DUMBCON Update

Well, Dear Readers, it’s happened again. I have bowed to the inevitable and decided that it’s time once again to modify my DUMBCON scale and reset the current DUMBCON level.

For those of you unfamiliar with the history, this is the story of why I developed the DUMBCON* scale. If you are already familiar with the history, just scroll down to the detailed discussion of the new scale …

In July of 2009 I realized that things in America had become so stupid that there was a need for a scale with which to measure and describe the prevailing level of stupidity among my fellow citizens. I used as my model the five-stage “Defense Condition" (or "DEFCON") scale used by the military services to set their level of readiness in response to world conditions. I called my scale the National Stupidity Condition Index, or DUMBCON, and set the initial level at DUMBCON 1 - the highest level**. I bypassed all the lesser levels just on principle.

The original DUMBCON structure served well until January of 2013, when I found it necessary to add a sixth level – DUMBCON 0 - to accommodate surging levels of national stupidity.

But such was the ever-increasing spread of stupidity that I was forced, a mere ten months later, to add a seventh level – DUMBCON -1 (Minus One).

Less than three years later, on December 21st of 2016, in response to the rampant dumbassery of the presidential campaign, I added an eighth level – DUMBCON -2 (Minus Two).

After adding the eighth level, I tried to be optimistic and positive, figuring that things just had to get better … but a mere six months later I recognized that the country I love had grown so appallingly stupid that eight levels of stupidity were no longer enough to measure it. Thus, in June of 2017 I modified the scale yet again to add a much-needed ninth level - DUMBCON -3 (Minus 3).

Thirteen months later, in July of 2018, such was the state of the world that I decided to add an unprecedented tenth level – DUMBCON -4 (Minus 4). At this point, we had finally exceeded the number of levels in Dante’s Hell.

A year and a half or so later, in March, 2020, I thought that the DUMBCON structure had become too large and unwieldy, and contained more levels than necessary or useful. I decided to reset the structure and the level to its original 2009 state of DUMBCON 1.

But less than a year later, with a sitting president who was at best clueless and at worst insane, tens of millions of Americans who believe the most ridiculous of conspiracy theories, a pandemic – downplayed by Der Furor and ignored by his followers – that had killed more than 375,000 Americans in less than a year, our international standing reduced to the level of “laughingstock,” and a Capitol building that had been stormed and ransacked by a mob clad in Der Furor’s regalia, waving his flags, and caught on video beating a police officer with an American flag, I decided to return to the ten-level DUMBCON structure of 2018, and reset the national DUMBCON level to Minus Four.

Well, that was then, and this is now.

Even at my most cynical depths of despair over the state of the nation's behavior, I could not have imagined the astounding level of ass-clownery that continues to grow unchecked, fueled by a noisy, disgraced former president and a political party that has become so unhinged, divorced from reality, and desperate to retain power that it ignores law, custom, and basic fairness and refuses even to debate important issues***. Nevertheless, the ten-level DUMBCON system of 2018 has grown too large and cumbersome, and given that I see little chance in the foreseeable future that the level will be set at anything other than the maximum ... why bother maintaining and updating a bunch of levels I'm never likely to invoke?

Therefore, after much thought and discussion with friends whose opinions I respect (thanks Gail, Dave, Mike, and Shawna!), I have decided to return permanently to the six-level DUMBCON structure of 2013 (which added the Zero Level), with the levels redefined as shown:

DUMBCON 5 (Code Green) - ordinary, day-to-day stupidity. Congress is in session, but accomplishes little of substance. People pay attention to the likes of Rudy Giuliani, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Tucker Carlson, and Louis Gohmert. Companies plaster thick layers of warning labels on products in an attempt to avoid lawsuits from people injured through their own stupidity.

DUMBCON 4 (Code Blue) - things are more stupid than usual. People refer to the deadly Capitol riots of January 6th, 2021, as "a normal tourist day." Congressional Republicans object to voting rights legislation as unconstitutional, but appear somehow to have missed Article 1, Section 4 of the Constitution. People invoke "personal freedom" rather than "responsibility" by refusing to be vaccinated against a deadly disease that has killed more than 850,000 Americans in a single year.

DUMBCON 3 (Code Yellow) - things are getting pretty stupid. Despite mountains of historical evidence, people continue to deny the Holocaust. Large numbers of "Christians" exhibit behavior the complete opposite of that advocated by Jesus Christ. Conservative politicians insist on dismantling the "administrative state" because only Congress can create and enforce rules and regulations, but Congress cannot even pass a budget, much less create and enforce necessary rules and regulations.

DUMBCON 2 (Code Magenta) - start shaking your head - it's getting really stupid out there. People get their information from outlets like Fox, OANN, and Newsmax. People not only deny the reality of the Holocaust, but compare vaccination against Covid-19 to genocidal mass murder. Ninety-seven percent of serious scientists agree that climate change is a clear and present danger, but conservatives refuse to accept it because "the science isn't settled." After each mass murder by gunfire, Second Amendment zealots claim that guns are irrelevant to the discussion, and that mass murderers without guns would just line up their victims and strangle them individually or something. 

DUMBCON 1 (Code Orange) - more stupid than you can imagine. Go back to bed and hide under the pillows****. Businesses raise prices because of "increased costs," but demand their employees accept pay and benefits cuts to keep costs low and protect profits. The GOP continues to demand repeal or replacement of the Affordable Care Act, but offers nothing to replace it. People equate the wearing of protective masks or presentation of proof of vaccination to the genocidal Nazi persecution of Jews during the Holocaust.

DUMBCON 0 (Code Red) - A level of stupidity far exceeding your worst nightmares. People drink their own urine or demand doses of horse dewormer rather than take life-saving vaccines against Covid-19. "Constitutional sheriffs" claim the authority to interpret the constitutionality of laws and decide which ones they will enforce. Conservative activists insist that a government that can't pass a budget - or agree on anything at all - is hell-bent on confiscating weapons from the most heavily-armed population on earth.

My original inclination was to keep the DUMBCON level at Zero (Code Red), but following lengthy discussion with my advisors, I have decided to reset it to DUMBCON Two (Code Magenta) to provide headroom for all-but-certain spikes in the future.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we have gone to DUMBCON Two. Do your part to keep it from going higher.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Do not confuse the DUMBCON Scale with the Gohmert Stupidity Scale. The former is a measure of overall national stupidity, while the latter is an estimate of the stupidity of individual persons or groups.

** My friend Dave recommended that I reverse the order of the levels for clarity, making 1 the lowest level and 5 the highest. Although that suggestion has merit, I have decided to retain the present arrangement so as to maintain the congruence with the military system on which it is based. Should I need to recalibrate or redefine the system again later, I may reconsider the suggestion at that time.

*** Volume and repetition have replaced rational debate for Republicans in or seeking office. You may have seen that the Republican National Committee now wants to prohibit its candidates from participating in future Presidential Debates. If you don't have any ideas to defend, why embarrass yourself by exposing your intellectual sloth in a debate?

**** Do not attempt to hide under products produced by "My Pillow," as they will just make things worse.