Monday, August 29, 2022

Qualifications for Office


I read an interesting suggestion on Twitter a few days ago that candidates for office ought to be required to pass a background check to confirm eligibility for a security clearance at a level appropriate to the position they are seeking. I thought this was a particularly good idea, especially given what we now know about the cavalier attitude of Der Furor toward sensitive, highly classified information, and the sort of people we are electing to positions of responsibility (towering intellects like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Ron Johnson, and Louie Gohmert, for instance).

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I'm a retired military officer and career intelligence professional. I have held a security clearance up to Top Secret, with access to Special Compartmented Information (SCI) and a number of special access programs. I was investigated and vetted on a regular basis, filled out dozens of very intrusive SF 86s (both the paper and the electronic versions), had my friends and neighbors questioned about my history and activities, had my bank accounts and credit history scrutinized in depth, and submitted to a polygraph examination (not a pleasant way to spend a day, I can assure you). After all that, people I never met used all that information to review my entire life in detail and make their best guess about whether or not I could be trusted with sensitive information. Oddly enough (my family and friends would say), I passed muster and held a security clearance with special accesses for a total of 43 years.

Now consider that we elect to the presidency and to Congress people who, if their lives were examined in the detail that mine was, would never be allowed within miles of information classified at the lowest level (Confidential), much less the highest (Top Secret), or of information protected in SCI or special access channels. We (well, not me, but a lot of other people) voted into the White House a childish, spiteful known liar with a long track record of failed business ventures, bankruptcies, and allegations of sexual assault, and gave him unrestricted access to the most valuable and sensitive information in the country. He treated that information as his personal property, handled it carelessly, and took it with him without permission when he lost his job.

If you or I had done any of that, we'd have been at best out of a job, or at worst, in prison.

So, why do we let this happen? Why do we not require at the very least the successful completion of a simple "national agency check" for people we entrust with the crown jewels?

My old friend Ed, one of the few lawyers I actually respect, answered my question this way - 

"Unfortunately, it can’t be done for the most important office of all, the President, because the qualifications are set in the Constitution and no law can add to or subtract from them. We could do it as an electorate by refusing to consider any candidate who doesn’t pass one, but we’ve seen the futility of expecting the electorate to follow such common sense guidelines."

By way of reminder, this is what the Constitution (Article 2, Section 1, Article 5) establishes as the qualifications to serve as President - 

"No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States."

To recap: to serve as President of the United States, the most powerful individual in the world, literally holding the lives of billions of people in his or her hands, a person must be native born (not naturalized), at least 35 years old, and have lived in the country for 14 years. The requirements to adopt a child or get a new car loan are more stringent than that.

I'm not sure that Ed's contention that "no law can add to or subtract from them" is entirely accurate, as we could amend the Constitution to add additional requirements, but the chances of that are vanishingly small. I do agree wholeheartedly with his comment about the futility of expecting the electorate to follow "common sense guidelines," common sense having vanished from our political discourse long ago.

Nevertheless, if I were king*, here are the four minimum requirements I would establish for election (or appointment) to any national-level office:

1. Native-born citizen. Because a naturalized citizen may retain political or emotional ties to his or her native country, he or she could be vulnerable to blackmail or pressure because of relatives or business interests there. An exception might be made for individuals who were naturalized when they were small children, or who gained their citizenship an appropriate number of years ago (suggest an arbitrary minimum of 20).
 
2. Between 35 and 62 years of age. We need elected officials who are old enough to have gained some life experience. Thirty-five is as arbitrary a number as any, but strikes me as reasonably balancing youth and vigor with age and experience. But just as we need our elected officials to be old enough to be mature, we need to accept that there is a general tendency for one's health and mental acuity to fade with advancing age. It's hard to decide what the upper age limit should be, but I would suggest that, for the presidency, a maximum age of 62 on assumption of office is not unreasonable. The staggering workload and responsibilities of the presidency are hard on a younger person, much less someone in their 70s or beyond. A president elected at age 62 would be 70 at the end of his or her second term - young enough to serve as a mentor to younger candidates, but old enough to ameliorate the risk of additional terms being complicated by physical and mental impairment**. Consider that Ronald Reagan at age 77 was visibly diminished by the end of his second term, that President Biden will be 82 at the end of his term, and Der Furor (should he, gawd forbid, gain office again) would be 78 at inauguration. An upper age limit for the presidency is worth at least considering.

3. Educated. At the absolute least, a president should have completed high school (12 years of basic education). A college education would be preferable, but I think we've seen that higher education is not always proof of one's actually being smart. We need people making decisions who can read, write, and think analytically, and who have some basic idea of the nation's history - warts and all. 

4. Adjudicated, on the basis of a full national security background investigation, as qualified for access to the highest level of classified information. If you have the power to make sweeping economic decisions, negotiate treaties, and launch nuclear missiles, you definitely ought have a clean record.


We now have plenty of experience of the calamitous result of electing an individual to the presidency who is manifestly unfit for the job. We won't solve that problem in the short or medium term by strengthening the requirements to hold the office, so we need to rely on the collective wisdom of the voting public.

But based on the behavior of the supporters and enablers of Der Furor, we're probably doomed.


Have a good day. Use your vote to elect qualified and responsible people to office, not to stick a finger in the eye of The Man.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Of course, we have a Constitution that says we can't have a king, although Der Furor and his enablers don't see it that way.

** Full disclosure: I am 70 years old as I write this; I'll hit 71 in another three months.

Sunday, August 28, 2022

Musical Sunday


I've used this song several times before for Musical Sunday, but it just gets more fitting every day as we watch Der Furor and his enablers whine, squirm, squeal, and spin out excuse after whataboutist excuse under the harsh light of the oncoming train of truth and justice ...


Have a good day. Remember the chicanery when you go to the polls in November ... the shit has, indeed, hit the fan.

More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Where on earth do we come up with weeks like these?

The Department of Justice released a nine-page memo prepared for former Attorney General William Barr, listing the reasons why Der Furor should not be charged with obstruction of justice for his efforts to derail the Mueller probe, and it was roundly ridiculed by most legal scholars; from the Department of Be Careful What You Ask For, the Justice Department bowed to pressure from howling Republicans and desperate news organizations and released the heavily-redacted (and, even so, pretty damn damning) affidavit which requested the warrant to search Mar-a-Lago for official documents illegally retained and carelessly stored by Der Furor; former Louisville police detective Kelly Goodlett, who helped falsify the warrant that led to the deadly police raid at Breonna Taylor’s apartment in 2020 has pleaded guilty to a federal conspiracy charge; the Uvalde, Texas school police chief who botched the response to the deadly massacre of 21 students and teachers has (finally) been fired; and in the event you ever need to completely remove the carcass of a dead horse*, the US Department of Agriculture has published a helpful pamphlet, complete with illustrations, to help you do the job using explosives.

This week, as we move through the hot, lazy days of late summer and head for the growing darkness and cold of the winter months, I thought a few cartoons about the joy of books and reading might be appropriate.

This reminds me of some discussions at our house ...  


There are a lot of fables told as deadlines approach ...


At the rate we're going in some states, such books will be all you'll find ...


That's what I thought ...


How to explain "reading" to a child of the 21st century ...


If books came with remotes ...


Just don't use the Downward Dog-Ear ...


It'll be a problem before long in places like Texas and Florida ...


On the beach at Mar-a-Lago ...


I hope it's a really big discount ...


And that's it for this week's quasi-literary edition of Cartoon Saturday ... I hope you didn't read too much into it, ha, ha.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Musical Sunday, when we revisit Warren Zevon's song for Der Furor. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* The still-moving, reeking carcasses of horse's asses now serving in Congress, as well as many of those wishing to serve there, can be safely removed without the use of explosives by doing your civic duty at the ballot box in November. 

Friday, August 26, 2022

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2022


Ah, yes ... it's time once again to heap dishonor upon yet another worthy ass clown! As the primary election season grinds on, the midterm elections draw nearer, and the right continues to scream about the terrifying injustices heaped upon Der Furor, the most persecuted person of all time, I sift through the swirling cesspool of ass-clownery so you don't have to.

And so it is that I have selected an appropriate individual to serve as

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2022


and that person is

Senator Lindsey Graham (R, SC)


This marks Senator Graham's fourth solo Ass Clown award*, and his seventh when shared awards** are counted. Today's award is based on the senator's frantic and relentless efforts to avoid having to testify in the investigation into attempts by Der Furor and his minions to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election in Georgia. 

You might well ask yourself why the senator from South Carolina would attempt to meddle in the results of an election in a state not his own, but Senator Graham insists that his efforts to browbeat Georgia election officials were nothing more than his responsibility as a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, protected by the speech and debate clause*** of the Constitution. 

Senator Graham, of course, has a long and distinguished record of posterior osculation in slavish support of the disgraced former president, and is unable to stay mad at the person of whom he said after the January 6th storming of the Capitol by a mob of Der Furor's supporters ...

“Trump and I, we’ve had a hell of a journey. I hate it to end this way. Oh, my God, I hate it. From my point of view, he’s been a consequential president. But today, the first thing you’ll see, all I can say is count me out. Enough is enough.”

Well, enough clearly isn't enough for a spineless legislator who continues to work to undermine public confidence in the often-confirmed results of the 2020 presidential election, and the security and accuracy of our elections in general. It isn't enough for a political gumby who once said he wouldn’t support Der Furor’s presidential bid, calling him a “jackass,” a “kook,” “a race-baiting bigot,” and “the most flawed nominee in the history of the Republican Party.”

Beyond his Ass Clown Awards, Senator Graham is a legendary poster child for opportunism and political amorality.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2022, is South Carolina's senatorial embarrassment, Lindsey Graham. The fact that he could rise so far above other candidates for this award says a lot not only about him, but also about the voters of the Palmetto State who have kept him in the Senate for 19 years.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo



*** Article 1, Section 6, Clause 1: "The Senators and Representatives shall ... in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place."

Sunday, August 21, 2022

Poetry Sunday


As I grow older and slowly start to think about my ultimate departure for parts unknown, I feel a sense of pity for my children who will have to figure out what to do with all the things I've accumulated over a lifetime of travel, adventure, and shifting interests. Will anyone want the David Winter cottages? How about the thousands of books? My two chunks of concrete and rusty strand of wire from the Berlin Wall? My dozens of notebooks filled with assorted information, odd memories, and general nonsense? No matter how much it all has meant to me, I expect that my children will shake their heads, sigh, and order up a dumpster. 


Today's poem by Donald Hall reflects on the things we accumulate and what will eventually happen to them ...

The Things
by Donald Hall

When I walk in my house I see pictures,
bought long ago, framed and hanging
— de Kooning, Arp, Laurencin, Henry Moore —
that I've cherished and stared at for years,
yet my eyes keep returning to the masters
of the trivial — a white stone perfectly round,
tiny lead models of baseball players, a cowbell,
a broken great-grandmother's rocker,
a dead dog's toy — valueless, unforgettable
detritus that my children will throw away
as I did my mother's souvenirs of trips
with my dead father. Kodaks of kittens,
and bundles of cards from her mother Kate.

I'm attached to a lot of things, but none of them are as important to me as the family around which I've accumulated them, which is as it should be.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Oh, for Pete's sake ...

Russian cosmonaut Oleg Artemyev had to cut short a space walk from the International Space Station when a battery problem threatened the integrity of his space suit; Alan Weisselberg, former chief financial officer of the Trump Organization, pleaded guilty on Thursday to 15 counts ranging from grand larceny to tax fraud to falsifying business records; a man who kidnapped a school bus full of children in 1976 and buried them alive has been granted parole after 17 previous denials; and in Pennsylvania, a man has been arrested and charged with abuse of a corpse, receiving stolen property and dealing in the proceeds of unlawful activities after police found human body parts - which he had purchased from a woman in Arkansas over Facebook Messenger - stored in his basement.

This week, in honor of the incredible heat waves we're experiencing as a result of the climate change that too many people say isn't actually happening, I thought a collection of cartoons about someplace really hot would be appropriate. Welcome to Hell and its denizens ...

Be sure to read the fine print carefully ...  


When the punishment fits the crime ...


This reminds me of the joke about accidentally summoning a demon when the Roomba runs across the ouija board ...


Tough standards ...


Oh, the horror! ...


You know it's got to be somewhere buried in those dozens and dozens of pages and screens of fine print ...


Uh, oh ...


I can think of a lot of other people in this hall of fame, including the one who thought up extended warranty robo-calls ...


Yeah, that was before Der Furor ...


Things used to be a lot easier ...


And that's it for this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday ... I hope you enjoyed it at least as much as watching the frantic gyrations of Republicans trying to simultaneously justify Der Furor's outrageous actions while keeping him at arm's length and not angering his rabid fans.

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, August 19, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Here we go again ... another group of editorial and signage ya-has to take your mind off the news!

Must have been inspired by the old Steven Wright joke - "yes, but not consecutively" ...


You'd think they could have found a real Spanish speaker somewhere ...


I'll stick with my Pay Day bars, thanks ...


Fun for children of all ages! ...


I guess their supplier must have missed a delivery ...


I know where Al Qaeda and right-wing militias are grooming their recruits ...


Well, whatever ...


That's good to know ...


You may as well sit down ...


It was either that or salmonella ...


And that's it for today! Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then. 

Bilbo

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Musical Sunday


Last week saw the death of another giant of music - Judith Durham, the lead singer of the Australian folk group The Seekers. Her wonderful, bell-clear voice and delivery range made her a true gem, and her passing is a huge loss to music lovers everywhere. The Seekers' classic song, "I Know I'll Never Find Another You" showcases her talent and the marvelous capabilities of the group.


I know we'll never find another Judith Durham, and that makes me terribly sad.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Friday, August 12, 2022

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2022


It's been quite a year, hasn't it? I've presented 16 Ass Clown Awards so far this year (seven Right-Cheeks, seven Left-Cheeks, one On-Crack, and one Special Award), and there's still no shortage of "worthy" designees. In fact, it seems like the pool of potential awardees is increasing faster than the estimated number of galaxies in the universe as revealed by the James Webb Space Telescope. This, of course, doesn't make the job of selecting individual (or group) recipients, but it's the job I signed up for and so it's time to person up and execute my responsibility ... unlike the winner of today's award.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I have decided to name as

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2022


The Republican Party



According to my records, this is the tenth time I have presented this award to the GOP (sixteenth if you count six shared awards); in contrast, the Democratic Party has been the sole recipient once before (three times if you count two shared awards). 

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I was a staunch Republican from the time of my first political awakenings (during the presidency of Richard Nixon) until the end of the first administration of George W. Bush. Like many of you, I probably took my leanings from my parents, who were also Republicans, and I still retain some faint traces of my traditional Republican outlook ... I believe government should be as large as it needs to be but no larger, that the government should not unnecessarily intrude into the lives of the citizens, that taxes should be as low as possible consistent with what we want our government to do, and that the nation needs a strong defense against foreign aggression. 

But over time, GOP turned away from me and from the ideals of the Constitution it professes to worship but scarcely understands. I believe that the preamble to the Constitution is the best expression of the intent of the Founders for the direction of the nation: 

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

I think that the words promote the general welfare are the ones most often overlooked by today's Republican party, which appears to define welfare only as "the wanton redistribution of wealth from those who earn it to those who don't." The government envisioned by the Founders and laid out in the Constitution promotes the general welfare by establishing a system of government which ensures that every citizen is able to live and prosper under a system of impartial justice, freedom of worship, and security from oppression. 

Today's Republican party is a ghastly parody of the Founders' intent. It openly advocates the primacy and imposition of Evangelical Christianity over all other religions, supports the interest of white Americans of European descent above all other citizens, favors tax laws which benefit corporate interests and the wealthy above those of average Americans, supports ending programs like Medicare and Medicaid which provide affordable health care for millions of Americans, and views justice as a commodity available to those best able to pay for it. It openly lies, ignores provable facts, denies scientific evidence, and prefers to engage in crude rhetoric rather than open and honest debate. It forcefully opposes anything proposed by the Democratic opposition, believing that "owning the libs" is more important than cooperating to pass  legislation which will promote the general welfare. Indeed, a whole decade ago Thomas E. Mann and Norm Ornstein of the Brookings Institute noted that 

“The GOP has become an insurgent outlier in American politics. It is ideologically extreme; scornful of compromise; unmoved by conventional understanding of facts, evidence and science; and dismissive of the legitimacy of its political opposition.”

Today's Republican party lionizes 21st century fascists like Hungary's Viktor Orban, who has relentlessly carved away at the freedoms won by his country after it shook off postwar Soviet domination. It blindly continues to support a crude, deceitful, corrupt, bullying, narcissistic blowhard manifestly unfit to be reelected to the presidency, claiming a list of "accomplishments" that wither in the sunlight of those of his successor. It races to impose legislative restrictions on activities and groups it dislikes, regardless of fairness, scientific validity, and the popular will of the electorate.

And it advertises itself as the party of law and order, but only until the enforcement of the law comes calling on Der Furor, white-collar criminals, tax cheats, January 6th rioters, and other preferred darlings of the right. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2022 is the Republican Party ... once the party of Lincoln, now the party of petty tyrants and social and religious bigots. Choose wisely in November.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

P.S. - my general policy is not to write these awards while I'm angry ... but I'm angry. Sue me.

B.

Sunday, August 07, 2022

Poetry Sunday


I've been working on my novel for years, and have finally finished the first draft, which is being reviewed by my wife and my nephew who teaches high-school English. We'll see what the verdict is, and whether it is encouraging or - gawd forbid - suggestive of using the draft for kindling. Today's poem by Clive James looks at the schadenfreude of the author whose competitor has suffered the indignity of remaindering ...


The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered
by Clive James

The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased.
In vast quantities it has been remaindered.
Like a van-load of counterfeit that has been seized
And sits in piles in a police warehouse,
My enemy's much-praised effort sits in piles
In the kind of bookshop where remaindering occurs.
Great, square stacks of rejected books and, between them, aisles
One passes down reflecting on life's vanities,
Pausing to remember all those thoughtful reviews
Lavished to no avail upon one's enemy's book—
For behold, here is that book
Among these ranks and the banks of duds, 
These ponderous and seemingly irreducible cairns
Of complete stiffs.

The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I rejoice.
It has gone with bowed head like a defeated legion
Beneath the yoke.
What avail him now his awards and prizes,
The praise expended upon his meticulous technique,
His individual new voice?
Knocked into the middle of next week
His brainchild now consorts with the bad buys,
The sinkers, clinkers, dogs and dregs,
The Edsels of the world of movable type,
The bummers that no amount of hype could shift,
The unbudgeable turkeys.

Yea, his slim volume with its understated wrapper
Bathes in the glare of the brightly jacketed Hitler's War Machine,
His unmistakably individual new voice
Shares the same scrapyard with a forlorn skyscraper
Of The Kung-Fu Cookbook,
His honesty, proclaimed by himself and believed in by others,
His renowned abhorrence of all posturing and pretence,
Is there with Pertwee's Promenades and Pierrots—
One Hundred Years of Seaside Entertainment,
And (oh, this above all) his sensibility,
His sensibility and its hair-like filaments,
His delicate, quivering sensibility is now as one
With Barbara Windsor's Book of Boobs,
A volume graced by the descriptive rubric
'My boobs will give everyone hours of fun'.

Soon now a book of mine could be remaindered also,
Though not to the monumental extent
In which the chastisement of remaindering has been meted out
To the book of my enemy,
Since in the case of my own book it will be due
To a miscalculated print run, a marketing error—
Nothing to do with merit.
But just supposing that such an event should hold
Some slight element of sadness, it will be offset
By the memory of this sweet moment.
Chill the champagne and polish the crystal goblets!
The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am glad. 


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming when I have time between frantic revisions of my someday-perhaps-to-be-published novel.

Bilbo

Saturday, August 06, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


And August is off to a flying start ...

Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri was killed in Afghanistan by missiles apparently fired from a CIA-operated drone; lawyers for conspiracy guru Alex Jones accidentally sent his cell phone records to the prosecution team, convincingly proving that he has committed multiple perjuries during his trial and potentially providing a trove of information to the January 6th committee; the state of Georgia "will recognize any unborn child with a detectable human heartbeat ... as eligible for the Georgia individual income tax dependent exemption;" basketball star Britney Griner was found guilty by a Russian court* of smuggling and possessing narcotics and sentenced to nine years in prison; and in Denver, Colorado, police took strong action to address the problem of gun violence in a popular entertainment district by banning food trucks from the area.

Since the much-heralded gigantic convoys of illegal aliens have somehow failed to materialize at the southern border, I thought a collection of cartoons about aliens might help disappointed anti-immigration fanatics ...

It never hurts to be prepared ...  


After you, Alphonse ...


Area 57 of Pittsburgh? ...


It'd be embarrassing if your credit card was denied on Alpha Centauri ...


They recognize pollution problems better than we do ...


It's the red hat ...


It's only fair ...


I can see where it might be hard for aliens to understand some of our more odd traditions ...


I think I'd have the same reaction ...


They'd have better luck waiting for Godot ...


And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday of the month ... I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns. See you then. 

Bilbo

* I'm shocked ... SHOCKED, I tell you!

Friday, August 05, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


First collection for the new month!

I guess it's so expensive because you'll be able to use it for a long time ...


Uh ... too much variety for me ...


Those used to be the minimum qualifications for election to public office, too ...


It would provide crappy security, for sure ...


An exorcism AND fried chicken for just 50 cents? Such a deal ...


Four shits per week, but you have a long time to get them done ...


Quite a warranty, eh? ...


Remember that number! ...


Someone had fun with the labeling machine ...


They must have some of those plus-size employees ...


And August is off and running!

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then. 

Bilbo