The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2026

With the new month comes (at least) two opportunities to highlight new paragons of ass clownery. Between wars, political buffonery, religious bigotry, and economic chicanery, ass clowns have proliferated like toadstools after a warm rain. Of course, this embarrassment of "riches" makes it difficult to single out recognition-worthy individuals or groups (or, occasionally, things), but I started this and I'll carry it through.

This time, though, I didn't have much trouble deciding on a recipient who exemplifies the very highest standards of Der Furor-era horseshittery. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with the traditional flatulent blare of trumpets and roll of sour farts, I give you

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2026

United States Attorney

for

the District of Columbia

Jeanine Pirro

Unusually enough for a senior position in Der Furor's regime, Jeanine Pirro is nominally well qualified for the position she holds. She is an attorney who has been elected and served as a county district attorney (in Westchester County, New York) and as a judge of the Westchester County court. These qualifications were likely of secondary interest in her selection for her current position ... more important was her time as a relatively popular conservative television personality: she hosted a weekday "reality" courtroom television show ("Judge Jeanine Pirro") on the CW Network from 2008-2011, then moved to Fox News to host the network's "Justice with Judge Jeanine" from January 2011 to January 22, 2022. She then moved to the Fox political talk show "The Five" as a co-host, where she remained until May of 2025, when Der Furor appointed her to her present position, following his tradition of selecting Fox News personalities who look good on television for senior jobs in his regime*.

Judge Pirro's award today is based on her shameful performance in filing felony vandalism charges against 67-year-old ex-Olympic canoe racer David Hearn, saying on July 2nd that "the evidence shows and we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hearn willfully destroyed property at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool," and that the evidence showed that Mr Hearn had been observed "forcefully and violently" tearing liner material from the bottom of the pool.

That was then. This is now.

Late Friday afternoon**, July 31st, Judge Pirro announced (to the great anger of Der Furor) that she was recommending dropping all charges against Mr Hearn, and that the damage to the Reflecting Pool had been caused by flawed installation by the contractor***, "with repeated failures of the lining during the installation process and extensive peeling of the lining throughout the Reflecting Pool," and a rush to complete the project before the Independence Day celebrations.

She blamed the original charge against Mr Hearn on incorrect information received from the Department of the Interior and - obviously - did not mention the involvement of Der Furor in the botched renovation work.

We shall see if Mr Hearn receives a formal apology and reimbursement of his legal fees for Judge Pirro's headlong rush to the judgement desired by her boss. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2026, is Jeanine "She Who Folded Like an Umbrella" Pirro. I suggest you try to stay off her radar.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for a new edition of Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* In all fairness, it must be admitted that she is professionally (if not temperamentally) qualified for her position, unlike her fellow Fox News shouting head Pete Hegseth, who is busy wrecking the Department of Defense (not War).

** The usual time at which bad news is made public, so as to minimize the attention it is likely to receive.

*** Atlantic Industrial Coatings, a company suggested by Der Furor for a no-bid contract on the basis of work it had done on pools at some of his properties ... a claim he later denied.

Thursday Trees

It's time once again for Thursday Trees - the temporary home of Mike's popular series. Let's cast some shade, shall we?

1 - It looks like this guy is trying to escape the beavers ...

2 - 

3 - I think this tree tried to follow Der Furor's ever-shifting justifications for his war on Iran ...

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5 - 

6 - 

7 - This is an Australian Strangler Fig ...

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9 - A little something to help you cool off during the miserable summer heat ...

10 - 

Enjoy the shade and come back tomorrow for the announcement of the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

What's More Important: What You Call It, or What You Want It to Do?

RANT ALERT! 

You've been warned ...

Instead of advancing an agenda that actually addresses the problems of everyday Americans, Der Furor - master of misdirection and diversion that he is - has resorted to the language of fear to spin up his followers, who generally lack the knowledge to understand that they're being played. Specifically, Der Furor invokes the terrifying specters of communism and socialism in an attempt to equate his liberal opposition to  discredited economic systems. American liberals, on the other hand, fed up with the inability of the traditional Democratic party to address their concerns and turned off by the rage and incipient fascism of the GOP, play into Der Furor's tiny linguistic hands by embracing something called democratic socialism.

Oh, for gawd's sake, people, stop using scary labels! Don't talk about what you want to call your system of government - think about what you want it to do. Think about what you want your government to spend your hard-earned money on, not about what some clueless blowhard with an agenda wants you to think.

For my part, this is what I think a good government that actually cares about its citizens would do:

1. Provide for the common defense. Just like it says in the preamble to the Constitution. It's a hard world and we need powerful armed forces to protect us from external threats. But these forces shouldn't be used to attack other countries that do not pose a direct threat to us (Venezuela and Iran) or threaten allies that don't give us what we want (Greenland belongs to Denmark, and Canada is a proud and independent nation and a good friend). We need a competent Department of Defense again, run by someone who knows what he (or she) is doing.

2. Promote the general welfare. Once again, just like it says in the preamble to the Constitution. In my opinion, "promoting the general welfare" means things like:

a. Taxpayer-funded, single-payer medical care for all citizens. The United States has some of the finest medical facilities and personnel in the world ... and most of it is beyond the ability of most people to pay. I believe that a single-payer, taxpayer-funded national system, buttressed by strong safeguards against fraud and abuse, is the only rational alternative to the bizarre hodgepodge of profit-based, insurance-driven providers too many of us can't afford. Keep supplemental plans for those who want to pay extra for them, but make sure that everyone is covered without the extra expense.

b. Taxpayer-funded free public education through attendance at a trade school or two years of college. Our educational system was once the model to which other nations aspired ... no longer.

3. Restore faith and confidence in an honest, competent, transparent government based on free and fair elections and a professional civil service independent of the whims of an individual leader or party. Don't you think it's odd that we never had a problem with our elections until Der Furor couldn't accept that he lost one? At a minimum ...

a. Stop the wealthy from buying government offices and processes. The Supreme Court has, with a long series of decisions not based on reality or fairness, made our government offices at all levels available not to the best candidates, but to those willing and able to spend enough money to buy them. The amount of money spent by parties, political action committees, special interest groups, and individual candidates for office is utterly obscene, and would be far better spent on health care, public education, infrastructure, and any number of other beneficial things.

 

b. Reinstate all Inspectors General at Federal Agencies and let them do their jobs. Der Furor fired many of them for various reasons; bring them back and let them find the fraud, waste, and abuse we're told exists everywhere.

c. Enforce ethical standards for all Federal employees, including the President and Supreme Court justices. I thought that in this country, nobody was above the law*. Silly me.

 

d. Conduct a full audit of the Department of Defense (not War). We spend uncounted billions of dollars on our military, at the expense of many other valuable programs, and yet DoD has failed comprehensive audits of its programs for eight years in a row. We deserve to know that our tax dollars are being wisely and legally spent**.

 

e. Get rid of the abominable "Schedule F" designation that undermines the professional Civil Service. Our Civil Service is meant to be a professional, merit-based system that serves the best interests of the American people, not the whims of the administration of the moment.

4. Ensure civil liberties and provide equal justice under the law for every citizen, regardless of wealth or station. Our dream of "equal justice under law" is a joke - the quality of justice one gets is dependent upon one's ability to afford the best lawyers ... and is greatly affected by one's skin color.

a. Guarantee the fundamental freedoms outlined in the Constitution: speech, press, assembly, redress of grievances, religious belief (or not). Today's Justice Department no longer deserves its name, being interested not in equal justice, but in ensuring that Der Furor's enemies suffer his vengeance for real or imagined slights. Civil rights are not protected, only favored speech is considered worthy of protection, and the "Christian" religion is preferred and protected over all others, contrary to the clear wording of the Constitution.

5. Have a taxation system that looks like it was designed on purpose.

a. Ensure every individual and business is required to pay appropriate taxes, and that those taxes are based based on the ability to pay. It's hardly fair that a teacher, a housekeeper, or a trash collector pays more in taxes (proportionally) than a billionaire or a gigantic corporation.

 

b. Use taxes to pay for government operations and services to the American people - not as a vehicle for social engineering, political favors, or helping businesses be more profitable. 

6. Have a rational immigration policy that balances our tradition of welcoming immigrants with the needs of employers and legitimate national security concerns.

a. We need a professional, legally sound, dependable, and competent Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency. Ban the wearing of masks, insist on uniforms and proper identification, get rid of the heavy, military-style weapons, and weed out violent and incompetent personnel.

 

That'll do for a start. What do you think? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More rants thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Except, of course, Der Furor and his family and businesses, who get a freedom from taxation that you will never see.

** This does not include testosterone screening, changing the department's name without Congressional approval, and silly, AI-generated advertising videos.

Monday Mountains

As we start a new month that promises to be no less goofy than the one gone by, a good way to calm down is always to immerse ourselves in the beauty and grandeur of the mountains ...

1 - The Absaroka-Beartooth Wilderness, Montana ...

2 - I could sit on this bench for days. On the Gosausee in Austria ...

3 - Hirschwieskopf, in the Austrian Alps

4 - Kauai, Hawaii ...

5 - Lago di Sorapis, in the Italian Dolomites ...

6 - Mt Robson, British Columbia ...

7 - Sidestep Canyon, near Page, Arizona ...

8 - Tofana di Mezzo, Italian Alps ...

9 - Val Gardina, in the Italian Dolomites ...

10 - And finally, courtesy of my well-travelled friend Trang, the best of both worlds - trees framing mountains in Voringsfossen, Norway.

And that's it for this edition of Monday Mountains - I hope it helped give your mind and soul a well-needed break.

Have a good day, and hope that the world moderates its craziness, at least for a little while. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

The Old English word dustsceawung is formed from the words dūst (meaning "dust") and sċēawung  (meaning "inspection" or "contemplation"). It refers to one's contemplation of the fact that dust used to be other things - the walls of a city, an ancient king, a book, a great tree, or a mighty statue. It implies that dust is the ultimate destination of all things. This poem by Danusha Laméris offers thoughts about the dust that is always with us, and not always appreciated for what it is. Or was.

Dust

by Danusha Laméris

It covers everything, fine powder, 

the earth's gold breath falling softly 

on the dark wood dresser, blue ceramic bowls, 

picture frames on the wall. It wafts up 

from canyons, carried on the wind,

on the wings of birds, in the rough fur of animals 

as they rise from the ground. Sometimes it's copper, 

sometimes dark as ink. In great storms, 

it even crosses the sea. Once, 

when my grandmother was a girl, 

a strong gale lifted red dust from Africa 

and took it thousands of miles away 

to the Caribbean where people swept it 

from their doorsteps, kept it in small jars, 

reminder of that other home.

Gandhi said, "The seeker after truth 

should be humbler than the dust." 

Wherever we go, it follows.

I take a damp cloth, swipe the windowsills, 

the lamp's taut shade, run a finger 

over the dining room table.

And still, it returns, settling in the gaps 

between floorboards, gilding the edges 

of unread books. What could be more loyal, 

more lonely, and unsung?

Have a good day, and when you're cleaning house and chasing dust, think for a moment on what, or who, it might once have been. 

More thoughts tomorrow, when Monday Mountains returns.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Wouldn't it be nice if the new month were better than the old? Well, don't hold your breath ...

Der Furor has ordered warning signs placed outside the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History, claiming exhibits are anti-white and dishonest and do not accurately depict the nation's glorious history; United States regime representatives attending a conference in Brazil showed a map which mislabeled the African countries they were discussing - an egregious error which resulted in international derision and a rare admission of error from the State Department; social media influencers are pushing a new trend – “cyclospora skinny” – in which persons deliberately infect themselves with cyclospora in order to lose weight faster through excessive diarrhea; Der Furor's latest distractive redecorating initiative is a proposed $22 billion makeover of Washington Dulles Airport; and in (where else?) Florida, Miami-Dade Sheriff’s Office detectives arrested Christopher Chiofalo on suspicion of burglary. When officers showed him the video which led to his arrest Chiofalo said, “Oh, yeah! I broke into the business a while back ... looked familiar ... Yeah, that’s me ... You got me.”

Since the country is going to the dogs and taking the rest of the world with it, I figured a collection of cartoons about dogs would give us some desperately needed laughs ...

Uh, oh ...

I'm not sure it was a legal move, but in today's USA, that probably doesn't matter ...

A twist on the old Inspector Clouseau joke ...

A canine search for the meaning of life ...

Hiring a hit dog ...

Good call ... I mean, text ...

How today's MAGA child excuses the missing homework ...

The bark was the giveaway ...

But at least he was well-trained ...

It's good to be the king's dog ...

I hope you enjoyed these cartoons I doggedly compiled for you. And when you next complain about your national government, remember the old comment attributed to President Harry Truman: if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow when we dust off the first Poetry Sunday of the new month - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Well, we've come to the end of another meshugge month, and good riddance to it. Let's see it off with something entertaining - the latest batch of editorial and signage gems ...

When you need to document maintenance on the high-thrust hemorrhoids on your Minuteman III ...

I don't know about you, but I have plenty of free natural rocks in my garden every year ...

It's a shame that some business had to put up this sign ...

... and that another business had to go the same route ...

I'd think that unless you were driving a tank, you'd probably park in empty spots without needing the warning ...

Wait, what?? ...

Schrödinger's Intersection ...

There's an old joke about a farmer who raised three-legged chickens but didn't know how to cook them because he'd never been able to catch one ... looks like he was finally successful ...

I don't know about you, but I've never been to a toilet competition ... I hope the results don't leak ...

Um ... I think I'll pass ...

And that's it for Great Moments in Editing and Signage for July ... it'll be back again in two weeks with the first offerings for August. In the meantime, come back tomorrow, when we kick off a new month with more thoughts and an all-new Cartoon Saturday!

Bilbo

Thursday Trees

Welcome to this week's offering at the temporary home of Mike's Thursday Trees!

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If I had to pick a favorite this week, I think it would be #6 ... trees and mountains is always a winning combination.

Have a good day and enjoy your trees while you have them - between logging, wildfires, and clearing land for data centers, they're under threat every day. See you tomorrow for the last edition of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for July ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo