On Meghan McCain's Breasts and Other Important Things

I realize that the freshness date on this story has passed, and that it has already been discussed by other erudite observers of ... um ... popular culture more thoughtful than I (thanks, Jay) ... but it really needs some thorough discussion and dispassionate analysis, and I only now have the time to address it with the gravity it deserves.

I refer, of course, to the spasm of outrage over the display of Meghan McCain's breasts on a recent Twitter post. Or tweet. Or twit. Or whatever you call it. This is the horrifying photo, as posted in the linked article from People Magazine:

Considering the vast range of serious issues facing the nation and the world, I am pleased that we are still able to get outraged over the sight of healthy, feminine breasts. This is, after all, the country where you can watch people being murdered and tortured in the grisliest of fashions on prime-time television...but the display of a young woman's breasts sends the self-appointed guardians of our moral fiber into paroxysms of outraged horror.

Here's a quarter - go get a life.

Drawing on my many years of experience in observing female anatomy, I have determined that there are a few unwritten, yet generally-accepted rules governing the display of female breasts:

1. The top of the breast can be exposed all the way down to the areola surrounding the nipple, as long as no part of the areola is allowed to show.

2. The nipple must be covered; however, it can be clearly visible through the covering fabric.

3. The underside of the breast may not be displayed.

In the context of these rules, here's Bilbo's analysis of the offending photo:

1. Ms McCain is fully clothed.

2. Ms McCain has very nice breasts.

3. No areolae or nipples are exposed, and the underside of the breasts is not visible.

Conclusion: what on earth is the problem here? You can see more skin on any woman at any swimming pool in the United States on any summer day. In fact, you can see more skin at any shopping center or amusement park in the United States on any summer day.

I admit that it's easier and much more satisfying to discuss Meghan McCain's fine breasts than complex and unpleasant issues like affordable health care, the economic meltdown, radical Islamist terrorism, and environmental decay, but we really do need to move on. To this end, I reprise one of the cartoons from this past week's Cartoon Saturday:

Have a good day. Make clean breast of things.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo