Here We Go Again

As I write this, the person who murdered at least 18 people and injured dozens more in a mass murder by gunfire in Lewiston, Maine, is still at large.

I'm tired of writing about the carnage we can lay at the feet of the gun lobby and those besotted with a desire to own and brandish military-style deadly weapons. Nobody listens, anyhow. Instead, I thought I'd perform a public service and offer something useful at times like this ... 

Mass Shooting Checklist

1. Send thoughts and prayers. Tearful performance in front of cameras is optional.

2. Lower flags to half-mast.

3. Declare that the aftermath of a mass murder is not the right time to discuss remedial actions. Consult the diagram below to determine an appropriate time.

4. Describe the precipitating cause as “mental illness,” “troubled childhood,” or “workplace issues.” Divert attention from the gun as the instrument of violence by noting that people are killed by knives, explosives, strangulation, and other methods as well.

5. Argue over semantics of the term "assault rifle."

6. Invoke the supremacy of the Second Amendment and describe firearms deaths as “the price of freedom.”

7. Ensure proper terminology is used (NOTE: never use the term “murder” or “murderer.” Approved terms include “incident,” “active shooter incident,” “shooter,” “perpetrator,” “suspect,” or similarly fuzzy expressions which do not reflect negatively on the Constitutionally-protected status of firearms. Minimize use of the term “gunman” ... the more generic “shooter” should be used instead, as it implies that the victim might have been shot with a bow and arrow, blowgun dart, or the like.)

7a. If the suspect is Muslim, use "terrorist." 

7b. If the suspect is Christian/White, use "lone wolf" and cite "mental illness" or "troubled past" as motivating factors

7c. If the suspect is Black, use “gang member.”

7d. If the shooter is Mexican/Latino, use “illegal immigrant” or “alien,” regardless of the actual citizenship status; “gang member” may also be used.

8. Congress takes no action other than to vote against funding for mental health care. 

8a. NRA increases donations to members of Congress just in case.

9. Ensure at least five copies of this checklist are on hand at all times.

That's all. Hug your children when they leave the house, duck at loud noises, and put kevlar clothing on your Christmas wish list. Nothing else will get done, anyhow.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo