The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2024

It's always been hard to single out individuals (or discrete groups) to recognize as having risen far enough above the average level of ass-clownery to warrant the distinction of this award. This year, it being an election year, the problem is that much worse. But fear not! There are people out there so bent on demonstrating the superiority of their ass clownery that they literally beg to be cited ... and so it is this week.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with a louder-than-usual blare of trumpets and the heaving of a deeper-than-usual sigh of disgust, we present the award for

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2024

to (for the second time in as many months)

Senator JD Vance (R, OH)

It's not easy to out-crazy Der Furor, but Mr Vance has made a heroic effort with his continued harping on the story (debunked by everyone in a position to know) that Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio, were stealing and eating the dogs and cats of the local residents as they continued hell-bent on ruining the city and driving out its god-fearing white "Christian" residents. The false story gained worldwide legs when Der Furor included it in his "debate" with Vice President Harris, leading to widespread ridicule from around the world.

It should be noted that the website of the city of Springfield says that approximately 12,000 to 15,000 legal Haitian immigrants live legally in Clark County, as part of a parole program that allows citizens and lawful residents to apply to have their family members from Haiti come to the United States, and that public officials from the Springfield city government up to the Governor of Ohio have said the story is utter nonsense. While acknowledging that the large influx of immigrants is a challenge for the city, they note that hysterical false stories such as those pushed by Mr Vance are singularly unhelpful.

Rather than backing away from the story, though, both Mr Vance and his boss doubled down, insisting that they were receiving reports from real people (although they provided no evidence or details), and that the local officials and the Governor were cynically ignoring the horrible problem to make him look bad.

But then, this past Sunday when CNN's Dana Bash pushed back on the lack of proof of his story of the dog-eating illegal immigrants (who are, in fact, legal), Mr Vance appeared to admit that he'd made up the story ... 

"If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, that's what I'm going to do."

It should also be noted that the "suffering" to which Mr Vance refers includes the closing of schools and other public facilities because of bomb threats.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the shameful behavior of the GOP Vice Presidential candidate in slandering an entire category of people and causing danger to the public through his ludicrous and - admittedly - false stories of behavior worse than his own make him a standout candidate for this period's tinfoil and toilet paper crown.

There's not much more to say.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we take a cartoon look at the news media. See you then.

Bilbo

Disclaimers, Updated Again

Back in October of 2016, I wrote a post about the proliferation of disclaimers, the warnings that are attached to everything you use, buy, eat, drink, or otherwise come into contact with. Their purpose, of course, is to avoid the possibility of the inevitable lawsuit by someone who took the advice, ate or drank the product, took the medicine, invested the money, suffered whiny butthurt, or whatever, and claimed compensation for some real or imagined injury.

Since that post, the number of disclaimers out there has expanded exponentially as lawyers seek new horizons for enrichment and skittish businesses seek to avoid ruinous lawsuits and the accompanying huge legal fees. I updated the list in December of last year to add some of the newer disclaimers that have arisen, and now it’s time to update it yet again. As a public service, and to keep anyone from suing me over my humble blog, here is an updated compilation of potentially-applicable disclaimers ...

Do not read this blog if you are allergic to ideas other than your own. Views expressed on this blog may be controversial and cause anxiety or discomfort. Objects may be closer than they appear. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Ensure your heart is healthy enough for sex. See your doctor if your erection lasts more than four hours. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental*. May contain nuts. Information is provided on an "as is" basis with no guarantees of completeness, accuracy, usefulness or timeliness. Prolonged exposure may cause nausea, vomiting, dizziness, dry mouth, flu-like symptoms, gas, headache, insomnia, inappropriate feelings, itching, loss of appetite, confusion, ear pain, agitation, loss of memory, heart palpitations, sweating, tremors, fever, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, increased appetite, decreased appetite, nervousness, skin irritation, or rash. No purchase necessary to win. You must be present to win. A prize of equal or greater value may be substituted at our discretion. Not intended for use by children under 5, or by people who act like it. Use only in well-ventilated areas. Enjoy responsibly. If conditions persist, consult your physician. Do not use machinery or drive until you know how this product affects you. Call before digging. No smoking, matches, or open lights. Serving suggestion. Best by date on package. Package is sold by weight, not volume. Contents may have settled in transit. Void where prohibited. May cause irritability. Subject to change without notice. Close cover before striking. We do not make any representations regarding the use, validity, accuracy, or reliability of this product. Consult a professional advisor familiar with your personal situation for advice concerning specific matters before making decisions. Driver does not carry cash. In no event shall we be liable for any special, indirect, or consequential damages or any damages whatsoever arising from loss of use or profits, whether in an action, contract, negligence, or other tortuous action, arising out of or in connection with the use of the information/data on this site or any sites linked to this site. Other fees and charges may apply. No animals were harmed in the development of this product. Return for store credit only. Slippery when wet. Do not feed the animals. This product is meant for entertainment purposes only. Do not try this at home. Limit one per customer. Cannot be combined with other offers. May not be redeemed for cash. Do not drink directly from bottle. This message, and any attachments, is for the intended recipient(s) only, may contain information that is privileged, confidential and/or proprietary and is subject to important terms and conditions. Not applicable to prior purchases. Terms of use are subject to binding arbitration and a waiver of class action rights as detailed in the appropriate sections of this contract. You agree not to upload, post or otherwise transmit any User Content that you know to be false, misleading or inaccurate**. Investment products are not FDIC insured, are not bank guaranteed, and may lose value, including your original investment. Investing involves risk of loss. No obligation to buy. This flight may be oversold, and you may be denied boarding even if you have a valid ticket. Past performance does not guarantee future performance. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete this message. Users of this financial statement should recognize that they might reach different conclusions about the financial condition of Der Furor. The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV. The expert spokesperson guarantees neither the accuracy nor completeness of his/her advice. Do not use this product if you are allergic to it or to any of its ingredients. You might lose some weight. Safe cannot be opened by employees***. Views expressed are those of the writer and are not necessarily those of the management. The following content has been automatically generated by an AI system and should be used for informational purposes only. Use of gendered pronouns should not be interpreted to limit meaning or applicability to other genders unless specifically noted or obvious from context. All sales are final. No foreign or digital currency accepted.

Etc ... 

Have a good day, unless otherwise prohibited by local laws and regulations. More thoughts coming, unless they aren't.

Bilbo

* Unless it's not.

** Not applicable to right-wing “news” outlets, Der Furor, or any Republican Member of Congress.

*** Thanks, Mike.

Bilbo's Squeeze-the-Balloon Theory of Political and Economic Promises

As we endure the blizzard of political promises that buffet us from the right and the left in this election season, I thought I'd resurrect my Squeeze-the-Balloon Theory, which can be compared to the old spiritual "Dem Bones." Stripped of all the diagrams and verbiage, the fundamental point is that

Everything's connected

If you listen to any political speeches or read what the parties dare to put into print*, you'll find that they are simply collections of discrete promises. We will lower taxes (on the rich), raise taxes (on the rich), build factories (or bring them back from overseas), create jobs, rebuild infrastructure, build a wall, get rid of Obamacare (or improve it), round up and deport those in the country illegally, beat cancer, support Israel or the Palestinians (or not), support Ukraine against Russia (or not), impose the "Christian" version of sharia law, go to Mars, fight climate change (or forbid any mention thereof), etc, etc, etc. If you're on the far right, those promises are presented in capital letters with multiple exclamation points.

What all these promises, and the actions needed to fulfill them, have in common is that each one is  presented in a vacuum, without consideration of how it relates to all the others. When you squeeze a partially-inflated balloon in one place, it bulges out in another ... 

... thus, my "Squeeze the Balloon" look at political and economic promises. 

Consider this simplified example: 

Workers demand higher wages, consumers demand lower prices, manufacturers demand maximum profits, and stockholders demand maximum return on their investment.

So ...

1. In order to keep profits and shareholder return high and prices low, manufacturers move their production to other countries where labor is cheaper and cost-imposing legal and safety regulations are less onerous than in the United States. 

2. As manufacturing jobs move overseas, domestic factories close and workers lose their jobs.

3. Because laid-off workers now have no income, they cannot afford to buy the products they once made, even at the lower price they originally demanded.

4. Workers without steady income defer necessary medical care or fail to buy health insurance until their conditions become more difficult and expensive to treat. The medical system, straining to treat patients unable to pay for other than emergency treatment (if they can pay for that at all), compensates by raising prices for those who have insurance or can otherwise afford to pay. Medical insurance companies raise their rates, and consumers see their health care costs go up. Further, ill or injured workers aren't as productive as healthy, well-fed ones, which imposes new, less-obvious production costs on their employers.

5. Workers without jobs can't pay their mortgages, buy new homes, or afford ever-increasing rents, which leads to a homeless problem, which leads to health and public safety issues as cities cope with ever-increasing homeless populations.

6. Voters who now have no jobs, income, health care, or places to live vote for candidates who offer scapegoats and simple, one-size-fits-all solutions to their problems**. 

Here's another way to look at it ...

1. Businesses insist that taxes and regulations strangle their viability and profitability.

2. Seeking campaign contributions, politicians promise to slash taxes on businesses and eliminate or not enforce health, safety, and environmental regulations.

3. Falling tax revenue*** must be made up in one of three ways: increase taxes on individuals; cut spending; or borrow money. Each of these has its own drawbacks:

3a. Increasing taxes on individuals (especially at lower income levels), exacerbates the downward pressure on their purchasing power. A corollary of this is the practice in many cities of piling taxes and fees on transient populations that don't vote there (take a look at how many taxes and fees are heaped on your next hotel bill).

3b. Cutting spending always involves reductions in programs that one constituency or another considers vital and will fight tooth and nail to maintain.

3c. Borrowing pushes the pain into the future, when loans and their attendant interest must be repaid with money that has to be raised by increasing taxes, cutting spending, or ... borrowing more money.

4. Eliminating or failing to enforce regulations leads to more workplace injuries and health issues, which lead to lower productivity and increased medical care costs. Eliminating environmental regulations leads to contaminated ground, air, and water, which leads to health problems for workers and - eventually - huge cleanup costs. A corollary to this is the failure to enforce restrictions on monopolies, which invariably lead industries to bypass market pressures and set prices at whatever level they think they can get away with.

What all this means is that THERE ARE NO SIMPLE ANSWERS TO OUR PROBLEMS. Dem bones are still connected. The balloon bulges out at one end when you squeeze the other. Every action generates a reaction†. 

So ...

When you, as Taylor Swift encourages, do your research and decide for whom you're going to vote, don't vote for simplistic, no-pain, pie-in-the-sky promises. Vote for someone who at least has an understanding of how the world works, and how everything is connected to everything else.

Hint: it ain't Der Furor.

Have a good day. Check your voting registration to make sure it's accurate and up-to-date so that no one can challenge your right to cast a ballot. And be sure to do your research and think it all through before you cast that vote. You only get one, so use it wisely.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

P.S. - We haven't even mentioned the question of who will spend long hours of backbreaking labor under the hot sun to pick the fruits and vegetables if all those immigrants are rounded up and deported, and how much the cost of those fruits and vegetables will go up if the pickers have to be paid real wages and provided minimum benefits. Even if you can afford them, those red hats won't provide a lot of UV protection.

B.

* See "Project 2025."

** See "Der Furor," although he's just the worst example.

*** You still don't believe that "trickle-down economics" bullshit, do you?

† Newton's Third Law of Motion applies to economics and politics, too.

Poetry Sunday

I'm not really a cat person (although I'm very fond of Lucy, Loki, and Mobius, our daughter's cats), but I know that many other people are, and that cats are playing an outsize role in this bizarre election season, whether as the companions of JD Vance's despised childless cat ladies, as the food of Haitian immigrants in Ohio (as Der Furor claimed in his "debate" with Vice President Harris), or as the pet of unlikely political powerhouse Taylor Swift. In that vein, how about a poem about our feline friends?

The Cats

by Ann Iverson

To find such glory in a dehydrated pea

on the tile between the stove and fridge.

To toss the needs of others aside

when you simply aren't in the mood for affection.

To find yourselves so irresistible.

And always in a small spot of sun,

you sprawl and spread out the pleasure of yourselves

never fretting, never wanting to go back

to erase your few decisions.

To find yourself so remarkable

all the day long.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. And as Childless Cat Lady Taylor Swift has reminded us, an election is coming and the choice is yours to make. Be sure your voting registration is current, do your research, and plan to vote for the candidate of your choice. Choose well.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Our vacation is over, and things are back to as normal as they ever are. This means that Cartoon Saturday is back with its introductory summary of the week's noteworthy news ...

Vice President Kamala Harris decisively defeated* Der Furor in their first (and likely only) "debate" of the election season; the crew of the Polaris Dawn spacecraft successfully carried out the first space walk conducted by a civilian astronaut; hurricane Francine went inland after lashing the Gulf Coast with winds and heavy rain; officials in Ohio spoke out against stories of Haitian migrants stealing and eating cats and dogs, a bizarre rumor given a boost when Der Furor cited it as "fact" in his "debate" with Vice President Harris; and in England, the purse belonging to the Police Minister of Great Britain was stolen while she was delivering a speech to a conference of police officials about an “epidemic of antisocial behavior, theft and shoplifting."

This week, another potpourri collection of cartoons for your entertainment. 

Been there, done that ...

I think this fellow should be running for office as a MAGA Republican ...

Yes ... yes, it is ...

Clever camouflage ...

Guess how he's going to vote ...

I think the cats are generally getting pretty pissed off this election season ...

I've lost track of whether Congress or Der Furor has worse image ...

