Friday, September 30, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Last collection for September ... get 'em while they're hot!

What makes it worth $120 ... being round, being very squishy, or being in very good condition? ...


Such a deal for those who like to plan ahead ...


Does the wait staff wash those hands? ...


Truth in advertising ...


There's cruelty, and there's cruelty ...


He's getting more desperate than we thought ...


I think this fellow has the right intent but the wrong approach ...


They were probably registering Republican voters ...


You had one job ...


This is not quite the advertising advantage they think it is ...


And that's it for this week and this month for Great Moments in Editing and Signage! I hope we've helped you get through the month with a few hard-won laughs.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for the first Cartoon Saturday of October, and the start of our annual cartoon salute to the Halloween season ... more thoughts then. 

Bilbo

Monday, September 26, 2022

"Commitment to America"


This past week, with much fanfare, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and House Republican Conference Chair Elise Stefanik released the GOP's program for the coming midterm elections and beyond. Titled "Commitment to America," it is a one-page flyer that is long on stirring, yet vague language and short on specifics of action, and echoes the much-ballyhooed, quickly ignored, and long forgotten "Contract with America" drafted by Newt Gingrich in 1994. As historian Heather Cox Richardson noted in her "Letter from an American" on September 23rd, it reflects the thoughts of George Orwell in his famous essay "Politics and the English Language." In that essay, Orwell noted that

"The political dialects to be found in pamphlets, leading articles, manifestos, White papers and the speeches of undersecretaries do, of course, vary from party to party, but they are all alike in that one almost never finds in them a fresh, vivid, homemade turn of speech. When one watches some tired hack on the platform mechanically repeating the familiar phrases ... one often has a curious feeling that one is not watching a live human being but some kind of dummy: a feeling which suddenly becomes stronger at moments when the light catches the speaker's spectacles and turns them into blank discs which seem to have no eyes behind them."

and further,

"In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defence of the indefensible ... Thus political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness."


Granted, the political platforms of both parties* tend to be vague, pompous, and quickly discarded upon the assumption of power. Nevertheless, the language of the GOP's "Commitment to America" soars to new levels of hypocrisy and balderdash.

The document proposes four aims: "An Economy That's Strong," "A Nation That's Safe," "A Future That's Built on Freedom," and "A Government That's Accountable." Let's look at them in some detail ...

1. "An Economy That's Strong." Everything noted in this section is already being done by the Biden Administration. One looks in vain for anything the GOP would do differently.

2. "A Nation That's Safe." While the document says the GOP will "secure the border and combat illegal immigration," it fails to note that the GOP has done nothing to address the nation's outdated immigration and asylum laws that contribute to the mess. It also notes that people must have "legal status" to get a job ... which is already the law. It "support(s) 200,000 more police officers through recruiting bonuses," but does not offer suggestions on how this would be paid for**. And it endorses "peace through strength with our allies," although the previous GOP administration did its best to undermine the NATO that is now proving to be a bulwark against Russian aggression beyond Ukraine. I don't know about you, but I feel a lot safer without Der Furor and his sycophants in the driver's seat.

3. "A Future That's Built on Freedom***." "Freedom" is a word much used by a party that seems more intent on taking freedoms away. GOP policies on education, such as they are, are utterly absurd, and essentially empower parents to decide what their children will learn based on their own political, social, and religious biases, rather than what children need to know to survive and thrive in today's world ... the simple fact that stupidly dangerous inanities like Q-Anon have a strong following argues for more and better education. The document wants to "achieve longer, healthier lives for Americans," but ignores the GOP's history of attempting to kill the Affordable Care Act while keeping the cost of health care (prescription drugs in particular) the highest in the developed world, well beyond the reach of many lower-income Americans. And the final part of this section, "Confront Big Tech and Demand Fairness," is clearly designed to punish technology firms for cracking down on hate speech and demanding even a modicum of online honesty and accuracy. Looking at the behavior of the GOP around the country, it is clear that the concept of "freedom" applies only to those citizens of the proper race, ethnicity, political orientation, and religion.

4. "A Government That's Accountable." This is particularly rich, given the frantic attempts by the GOP to evade accountability for the storming of the Capitol on January 6th, 2021, ongoing GOP attempts to undermine public confidence in the electoral process and deny the results of the 2020 election, and closing Republican ranks to protect Der Furor from accountability for the theft of sensitive government documents. Of particular stupidity and arrogance is the call to "require the White House to answer for its incompetence at home and abroad." One shudders to think of the national and international disasters we would be facing had Der Furor been reelected. 

In poker terms, the GOP is attempting to play a very poor hand as well as it can. The accomplishments of the Biden Administration so far overshadow those of Der Furor's feckless "leadership" that one has to shake one's head in disbelief at the Orwellian newspeak of the Republican "commitment."


The midterm elections coming in November will likely be the most consequential of our lifetimes. We owe it to the nation and to our children and grandchildren to decisively crush the increasingly authoritarian ... swiftly approaching fascist ... aims of the GOP.

Vote.

Have a good day. Consider which party is actually committed to all Americans ... not the favored few.

More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

* Let us not forget that the GOP did not even bother to publish a platform prior to the 2020 election, simply saying that "the Republican Party has and will continue to enthusiastically support the President’s America-first agenda." Exactly what that "agenda" was was quite flexible, and depended on the political advantage of the moment and the whims of the Toddler-in-Chief.

** And we all know that the GOP insists on programs being paid for ... usually by means of tax cuts which benefit the wealthy and big business and the elimination of social programs which help the middle and lower classes.

*** In my high school civics class, we were taught that there was a difference between "freedom" (which implies acceptance of responsibility for the consequences of exercising one's freedoms) and "license" (which implies the unrestricted freedom to do what one will, without consequences). The GOP approach is closer to the latter.

Sunday, September 25, 2022

Musical Sunday


There are a number of groups that live by doing covers of the work of other artists. Most of these are okay, but nothing really special, IMHO. But there are other groups that not only cover the work of others, but make it something new and different. Postmodern Jukebox is one such group, and I love their work, but a new favorite is Hildegard von Blingin', who works old songs in the new genre sometimes called bardcore - popular songs with delivery and accompaniment in medieval style. Here's her medieval rendition of the Dolly Parton classic "Jolene" ...


Thou shouldst examine the availability of bardcore songs, for thou shalt find them beguiling and worthy of thy attention. 

Enjoy thou the balance of thy weekend. Forsooth, more thoughts shall come later!

Bilbo

Saturday, September 24, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


As my Dad might have said, if this week had been a fish, we'd probably have thrown it back.

Queen Elizabeth II was buried at Windsor Castle; hurricane Fiona tore through Puerto Rico, leaving the island entirely without power, then turned north and pounded the coast of Canada; Russian-occupied regions of Ukraine are "voting" on annexation by Russia in a sham referendum; President Biden has again said the US would assist Taiwan militarily in the event of a Chinese invasion; Der Furor faces increasing legal pressure as the Appeals Court and the "Special Master" he sought have consistently moved against his various ploys; and in Brooklyn, police are searching for the missing boyfriend of a woman whose dismembered body was found stuffed in two suitcases when the officers conducted a wellness check because of foul odors coming from her apartment.

This week, because of all the criminality the GOP says we're drowning in, I thought a collection of cartoons about police sketch artists would be appropriate ...

Well, he can't have been that lousy ...  


Some people just aren't cut out for the job ...


Yes ... yes, it was ...


Sketch artists at Halloween ...


It looks like a pretty accurate depiction to me ...


Who else owned an Etch-a-Sketch? ...


This may take a while ...


It's a lot easier in some cultures ...


Rough weekend ...


Looks like they'd better start cancelling leaves ...


And that's it for this week - stop, in the name of the laugh!

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow, when Musical Sunday looks at a new musical genre. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, September 23, 2022

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2022


In a year notable even by the mediocre standards of the last decade for social, religious, and political hypocrisy, 2022 is shaping up to be in a class by itself. The midterm election season has provided a rich environment for blatant chicanery and head-spinning, as exemplified by today's award winner.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the crumpled toilet-paper crown of 

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2022


is placed upon the swollen, yet empty head of

Don Bolduc


Mr Bolduc, a retired Army brigadier general and the winner of New Hampshire's Republican senate primary election, spent years thundering that the 2020 presidential election had been stolen from Der Furor, and made election fraud and the alleged consequent illegitimacy of President Biden's administration a cornerstone of his campaign. As recently as late August of this year he continued to insist that the 2020 election was fraudulent and that the FBI should act immediately and strongly to root out such fraud and restore public confidence in the nation's elections.

But that was then, and this is now.

In an appearance on Fox News last Thursday, after his primary victory on the previous day, Mr Bolduc announced his Saul-on-the-road-to-Damascus political conversion, stating that 

“I’ve done a lot of research on this and I have spent the past couple of weeks talking to Granite Staters all over the state, from every party, and I have come to the conclusion, and I want to be definitive about this, that the election was not stolen”


And so it is with Republican candidates who practice the most obsequious of posterior osculation to win over their fevered base, and then suddenly realize that they must appeal in a general election to a wider audience that lives in the real world of evidence and truth, and has not spent years thirstily gulping the Kool-Aid of conspiracy fables.

I can't imagine any voter taking seriously a candidate who has so obviously sold them a bill of goods ... but this is 2022 America, where reason and reality have been so thoroughly corrupted by that right that George Orwell looks like the very epitome of sunny optimism.


Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, New Hampshire Republican Senate wannabe Don Bolduc is the obvious choice for this month's Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award ... and that's saying something, given everything else going on in American law and politics.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for some much-needed laughs on Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Sunday, September 18, 2022

Poetry Sunday


My friend Mary, who lives in Germany, posted this marvelous poem by Brian Bilston to her Facebook page a week or two ago with the comment, "And I thought I was the only one!" Well, Mary, I can tell you with certainty that you are not ...

On Searching for a Book of Stamps
By Brian Bilston

Check in wallet
Check once more
Hunt through bag
Look in drawer

Feel coat pockets
Peer in pot
Rifle desk
Find them not

Shake out shoes
Lift up hat
Inspect fridge
Ask the cat

Scour the shelves
Peek in purse
Turn out cupboards
Swear & curse

Go to shop
Buy new stamps
Put in wallet
Next to stamps


I have long known that the surest way to find something I've lost is to buy a replacement. Works every time!

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Saturday, September 17, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Orwell was an optimist.

Florida governor Ron DeSantis used state funds to fly 50 migrants from San Antonio, Texas, to Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts to protest illegal immigration; a tentative agreement was reached to avoid a railroad workers strike that would have exacerbated supply chain problems and further damaged the economy; Yevgeniy Prigozhin, head of the "Wagner Group," a Russian mercenary organization, was filmed as he tried to recruit prisoners to fight in Ukraine in exchange for commutation of their sentences; Florida federal Judge Aileen Cannon dismissed Justice Department objections and appointed a "special master" to adjudicate Der Furor's right to keep stolen classified and other government documents, and the DOJ promptly appealed her ruling, which had been dismissed with scorn by legal experts; and in Torrey Pines, California, a naked man who drove his car off a 40-foot cliff and ran away from rescuers was later rescued when he returned to jump off the same cliff.

As we draw closer to the midterm elections, the clownish buffoonery is ramping up, and so I decided some election-related cartoons would be useful this week ...

Speaking of antiques with no particular value ...  


"No Jackassery" is a pretty good idea, but of no use for today's politics ...


Oh my gawd, NOOOOOOO!!! ...


It's how I watch ...


I need one of those shirts, stat ...


It'll do that to you ...

How very true! ...


What's the next step below "Jackasses?" ...


And until all the lawsuits, counter-suits, counter-counter suits, etc, etc, are settled ...


I've used this one before, but it never gets old or inaccurate ...


And that's the way it is for this week's Cartoon Saturday ... electoral politics is always a rich vein of sad humor to mine, isn't it?

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming tomorrow, on Poetry Sunday. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, September 16, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


And awaaaaay we go!

Yeah, Manuel - this means you! ...


Only in America ...


I don't even want to know ...


No MAGA enthusiasts allowed ...


Yes, please ... it's hard on the people who clean the seat coverings ...


I think I found another lawyer Der Furor can try to hire ...


Put down the phone and go back to sleep, Karen ...


Someone had a world-class good time coming up with this headline ...


You're on notice, Simon and Garfunkel ...


He probably sells smaller ones for rednecks to hang on their trucks and their guns ...


Just one more day until the weekend ... hang in there! See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Horcruxes


I've been thinking a lot lately about the commonalities between Der Furor and the Dark Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter stories, in particular Voldemort's attempt to gain immortality by splitting his soul into seven parts and storing them in horcruxes. Granted, Der Furor sold his soul long ago, as did most of his far-right Republican enablers and hangers-on, but the issue of horcruxes as a device for ensuring physical, if not political immortality is fascinating nevertheless.

If Der Furor decided to split the dried and shriveled remains of his soul into seven pieces (as did Voldemort), what things would he use as horcruxes in which to store them? Here are my thoughts:

Horcrux #1: A Golf Club. He spent more time playing golf and soaking the taxpayers by having the Secret Service pay exorbitant rates for the privilege of staying at his facilities while protecting him than on actually governing. A golf club seems like a good choice for Horcrux #1.


Horcrux #2: A Big Mac. Given that he actually catered a White House reception for college football champions from fast food restaurants, why not a Big Mac (since he likes bigly things) as Horcrux #2?


Horcrux #3: A MAGA Hat. Nothing says “America First” like wearing a bright red MAGA hat while storming the Capitol and beating up the police with an American flag. It’s a shoo-in for Horcrux #3.


Horcrux #4: A Top Secret Document. Voldemort’s horcruxes were always made from items with special meaning to him. Since Der Furor stole so many classified documents when he left the White House, it’s clear that a nice Top Secret document – especially one with lots of special handling caveats – would make a great Horcrux #4.


Horcrux #5: Lindsey Graham. Although Professor Dumbledore told Harry Potter it’s not advisable to use a living creature as a horcrux, Voldemort did it with his snake Nagini, and so a snake like Lindsey Graham (with no soul of his own to crowd Der Furor's piece) would serve as a good Horcrux #5.


Horcrux #6: A Lawsuit. According to an ongoing analysis by USA Today, Der Furor and his businesses had been involved in more than 4000 lawsuits, either as plaintiff, defendant, bankruptcy seeker, or as a third party. He and the Republican party have filed dozens of lawsuits attempting to overturn his loss of the 2020 election, prevent investigation of his business practices, or protect himself from responsibility for the insurrection of January 6th, 2021. A lawsuit is a very appropriate choice for Horcrux #6.


Horcrux #7: A Bible. That a man as famously unreligious and morally challenged as Der Furor could capture the support of evangelical Christians is one of the wonders of the age, and so choosing a Bible as Horcrux #7 would allow him to store part of his soul as a reminder of his subjugation and emasculation of the religious right.


Those are my choices for Der Furor’s seven Horcruxes ... do you have any better ones? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo