The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2022

It's hard to believe that an entire year of ass clownery has gone by, the 2021 Ass Clown of the Year has been voted in, and it's time to start shaking our heads in dismay at new pretenders to the crown. Time flies, doesn't it? It looks like this will be a good year for award-winning ass clownery on many fronts: a heavily conservative Supreme Court will probably take a scythe to many of our existing laws and protections, the January 6th Commission will issue a report that will detail shocking misdeeds by Republicans, who will ignore the whole thing and whine that it is an unjustifiable political vendetta, and the midterm elections come up in November, giving Republicans plenty of opportunities to deny the validity of elections they don't win. I predict major difficulties in my ability to limit ass clown awards to the usual biweekly presentations, and may need to resort once again to occasional special awards.

But that's all in the future. Today is January 14th, and it's time to present the first award of 2022. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, designation as

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2022

is bestowed upon

Senator Rafael "Ted" Cruz (R, TX)

Mr Cruz, long the most despised member of the Senate even within his own party, gained new notoriety by plumbing the depths of political cowardice during an interview with Faux News opinion flamethrower Tucker Carlson* on January 6th. Cruz, who has described the violent storming of the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, as a "terrorist attack" at least 17 times, folded like a cheap card table when Carlson excoriated him for using that term. In a classic example of humiliating degradation in response to Carlson's badgering, Cruz described his own words as “sloppy” and “frankly dumb.” Carlson shot back that “What you just said doesn’t make sense,” and went on to accuse Cruz of playing into Democrats’ narratives.

Working diligently to cement his bona fides for this award, last week in his podcast "Verdict with Ted Cruz" he predicted that Republicans will impeach President Biden as political payback if they win back the U.S. House this year in the midterm elections, saying "I do think there's a chance of that, whether it's justified or not." He also claimed that "Democrats weaponized impeachment ... They used it for partisan purposes to go after [Der Furor] because they disagreed with him." He went on to note, in true schoolyard fashion, that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander." Unfortunately for Mr Cruz, the record clearly demonstrates that Der Furor was impeached not because Democrats disagreed with him, but because he tried to strongarm a foreign leader for personal political advantage (first impeachment) and because he tried to overturn the results of a presidential election by inciting an insurrection and directing a violent mob to disrupt the ceremonial counting of the electoral votes (second impeachment).

Mr Cruz has won this award five times in the past, although four of those were shared with others; his only solo award was his Right-Cheek Award in September, 2017. His behavior during the huge winter storm and widespread power outages in Texas last February, when he flew to Cancun with his family while his constituents froze, led to widespread condemnation and humiliatingly craven attempts to explain his actions. He was edged out of an Ass Clown Award at that time by the even-more-outrageous behavior of fellow Republican senator Ron Johnson and Der Furor's impeachment attorney Bruce Castor.   

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the first Ass Clown Award of 2022 is presented to a man with a world-class capacity for embarrassment and humiliation while performing as an elected official - Texas Senator Rafael "Ted" Cruz. Sadly, no one has yet started a Go Fund Me page to purchase him a spine.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

* Mr. Carlson, of course, has won three previous Ass Clown Awards on his own "merits," including the 2021 Ass Clown of the Year.