Poetry Sunday

Dorothy Parker, a charter member of the famous Algonquin Round Table, was a marvelously witty author, poet, critic, and social commentator. In this poem, she reflects on the inner thoughts of a lady who is - outwardly, at least - the very image of propriety ...

Song of Perfect Propriety

by Dorothy Parker

Oh, I should like to ride the seas,

A roaring buccaneer;

A cutlass banging at my knees,

A dirk behind my ear.

And when my captives' chains would clank

I'd howl with glee and drink,

And then fling out the quivering plank

And watch the beggars sink.

I'd like to straddle gory decks, 

And dig in laden sands,

And know the feel of throbbing necks

Between my knotted hands.

Oh, I should like to strut and curse 

Among my blackguard crew....

But I am writing little verse,

As little ladies do.

Oh, I should like to dance and laugh

And pose and preen and sway,

And rip the hearts of men in half, 

And toss the bits away.

I'd like to view the reeling years

Through unastonished eyes, 

And dip my finger-tips in tears, 

And give my smiles for sighs.

I'd stroll beyond the ancient bounds,

And tap at fastened gates, 

And hear the prettiest of sound-

The clink of shattered fates.

My slaves I’d like to bind with thongs

That cut and burn and chill...

But I am writing little songs,

As little ladies will.

Aye, matey, you'd best treat that lady with care!

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Honor your mother. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

As my Dad would have said, if this week had been a fish, I'd have thrown it back. 

The House of Representatives easily rejected an attempt by extremist Republicans to oust Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House; Russian authorities in Vladivostok have arrested an American soldier* on charges of theft; presidential wannabe Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, told interviewers he is in good health despite suffering from a brain parasite more than a decade ago; the supreme leader of the Taliban confirmed that public stoning and flogging would remain as punishments for crimes**, especially those committed by women; and in Los Angeles, Hertz charged a customer $277 refueling charge for returning his rental car - a fully-electric Tesla Model 3 with no gas tank - without a full tank of gas, and refused to remove the charge, telling the customer that "your signed rental agreement [shows] that you are fully aware of the fuel option that was added on the contract."

My oldest granddaughter is getting married this summer, so I figured it was time to go to the files and pull out a collection of cartoons about weddings ... 

Nowadays, you've gotta have a lawyer for everything ...

This is not a good sign ...

Neither is this ...

Full disclosure, indeed ...

It seems this might have been worked out in advance ...

This one's personal ... when Agnes and I married in Germany, I was convinced that the combination of German and US marriage regulations would only be satisfied when the weight of the paperwork equalled the weight of the bride ...

It's how we do things nowadays, isn't it? ...

Hyphenation is soooo last year ...

You can get into serious accidents when you're overly distracted ...

I guess she moderated her standards ...

And that's it for this week's wedding-themed Cartoon Saturday. Did you enjoy it? Say, "I did."

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when the matchless Dorothy Parker visits for Poetry Sunday. See you then.

Bilbo

* Who was dumb enough to be in Russia at a time like this.

** Haibatullah Akhundzada, the Taliban's supreme leader, scoffed at foreign outrage, saying that "You may call it a violation of women's rights when we publicly stone or flog them for committing adultery because they conflict with your democratic principles... [But] I represent Allah, and you represent Satan." He was apparently talking about Der Furor.

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

First collection for the new month - get 'em while they're hot!

I think I'll just do my own cooking, thanks ...

The competition must have been intense ...

Which one is the day? ...

If this ... rings ... true, perhaps you should try another jeweler ...

Ya think? ...

I'm shocked! SHOCKED, I tell you!! ...

When I was a unit commander, I had some odd situations to deal with, but this was not one of them ...

Either take down the "No Pedestrians" sign or change the street name to "Don't Walker" ...

Why do I not find this surprising? ...

I always found that to be true ...

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Johnny Carson on Democracy (Repeat)

While going through old blog files, I found this post that I first published in October of 2013. I'm reposting it today (with a few very minor edits) because it's as timely now as it ever was ...

One of the shrill comments that has been echoing down the corridors of argument during the present manufactured government crisis is that we don't live in a democracy, but in a constitutional republic. While this is undoubtedly true, it's pointless for purposes of extracting us from the swamp in which our elected reprehensives have mired us. But it does give me a hook to find a little humor in the current tsunami of embarrassing government ineptitude.

I dug back into my humor files and found the transcript of a monologue on democracy delivered by the late, great Johnny Carson back in 1991.

I looked for a video of it on YouTube, but couldn't find anything other than the scrolling text with accompanying music ... I'd give a lot to see Carson actually delivering this again, because no one has ever been able to match his delivery ...

"What Democracy Means to Me"

by Johnny Carson

"To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy, giving the  fruits of nationhood to those who built the nation. Democracy means  anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can  be vice president.

"Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and creeds. Democracy is having time set aside to worship - 18 years if you're Jim Bakker.

"Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

"Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between three or more consenting adults. But I digress.

"Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge amount of money.

"Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer*. Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will of the people, but more often they bow to the big butts of campaign contributors.

"Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve, and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from getting what they deserve. Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at your door. Of course, it also means never having the cable guy show up at your door, either. It's a tradeoff. Democracy means free television**, not good television, but free.

"Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within a minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within two minutes, be interrupted by call waiting.

"Democracy means no taxation without representation, and god knows, we've just about had the hell represented out of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want.

"And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

"I thank you."

I miss Johnny Carson.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* The reference is to the characters on the old "Our Gang/The Little Rascals" film series. I'm dating myself by knowing that.

** This hasn't aged very well, judging from the size of my cable TV bill.

Musical Sunday

I'm in the mood for a rockin' good tune today. I think I've used this one here before, but it's one of my favorites and it's my blog, so let's ride on the Wall of Death with Nancy Griffith one more time ... 

I really, really miss Nanci Griffith, who passed away in 2021 at the age of 68. 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Welcome to May ... I'm hoping it'll be better than April, but I'm not holding my breath. 

In an interview with a Milwaukee newspaper this week, Der Furor said he would accept the results of the November presidential election only "if everything's honest," but failed to provide his definition of an "honest" result*; in Israel, government officials are concerned that the International Criminal Court may seek arrest warrants for their military and political leaders, including Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, on suspicion of war crimes in Gaza; in his first remarks about the demonstrations roiling college campuses over the war in Gaza, President Biden said he supports the right to protest while denouncing hate speech and emphasizing the rule of law; a Georgia man who bragged that he “fed” a police officer to a mob of rioters storming the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, has been sentenced to nearly five years in prison; and Meigs County, Tennessee, Director of Emergency Services, criticized at a recent meeting over the slow response of emergency response teams to calls for help, told a country resident, "Ma'am we're all gonna die. My suggestion to you is to get your heart right with God." 

This week, Cartoon Saturday takes a look at two types of cartoons about everyone's favorite fowl: specifically, why the chicken crossed the road, and whether the chicken or the egg came first. 

The consequences of not being careful while crossing the road can be severe ...

Good advice, if a bit late ...

Poor Dave ...

Now, this is a bit different take on the "crossing to the other side" theme ...

At least it should be a fairly cheap trip ...

The earliest known chicken? ...

I doubt the counsellor is going to resolve this one ...

I wonder if this was one of the parts left out of Genesis ...

Legalese is everywhere ...

Yes, that would settle it ...

Have a good day and a great weekend ... don't chicken out on the chance to enjoy yourself. See you back here tomorrow for Musical Sunday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo 

* Hint: it's honest if he wins.

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024

A new month has arrived (already?), and with it comes the naming the first of three Ass Clown awardees for May ... yes, the structure of the calendar this year means that May has not two, but three Fridays available to heap dishonor and opprobrium on deserving Ass Clowns. Let's get to it, shall we?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets we announce

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024

and the award goes to

The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court

(Justices Roberts, Thomas, Alito,

Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett) 

The public approval rating of the Supreme Court has been declining for years, but it is dropping sharply of late, largely because of the sharp turn to the right since it became dominated by hard-core conservative justices.

With the addition of three* extremely conservative justices to the Supreme Court during Der Furor's presidency, the Court now has a six-justice conservative supermajority that has distinguished itself by rolling back voting rights, undoing decades of reproductive choice for women (the first time the Court has actually removed, rather than asserted a fundamental freedom), and clutching its collective pearls over whether or not Der Furor represents a clear and present danger to the presidency and our democratic form of government.

The Court has also needlessly wrapped itself in controversy by refusing to adopt a code of ethics - even refusing to accept the same code of conduct that applies to every Federal court judge. Their argument is that the Court's special status as the nation's highest forum of legal decision requires it to be above ethical or behavioral limitations. This lack of a code of conduct has allowed - among other things - such travesties as the blatant acceptance of lavish vacations and other gifts from wealthy benefactors by Justice Clarence Thomas. It has also allowed Justice Thomas to refuse to recuse himself from the ongoing cases regarding the insurrection of January 6th, 2021 - in which his wife was deeply involved. 

Justice Alito has referred to previous decisions with which he disagrees with scorn, trashing the concept of stare decisis (settled law) as he works to overturn decisions (such as Roe v. Wade) he didn't like.

And it is worth noting that the three justices appointed by Der Furor (as well as Justice Alito, appointed by George W. Bush) all blatantly lied during their confirmation hearings, piously agreeing that Roe v. Wade was "settled law" before announcing it was "wrongly decided" and overturning it once they reached the bench.    

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating our first Ass Clown Award for the month - the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024 - is presented to the Conservative Majority of the Supreme Court - a majority interested not in justice, but in the imposition of an ultraconservative and deeply partisan stamp on American law.

Have a good day, as long as it remains legal to do so. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* In case you'd forgotten, one of those three seats - that of Justice Gorsuch - was stolen from President Obama and another - that of Justice Barrett - was stolen from President-elect Biden by the smugly shameless chicanery of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. And who would ever have thought that a judicially inexperienced nonentity like Brett Kavanaugh would deserve a seat on the nation's highest court? Just a reminder.

Poetry Sunday

Nowadays, being a "boomer" is often viewed as something shameful, as if our generation is responsible for all the ills of the world. Granted, we had quite a bit to do with them, but I don't think we were all bad. If nothing else, we had some of the greatest popular music ever - that's how cool we are. And speaking of the boomer generation's popular music, here's an anonymously-written poem that turned up on Facebook, composed entirely of bits of music from the 50's to the 70's. Enjoy!

Reflections of a Boomer

by "Uncle Joe"

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain.

I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name.

I’ve gone to Kansas City, I sang in the sunshine.

I’ve been on the road again, with Georgia on my mind.

Like a rolling stone, I’ve given peace a chance.

I’ve put a camel to bed and danced the last dance.

Mr. Tambourine man played a song for me,

I’ve whispered words of wisdom, let it be.

I’ve fallen into a burning ring of fire and walked the line,

To all the girls I’ve loved before, you were always on my mind.

I’ve been everywhere, I’ve been so lonesome I could cry,

I’ve driven my Chevy to the levee when the levee was dry.

I’ve been to Itchycoo Park in a yellow submarine.

I’ve made the scene in a time machine.

I’ve done the Hokey Pokey and turned myself around.

I’ve welcomed baby back to the poor side of town.

I’ve followed the tracks of my tears down a long and winding road.

I’ve kept on searching for a heart of gold.

I’ve sought shelter from the storm, I’ve sat on the dock of the bay.

I’ve rocked around the clock, on a sunshiny day.

I’ve knocked on Heaven’s door, while blowing in the wind.

Joy to the world, those were the days my friend.

Lay lady lay, in crimson and clover.

It’s been a hard day’s night, the party’s over.

If you need me, I'll be here, counting flowers on the wall.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Had enough of Der Furor's whining and complaining? Me, too. What else is going on in the world? ... 

The Supreme Court on Thursday heard arguments on whether a president has absolute immunity from prosecution for actions taken while in office, with the result that any potential consequences for Der Furor's attempt to overthrow the 2020 election will be delayed yet again; Russia's Deputy Defense Minister has been arrested on charges of accepting bribes ... his defenestration has not yet been scheduled; a wave of protests against the war in Gaza, some of them violent, hit college campuses across the country; after months of delay by Congressional Republicans, a foreign aid package for Ukraine and Israel passed both the House and Senate and was signed into law by President Biden; and in Colorado, a man who engaged in "paper terrorism" against judges and fellow citizens using his claimed status as a "sovereign citizen" above the law has been sentenced to 12 years in prison. 

It's said that in the spring, a young man's thoughts turn to love, while an old man's thoughts turn to gardening. So while I'm out puttering in the herb garden, how about a collection of cartoons about sex?

Seems pretty definitive to me ...

How, indeed? ...

Busted!

I hate to tell you this, but ...

Hope there's a Lowe's or a Home Depot close by ...

I don't think it'll be a quickie ...

Whatever works ...

I'll bet she's right ...

Now, that's cruel ...

I think I know ...

 

And that's it for this week's sexy edition of Cartoon Saturday - I hope you ... uh ... got a rise out of it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

It's time once again to celebrate Great Moments in Editing and Signage! Let's get it on ...

I wonder if this guy was a member of the House Freedom Caucus ...

I don't know what's being operated, but I'll train ...

Truth in advertising ...

I think this may give ideas to Republican poll-watchers desperate to scare undesirable voters away from the polls ...

I'm going to make sure all my granddaughters stay inside during hunting season ...

I'll just stick with blogging, if it's all the same to you ...

In the interim, later meetings will be held earlier ...

I wonder if this was a case of crazily high electrical charges or of out-of-control autocorrect ...

Yes, I'll bet they are ...

I wonder whether the Second Presybyterian Church can outdo this topic ...

And that's it for this week's collection of editorial and signage ya-ha's, the last one for the month of April ... I hope they helped you get over a week dominated by Der Furor's endless, nauseating whining about how unfair life is.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow, when we dance the horizontal tango for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo