousands of wind turbines in concentric circles around Capitol Hill. The wind energy generated while Congress is in session will pay for the installation within days.
2. In addition to the wind turbines, install thermal collectors to take advantage of the superheated air generated during congressional debates**.
3. Replace all 435 desks in the Senate and House chambers with human-sized hamster wheels to capture the energy of our elected reprehensives running in circles ...
5. Take advantage of the latent energy represented by the mountains of cash masquerading as constitutionally-protected free speech. Because worn-out banknotes are usually destroyed by burning, require that members of Congress and their staffs periodically exchange their accumulated bales of older campaign contributions for fresh currency, so that the older banknotes can be burned and the resulting energy used to provide a new source of power for Senate and House office buildings.
Do you have any other ideas for nontraditional sources of energy we might tap? Leave a comment. The nation is counting on you.
Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.
Bilbo
* This opinion is not shared by Agnes, who has often threatened to destroy my copy of Kentucky Fried Movie if she ever finds where I've hidden it.
** By "debates," I mean "political posturing, finger-pointing, and coup-counting masquerading as principled discussion of serious issues."
Those are clever ideas to get something out of Congress. Perhaps we could consider our representatives as having two jobs: representative and grinder of coffee beans. Still, the giant hamster wheels have promise.
ReplyDeleteI like the recycling of funds from those war chests from the campaigns. One does wonder where all that money goes. What an embarrassment the whole business on capital hill has become.
ReplyDeleteIn Portland some of the power to produce water pressure will have to be used to turn the water turbines. That will mean less water pressure. So they will have to turn up the power to the main pumps to maintain water pressure. Surely someone has figured all this out already, right?
ReplyDeleteWe could use the Capitol as a kitty litter dumping site.
ReplyDeleteLove #3, the hamster wheels, for Congress. Another potential energy savings is to have no limos for Congress or the lobbyists. Let them walk back and forth from K Street and Congress or wherever they meet.
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