The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2021

Ah, yes ... the Christmas tree is up, the fire burns happily in the fireplace, the hot mulled wine is steaming on the stove ... and the temperature here in NoVa is set to reach 61 degrees today. What's wrong with this picture?

Speaking of things that are wrong, it's time to present the next-to-last Ass Clown Award for 2021. Since there are three available Fridays this month, the last award won't be presented until the 31st, but we'll just take it one award at a time, scraping the scum from the top of the bubbling cauldron of ass clownery to announce that today's award for 

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2021

is presented, with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets and for the third time*, to

Senator Rand Paul (R, KY)

A master of the Republican art form of shameless hypocrisy, Senator Paul outdid himself this past week when he sent this pious and heartfelt letter to the President:

Dear President Biden,

 

Last night and early this morning devastating storms swept across multiple states, including Kentucky. A single tornado from that system may have been on the ground for over 200 miles, and a large swath of the Commonwealth has been severely hit. As the sun comes up this morning we will begin to understand the true scope of the devastation, but we already know of loss of life and severe property damage.

 

The Governor of the Commonwealth has requested federal assistance this morning, and certainly further requests will be coming as the situation is assessed. I fully support those requests and ask that you move expeditiously to approve the appropriate resources for our state.

 

Sincerely,

 

Rand Paul, M.D.

United States Senator

This is what one would expect of a senator in response to a disaster striking his or her state. The people expect their elected representatives to plead their case for federal assistance in times of need, and their representatives have a duty to respond with energy and empathy.

Senator Paul, however, is poorly positioned to ask for federal aid for his commonwealth, given that he has consistently opposed similar requests for aid for other states struck by natural disasters.  

In 2013, following the devastation caused by Superstorm Sandy, Senator Paul voted against a disaster relief measure for the affected states, saying "I would have given them 9 billion and I would've taken the 9 billion from somewhere else. I would have taken it from foreign aid and said, 'You know what, we don't have money for Egypt or Pakistan this year because we have to help the Northeast.'"

In 2017, Hurricane Harvey struck Louisiana and Texas, causing tremendous damage. Paul voted against relief funds for the victims, and the Senate voted down an amendment he wanted applied to the aid package that would have funded the Harvey relief efforts with money previously allocated for foreign aid.

If you read Senator Paul's letter to President Biden carefully, you will notice that he does not insist that federal assistance to Kentucky be offset by reductions in other parts of the federal budget. Since it's his state that is affected, his ethical and political standards are flexible enough to ignore the restrictions he happily applies to others.

Senator Paul, of course, accuses his critics of "scoring cheap political points" and distorting his record which, he points out, reflects his opposition to virtually all government spending, regardless of how well-intended or justified. He insists that “I’ve never opposed anybody’s disaster relief in any other state. I’ve just asked that it be paid for.” One wonders who he expects to pay for Kentucky's relief.

Rand Paul is a perfect example of the hollow foolishness of libertarian ideals - it's easy to proudly stand on principles of hands-off government and total independence and self-sufficiency until the crisis hits that you can't face alone. At that point, they'll happily take the help they'd deny to others.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul is named the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2021, along with a score of 700,000 on the Gohmert Stupidity Scale - not high enough, perhaps, but allowing lots of headroom to account for all-but-certain future growth. Poor Kentucky, already cursed by devastating tornadoes and Mitch McConnell, can have him.  

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. You also won't want to miss this space on Wednesday, December 22nd, when voting for the 2021 Ass Clown of the Year begins with a recap of the year-to-date winners and a summary of the rules. Make sure your voice is heard!

Bilbo

* He was previously the Left-Cheek awardee for March, 2020, and the Right-Cheek Awardee for August, 2021.