Random Observations

Courtesy of my old friend Ken, here are a few random ... if odd ... observations:

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist says my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon; now I'm worried about the 210 pounds I've gained.

I'm getting really tired of always having to slowly raise my hand when someone says, "Who does something like that?”

I wonder what the job application is like at Hooters . . . do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out"?

The speed in which a woman says "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need. Enough already with the "How did you get in my house?" business.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This pisses me off. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can't understand why women are okay with the fact that JC Penny has line of clothing for mature women called "Sag Harbor."

I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider, just so I can finally hear a women scream "Oh God, it's huge!"


As you can see, I have ... interesting ... friends. Thanks, Ken, for the observations. Do you have any others? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo