The On-Crack Ass Clown for July, 2020

July, 2020, is one of those months in which the calendar and my blog schedule align to offer three Ass Clown Award opportunities - Right-Cheek, Left-Cheek, and On-Crack. We have come down to the very last day of this sorry month with one last opportunity to focus dishonor on a deserving individual, and so I announce that the award for

The On-Crack Ass Clown for July, 2020

is presented to

Representative Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1)

Louie Gohmert has long been one of the most bizarre gadflies in Congress, a reliable source of conspiracy theories, disruption, and useless noise. Since the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, he has seldom worn a mask (and has reportedly forbidden his staff members from wearing them) and refused to practice social distancing, insisting that the pandemic is a distraction concocted by Democrats to make Der Furor look bad.

In a striking bit of timely karma, on the very day that the Covid-19 death toll in the United States passed 150,000, Mr Gohmert was informed that he has tested positive for the disease.

Of course, Mr Gohmert had a ready explanation for his infection: "I can't help but wonder if by keeping a mask on and keeping it in place, that if I might have put some germs or some of the virus onto the mask and breathed it in."

And to demonstrate that he's all about the medical science around the disease, in a Wednesday night interview, Mr Gohmert told Fox News gadfly Sean Hannity that he would start taking the drug hydroxychloroquine in the coming days.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the On-Crack Ass Clown for July, 2020, is Texas Representative Louie Gohmert. One hopes that someday, like Covid-19 in Der Furor's dreams, he'll just disappear.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when we try to take our minds off current events with another visit to Cartoon Saturday. See you then.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

Watching the amazing display of ass clownery and buffoonery that passes for leadership in Washington these days, I think this classic tune from Grace Jones is appropriate ... if NSFW.

If you need help in managing the volume of incoming BS, here's your app:

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It just keeps getting better and better. Not ...

In response to the US closure of the Chinese consulate in Houston, China has ordered the US consulate in Chengdu to close; bowing to reality, Der Furor announced the cancellation of GOP convention activities scheduled for Jacksonville, Florida; famed infectious disease scientist Dr Anthony Fauci threw out the first ball at the Washington Nationals opening game against the New York Yankees ... appropriately enough throwing it so wide of the plate that no one could catch it, ha, ha; Florida GOP representative John Yoho used foul language to address New York Democratic representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, then refused to apologize for his "passion;" and the death total from Covid-19 in the United States soared past 145,000, with no significant planning or leadership visible from Der Furor's administration.

This week, cartoons featuring the famous Trojan Horse ... because why not, in an election year?

Gift-giving should be coordinated when possible ...

How the GOP would approach the concept ...

You have to consider the potential downside ...

It also puts them off their guard while they wait for the end of the service arrival window ...

Sounds like a bunch of bull to me ...

Well, there's that ...

It might have needed a bit more thought and planning ...

You don't want to be the guy in the back ...

When the gift is appropriate ...

Face it, the lawyers could do far more damage than the soldiers ...

And there you have it ... a collection of cartoons proving that a myth is as good as a mile. Sort of.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Write to your elected reprehensives and let them know your opinion of Der Furor's deployment of heavily-armed, camouflaged, unidentified "law enforcement" personnel to your streets.

See you tomorrow for Musical Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Hurry up and get your laughs before the heavily-armed, camouflaged DHS courtesy patrols proactively arrest you ...

I can't believe he's letting it go at this price ...

It's an understandable mistake ...

I was wondering where I could get my Peking Duck repaired ...

You have to keep the important things in life in mind ...

At my age, and for this price, I'm buying a case ...

The perfect ad for 2020 ...

But that takes the adventure out of it ...

I found that No-Pest Strips didn't work, either ...

I need to be more careful when I'm working in the garden, in case there are any DHS proactive-arrest teams in the area ...

I wonder how long they'll remain green ...

I hope you enjoyed this little collection of gems, designed to help take your mind off Der Furor's dumpster fire of an administration for a little while.

Have a good day, and watch out for unidentified goons making proactive arrests. They ain't wearing those masks for your safety.

More thoughts coming tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

It has been so beastly hot and humid here in NoVa for the last few weeks that I thought a poem about snow might be nice. Of course, come winter we may be looking for poems about warm summer days, but what the heck. Here's a classic poem for this baking hot Sunday ...

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Crank up the AC and you'll sleep better on those terribly hot summer nights.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

How many more weeks like this can we take?

Representative John Lewis, a titan of the Civil Rights era who had served in Congress since 1987, died at age 80; in Portland, Oregon, unidentified and heavily-armed men in military-style uniforms are abducting protestors on public streets, shoving them into unmarked vans and carting them off to Federal courthouses; a blaze suspected of being deliberately set destroyed stained glass windows and the grand organ at the 15th-century Saint-Pierre-et-Saint-Paul cathedral in Nantes, France; Ramsey BethAnn Bearse, a former Miss Kentucky who admitted to exchanging explicit photos with a teenager has been sentenced to two years in prison; and the government of South Korea has revoked the licences of two organizations that regularly fly propaganda balloons across the border into North Korea for "seriously hindering the unification policy of the government"... easy enough to do there rather than here, because Der Furor has no unification policy for the United States.

This week, for no particular reason other than we need something other than Der Furor's administration to groan about, a collection of cartoons featuring really awful puns ...

This is probably what Der Furor has in mind, though ...

Just finishing the paperwork ...

It would be more interesting if Mr Jenkins were right ...

Is it better to be a backer or a front man? ...

Not too far ...

He must support Der Furor ...

That must be why it was marked down ...

It's a legitimate question ...

Do chemicals have casual Fridays? ...

If they can sell canned gin and tonic, this ought to move, too ...

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2020

It hardly seems that two weeks have passed since we announced the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for the month of July, which we all hoped would be a better month than June. We were wrong about that, of course, and here we are - stuck in the middle of a July that is bursting at the seams with ass clowns screaming for attention. It’s always been hard to single out a single ass clown (or group thereof) for condemnation, but as America has gotten crazier by the day, so has the task of identifying our awardees. I’ve come close to giving up, but if I don’t do it, who will?

And so it is that I’ve once again put on my intellectual hip-waders and plunged into the churning muck of the moral and ethical quagmire that is 2020 America to seek out the second awardee for July (which, because of a quirk of the calendar, offers not two, but three award opportunities). Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I give you

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2020

And the award is presented to

Der Furor

Yes, Dear Readers, I have finally found it necessary to suspend the lifetime achievement award I presented to Der Furor in October of 2017 and dishonor him yet again.

While I can, up to a point, sympathize with the feelings of many Americans that a change was needed in the direction of our national government, I am appalled beyond words at the blatantly corrupt and - arguably - traitorous actions of the utterly incompetent and useless buffoon they elected in 2016 and continue to support today.

In just the last few weeks, Der Furor has:

- Commuted the sentence of his political crony Roger Stone;

- Ignored credible reports that the Russian military intelligence service paid bounties to Taliban fighters in Afghanistan for the murder of US service members and continued inexplicably to suck up to the government of Vladimir Putin; 

- Posed at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office with a display of products by a major campaign contributor in a shocking display of ethical bankruptcy (see photo above);

- Presided over the death toll from Covid-19 as it neared 140,000, while hawking useless remedies and consistently undermining the work and advice of scientists and medical professionals working desperately to save lives;

and,

- Delivered an incomprehensible, rambling campaign speech at a Rose Garden “press conference” that was supposed to highlight his signature of the Hong Kong Autonomy act; 

When I gave Der Furor his lifetime achievement award three years ago, I was already disgusted with his years of despicable behavior, long predating his inexplicable ascension to what was once the world’s most powerful job. In the three years since, he has ruined America’s standing in the world, wrecked the economy, demolished years of environmental protection, and turned our government into a kleptocracy that benefits the wealthy and big corporations at the expense of ordinary Americans ... all too many of whom happily let him get away with it. The man is a disaster of the greatest proportions, and the nation will take decades to recover from his inept, greedy, and feckless administration.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Der Furor is once again selected for dishonor, this time as our Left-Cheek Ass Clown for 2020. Nothing more needs to be said.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. You know you need it.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

You really can't, nowadays ...

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming, but only if you wear a mask and wash your hands.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Maybe August will be better ...

In Mississippi, dozens of state lawmakers have contracted coronavirus after weeks of refusing to wear masks; in Helena, Montana, 28-year old Cody James Wortman was arrested and charged with multiple felony counts of criminal endangerment for firing his six-shooter into the air at a rodeo ... oddly enough, a crime in that state; Turkey's President Recep Tayyip Erdogan announced that the world-famous Hagia Sophia museum in Istanbul - a World Heritage Site originally founded 1500 years ago as an Orthodox Christian cathedral, converted into a mosque after the Ottoman conquest of Istanbul in 1453, and then converted to a museum in 1934 - has been turned back into a mosque; the Roman Catholic Church used a special and unprecedented exemption from federal rules to amass at least $1.4 billion in taxpayer-backed coronavirus aid, with many millions going to dioceses that have paid huge settlements or sought bankruptcy protection because of clergy abuse cover-ups; and in Washington, Der Furor on Friday commuted the sentence of his friend Roger Stone on seven felony crimes, using his power to help Stone just days before the convicted felon was to report to a federal prison to serve a 40-month terms do ensuring that Stone could not be compelled to testify against him later.

This week I’ve heard enough about red meat for Der Furor’s base - let’s go to a better place - a collection of cartoons about gardening ...

This is the right kind of garden for 2020 ...

Somebody has to harvest all those ‘baby’ vegetables ...

In honor of Der Furor ...

You mean that’s not how it works? ...

Next year, I’m planting croutons to go with the greens ...

He got the seedling from Stephen King’s garden ...

With my luck at growing tomatoes, I should be able to cash in on this, too ...

He’s going to do some gAAARHdening ...

Important use and care information ...

This is why I don’t mind weeding the garden every day ...

And that’s it for this green-thumb edition of Cartoon Saturday. I hope it helped you get over another week of Der Furor’s mania.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow for a parody edition of Musical Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

The first collection for July ...

People have to do what they can to save money nowadays ...

This is flat-out the best promotion I've seen in a while ...

I'll help, too ...

From Chef Sweeney Todd ...

But only for the English classes ...

Is this what people mean when they complain about "cultural appropriation"? ...

If prices are calculated in base eight, you're golden ...

No personal chicken! ...

I'd have thought the stickiness would have been a hint ...

I hope the food is better than the spelling ...

And we're off to the races with July! Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo