Time to Update the DUMBCON Structure

Sadly, Dear Readers, it’s happened again. I have once more bowed to the inevitable and decided that it’s time to update my DUMBCON scale. The reasons should be obvious to any of you who pay attention to the world around you.

If you’re a first-time visitor to my blog, or if you need a history refresher, here’s the story of why I developed the DUMBCON scale and how we got to where we are today …

In July of 2009 I realized that things in America had become so stupid that there was a need for a scale with which to measure and describe the national stupidity level. I used as my model the five-stage “Defense Condition" (or "DEFCON") scale used by the military services to set their level of readiness in response to world conditions. I called my scale the National Stupidity Condition Level, or DUMBCON, and set the initial level at DUMBCON 1 - the highest level on a scale of 5 to 1 - recognizing that we'd long passed the need for any lesser levels.

The original DUMBCON structure served well until January of 2013, when I found it necessary to add a sixth level – DUMBCON 0 - to accommodate surging levels of national stupidity.

But such was the ever-increasing degree of stupidity that I was forced, a mere ten months later, to add a seventh level – DUMBCON -1 (Minus One).

Less than three years later, on December 21st of 2016, in response to the election of Der Furor, I added an eighth level – DUMBCON -2 (Minus Two).

After adding the eight level, I tried to be optimistic and positive, figuring that things just had to get better … but a mere six months later I recognized that the country I love had grown so appallingly insane that eight levels of stupidity were no longer enough to measure it. Thus, in July of 2017 I modified the scale yet again to add a much-needed ninth level - DUMBCON -3 (Minus 3).

Thirteen months later, in July, 2018, I decided to add an unprecedented tenth level - DUMBCON -4 (Minus 4). At that point, Dear Readers, we had officially exceeded the number of levels in Dante’s Hell.

And here we are – two years later, three years into the disastrous presidency of Der Furor, and a mere three months into the catastrophic reordering of our lives, economy, and society as a result of the novel coronavirus and our reactions – official and personal – to it. I’m sorry, Friends, but it’s time to rethink the entire DUMBCON scale and concept. My initial thought was to add yet another level, bringing us to a structure of eleven levels, but on reflection I decided that what I needed to do was scrap the entire unwieldy system and start over, revamping the DUMBCON system with a return to the original five levels.

Here is the new DUMBCON scale, effective immediately:

Here is the updated explanation of each level, with a slight revision of the descriptive colors used in earlier versions ...

DUMBCON 5 (Code Green): ordinary, day-to-day level of stupidity. This level has not been used since the administration of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

DUMBCON 4 (Code Blue): things are more stupid than usual. This level has not been seen used the administration of President John F. Kennedy.

DUMBCON 3 (Code Yellow): things are getting pretty stupid. Courtesy and civility begin to disappear from public discourse. Credulous Americans accept without the least shred of proof conspiracy theories that even the least-educated, religiously hidebound person in the Middle East would reject. This level has not been seriously considered for use since the administration of President George W. Bush.

DUMBCON 2 (Code Red): start shaking your head - it's getting really stupid out there. People pay attention to clueless blowhards on Fox News and OANN rather than proven experts in the fields of science and medicine. Crazy persons use firearms to murder large numbers of people, and gun rights activists claim that the guns are irrelevant to the discussion, that murderers denied access to guns would just smother their victims with pillows or something. Ninety-seven percent of serious scientists agree that climate change is a real threat, but conservatives refuse to accept it because "the science isn't settled."

DUMBCON 1 (Code Black): stupidity beyond anything you could ever have imagined. Go back to bed and hide under the pillows ... or, better yet, volunteer for that one-way mission to Mars. Der Furor rewrites history on the fly, blatantly denying actions he’s taken and things he’s said that have turned sour, while Vice President Mike Pence misses no opportunity to lavishly praise everything he does. Americans frantically buy up vast quantities of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, then buy vast quantities of guns and ammunition to protect their toilet paper and hand sanitizer from other Americans. Governors and mayors step up to compensate for the lack of leadership at the national level. The House routinely passes legislation which is ignored by a GOP-led Senate focused only on filling judicial slots with the most conservative judges possible and crafting economic aid packages which protect big businesses and special interests rather than everyday American workers. The United States has become a laughingstock, falling far behind other nations in the speed and quality of its response to the pandemic and the delivery of principled and empathetic leadership to citizens anxious for information other than incoherent Twitter tirades.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we are resetting our National Stupidity Level to DUMBCON One.

God help us, because we're not doing a very good job helping each other.

Have a good day, conserve your toilet paper, and wash your hands as often as possible. Be good to each other, from a distance of six feet. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo