Poetry Sunday

There are a lot of jokes being made now about how excited dogs are that their owners are home all day, every day, and are giving them lots and lots of walks. I know from experience that all those walks are wonderful for the young dogs, but not quite so much for those a bit on in years ...

Walking My Seventy-Five-Year-Old Dog

by Billy Collins

She's painfully slow,
so I often have to stop and wait
while she sniffs some roadside weeds
as if she were reading the biography of a famous dog.

And she's not a pretty sight any more,
dragging one of her hind legs,
her coat too matted to brush or comb,
and a snout white as a marshmallow.

We usually walk down a disused road
that runs along the edge of a lake,
whose surface trembles in a high wind
and is slow to ice over as the months grow cold.

We don't walk very far before
she sits down on her worn haunches
and looks up at me with her rheumy eyes.
Then it's time to carry her back to the car.

Just thinking about the honesty in her eyes,
I realize I should tell you
she's not really seventy-five. She's fourteen.
I guess I was trying to appeal to your sense

of the bizarre, the curiosities of the sideshow.
I mean who really cares about another person's dog?
Everything else I've said is true,
except the part about her being fourteen.

I mean she's old, but not that old,
and it's not nice to divulge the true age of a lady.

Have a good day, walk your dog, and then wash your hands when you're done. The dog will appreciate it ... the walk, I mean, not so much the hand washing.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's getting weirder and weirder ...

In a bizarre daily briefing on Thursday, Der Furor suggested that the coronavirus could be fought by injections of disinfectant or by shining ultraviolet light inside the body; Facebook announced it will label posts with their geographic origin in an attempt to curb political misinformation by foreign-based pages that mimic legitimate groups and political parties; a new website for key workers in the United Kingdom to book coronavirus tests was temporarily closed only hours after being opened by the government when it was overwhelmed by responses; saying that it was a symbol that had the “power to inflame” division, the commandant of the Marine Corps banned the public display of the Confederate battle flag on Marine bases; and in North Korea, dictator and paramour of Der Furor Kim Jong Un may or may not be dead, seriously ill, brain-dead, or in robust health following his absence from public view over the past weeks.

This week, in honor of the ongoing gloom-and-doom about the coronavirus pandemic, I thought a collection of cartoons featuring variations on "the end is near" would not be out of place ...

I think we've had enough plot twists, thank you ...

Another predictable, but groanable pun ...

Unfortunately, you have to pay a separate membership fee for that armageddon ...

Well, yes, there's that ...

I think he used to work for Der Furor ...

He's out of turpentine ... repaint, and thin no more ...

Don't worry ... the junk mail will still find you ...

I'm sure we would have noticed ...

But who would you show the video to? ...

Now that is the true sign of the End Times ...

And now, Dear Readers, the end of this post is near. I'll just remind you to observe social distancing, wear a mask if you need to go out, wash your hands, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020

SPECIAL NOTE: After yesterday's bizarre daily coronavirus briefing performance by Der Furor, who is now touting light treatments (inside and outside the body) and injections of disinfectant to kill the virus, I was strongly tempted to revoke his Lifetime Award and present today's award to him, but my original selection was just too tempting. Do not inject yourself with Clorox, Pine Sol, or other disinfectants as anti-corona measures ... there are enough credulous supporters of Der Furor to do that.

After years of difficulty in selecting winners from the madding crowd, the selection process just gets easier all the time. The award for

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020

is presented, without the least doubt or question, to

Las Vegas Mayor

Carolyn Goodman

At a time when the nation is in the grip of a deadly pandemic, led by an inept government that protects its citizens with smoke, mirrors, happy-talk, ignorance of science, and insults directed at its critics, many people are exhibiting insanely stupid behavior that denies the reality of the danger of Covid-19. Many of those people are idiots who demonstrate loudly to have businesses open so they can get haircuts or manicures ... they would be nothing but a foolish and embarrassing annoyance were they not in a position to spread disease and death through their ignorant and dangerous behavior. 

Far worse that these lunatics, because she is in a position of leadership that allows her to make decisions and implement policies that can spread the deadly coronavirus, is Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman (an Independent, not a Republican or Democrat) who, in an interview with Anderson Cooper on April 22nd, said she wants the city to reopen, offering it up as a "control group" to measure the effects of lifting restrictions. In the bizarre and free-wheeling interview, Mayor Goodman offered no plan on how to open up the city safely, and said that businesses were responsible to develop guidelines and plans themselves. She also criticized Cooper for "talking disease," while she was "talking life and living." You can watch the entire surreal interview here.

There's nothing more to say about how low we've sunk here in 2020 America.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020, is Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman ... a mayor whose leadership style seems likely to have the unintended consequence of voter suppression ... one way or another.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... you know you need the laughs at a time like this.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

This past Tuesday we noted the birthday of the English film and TV producer Gerry Anderson, who was responsible for many of the futuristic television shows using the technique of "supermarionation" - like "Supercar" and "Fireball XL-5" - that I enjoyed so much when I was a child. One thing I remember in particular from those days is the insanely catchy earworm that was the theme song of the show "Fireball XL-5" ... so I thought I'd infect you with it, too ... it's a lot more fun than some stupid virus ...

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend ... if the POTUS, who (as we now know) has complete and total authority over everything*) says it's okay, that is.

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

* Except what he says the governors do, but for which he criticizes them when they exercise it.

Cartoon Saturday

It's been another ... interesting ... week ...

As Covid 19 cases begin to plateau in major cities, rural areas that believed themselves to be at lower risk are beginning to show spikes in infections; after the medical and political chaos of the Wisconsin primary election earlier this month, fears are rising that Der Furor may hope to stay in power by postponing or cancelling the November general election; in a dangerous and potentially illegal series of tweets, Der Furor encouraged three states to "liberate" themselves - evidently from governors exercising the responsibilities he grudgingly admitted they have; as the economic impact of the nationwide lockdown continues, some states are either debating or actually taking steps to reopen businesses and move life back to normal; and on top of all the other problems the nation is facing now, a new concern - "quarantine constipation" - has arisen ... although on the bright side, it does help with the toilet paper shortage.

Since we're all doing a lot more reading during our enforced home stays, how about a few literature-related cartoons for this week, eh? ...

It's an interesting ploy ...

Did you ever wonder how some authors begin their careers? ...

When ravens get snarky ...

They hope he doesn't lay an egg with his latest manuscript ...

Some Americans think they need massiv home arsenals to defend their rights ... others arm themselves with high-caliber attorneys ... 

Two takes on the same classic horror story ...

and ...

Great Expectations meets The Graduate ...

I suspect that this one's pretty close to the mark ...

I can see where Dorian could have a problem ...

And so you have it for our literary edition of Cartoon Saturday. Can I read my audience or what?

Have a good day and a great ... if socially distanced ... weekend. Come back tomorrow, when Musical Sunday brings back a mighty earworm from TV adventures past. More thoughts then.

Bilbo 

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

You'd think that, since we have to stay home and pay more attention to things like grammar and spelling, things would get better ... but that's like expecting Der Furor to give a coherent and logical speech, isn't it? ...

I'm not sure the Second Amendment protects the right to keep and bear poultry ...

A predictable series of crimes ...

He's got to be an allergist ...

I wonder how many winners they had ...

Well, how many do you need? ...

If the GOP has its way, "tax evasion" will be a participatory sport and not a crime ...

The actual article is a bit of a letdown, but the headline really begs a lot of questions ...

I'd be willing to bet that "decapitation" isn't covered ...

Available only to selected Members of Congress ...

Um ... I'll take the wrapped loaf, please ...

And there you go ... we've survived another week of enforced isolation and social distancing. But look at the bright side - you don't need to shave as often (regardless of your sex).

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... no distancing from your screen required. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

This past Friday we noted the birthday of the founder of the Salvation Army, General William Booth. This poem by Vachel Lindsay, written to be read or sung aloud, imagines Booth arriving at the Pearly Gates for his eternal reward ...

General William Booth Enters into Heaven

by Vachel Lindsay

[To be sung to the tune of The Blood of the Lamb with indicated instrument]

[BASS DRUM BEATEN LOUDLY]

Booth led boldly with his big bass drum—
(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)
The Saints smiled gravely and they said: “He’s come.”
(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)
Walking lepers followed, rank on rank,
Lurching bravoes from the ditches dank,
Drabs from the alleyways and drug fiends pale—
Minds still passion-ridden, soul-powers frail:—
Vermin-eaten saints with mouldy breath,
Unwashed legions with the ways of Death—
(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)

[BANJOS]
Every slum had sent its half-a-score
The round world over. (Booth had groaned for more.)
Every banner that the wide world flies
Bloomed with glory and transcendent dyes.
Big-voiced lasses made their banjos bang,
Tranced, fanatical they shrieked and sang:—
“Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?”
Hallelujah! It was queer to see
Bull-necked convicts with that land make free.
Loons with trumpets blowed a blare, blare, blare
On, on upward thro’ the golden air!
(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)

[BASS DRUM SLOWER AND SOFTER]
Booth died blind and still by Faith he trod,
Eyes still dazzled by the ways of God.
Booth led boldly, and he looked the chief
Eagle countenance in sharp relief,
Beard a-flying, air of high command
Unabated in that holy land.

[SWEET FLUTE MUSIC]
Jesus came from out the court-house door,
Stretched his hands above the passing poor.
Booth saw not, but led his queer ones there
Round and round the mighty court-house square.
Yet in an instant all that blear review
Marched on spotless, clad in raiment new.
The lame were straightened, withered limbs uncurled
And blind eyes opened on a new, sweet world.

[BASS DRUM LOUDER]
Drabs and vixens in a flash made whole!
Gone was the weasel-head, the snout, the jowl!
Sages and sibyls now, and athletes clean,
Rulers of empires, and of forests green!

[GRAND CHORUS OF ALL INSTRUMENTS.
TAMBOURINES TO THE FOREGROUND]
The hosts were sandalled, and their wings were fire!
(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)
But their noise played havoc with the angel-choir.
(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)
O shout Salvation! It was good to see
Kings and Princes by the Lamb set free.
The banjos rattled and the tambourines
Jing-jing-jingled in the hands of Queens.

[REVERENTLY SUNG. NO INSTRUMENTS]
And when Booth halted by the curb for prayer
He saw his Master thro’ the flag-filled air.
Christ came gently with a robe and crown
For Booth the soldier, while the throng knelt down.
He saw King Jesus. They were face to face,
And he knelt a-weeping in that holy place.
Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?

Forget being washed in the blood of the Lamb ... just wash your hands.

Happy Easter, and enjoy the rest of your stay-at-home weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

And we've survived another week of the coronavirus ... and Der Furor's constant reminders of what a great job he's doing about it ...

Nudists in Czechoslovakia are being warned by police to wear face masks; the owner of a bar in Georgia removed more than $3,700 in currency that customers have stapled to the walls over the years and gave it to her unemployed staff members; British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been released from intensive care, and is slowly recovering from his coronavirus infection; the acting Secretary of the Navy resigned after flying round-trip to Guam at taxpayer expense* to deliver an angry, profane denunciation of the captain of the USS Theodore Roosevelt to the ship's crew; and Ammon Bundy, the anti-government activist rancher who led an armed occupation of a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon in 2016, says he will hold an Easter gathering in defiance of stay-at-home orders intended to control the coronavirus pandemic.

In a time when the world seems to be going crazy, you have to be philosophical. To help you out, here's a collection of cartoons about philosophy.

Yes. Yes, we do ...

"The absurdity of all human activity" is a bit much all at once ... I'd just stick with "the absurdity of an average speech by Der Furor" ...

There are awful puns, and there are awful puns ... 

This way to the daily press briefing ...

The right place to look for your lost soul** ...

Aha! ...

Why, indeed? ...

Tough luck, Diogenes ...

"Many people are saying" seems to be the foundation of Der Furor's core beliefs, such as they are ...

If there's such a thing as a "good death" ...

