God's Satisfaction Questionnaire

A few years ago, I published a post titled "God's Satisfaction Questionnaire." Given the rise of militant and intolerant religious belief in today's America, and the desire of many believers to impose their beliefs on the rest of us, I thought it might be time to update and republish that questionnaire for a new era ...

God's Satisfaction Questionnaire

Please Answer All Questions

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He* asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct visitation in response to comments or suggestions.

* Please note that God is all-powerful and independent of sex or sexual orientation. The pronouns "He," "His," "Him," etc, are used solely for grammatical convenience and are not intended to specify or elevate the position and authority of a particular sex.

1. How did you find out about God?

__ Bible

__ Quran

__ Torah

__ Rig Veda

__ Book of Mormon

__ Other Book (specify): _____________

__ Divine Inspiration

__ Burning Shrubbery

__ Near Death Experience

__ Newspaper

__ Television

__ Word of Mouth

__ Tabloid

__ Weird Guy Screaming on Street Corner

__ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?

__ God (generic)

__ Yahweh

__ Jehova

__ Allah

__ Father, Son and Holy Ghost Triplet

__ Jesus

__ Great Spirit

__ Satan

__ Other (specify): _______________

3. Did you receive your God undamaged, with no missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No (If no, please describe any problems you initially encountered. Use a separate sheet of paper if necessary)

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by Parents

__ Wanted to Piss off Parents

__ Indoctrinated by Society

__ Needed a Reason to Live

__ Needed Focus in Who to Despise

__ Need to Feel Morally Superior to Everyone Else

__ Desperate Need for Certainty

__ Imaginary Friend Grew Up

__ Hate to Think for Myself

__ Needed a Day Away from Work

__ Fear of Death

__ Wanted to Meet Girls/Boys

__ Like Organ Music

__ My Shrubbery Caught Fire and Told Me to Do It

5. Have you ever worshipped a God before?

__ Yes __ No

6. If you answered Yes to Question 5, which God did you worship? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin

__ Zeus

__ Apollo

__ Ra

__ The Great Spirit

__ The Great Pumpkin

__ The Sun

__ The Moon

__ The Bomb

__ Cthulhu

__ The Almighty Dollar

__ Donald Trump

__ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ None

__ Tarot

__ Lottery

__ Astrology

__ Television

__ Fortune Cookies

__ Psychic Friends Network

__ Dianetics/Scientology

__ Palmistry

__ Self-Help Books

__ Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

__ Biorythms

__ Tea Leaves

__ ESP

__ Chanting Mantras

__ Televangelist/Megachurch Pastor (specify which one)

__ Crystals

__ Human Sacrifice

__ Pyramids

__ Wandering Around a Desert

__ Burning Shrubbery

__ Cash/Investments

__ Other: _______________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention

b. Less Divine Intervention

c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

a. Disasters:

Flood 1 2 3 4 5

Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5

War 1 2 3 4 5

Famine 1 2 3 4 5

Plague 1 2 3 4 5

Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5

al Qaeda (or Similar Organization) 1 2 3 4 5

Spam 1 2 3 4 5

Congress 1 2 3 4 5

MAGA 1 2 3 4 5

American-style Political Campaign 1 2 3 4 5

Internet Outage 1 2 3 4 5

b. Miracles:

Rescues 1 2 3 4 5

Water Changing to Wine 1 2 3 4 5

Spontaneous Remissions 1 2 3 4 5

Talking, Flaming Shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5

Stars Hovering over Towns 1 2 3 4 5

Crying Statues 1 2 3 4 5

Congress Actually Doing Something Useful 1 2 3 4 5

Walking on Water 1 2 3 4 5

Donald Trump Delivering Coherent Speech 1 2 3 4 5

Consumer Devices Setting Their Own Clocks 1 2 3 4 5

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):

Thank you for your time in completing this valuable survey to help God improve His service to you.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

As we contemplate the increasing power of a truly weaponized government in the event of Der Furor's return to the White House, I was reminded of this great song by German singer Juliane Werding. Titled "Die unsichtbare Macht" ("The Invisible Power"), it's a fitting song for people already paranoid about government surveillance. The original German lyrics and an English translation follow ...

Here are the lyrics in German, with the English translation following each verse in italics:

Wer ist der Schatten, der neben mir geht?

Wer ist der Fremde, der hinter mir steht?

Mir scheint lang schon: Ich werde überwacht

Wer ruft mich an und legt gleich wieder auf?

Wer zählt mein Geld nach und weiß, was ich kauf?

Oh, ich spür sie - die unsichtbare Macht

Who's the shadow that's walking beside me?

Who's the stranger that's standing behind me?

I've sensed for a while that I'm being watched

Who calls me up, and immediately hangs up?

Who counts my change and knows what I've bought?

Oh, I sense it - the invisible power

Ich fühl, da ist doch wer

In meinem Zimmer

Etwas bedroht mich hier

Es ist nicht mehr so wie immer

I feel like there's someone

In my room

Something is threatening me here

It's not like it usually is

Wer liest die Briefe, die mir niemand schreibt?

Wer will, dass mir kein Geheimnis mehr bleibt?

Wer denunziert mich und bringt mich in Verdacht?

Wer registriert jeden Schritt den ich tu?

Wer hört sogar den Gedanken noch zu?

Keine Frage - die unsichtbare Macht

Who reads the letters that no one writes to me?

Who wants me to have no secrets?

Who's denouncing me and accusing me?

Who's recording every step I take?

Who's listening to my every thought?

No question - the invisible power

Ich mach das Fernsehen an

Und mir will scheinen

Ich seh dort das Programm

Von meinen eigenen Träumen

I turn on the television

And it seems to me

That the program I'm seeing

Is my own dreams

Wird meine Zeitung vielleicht schon zensiert?

Wird jeder Freund, der mich trifft, kontrolliert?

Sind meine Daten gespeichert?

Bin ich programmiert?

Is my newspaper already being censored?

Is every friend I meet being controlled?

Is my data stored?

Have I been programmed?

Wer ist der Schatten, der neben mir geht?

Wer ist der Fremde, der hinter mir steht?

Mir scheint lang schon: Ich werde überwacht

Wer ruft mich an und legt gleich wieder auf?

Wer zählt mein Geld nach und weiß was ich kauf?

Oh, ich spür sie - die unsichtbare Macht

Who's the shadow that's walking beside me?

Who's the stranger that's standing behind me?

I've sensed for a while that I'm being watched

Who calls me up, and immediately hangs up?

Who counts my change and knows what I've bought?

Oh, I sense it - the invisible power

I'm sure all this is covered somewhere in Project 2025.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Study the parties and vote carefully in November.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Please, just make it stop ... 

The already-turbulent presidential race took a new turn when President Biden announced his decision not to run in November, leaving Vice-President Kamala Harris as the presumptive Democratic nominee; Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle has resigned after a ferocious Congressional grilling over her service’s failures in the attempted assassination of Der Furor; a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that infant mortality rose in the United States in 2022 for the first time in decades; the opening of the Summer Olympics in Paris was marred by an arson attack against the high-speed train lines serving the city; and in Death Valley, California, the National Park Service reported that a Belgian tourist was hospitalized with third-degree burns on his feet after walking barefoot on sand dunes estimated to have a temperature of more than 123 degrees.

This week, since the Religious Right is working hard to help Der Furor wins the election so it can impose the freedom of its religion on the rest of us, I figured it was time to run a collection of religion-themed cartoons before it becomes a crime ... 

It's how I would do it if I were in charge ...

We have our idea of who's in charge in heaven, but what if it's not who we think? ...

There could be a lot of people who end up very surprised at the Pearly Gates ...

Following on the last cartoon, did you ever wonder why it is that it's always virgins getting sacrificed? ....

Don't look away too long ...

It's not a cartoon, strictly speaking, but it's accurate ... and not just on the Internet ...

Well, what else would they put in the pamphlet? ...

It seems to be borne out by the proliferation of megachurches with insanely wealthy preachers fleecing their flocks ...

Everyone wants to improve performance ...

The Bible has been edited, revised, translated, retranslated, re-edited, and tweaked so many times over the years that he could be right ...

And that's it for this week's collection of religion-themed cartoons ... let me hear you say hallelujah.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and be sure to come back tomorrow to look over your shoulders at Musical Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2024

We are closing in on the end of the month of July, and a crazy month it's been, even for 2024. It's Friday, and according to my blogging schedule, it's time to announce yet another Ass Clown awardee - the 19th of the year. As always, selection is complicated by the number of potential awardees clamoring for attention, but you're counting on me to make the hard choices, and so I have.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets and kazoos, I hereby announce my selection of

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2024

and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown goes to

Representative Andy Ogles (R, TN-5)

In a House of Representatives full of grandstanding gasbags more interested in flame-throwing than legislating, Representative Ogles stood out this week for introducing yet another article of impeachment against Vice President Kamala Harris. His voice thundering with faux outrage, Mr Ogles accused the Vice President of “knowingly mis(leading) the people of the United States and the Congress of the United States, principally to obfuscate the physical and cognitive well-being of the President of the United States, Joe Biden.”  Of course, he made no mention of the obvious denial of the obvious physical and cognitive decline of Der Furor by every elected Republican, but then consistency is a trait long absent from the GOP.

Anxious to further tar the image of the vice-president, Mr Ogles angrily tweeted that, “(the) Radical left-wing media is desperately trying to reinvent Kamala Harris, erasing any mention of her utter incompetence at the border,”  going on to call her the “border czar,” although her portfolio was only for diplomatic efforts to reduce migration, and not all aspects of border security.

And illustrating the GOP nightmare of three new, potential reliably Democratic seats in Congress, Mr Ogles introduced an amendment to the federal budget to prohibit the use of federal funds to advance the pospect of statehood for the District.

Representative Ogles has earned a lifetime score of 100% from the conservative Heritage Foundation, the mission of which is to “fight for conservative policies in Washington, D.C. and in state capitals across the country.” 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I disdainfully name Tennessee Representative Andy Ogles as the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2024. It’s hard for a single individual to rise to the top of bubbling cesspool that is the GOP membership of the House of Representatives, but Mr Ogles has done so - at least long enough to gain this recognition.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday takes a quasi-devout look at religion. See you then.

Bilbo

An Open Letter to the Democratic Party

As I told you yesterday, I've been working on creating a searchable database of the 5245 posts I've done since I started this blog back in 2006, and found two very topical posts I ran back in 2012.

Yesterday, I updated my November, 2012 post titled "An Open Letter to the GOP." In the interest of balance, today I offer my updated version of 2012's "Open Letter to the Democratic Party" ...

Dear Democratic Party,

My name is Bilbo. I was a staunch Republican for more than 30 years, although I changed my affiliation to “Independent” after the George W. Bush presidency, voted mostly for Democrats ever since, and officially changed my affiliation to “Democratic” in 2023. But I have to tell you that I vote Democratic primarily because I view that party as the lesser of two evils, particularly in the era of Der Furor. I cast my vote for Democrats less because I support all their policies, and more because the Republican party drove me away. If you want to keep my vote in the future, you'll have to earn it - just as the Republicans need to do to win me back*. Here's what you can do ...

- First of all, close your ranks behind Vice President Harris as your candidate now that President Biden has dropped out of the race. Mr Biden has done a masterful job helping the nation recover from the awful years of Der Furor ... he deserves our thanks for a job well done, and has made the right decision. Vice President Harris may not be an ideal candidate, but she’s more rational than Der Furor (a low bar, to be sure) and far more experienced and disciplined than either Der Furor or J.D. Vance, a wholly-unqualified cipher selected only for his slavish gulping of the MAGA Kool-Aid. Your party has a deep bench of potential Vice-Presidential candidates, although few of the brighter lights have been tested on a national stage ... a young, energetic VP candidate like Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, or Governors Andy Bashear of Kentucky, Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania, and Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan - all of whom are far more qualified in terms of government service experience and managerial skill than J.D. Vance - may be your best bet. Having gracefully bowed out of the race, President Biden can now apply his decades of government experience to serve as an advisor and mentor to a new generation of Democratic leaders.

Moving on ...

- Will Rogers once said, "I am not a member of an organized political party. I'm a Democrat." He was right then, and he'd be right now. You don't know what you stand for, and so you can't deliver a coherent message. Today's Republicans have questionable** policies, but they're really good at simplifying issues and relentlessly driving home a few memorable bumper-sticker points (just look at their simplistic, all-caps platform for this year’s election). You need to be able to do the same.

- It's good to appeal to minorities, but don't let that lead you to excusing illegality ... illegal immigration is ... well ... illegal - don't sugar coat it with euphemisms like undocumented. What's your realistic plan for revising immigration and asylum laws and ensuring that those who want the benefits of citizenship earn them honestly? You may recall that I have actually proposed and regularly updated a comprehensive plan for immigration reform ... can you do the same?

- Raising taxes on the wealthy and big business*** is necessary, but is not a sound economic policy by itself, any more than is the Republican wet dream that lowering taxes will generate more government income. Republicans are partially right when they say we don't have a revenue problem, but a spending problem. The truth is that we have both problems, and we need to deal with them together. We need a tax system that generates the right amount of revenue and looks like somebody designed it on purpose. What's your plan for reforming the tax code to ensure that it generates sufficient revenue while remaining fair^† at all income levels? And on the spending side, what specific programs are you willing to give up or restructure to fix the present while protecting the future?

- America is evolving. This may provide more potential members to your party, but many of them join more because they are attracted to the social programs and benefits you promise than by what is expected of them as productive citizens. You need a message that reminds your followers that they have responsibilities as well as rights.

- Yes, we need to take care of those who are less fortunate, but we must be able to afford it. I believe the Republicans have grossly overstated their belief in a growing culture of dependency, but there's some truth behind the bluster. The GOP makes too much of it, and you don't make enough. There's no such thing as a free lunch: what is your plan to protect the weak while ensuring that cherished social programs like Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security remain solvent?

- Stop catering to your most irresponsible fringe elements. It's stupid for the GOP, and it's stupid for you.

- You and the Republicans both need to stop the pro-life vs pro-choice ass clownery. I believe abortion is wrong, except in the rare cases most sane people recognize (incest, rape, life of the mother) ... but it's the woman's choice, and the real choice needs to be exercised well before an unexpected pregnancy makes abortion an option. What is your plan for educating our children to help them make the choices that will avoid unwanted pregnancies?

- Forget the nanny-nanny-boo-boo, reverse-Golden-Rule approach to negotiation: I'm going to do unto you because you did unto me. The problems we face are too big for schoolyard pettiness - grit your teeth, work with the Republicans, and be ready to compromise when necessary. Republicans, the same applies to you (as I told you in yesterday's post). Both of you need to grow up and act like responsible adults more interested in solving problems than in cheap political advantage.

That'll do for a start. The election is yours to lose, and you will lose it ... even to such a manifestly incompetent and unfit clown as Der Furor ... if you don’t get solidly behind your candidate, polish your policies, and explain why they’re better than the opposition’s. You have all the ammunition you need - push back against the drumbeat of lies and distortions of the other side with provable facts and accomplishments. Acknowledge the failures and pound on the successes. Fight back against the ludicrous rewriting of history that the GOP is carrying out.

The possibility of a second Der Furor administration is terrifying. Get your act together. The nation - and the world - need you to prevail.

Sincerely,

Bilbo

What's your message to the Democratic Party^††? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Although, the way things are going, there's not much chance of that.

** At best ... read the Project 2025 paper if you don’t believe me.

*** Or, as it properly ought to be styled, “making sure the rich and big business pay their fair share of the tax burden.”

† Of course, the definition of what's "fair" depends on where you sit on the economic ladder.

†† If all it involves is name-calling, forget it.

An Open Letter to the Republican Party

I've been working on creating a searchable database of the 5244 posts I've done since I started this blog back in 2006, and have discovered a lot of great (IMHO) stuff that I've posted over the years. I'm now working on the year 2012, and discovered a pair of posts I wrote in November of that year that cry out to be updated and re-posted.

Here is my Open Letter to the Republican Party, updated from 2012 to 2024. I'll publish the updated Open Letter to the Democratic Party tomorrow ...

Dear Republican Party,

My name is Bilbo, and I was once a staunch Republican. My first vote in a presidential campaign was cast for Richard Nixon in 1972, and I voted straight Republican until you drove me away.

I hope you heard that ... I voted Republican for more than 30 years, but today's GOP of wingnuts, judicial activists, economic ignorance, outright lies, violent rhetoric, and extreme social policies drove me away. It's clear that you don’t care about what a libtard* like me thinks, but I’ll shout into the wind anyhow ...

- First of all, resist the urge to try using the courts to meddle in the Democratic race now that President Biden has dropped out and endorsed Vice President Harris as the party's candidate. I know that Der Furor loves to manipulate the legal system to avoid answering for his own misdeeds, but trying to legally hamstring the Democrats would be a self-defeating move indicating a lack of confidence in your own position. If you think you have a chance to win on the merits of your ideas (such as they are), go for it. Just don't use the courts to undermine the democratic process. Again**.  

- Moving on ...

- America is changing. It's less conservative, less white, and less conventionally religious than you think. Evolve with it. Understand that you must appeal to a changing electorate with changing expectations of the government policies that affect their lives. You will not appeal to this new electorate if you keep up the asinine antics of the last few years. I'm opposed to illegal immigration, too ... but demonizing immigrants in general is not a way to endear yourself to a rapidly changing electorate. I've actually produced a workable plan to address the problem ... why haven't you?

- Note that I am using the term evolve. If you continue to pander to extremists who deny accepted science in favor of religious dogma, you will continue to march resolutely into the 18th century. When your members openly mock scientific and medical professionals and place religious dogma over cautious, data-based science, you are not poising America for future leadership in science and technology ... you're setting us up to compete with scientific powerhouses like Burkina Faso.

- The basic conservative values of fiscal responsibility, powerful defense, sound family values, and good citizenship have never lost their appeal ... but you do a terrible job of selling them. Xenophobia, religious intolerance, and ignorance of the threat from a rising China and a resurgent and aggressive Russia do not convince people that your ideas have merit. Extreme right-wing vitriol is not a replacement for clear-eyed, honest domestic and international policies.

- Have a real, believable story to tell, and be ready to defend it with facts rather than smoke and mirrors. Don’t get angry and call me stupid when I press you for details of how you plan to fulfill your promises, and you can’t provide or defend them.

- Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they hate America. Democrats don't hate America. They love it every bit as much as you do, but they have a different vision of what America represents. Demonizing your opposition and threatening violence if you don't get your way is no way to get them to agree with you. Presenting a clear, thoughtful, rational alternative to their policies is.

- Stop letting fools ignorant of economic reality lead you around by the nose. Nobody likes to pay taxes, but governments can't function without revenue, and a coherent tax policy that raises the necessary revenue is a requirement of good government. You can't solve the current fiscal crisis simply by eliminating every program you don’t like, just as you can't solve it by jacking up taxes and increasing spending. Sound fiscal policy requires a rational balancing of income (taxes and fees) and control of spending. Start acting like serious financial managers.

- Yes, "job creators" are important. So are workers. If you don't take care of the working/middle class, businesses won't have anyone to manufacture for or sell to, and they'll go out of business ... which won't create many jobs and will keep making you look clueless and uncaring. You need to learn to care for both management and labor. 

- People don't expect free health care ... they expect health care that is available and affordable. The businesses you care so much about won't operate well if their workers are not healthy, and people who have to spend all their money on health care won't be contributing much to the rest of the economy. Don't like the Affordable Care Act? Get off your backsides and offer a better alternative.

- People don’t expect free housing ... they expect housing they can afford on the wages they earn. What’s your plan for making sure every American earns enough to have a roof over their heads, affordable medical care, enough to eat, and enough left over to enjoy the benefits of life in this great nation? Hint: tax cuts for big business and the top 1% aren't going to do it ... nothing has ever "trickled-down."

- Not all regulation of business, industry, and the economy is evil and job-killing. Much of it is needed to enforce standards of workplace safety, protect the rights of workers, protect our health (you do like safe food and medicines and protection from deadly diseases, don’t you?), and protect the environment (you do like air that's breathable and water that's drinkable, don't you?). Yes, regulations should be updated and adjusted as needed and jettisoned if no longer necessary, but don't be stupid and throw out the baby with the regulatory bathwater. Don’t destroy the future to increase quarterly profits in the present.

- You believe in God. Good for you. Feel free to go to church and worship as you want, but quit trying to force your beliefs down my throat. The Constitution provides for freedom of worship (check out the First Amendment) ... which does not mean that you can impose your system of belief on everyone else. Want to live in a theocracy? See how well it works in garden spots like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Iran.

- You and the Democrats both need to stop the pro-life vs pro-choice ass clownery. I believe abortion is wrong, except in the rare cases most sane people recognize (incest, rape, life of the mother) ... but it's the woman's choice, and the real choice should be exercised well before an unexpected pregnancy makes abortion an option. What is your plan for educating our children to help them make the choices that will avoid unwanted pregnancies? 

- You talk endlessly about your rights. They're fundamental, and they're guaranteed by the Constitution and by what we once called the Rule of Law. But how about talking about the responsibilities that go with those rights? Take the unrestricted gun ownership that's your right under the Second Amendment. Fine, but what are the responsibilities of gun owners to ensure their fellow citizens don't die on the altar of their right to pack iron? 

- Drop the fantasy that the whole government is weaponized against you. If you can't deal with obvious wrongdoing and convictions in a court of law on charges based on actual evidence, you have no business characterizing yourselves as the party of law and order.

- Forget the nanny-nanny-boo-boo, reverse-Golden-Rule approach to negotiation: I'm going to do unto you because you did unto me. The problems we face are too big for schoolyard pettiness - grit your teeth, work with the Democrats, and be ready to compromise when necessary. Democrats, the same applies to you. Both of you need to grow up and act like responsible adults more interested in solving problems than in jockeying for cheap political advantage.

I could go on, but you get the idea. You, GOP, have driven me away with your all-or-nothing, xenophobic, violent, intemperate attitudes and your apparent belief that I am stupid because I realize that your emperor has no workable policy clothes. “Project 2025” or “Plan 47” or whatever you choose to call it is an undemocratic and un-American screed that rewrites history and subverts our government in the service of raw political power. Quit the my-way-or-the-highway approach to governance, work with the Democrats, and start acting like the party to which I was once proud to belong.

Sincerely,

Bilbo

What's your message to the GOP^***? Leave a comment.

Tomorrow, in the interest of fairness, we'll update my 2012 open letter to the Democrats.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* And isn't that a great nickname guaranteed to convince voters to join your side?

** Having seen how you reacted to losing the last election, you will probably want to keep your stable of lawyers fresh.

*** If all it involves is name-calling, forget it. Call me names if you want, but if you can't tell me what your specific plans are and why they're better than mine, don't waste your time.

Poetry Sunday

Some thoughts about gardening and mortality. 

Enriching the Earth

by Wendell Berry

To enrich the earth I have sowed clover and grass

to grow and die. I have plowed in the seeds

of winter grains and of various legumes,

their growth to be plowed in to enrich the earth.

I have stirred into the ground the offal

and the decay of the growth of past seasons

and so mended the earth and made its yield increase.

All this serves the dark. I am slowly falling

into the fund of things. And yet to serve the earth,

not knowing what I serve, gives a wideness

and a delight to the air, and my days

do not wholly pass. It is the mind's service,

for when the will fails so do the hands

and one lives at the expense of life.

After death, willing or not, the body serves,

entering the earth. And so what was heaviest

and most mute is at last raised up into song.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Geez, where do we get these weeks? ... 

Airlines, banks, and businesses around the world were crippled on Friday by a widespread Internet outage apparently caused by a security software update that did not work as planned; Der Furor was formally crowned as the anointed-by-God Republican presidential candidate at the GOP convention in Milwaukee;  Texas-based (of course) company American Rounds has installed ammunition vending machines at eight locations in four states, with more than 200 installation requests pending; famously deadpan comedian and actor Bob Newhart died at age 94; and in Wales, a man has been fined more than £2,500 (about $2,300) after a fellow fisherman noticed the head of an illegally-caught salmon sticking out from the arm of his jacket ... fortunately, he did not try to hide the fish in his pants, as he might have done in, say, Florida. 

With all the heat we've been having lately, I thought that it might be nice to have a collection of cartoons to remind us that we'll all be complaining about the cold in a few more months. Let's go with a look at the lives of snowmen* ...

Aliens probably like snowmen, too ..

A truly heinous crime ...

We've all had coworkers like this ...

How about a few cartoons about how famous artists would approach their snowmen? First, Leonardo da Vinci ...

Then Edvard Munch ...

And, finally, Michelangelo ...

That poor dog will be waiting a long time ...

Yep, it's time ...

Fair warning ...

We all need to settle down sometime ...

And that's it for today's Cartoon Saturday ... I hope it helped you feel a little bit cooler during this miserable heat wave.

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you here tomorrow for more thoughts as we observe another Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

* And snowladies. Don't get your knickers in a twist.

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Time for another collection of Great Moments! 

I think I know who catered the Republican convention ...

There's a strict dress code for ladies at this church ...

Fortunately, this was not a problem at my granddaughter's wedding last weekend ...

Well, if I were a churchgoing fellow, I'd be looking for a new venue ...

Here's your big chance to get a price break on Supreme Court decisions ...

Seems a little redundant to me, but I didn't get a vote ...

Okaaaaaay ...

What could possibly go wrong? ...

Where do you go when your local pharmacy runs out of Viagra? ...

It's always a good idea to double-check your typography before you print the sign ...

There you go ... another great collection of editorial and signage ya-ha's to keep you smiling. Or grimacing.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow when we try to cool off with a low-temperature Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

You'd have been proud of me yesterday, all dressed up and looking like a prosperous elderly gentleman for Marcy's wedding. It reminded me that, as ZZ Top says, every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man ...

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

We're on the road this weekend for our granddaughter's wedding, but I wouldn't want to leave you without your cartoon fix. I don't have the time to do the usual news summary, so let's get right to the cartoons, with a look at that most famous of deceptive maneuvers, the Trojan Horse ..

I don't blame him ... 

Somebody has to take the rap ...

Those crafty Greeks are certainly up on their technology ...

By the time they got it built, everyone would have forgotten why they were fighting in the first place ...

Good observation ...

Wait for the Beta version ...

This does not surprise me in the least ...

You have to imagine this one with a deadpan delivery ...

I hope they got free shipping for a package that big ...

I have no doubt that this one would work ...

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you tomorrow for Musical Sunday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2024

We've made it halfway through the year - an accomplishment in itself in years like this - but the second half of the year beckons with a threatening, skeletal finger. We'll start the second six months of 2024's Ass Clown awards with today's sad presentation of 

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2024

to (for the second time)

The Conservative Wing of the Supreme Court

(Justices Roberts, Thomas, Alito,

Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett)

It was a mere two months ago that this same group received this award*, and I find it depressing in the extreme that I can justify presenting it to them again so soon and with so much reason.

Nearly 250 years after the Founders declared the independence of the United States from a distant, all-powerful king, the conservative majority of the Supreme Court voted (6-3) to turn the office of the presidency into a de facto kingship by determining in the case of Donald J. Trump v United States that the president has, for all practical purposes, total immunity from prosecution for crimes committed while in office. And by delaying until the last possible moment to release the decision, the conservative majority has handed Der Furor the priceless gift of ensuring that he will not face trial on a wide range of charges before the 2024 election.

In another decision - Loper Bright Enterprises v Raimondo - the court ruled (6-3) that courts are required to exercise their independent judgment in deciding whether a regulatory agency has acted within its statutory authority, and ruled that courts may not defer to an agency interpretation of the law simply because a statute is ambiguous. Don't worry about the ability of federal agencies to ensure that our air and water are clean, our food is wholesome, our drugs are safe, and our roads and skies able safely to be traversed ... I'm quite sure our courts are well-stocked with subject matter experts who can do the job.

In yet another decision - Snyder v United States - the court ruled (6 to 3) that gratuities paid to a government official after an action favorable to a petitioner are not considered a bribe ...

"Although a gratuity or reward offered and accepted by a state or local official after the official act may be unethical or illegal under other federal, state, or local laws, the gratuity does not violate [18 U. S. C. §666**]."

Yes, your government is officially for sale.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award for July, 2024, is presented to the conservative majority of the Supreme Court in acknowledgement of it's leading role in overturning decades - if not centuries - of American jurisprudence in favor of a deeply conservative political agenda.

And we have not mentioned the 2022 (6-3) decision in the case Dobbs v Jackson Women's Health Organization, which took away women's rights under the earlier Roe v Wade decision.

Have a good day, and remember that your vote in November will be critical to the future makeup of the Supreme Court. Use it wisely.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

P.S. - I should note that this award is being presented on July 12th, which can be expressed as "7-12." If you have read the novel "The Andromeda Strain" by Michael Crichton, you may recall that mention was made of "Directive 7-12" ... a last-ditch method of using a nuclear bomb to cauterize an area infected with extraterrestrial bacteria. One might interpret the Supreme Court, as presently constituted, as a conservative Directive 7-12 aimed at cauterizing what the right views as the infection of liberal freedom and thought.

* The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024.

** "Theft or bribery concerning programs receiving Federal funds."