Poetry Sunday

Yesterday, Cartoon Saturday focused on restaurants ... nice places to go for those who, nowadays, love to eat out and can afford it. Today, let's eat at home. I love to cook, and so did my Dad. Mom was a good cook, too ... not brilliant, but we certainly didn't starve. And family meals are about more than just eating, anyhow.

My Mother Was a Brilliant Cook 

by Maria Mazziotti Gillan 

The first time my mother went out

to eat was on her 25th wedding anniversary

at Scordato’s in Paterson, and the second time

was for her 50th anniversary

at the Iron Kettle House in Wyckoff.

My mother said, “I could have cooked

this meal better myself.”

But I knew she was happy,

though she would have never admitted it.

Once my mother came to Paterson

from Italy in steerage,

she was content to stay there.

She was a brilliant cook,

and didn’t need to go to restaurants.

She loved her house, poor as it was,

and never stayed in a motel or took a vacation

or wanted to.

She was content to offer platter after platter

of food to her family gathered

in her basement kitchen, and to watch them

laughing and talking together,

while she stood behind them

and smiled.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Enjoy mom's cooking ... she won't be around forever. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I think we need to fire the writers who script these weeks ...

After fighting tooth and nail to avoid it, former Vice President Mike Pence finally responded to a subpoena to testify before the grand jury investigating the January 6th, 2021, insurrection; firebrand Fox "News" host Tucker Carlson was unceremoniously fired by the network's management, which finally decided he was too loose a cannon; Jerry Springer, the raucous TV talk show host and former mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio, died at the age of 79; Disney Corporation has sued Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, alleging a "targeted campaign of government retaliation" ... legendary newscaster Dan Rather has called the suit "Mickey v Dopey;" and in Illinois, a man using a leaf blower in his yard was shot in the head by a neighbor who objected to the noise, because why waste a good opportunity to exercise your second amendment rights?

The prices at nice restaurants (and even not-so-nice ones) are skyrocketing, but at least the cartoons about the fine dining experience are still free ...

I'd have taken the wine and the fries ...  

Well, I guess it's paleo, too ...

Yes ... yes, it is ...

That's probably good advice ...

I'll come back tomorrow ...

Ouch ...

I can understand why the waiter would be worried ...

Well, it sounds like an exotic pasta, right? ...

I hear it's very expensive ...

How decisions on the daily special are made ... 

I hope you've had your fill of cartoons about fine dining!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts about food when Poetry Sunday returns tomorrow ... see you then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Last collection of editorial and signage gems for April ... get 'em while they're hot!

I'd hate to have to take off a mask like that if I had a beard ...

Um ... if I were a churchgoer, I'd think twice about this one ...

No need for TMI at confession with this priest ...

You have to wonder if store workers deliberately place price tags ...

I hope that my kumquats like me, too ...

I would have hoped for a little more than a hint ...

This is what it feels like, sometimes ...

Um ... right ...

They must be open twice on one of the other days ...

Anything I could write would probably be objectionable, so I'll just leave this one here ...

And that's it for this collection and for this month ... I hope you enjoyed it. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Of MICE and Men

Those of you who have been with me for a while know that I spent my entire career working in the world of military intelligence, on active duty in the Air Force and later, after my military retirement, as a government contractor supporting Air Force programs ... a total of more than 40 years dealing with secret stuff. I think this gives me a certain amount of authority to talk about the related topics of (1) the need to protect government secrets, (2) how we protect those secrets, and (3) the attitude of some people toward the protection of those secrets.

The immediate impetus for me to write this post was the arrest of a young Air National Guard Airman for his cavalier sharing of classified material he downloaded from secure networks in the course of his job as an IT specialist. Here's a guy who, like many thousands of other clearance-holders, was investigated and adjudicated before being granted access to classified material. Unlike most of those others, he chose to ignore the security guidelines in place and recklessly share extraordinarily sensitive material. Why did he do that?

People who make a living catching those who leak classified material will tell you that there are four reasons most people engage in espionage: for money, for ideology, because they've been compromised (blackmailed), or as an ego trip - hence the acronym MICE. But in the case of the young airman now sitting in jail, none of these really seem to apply. His motivation appears to have been a muddled mixture of a need to show off to his online friends, mixed with a confused desire to show "the people" what is really happening in the world. He apparently believed that the vast experience he'd amassed as a 21-year-old Airman First Class gave him the expertise and the authority to expose information that could (and likely will) cost lives.

So, IMHO, he's both ignorant and traitorous, and he deserves to be in jail ... as does a certain former president who was also (and continues to be) blithely cavalier with sensitive material. Guess which one is in jail? Hint ... it's not the one who can hire reinforced battalions of lawyers and convince ignorant laymen that he's being unfairly picked on.

But the question in my mind is this: how was it that this 21-year-old Airman was able to access such extraordinarily sensitive information? In short, because of two things: networks and the traditional tension between the need to protect information and the need to make it easily available to those who need it (who have a need to know).

When I entered the world of military intelligence in 1973, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, everything was on paper. It was stored in big, heavy safes which were kept in locked rooms which were often alarmed. If the contents were really sensitive, the safe would have two combination locks, and no single person was allowed to have both combinations. The most sensitive documents had unique control numbers and had to be signed in and out, and the records of their storage and access were audited at regular intervals. Most copy machines in secure areas needed a special key (which had to be signed for) to be operated, and had counters that recorded the number of copies made. Yes, things got leaked back then in the stone age, but it was a lot more cumbersome and dangerous to do so.

By the mid-80s or so, word processors started to become widespread, followed by standalone PCs, which begat networks and digital storage and transfer. This had both advantages and disadvantages. It reduced the amount of loose paper that needed to be stored in expensive, bulky safes and controlled with cumbersome handling measures, but it also introduced security vulnerabilities in storage and transfer. The IT specialists who set up, managed, and maintained the networks had to be authorized for access to the highest level of material on their networks - not because they had a need to know, but because the nature of their work gave them the opportunity to see everything that was there. This is what made the IT Airman in Massachusetts so dangerous.

Let's talk about the whole need to know issue. Need to know is supposedly one of the criteria for access to classified information ... it's not enough to be approved for access to information classified at a certain level - there must be an operational reason for you to have that access - a need to know. Some programs are considered so sensitive that the rule for access becomes "Must Know" - you cannot do your job unless you have access to that information. There's also another school of thought that says increased access to various sources and types of classified information leads to better analysis and improved decision-making ... this is the "Need to Share" camp. 

So, what does all this mean?

Classification is expensive and cumbersome. Safes rated to store paper files and removable electronic media are big (take up space), heavy (require buildings that can support their weight*), and very expensive. Networks become more expensive as the amount of digital protection increases, and increasing levels of protection often require multiple sets of equipment, independent connections, and separate access methods ... and wireless connectivity is dangerous in itself, being subject to interception en route. 

In my last job before retirement, I had three separate computers on my desk which allowed me to access four different networks at increasing levels of sensitivity. And the offices in which I worked, located in the already-heavily-defended Pentagon, were secured by combination locks and multiple alarms and access control policies and systems.

So, yeah, all this security is cumbersome and very, very expensive. Is it necessary? In some cases, certainly. In other cases, maybe. In still other cases, probably not. Who decides? Who makes the rules about what needs to be protected at what level, for how long, and from whom? Who watches the watchers? 

This is the hand-wringing discussion we have every time there's a major compromise of our intelligence and security. I don't profess to have the right answer ... I have suggestions that might help**, but it's no longer my problem. The people we pay to be security officers will have to figure it out. We will always have information that needs to be protected, we will always have people who want access to it that they shouldn't have, and no security system is perfect. As my dad used to say, locking all the doors and windows keeps the honest people out.

If you happen to be a person with access to sensitive information, remember that you don't get a vote on who you can share it with. Things are classified at a particular level for a particular reason. If you disagree, you can try to work it out with the person who originally classified it, or look for official channels through which you can appeal the classification.

The Internet ain't one of them. 

Have a good day. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Many years ago, my unit's offices were in rickety old two-story World War II-era open-bay wooden barracks (they've long since been torn down). The four-drawer safes on the upper floor (and there were a lot of them) had to be placed next to wooden support beams, otherwise they'd have a better-than-even chance of crashing down onto the heads of those of us on the ground floor. You can bet that we were attuned to every noise those buildings made.

** Starting with figuring out how to prevent IT people from accessing network content while doing network maintenance. Don't ask me how.

Musical Sunday

At a time when the news is almost consistently upsetting and we can all use a laugh, what could be better than another on-target offering from The Parody Project?

Here are the lyrics, by David Cohen with apologies to Billy Joel:

It's nine o'clock at his hideaway 

The burgers and fries are flown in 

There's a con man pacing nervously 

Watching Fox and re-tweeting their spin 

He says, "Sean can you air some chicanery?” 

“I’m not really sure of the prose.” 

“Then I'll send out some tweets, to help gin up the heat,” 

“Before I am forced to depose.” 

La, la-la, did-e-da 

La-la did-e-da-da dumb 

He strings them along, he's a callous man 

Strings them along for spite 

'Cause, they're all in the mood for debauchery 

And he gets them amped up to fight 

His lawyers by far are caught in a bind 

They give him advice for a fee 

And they're quick with a poke, or to send up some smoke 

For paychecks that they'll never see 

He says, “Hey, I believe they'll be grilling me" 

As he pleads for more help from his base 

"Well I'm sure that I could be a Russian Czar” 

“If the Feds would get out of my face" 

Oh, la, la-la, did-e-da 

La-la did-e-da da dumb 

Now he thinks he's a bona-fide populist 

Who seems to have split from his wife 

And he's hiding like crazy, some loans that are hazy 

We hope that he gets ten to life 

And his minions are practicing dirty tricks 

As most if not all have been cloned 

Yes, they're sharing concerns for their "Holiness" 

And are scared to just stand on their own 

Strings them along, he's a callous man 

Strings them along for spite 

'Cause, they're all in the mood for debauchery 

And he gets them amped up to fight 

It's a pretty sparse crowd for a Saturday 

As he spews out more hatred that's vile 

'Cause he knows those who came all want someone to blame 

So he picks a new group to defile 

And his words, they all stick like a barnacle 

As his pulpit is used to spread fear 

Yet they stand by this fraud with a view that is flawed 

And say, “Man, we're so glad you are here.” 

Oh, la, la-la, did-e-da 

La-la did-e-da da dumb 

Strings them along, he's a callous man 

Strings them along for spite 

'Cause, they're all in the mood for debauchery 

And he gets them amped up to fight


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Who dreams up these weeks, anyhow?

A Russian warplane headed for targets in Ukraine accidentally dropped a bomb on the Russian city of Belgorad, about 25 miles from the Ukrainian border; the gigantic Space X "Starship" space launch vehicle exploded not long after its long-expected maiden launch; Fox "News" settled Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit for defamation out of court for a staggering $787.5 million, although the network barely covered it in its own newscasts; the Texas Senate passed three bills that would require public schools, beginning next year, to promote religion to their students and employees, including by prominently displaying the Ten Commandments in every classroom; and in Michigan (Michigan??), a 60-year-old man is facing a misdemeanor assault charge after allegedly assaulting a grocery clerk with a frozen fish.

Back in February, I ran a Cartoon Saturday that riffed on the lyrics to popular songs. It seemed to go over very well, so this week we'll revisit the topic ...

For those of you who remember the classic by Tennessee Ernie Ford ...  

The world's most utterly unintelligible lyrics just had to make it onto today's list ...

Yes, go ask her and see what she says ...

John Lennon would have been a lousy eyewitness ...

His calculations are probably spot on ...

She'll be rolling a big ... rock down on him before long ...

I wasn't born to run, either, nor have I aged into it ...

You have to be of my generation or earlier to appreciate this one ...

When the musical tastes of the audience change, a musician's gotta do what a musician's gotta do ...

Goo, goo, ga-joob ...

Have a good day and a great weekend surrounded by your favorite music. And speaking of music, be sure to come back tomorrow for Musical Sunday and the return of the Parody Project. See you then with more thoughts.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2023

We've reached the point at which it's all but impossible to identify a single individual, or even a single group, for an Ass Clown award. Such are our politics, our unfocused, roiling anger, and our rigid insistence on freedom over responsibility that I could name an Ass Clown not just biweekly, weekly, or daily, but pretty much "morning" and "afternoon." I've been thinking hard for the last two weeks about how to limit today's choice to a single "worthy" Ass Clown, but - sadly - I just couldn't decide.

And then I asked myself, how did we manage to get to this place? When I looked at it that way, the answer became, if not obvious, at least much clearer.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I give you

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2023

The American Electorate*

When we ask how we got to this place, there's a clear answer that's rooted in the document everybody claims to revere, but few actually understand** - The Constitution.

The Constitution (as amended, in the case of electing senators) put the burden of selecting our leaders on the people as a way of avoiding a hereditary monarchy or a dictator imposed from above. But representative democracy is messy and chaotic, and many present-day voters (especially on the right) can't handle messy and chaotic, and want a strong leader who will cut through the complications and nuances and present them with simple, easily-understandable solutions to their fears ... thus the appeal of would-be tyrants like Der Furor, Ron DeSantis, and Greg Abbott***. And not just at home - many on the far right express admiration for foreign dictators like Russia's Vladimir Putin and Hungary's Viktor Orban.

As the old saying goes, we are trapped in a cleft stick of our own cutting. The world is changing, the country is changing, and a lot of Americans are afraid of what that change means for their place in the country and the larger world. Many White Americans look at how Black Americans are treated and fear that in an America they no longer control, they will be treated the same way. They look at the insane cost of health care and choose to remain sick so that they can pay rents or mortgages and put food on the table rather than demand action from their elected officials. They see medical and scientific guidelines change rapidly as new data and knowledge become available, and fault the doctors and the scientists for changing their ideas based on better information. They see hundreds of thousands of people fleeing terrible conditions in their home countries and trying to come to America, and they fear the problems that these people may bring with them rather than the conditions they fled. They form their opinions not on the basis of thought, research, and the consumption of accurate news reporting, but on the basis of the proven and admitted lies of Fox "News."

In short, the average American voter doesn't want to have to think very hard. They want simple, cheap, fast answers to problems and they vote for the people they think will provide them. They'd rather "stick it to the man" than doing the hard work of realizing the inspiring goals of the Preamble to the Constitution:

"to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity"

They vote for tinpot authoritarians like Der Furor, Ron DeSantis, and Greg Abbott, and noisy bags of hot air like Empty G, Lauren Boebert, Kristi Noem, Rafael Cruz, Jim Jordan, and Ron Johnson ... people who make them feel better, but who have no interest in accomplishing anything of value for the nation.

They vote for candidates who share and stoke their anger and hate, without thinking of the long-term damage they are doing to the country at home and abroad.

They vote for candidates who pander to their fears and prejudices, who value the unchecked proliferation of firearms over the lives of our children.

The Founders would be ashamed.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown award for April, 2023, is presented to The American Electorate ... at least that portion of which is hell-bent on driving the nation to ruin, abetted by the portion that doesn't bother to vote at all.

We have done it to ourselves.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. You know you need it.

Bilbo 

* You may recall with some sadness that The American Electorate was the Right-Cheek Ass Clown in May of 2016, and the Ass Clown of the Year for 2016 as well. As I noted in the 2016 ACOY citation, "I think the award is justified by the credulousness of those who voted for [Der Furor] and the fecklessness of those who did not do their duty and vote."

** Except for the Second Amendment ... everybody understands that.

*** All of them are previous recipients of Ass Clown Awards, individually or as part of a group.

Poetry Sunday

Reading is in the news a lot lately, not because it's fundamental to our education and our enjoyment of life, but because so many people are offended enough by what they read that they don't think you should read it, either. I wonder of what they'd make of this ...

Reading to the Blind Man 

by David Shumate 

We start with the classics. Homer. Shakespeare. Chaucer. But

he becomes bored and wants to read romances. Stories of

people adrift on the tides of their passion. He is afraid he is

missing more than sight. That there are continents of

emotions he has never explored. As I read, his lips move as if

he now can see the words. As if he were one of those lovers

about to collide. As if it were his hands on her breasts. His

body atop hers. He whispers for me to slow down. It has taken

him this long to get here. He would like to linger now for a

while.

You don't have to be blind to imagine drama unfolding as you read. Isn't it sad that small-minded people would take that away from you?

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Who dreams up these weeks, anyhow?

Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg has sued House Judiciary Committee chair Jim Jordan for "unconstitutionally deploy(ing) Congress’s limited subpoena power for raw political retaliation, intimidation, or obstruction;" a 21-year-old Massachusetts Air National Guard member who apparently wanted to show off to his friends has been arrested by the FBI ... after being identified by the New York Times ... for the latest devastating leak of highly classified materials; Florida governor Ron DeSantis signed into law a ban on abortions after six weeks of pregnancy ... the law is intended to impress his conservative backers, but he signed it at 11:00 PM on a Thursday night in order to minimize its visibility to his political opponents; Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is in even deeper ethical trouble after new revelations that he failed to report the purchase of properties he owned by a wealthy conservative donor, as required by law; Texas governor Greg Abbott announced he intends to pardon a man convicted of the 2020 murder of a Black Lives Matter demonstrator; and in Massachusetts, the sentence of a man who threatened the publishers of the Merriam-Webster dictionary because he objected to their updated definitions of gender terms has been defined as 30 days of home confinement, three years of probation and mental health treatment.

This week, in response to the movement by many conservatives to remove objectionable books from schools and libraries, or to defund libraries if they stock objectionable books, here's a collection of cartoons about books and reading.

Take the book, leave the cannoli ...  

This is why the book I'm trying to write is a novel, not an autobiography ...

Most people don't realize how specialized Viking pillaging raids were ...

It's a sticky topic, but you can find books about it ...

We get around to reading them eventually ...

Well, the editor needed to earn her pay somehow ...

Might as well just skip to the reception ...

This is life at our house ...

If Tolkien were writing today ...

It's probably a small section ...

And there you have it - a new collection of cartoons to help take your minds off the news. You know you need it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, on Poetry Sunday. See you then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

First collection for the month of April!

I think they need to apologize for the apology ...

When pawn shops step up their advertising game ...

Wait, what? ...

Eligibility of contestants from Kansas will be determined by on-site physical exam ...

For the discriminating white nationalist gourmet ...

Somehow, I don't think it will provide the traction you think it will ...

Gives new meaning to the expression "laying it all on the table," doesn't it? ...

I think a newspaper is looking for a new layout editor ...

I wonder if this is what goes into the slut burgers we saw earlier ...

Well, technically they're not wrong ...

Be careful where you do your cardio, eh?

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo