Cartoon Saturday

So long, September - don't let the door hit you in the backside on your way out ... 

Senator Diane Feinstein of Califoria, a liberal icon and the oldest sitting Senator, died at age 90; a 16-year-old boy is in custody after cutting down Britain's iconic, 300-year-old Sycamore Gap tree in a senseless act of vandalism; the United Auto Workers strike against the Big Three auto makers continued; the French government has launched a major effort to fight an infestation of bedbugs spreading across Paris; and in Philadelphia (not Florida?) a fan was prevented from attending a Phillies game with his emotional support alligator. 

 

I'm cleaning out files this week, so here's another collection of random cartoons for your Cartoon Saturday enjoyment ... 

This year, yeah, I'm going with the void ...

But to compensate for the smaller size, we're charging more ...

I can't tell you how often I'm that poor guy ...

Nice of him to provide the warning ...

When I was young, eggs were ... well ... eggs. Nowadays, you have to make a statement by the kind of eggs you buy ...

Maybe I should get one of those ...

I'd go with the "AAHHHH!!!," myself ...

It's the 2023 style of home decor ...

That would be my insurance company ...

I think it's going to be a split decision ...

And so we close out the month of September with another Cartoon Saturday. I hope it's helped you get over the past week and prepare yourself for tomorrow's dawn of another politically catastrophic month.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we begin our annual salute to Halloween with the first Musical Sunday of October - see you then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

It's the last edition of Great Moments for the month of September, so let's go out with a bang ...

Seems like it ought to be included, but that's just my opinion ...

If this were happening today, I doubt that local politicians would keep their hands off ... 

Your chances of being injured by an exploding duck are small, but never zero ...

Someone had a fun prom ...

The perfect pet for a kinky person ...

Because of course they would ...

I'm not sure I need any more details ...

This store is likely not located in a deep-red area ...

These budget cutbacks are really hitting home ...

The note that accompanied this picture where I found it read, "In Albuquerque, NM, Rainbow Road runs parallel to Universe Blvd" ... but it seems like an appropriate sign for the times in any case ...

And that closes out another month of Great Moments in Editing and Signage ... I hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day and come back tomorrow for the last Cartoon Saturday for the month - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Who Needs to Fix Immigration?

Congressional Republicans are lambasting President Biden for the “immigration crisis," blaming him for not taking strong action to hermetically seal the southern border. In fairness (not a word commonly used to describe GOP behavior), one can note that Congressional Democrats have also lambasted past Republican presidents for inaction on immigration as well.

As Mercutio so eloquently put it in Act III, Scene 1, of “Romeo and Juliet,” - “A plague on both your houses.”

Members of Congress of both parties have only themselves to blame for the immigration problem. While one might expect the sitting president to encourage action and support certain measures, it is the Constitutional role and responsibility of Congress … not the president - to actually make laws. Once that's done, it's the president's job to see that they are carried out.

The problem is, of course, that there’s no political advantage to solving a problem you can use as a convenient stick with which to beat your opponents. The average American has not a clue about what roles the Constitution actually assigns to each branch of government; he or she knows only what noise emanates from Faux News or the like, or from their elected representatives who are afraid to take a politically sensitive position and thereby risk being “primaried” by someone crazier and less ethical than they are.

As far as I can tell, I’m the only person in or out of government who has actually proposed a viable* solution to the immigration problem. I won’t publish it again, in case you’re tired of reading it; if you are unfamiliar with my proposal, you can read it here. If you like it, go ahead and send a copy to your Senators and your Representative (assuming they can read and comprehend it).

In the meantime, quit accepting the useless dumbassery that the president - regardless of party - has to fix the problem. He or she doesn’t - Congress does. Make sure your guy/gal understands, and if they don’t, elect someone who does.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo 

* IMHO.

How to Assign Political Blame

We all know that in today's America, it's more important to assign blame for problems than to fix them. This is true of any type of problem, no matter how large or small. Most of us tend to assign the blame for problems and crises to the action (or inaction) of the other party, although the issue is more nuanced than that*.

As a public service, I have decided to offer a simplified flow chart that will help Americans figure out who to blame for their problems ...

I trust this will help clarify issues, especially for those whose understanding of current events has been muddled by exposure to MAGA indoctrination, poor media coverage, and "news" provided by outlets like OANN, One America Network, and Faux News.

Have a good day and as good a week as the situation allows.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* As if anyone cares.

Poetry Sunday

As I look back on the broad sweep of my life, I recognize a lot of things that might have been. I never had a girlfriend like this one, but who knows what might have happened if I had?

Born Too Late

by Alan Harawitz

You could never be my girlfriend.

I was only fourteen

and you were a young woman,

seventeen years old.

But we were friends, maybe even more.

You would sing "Born Too Late"

over and over again as if it were a refrain

and not just the title of a hit song by The Ponytails.

I think you were flirting with me.

You even taught me how to kiss

so I would be ready when

I met someone who was right for me.

We would practice, lips only

and then French kiss:

"That's when you use your tongue," you said.

That was how we spent the summer 

at the beach in Far Rockaway.

I was too young to have a real girlfriend

and for some reason you never met anyone.

You told me how mature I was for my age

and then there was always "Born Too Late"

and you would laugh and say:

"Would you like to try that again?"

Maybe I would, if I'd had the chance.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Seven days left for Congressional Republicans to pull their heads out of their collective rear ends and fund the government. Don't hold your breath. 

Two persons were killed and several others seriously injured when a bus transporting a high school band rolled down a hillside on a New York highway; Fox News Corporation CEO Rupert Murdoch, having done enough damage to the nation, stepped down from his position in favor of his son, Lachlan; unable to agree on much of anything, House Republicans went home for the weekend, increasing the likelihood of a partial shutdown of the federal government on October 1st; the United Auto Workers union continued its strike against the three major automakers; and in (where else?) Florida, two men accused of tapping into home security cameras "hundreds of times" to observe a woman dressing and undressing and having sex with her husband have been acquitted by a West Palm Beach jury. 

As we watch Congress barrel toward the self-inflicted wound of another government shutdown, I thought a collection of cartoons about clowns would be appropriate ...

If only it worked like that ...

I somehow don't think that was the original idea, but it's still funny ...

I'm waiting for Der Furor's lawyers to try this one ...

I guess I'd be insulted, too ...

Can you return a goose call for being too good? ...

I'd hate to be in those shoes ...

It's certainly good preparation ...

The Trojan War-era birth of the clown car ...

They scare me, too ...

Now, THAT is a scary clown ...

Clowns are funnier when you don't vote for them. Please stop.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday takes a walk on the beach. See you then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2023

Well, here we go again ... time to make the depressing yet necessary choice of a new Ass Clown. As always, the competition is fierce and the choice difficult, complicated by many factors. I have considered a large number of possible awardees, including Colorado Representative and patron of the arts Lauren Boebert^*, Ohio Representative "Shoutin' Jim" Jordan^**, Der Furor^***, Hunter Biden^†, and many others.

But what do most of the top candidates have in common? They belong to a single cult, and it is to that cult that we turn once again as we present the battered tinfoil and toilet paper crown of

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2023

to (for the eighteenth time - twelve sole, six shared) 

The Republican Party

 

The nation needs a responsible center-right party to balance the center-left Democratic Party. Sadly, it is obvious that today's Republican Party is not it.

The Republican Party once stood for traditional conservative values: limited government, strong defense, respect for the law, and fiscal prudence. That party is long dead, replaced by a bizarre coalition of extreme radicals unable to agree on what it is they want. 

The positions of today's GOP are marked by the rankest hypocrisy and whataboutism, notably its insistence that the entire federal government has been "weaponized" against conservatives ... while shamelessly ignoring the fact that Der Furor's administration and the current GOP-dominated House of Representatives hammers repeatedly and without evidence against its political opponents.

Today's GOP has no ethical standards. Republicans ignore the mountains of evidence of bad faith and malfeasance on the part of its members (Der Furor, New York Rep George Santos, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, and Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, among many others) while desperately seeking evidence of an imagined "Biden Crime Family."

Today's GOP has no platform and no vision. It is characterized not by what it stands for, but by what it rails against - even though it is unable to articulate a clear image of what it opposes and why. Its only agenda appears to be complete and total opposition to anything proposed or supported by Democrats, regardless of how popular those programs and policies are and without any indication of what it might replace them with.

Today's GOP espouses the imposition of Christian beliefs and values on every American citizen, ignoring the Constitution's First Amendment guarantee of freedom of religion and its Article VI prohibition of "religious tests" for office, ignoring the beliefs of non-Christian citizens.  

Today's GOP is unable to win elections on the basis of its unpopular policies, and relies upon blatant gerrymandering of Congressional districts and the suppression of likely liberal voters to gain and hold power.

Today's GOP shamelessly rewrites history to suit its version of events, much as the governments of Russia and China do. The most recent example was provided this week by Indiana Representative Victoria Spatz, who claimed that the riotous insurrection of January 6th, 2021, was not what it appeared, and that "... a lot of good Americans from my district came here because they are sick and tired of this government not serving them. They came with strollers and the kids, and there was [a] chaotic situation because the proper security wasn’t provided.” I don't recall seeing moms and kids in strollers beating police officers and trashing the Capitol, and while there are legitimate issues with the provision of security that day, it was not security forces that stormed the Capitol, spreading destruction and injury and doing grave damage to America's image on the world stage.

Today's GOP insists it is the party of "law and order," yet it supports rioters convicted of mayhem and destruction during the January 6th insurrection as "political prisoners," and has done its best to undermine legitimate, evidence-based state and federal investigations into the activities of Der Furor and his enablers.

Today's GOP has placed itself totally in bondage to Der Furor, a boorish clown given to childish outbursts of anger whose well-documented abuse of the presidency for his own benefit is ignored by a party fearful of antagonizing the legions of fear-besotted, red-hatted sheep who accept his idiocy without thought or question.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown crown for September, 2023, is presented - for the second time this year and the eighteenth time overall - to the Republican Party. Vote for it at your own peril.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Already a two-time winner - the Left-Cheek Award for June, 2021, and a Right-Cheek Award shared with Empty G in December, 2021.

** Already a three-time winner: the Right-Cheek Award in December, 2019; the Left-Cheek Award in July, 2022; and a Left-Cheek award shared with Rep James Comer and Rep Bryan Stile in March 2023.

*** Fifteen previous awards - too many to list.

† Because, why not? Everyone else is dumping on him because they have nothing to pin on his father.

A Dress Code for Congress

You may have seen the latest brouhaha from the Senate, where Majority Leader Chuck Schumer has asked the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms to relax enforcement of the chamber's informal dress code, which has heretofore required Senators to wear "business attire" on the floor. The move was evidently intended (at least in part) for the convenience of Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, who is noted for his preferred attire of shorts and a hoodie. 

The reaction, mostly although not exclusively from Republicans, was one of swift outrage, viewing the move as a demeaning of the decorum of the Senate chamber ... no mention was made of the House chamber, there being no decorum there to demean any more, anyhow. Maine Senator Susan Collins joked about wearing a bikini to the Senate floor*, while Kansas Senator Roger Marshall described it as "a sad day in the Senate."

From my perspective, anything that would help make Senators comfortable enough to actually engage in  useful work is a good thing, and if relaxing the dress code works, then let's do it. And let's extend it to the House, too, while we're at it.

As you might suspect, I have a few suggestions for an updated dress code for Congress, in particular the House of Representatives ...

1. Hats should be required at all times, and should be appropriate to the home state and political persuasion of each member: Senators and representatives from Texas and the western states should be required to wear ten-gallon hats; those from the more cosmopolitan states such as New York, Massachusetts, Virginia, and Rhode Island, trilbys or top hats; those from farming states like Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, and much of the South, straw hats; those from the southwestern states of Nevada, Arizona and New Mexico, sombreros; those from New England, sou'westers; and Florida and California, baseball caps worn backwards. Hats worn by GOP members should be red, feature slogans of fealty to Der Furor, and consist of at least 85% tinfoil to enhance receptiveness to bizarre ideas and block useful ones.

2. House Freedom Caucus members are encouraged to wear colorful clown suits and appropriate makeup; however, extra-large shoes are not allowed as they represent a tripping hazard and make it difficult to put one's foot in one's mouth.

3. Ku Klux Klan robes are permitted, if accompanied by loud protestations that the wearer is in no way racist.

4. Self-designated Alpha Male members such as Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz may wear extra-long neckties in the phallic style of Der Furor.

5. Members who are ardent supporters of gun rights may carry weapons openly; however, pistols other than traditional six-shot revolvers must have a minimum 17-round magazine to be taken seriously. Military assault-style weapons, if carried, must be slung stylishly barrel-down across the back and equipped with a 30-round banana clip**, a telescopic sight, a laser rangefinder, or a combination thereof. Bayonets are optional on long guns. Hand grenades and other explosive or pyrotechnic devices are not yet considered "arms" in the Constitutional sense and may not be brought into the Capitol until the next time the GOP controls all three branches of government and fixes the oversight.

6. Prominent wear of Christian symbols is permitted at all times. This does not apply to other religions.

That's my start ... any other ideas? Leave a comment.

Congress may not be able to get anything done, but it can not do it in style.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Now, THERE's an image I don't need to see.

** A second banana clip taped to the one loaded in the weapon to facilitate rapid change of an empty magazine is encouraged, but not mandatory.

Time to Reset the DUMBCON

You may recall, Dear Readers, that in July of 2009 I established a system for assessing the level of national stupidity - I called it the National Stupidity Condition (DUMBCON), and based it on the five-level National Defense Condition (DEFCON) used by the Department of Defense. This was the original DUMBCON structure; you can read the full explanation in the original 2009 post here:

Over the years, I've revised, expanded, modified, and adjusted the DUMBCON structure and reset the DUMBCON level numerous times to keep up with current events. The current six-level DUMBCON structure, established in January, 2022, is this:

I last reset the DUMBCON level in February of this year in response to the surging level of social, political, and religious stupidity across the country, raising it from 2 ("Shake-Your-Head-Stupid") to 1 ("More Stupid Than You Can Imagine"). Unfortunately, many Americans took this as a challenge and rose to the occasion on an overwhelming surge of stupidity I probably should have foreseen. Consider the following: 

- After voting overwhelmingly on the basis of a mountain of evidence to impeach Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton for malfeasance in office, the same Texas legislature voted overwhelmingly to acquit him of all charges.

- Der Furor (AKA Inmate P01135809) continues to rage incoherently about his various indictments and upcoming trials, demanding his followers ignore the mountainous evidence of his wrongdoing and insisting that his angry and violent rhetoric - that would have had any other individual's bail immediately revoked - is protected by the First Amendment and by his "status" as the presumptive GOP presidential candidate.

- Florida Governor Ron DeSantis continues to take his angry populism on the road, seeking to ride his brand of bitter and spiteful Florida authoritarianism to the White House, saying that "We're going to start slitting throats [of Federal employees] on day one."

- The Supreme Court continues to insist that it need not hold to the ethical standards which bind all other federal judges ... or even those which apply to the lowest, most menial job-holder in the nation.

- Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert was ejected from a Denver theater during a showing of the musical "Beetlejuice" for vaping, disruptive behavior, and engaging in aggressive mutual sexual fondling with her date. 

I could go on, but it just gets more depressing.

And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, after deep thought and sad, but careful consideration,  

Effective today, September 18, 2023,

I am raising the DUMBCON level from 1 to 0

And at the depressingly rapid rate we're going, I'll soon need to go back to the ten-level structure of 2021 to accommodate the stupidity.

Before you ask, I am not going to make any changes to the Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale at this time, as it seems adequate (for now) to address individual cases of dumbassery.

Have a good day. Demand more from your elected officials, but don't hold your breath about getting it ... especially if you live in Texas or Florida or voted for someone like Lauren Boebert or Empty G.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

It's said that time heals all wounds ... and, as my Mother used to say, time wounds all heels. Time has certainly not done much healing on my body, though ... I know that there's a manly stud in there somewhere, but he's proving harder to find every year.

I talked with my brother the other day, and he recommended I check out this song by The Snake Oil Willie Band that seems just about right for us aging heroes ...

Sigh. Yeah ... he's right.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Sigh ... 

Lacking evidence to launch an impeachment of President Biden, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy announced the launch of an impeachment of President Biden in an attempt to find evidence with which to impeach President Biden; Colorado representative Lauren Boebert was escorted out of a Denver theater after being accused of disruptive behavior (including vaping and aggressively groping/being groped by her date) during a performance of the musical "Beetlejuice;" Arkansas governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted on Thursday - apparently without ironic intent - that "People around the country are looking to Arkansas as a bastion of normal in an ever-crazier world;" United Auto Workers members have gone on strike at plants owned by all three major auto makers, demanding increased wages and benefits at a time when the auto companies are making record profits; and in - where else? - Florida, an autopsy determined that a convicted murderer awaiting execution on death row died accidentally of a fentanyl overdose. 

This week, because we've all been down with Covid and I have less than no energy to do much design work, we'll just feature a collection of random cartoons from my unsorted file. The complaint department is down the hall if you're upset, Karen.

Heavens yes ... if we don't bail them out, who will keep the economy running to make more money for the top 1%? ...

Must be one of Der Furor's shysters ...

It had to come sooner or later ...

I have one of those, too ...

That would be my recommendation, also ...

We get some of those, too ...

This is the only explanation of "trickle-down economics" I've ever found that makes any sense ...

I've been on one of those for a long time ...

I really miss The Piranha Club comic strip ... Uncle Sid was such a perfectly sleazy character, just right for the times ... 

The next step in the evolution of the GOP ...

Have a good day and a great weekend. Don't get Covid ... it sucks.

More thoughts tomorrow, when a song recommended by my brother speaks to all of us older guys. See you then.

Bilbo