I assume people are the same everywhere ...

A lot of people in Congress seem to be unfamiliar with the Constitution ...

I wonder if it could have happened that way ...

And that's it for another Cartoon Saturday - I hope it helped you get past the weirdness of the past week in politics, economics, and religion.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

* The word "emasculated" has been used by some commentators.

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

With the new month comes new opportunities to recognize editorial and signage mishaps ... how better to celebrate Friday the 13th?

Aren't there laws against that? ...

I'm not sure I want to eat here ...

I'm glad they clarified that ...

Um ... no, thanks ...

The visual effects will probably be lacking ...

I wonder about "Grand Prix" Enterprises ...

This would be my ideal address ...

I guess they get that way when they're whipped and mashed ...

Too soon? ...

Friends with benefits? ...

That's it for today ... if it's early enough, you may still have time to order that cordless massager. I assume it comes in a plain brown wrapper.

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

I know that I sound like a broken record when I keep harping on the curse of money in politics, but I can't help it ... it drives me crazy*. This classic tune from Abba isn't about money in politics per se, but it does remind us of what makes the world go 'round.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend and remember - we've got the best government money can buy. Let's see if we can do some infrastructure work on it by voting blue at every level this November!

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Those who know me well would say it's less a drive than a short putt.

Cartoon Saturday

Ready for this week's set of cartoons? I know I am! This week, we pay another visit to those unsung heroes dedicated to making our lives safer - the crash test dummies.

They start learning their craft early ...

Good idea ...

For real, as my granddaughter would say ...

They may not make the best financial advisors after a career change ...

Dummies take care of each other ...

It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it ...

Different viewpoints ...

AI doesn't just threaten your jobs ...

They test other things besides auto safety ...

Not the fellow you really want to have sitting next to you on that flight ...

And that's it for this bang-up collection of cartoons ... I hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to come back tomorrow, when Musical Sunday has its salute to the monied classes - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2024

I generally like to make my Ass Clown Award picks as currently topical as possible, but since I'm on vacation without reliable wi-fi connections, I needed to make this selection a bit in advance. Nevertheless, I think it's probably a still-timely and well-deserved selection.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we begin the new month with the award of the tinfoil and toilet paper crown for

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2024

to

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

When a political figure is rejected even by members of his own family*, one has to wonder what that person has to offer to a thinking voter. 

Mr Kennedy has gained notoriety for his embrace of conspiracy theories, anti-vaccination stance, his odd claim that doctors had found a dead worm in his head, and his bizarre story of dumping a dead bear in New York's Central Park, for starters. His decision to endorse Der Furor and suspend his candidacy for the presidency (but only in closely-contested states where his supporters might go on to support Der Furor) was a mixture of cynical self-interest and realization that his political vanity project was going nowhere.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, is named as the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2024. We can add him to the list of those who should never be anywhere near any elective office, much less the presidency

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we once again salute those who give their artificial lives to help keep us safe - crash test dummies. More thoughts then.

Bilbo 

* Perhaps it's a GOP thing ... Arizona Representative Paul Gosar's family rejected him, too.

Poetry Sunday

Yesterday, Cartoon Saturday looked at the lighter side of elections. Today, Poetry Sunday turns to a reflection on things we could think about instead of the political darkness ...

Poem with an Embedded Line by Susan Cohen

by Barbara Crooker

When the evening newscast leads to despair,

when my Facebook feed raises my blood pressure,

when I can't listen to NPR anymore,

I turn to the sky, blooming like chicory,

its dearth of clouds, its vast blue endlessness.

The trees are turning copper, gold, bronze,

fired by the October sun, and the bees

are going for broke, drunk on fermenting

apples. I turn to my skillet, cast iron

you can count on, glug some olive oil,

sizzle some onions, adding garlic at the end

to prevent bitterness. My husband,

that sweet man, enters the room, asks

what's for dinner, says it smells good.

He could live on garlic and onions

slowly turning to gold. The water

is boiling, so I throw in some peppers,

halved, cored, and seeded, let them bob

in the salty water until they're soft.

To the soffrito, I add ground beef, chili

powder, cumin, dried oregano, tomato sauce,

mashed cannellinis; simmer for a while.

Then I stir in more white beans, stuff the hearts

of the peppers, drape them with cheese and tuck

the pan in the oven's mouth. Let the terrible

politicians practice / their terrible politics.

At my kitchen table, all will be fed. I turn

the radio to a classical station, maybe Vivaldi.

All we have are these moments: the golden trees,

the industrious bees, the falling light. Darkness

will not overtake us.

Yes, let them. We will assemble at the kitchen table and continue on, as we must. Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo