An Engineering Look at Wardrobe Malfunctions

Something to make you think warm thoughts on this bitterly cold morning. Well, at least if you're a man ...

You are all no doubt familiar with the term wardrobe malfunction. The term refers to the exposure of portions of the anatomy when an article of clothing fails properly to protect that portion of the anatomy, whether by accident or by design. A classic example of a wardrobe malfunction was the "accidental" exposure of a nipple (gasp!)* by Janet Jackson during a performance with Justin Timberlake during the halftime show of the 2004 Super Bowl, and there have been numerous other such malfunctions since that time.

There is generally a question in the mind of the observer as to whether or not the malfunction was real, or was engineered to occur in order to draw attention to the partially-exposed individual ... possibly as a way of diverting attention from something else, like a lack of talent. In most cases, we'll never know.

For the most part, wardrobe malfunctions on the part of everyday people are fairly rare, and a great deal of effort goes into preventing them. One of the most interesting of these was presented in a 1956 article by engineer Charles Seim which was later re-published in the Annals of Improbable Research: A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Gown. You must read the full article (and understand physics) to get the complete meaning of the article, but it's a delightful diversion. Here is one of the accompanying diagrams ...

And here is the other ...

There are also variations on the application of engineering to the study of anatomy, such as this one designed for civil engineers** ...

I have a few stories dealing with wardrobe malfunctions in the context of ballroom dancing, but those are best told in person over a few drinks. Let me know when you're in town.

Have a good day. Keep your zippers zipped, buttons buttoned, velcro pressed, and snaps snapped. If all else fails, use body glue. You never know when someone with a camera is standing ready to benefit from your discomfiture.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Oddly enough, people get hysterical over the exposure of the female breast (or parts thereof) on television, while no one seems to object to the level of graphically-depicted, hideous violence in shows like Criminal Minds or Law and Order: SVU. What's up with that, eh?

** As it happens, my older son is a civil engineer, well-trained to appreciate a fine cantilever.