Guest Post

Hey, there! It's me again, Clara, Bilbo and Agnes's granddog.

It's been a while since I've had a chance to post, mostly because I'm a little hyper and they try to keep me away from anything breakable or edible, which includes the computer*. And so it'll take me a while to type this, because I'm out of practice and I have to be quiet so Bilbo doesn't know what I'm doing. Help me out, okay ... don't blow the whistle 'til I'm done. 

I've been listening to Bilbo and his friends talk about something called an election. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I think it's how you humans decide who will be the alpha dog in your pack. Like our system, yours seems to involve a lot of butt-sniffing, followed by a lot of snarling and snapping.

Unlike our system, though, once we settle on our alpha dog, everything stays peaceful until the time comes to pick a new one, and we just focus on playing and barking at delivery people and reproducing and all the other things dogs do. You guys snarl and snap at your alpha dog all the time, and get mad when he tries to do the things you picked him to do. What's up with that?

I think it has to do with something called politics. I'm not sure what a politics is, but I think it's the rules on how you pick the alpha dog to take over your Big Pack**, and what you let him do once he*** takes over. If the alpha dog that won the contest belongs to your own pack, you'll mostly be happy and follow his lead. But people who belong to a different pack, the people whose dog didn't win, just keep snarling and snapping and trying to keep the new alpha dog from doing anything worthwhile.

I'm just a dog, but I think this is pretty stupid. If your packs just fight with each other - even after you've picked a new alpha dog - how do you get anything done? From what Bilbo says, it looks like you don't get anything done, because a lot of you believe it's more important for your own pack to win than it is to cooperate with other packs to make things better for everyone.

From what I can tell, the two humans who most want to be your alpha dog are called Trump and Clinton^†. It looks like all Trump wants to do is bite everybody, even the members of his own pack. Trust me ... nobody wants a dog that does nothing but bite^††. And a lot of you seem to think that Clinton is a bad dog who ought to be locked up in the pound.

All I can say is that I'm glad I'm a dog and don't have to worry about elections and politics and Trumps and Clintons. Bilbo is my alpha dog and he likes me, even when I do things he doesn't like ... like head-butt him in the crotch when he comes to visit, or try to lick his face all the time.

Come to think of it, the old head-butt in the crotch is what that Trump dog seems to specialize in, while the Clinton dog tries to be nice and lick your face.

Maybe this isn't so hard after all.

Have a good day. Bilbo will be back tomorrow. Until then, woof!

Clara

* Hey, I'm a dog ... everything is edible, dontcha know!

** Not a "Super Pack," which seems to be something different.

*** Sorry ... I know you humans want the females to lead sometimes, but we stick with the males. It works for us.

† Whatever happened to good dog names like "Rex" and "Fido," eh?

††  Unless he owns a junkyard.