And finally, as a special bonus this week, how about Mel Brooks' classic bit from "History of the World, Part 1" as Comicus, the Standup Philosopher, at the unemployment office ...

Have a good day, a great weekend, and keep washing your hands. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* The cost of the trip on a military aircraft was reported to be about $243,000.

** Not applicable to members of Der Furor's administration.

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020

Most of the time I find myself whining about how difficult it is to pluck a single winner from the swirling cesspool of ass-clownery ... but not this time. This time the winner is so obvious that the citation just about writes itself.

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020

is presented to

The Republican Party 

At a time of crisis, it's important for the nation to pull together, and for our elected leaders to work for the benefit and safety of all. The GOP has failed on every count. Consider ...

In Wisconsin, despite a raging pandemic, the state's Republican-led assembly and supreme court denied tens of thousands of people the opportunity to safely vote by mail in the state's primary election, forcing potentially ill people to congregate for hours, often in poor weather, to cast their votes. And the conservative majority of the US Supreme Court upheld the actions.

The Republican-led US Senate has taken no action on virtually every piece of legislation forwarded from the Democratic-led House of Representatives, instead focusing almost exclusively on packing federal courts with young, deeply conservative judges to ensure preservation of a conservative agenda for generations.

Der Furor has taken step after step to eliminate restrictions on his power and authority and limit the authority of Congress ... with not a peep of protest from Congressional Republicans.

Around the country, the GOP works to ensure that Congressional districts are gerrymandered to ensure their control of national, state, and local government despite frequently losing the popular vote*.

Republicans under Der Furor have systematically eliminated decades of efforts to provide us with clean air and water and safe products.

Republican lawmakers have consistently prioritized the interests of big business and banks over the needs of ordinary Americans, and have skewed tax advantages toward businesses and the wealthy.

Republican lawmakers have worked relentlessly to undermine and destroy the Affordable Care Act, denying health care to millions of Americans without offering any better plan to replace it.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown dishonor for April, 2020, is presented to the Republican Party. Lincoln is turning over in his grave.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* The Electoral College greatly helps the GOP's ability to prevail in presidential elections despite losing the popular vote, as in the elections of George W. Bush and Der Furor.

Musical Sunday

At this time of enforced social distancing and the need to keep distance from those we'd love to hold close, this song by Judy Collins is a wonderful pick-me-up ...

Be someone's rainbow coming around the bend in this time of uncertainty and worry.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Wash your hands. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Are you tired of all that winning, yet?

On Friday night, while the nation's attention was diverted by the coronavirus pandemic, Der Furor continued taking revenge on those involved in the impeachment inquiry by firing the Intelligence Community Inspector General, Michael Atkinson; a US Navy hospital ship with a 1000 bed capacity, sent to relieve pressure on hard-pressed New York hospitals, is treating only 20 patients, according to a Navy spokesperson; The commander of the aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt was relieved of command after accusing the US Navy of not doing enough to halt a coronavirus outbreak on board the vessel; the Supreme Court announced it will postpone arguments scheduled for April - including suits over subpoenas for Der Furor's financial records - because of the coronavirus pandemic; and the Zoom video app, which has gained huge popularity as a means of communication for people quarantined during the pandemic, has proven to have security holes that are allowing personal information to be easily accessed on the web.

Go ahead and enjoy this week's randomly-selected cartoons ... I've sanitized them for your protection.

The White House staffing process ...

Each administration has its own culture ...

When linguists marry ...

Two riffs on the economy ...

and ...

Somehow, I'm not surprised ...

How did we monitor our fitness in the pre-digital age? ...

What? I hadn't heard about any of this until 24 hours ago ...

If the Ten Commandments were published by one of the new megachurches ...

I think someone needs a bit more social distancing ...

And that's it for your first Cartoon Saturday of the new month. I know you needed something to laugh about other than the latest antics of Der Furor.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Stay six feet away from everyone, wash your hands 56 times a day, act like a good neighbor, and plan for that #NovemberHousecleaning. More thoughts tomorrow, when Judy Collins looks for the rainbow coming around the bend.

Bilbo