Sunday, March 29, 2020

Poetry Sunday


Something to think about in the days of enforced togetherness ...

Remember
by Julie Cadwallader Staub

There is no such thing as quantity in love
my mother said, correcting me.

No such thing as "much" love.
You can't count it.

No such thing as "all my love."
You can't contain it.

Love expands.
There's an endless supply.

I love you, she said.
That's sufficient.


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Wash your hands while you're thinking about it.

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


As if you thought the news couldn't be more bleak ...

The Navy is working to contain its first outbreak of coronavirus on warships, with at least two dozen sailors infected aboard the aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt; on Wednesday the number of Americans filing for unemployment surged to a record high of 3.3 million; Der Furor continued to show calm leadership in a crisis as told reporters during a daily White House coronavirus briefing that he told Vice President Mike Pence not to call Democratic governors such as Washington Gov. Jay Inslee and Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer if they don't "treat you right;" riding a wash of misinformation and wishful thinking, Der Furor has suggested an early return to normal economic activity, while other GOP figures have suggested that the elderly should be willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of a good economy for their grandchildren; and after receiving billions of dollars in taxpayer support to save employee jobs, United Airlines has said it will probably still need to lay off employees once the restrictions on its grant expire on September 30.

As we continue with socially distancing, how about a collection of cartoons about distancing of one sort or another? ...

Not applicable to Der Furor and many hard-core conservatives ...


And the rest of you, stay out! ...


When the social distancing is over ...


It'll take a while to answer them ...


I always wondered what the difference was ...


When you've been in lockdown too long ...


Good news, bad news ...


They're not necessarily at odds ...


Hmmm ...


It's how today's GOP would have wanted it ...


And that's it for this week. Keep washing your hands, and looking forward to that monumental check you'll get from Uncle Sam ... you may have been an afterthought amid all the corporations that needed to be saved from the consequences of their actions, but at least you may get something.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Wash your hands often, keep an appropriate social distance, and let me know how you're doing. Poetry Sunday returns tomorrow with more uplifting thoughts.

Bilbo

Friday, March 27, 2020

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2020


The appearance of the novel coronavirus and the rapidly-spreading outbreaks of the disease now called Covid-19 have required us to change our behavior in many ways. Many of those ways, unfortunately, are antithetical to the "me first, screw you" philosophy that is baked into many modern Americans. We see it every day in the form of those who reject guidance to remain home and avoid crowds - exemplified by the abysmally stupid woman who proudly tweeted that she had eaten dinner in a crowded Red Robin restaurant: “It was delicious,” she tweeted, “and I took my sweet time eating my meal. Because this is America. And I’ll do what I want.”

"I'll do what I want" is the mantra of a people to whom the freedom to "do what I want" trumps* any responsibility for the health and safety of others others, whether it's in the form of insistence on unrestricted gun rights, freedom to gather in medically dangerous crowds, or the selfish hoarding of ordinary toilet paper and other supplies.

Our pick for the award this period exemplifies the selfish, boorish attitude of those who should know better.

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2020


is

Senator Rand Paul (R, KY)


Fellow senators and staff members were reported to have been furious at the behavior of Senator Paul who, having been present at an event at which several persons who tested positive for coronavirus, decided not to self-quarantine, but went on to use the Senate gym and attend numerous meetings and gatherings at a time when, as it turns out, he was already infected with the virus. Anger was especially great because Senator Paul is a doctor who, his colleagues believe (with some justification), should have known better and behaved more responsively. He has defended his decision and declined to apologize for his reckless behavior.

At a time when national level leadership is a dangerous joke and too many Americans are looking for excuses to justify selfish and ignorant behavior, the performance of Senator Paul exemplifies the very highest standards of ass clownery and make him the best choice for the dishonor of the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2020.

Have a good day. Stay home, wash your hands, and behave responsibly. The rest of us don't want to die because of your stupidity.

More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

* Sorry.

Monday, March 23, 2020

Time to Update the DUMBCON Structure


Sadly, Dear Readers, it’s happened again. I have once more bowed to the inevitable and decided that it’s time to update my DUMBCON scale. The reasons should be obvious to any of you who pay attention to the world around you.

If you’re a first-time visitor to my blog, or if you need a history refresher, here’s the story of why I developed the DUMBCON scale and how we got to where we are today …

In July of 2009 I realized that things in America had become so stupid that there was a need for a scale with which to measure and describe the national stupidity level. I used as my model the five-stage “Defense Condition" (or "DEFCON") scale used by the military services to set their level of readiness in response to world conditions. I called my scale the National Stupidity Condition Level, or DUMBCON, and set the initial level at DUMBCON 1 - the highest level on a scale of 5 to 1 - recognizing that we'd long passed the need for any lesser levels.

The original DUMBCON structure served well until January of 2013, when I found it necessary to add a sixth level – DUMBCON 0 - to accommodate surging levels of national stupidity.

But such was the ever-increasing degree of stupidity that I was forced, a mere ten months later, to add a seventh level – DUMBCON -1 (Minus One).

Less than three years later, on December 21st of 2016, in response to the election of Der Furor, I added an eighth level – DUMBCON -2 (Minus Two).

After adding the eight level, I tried to be optimistic and positive, figuring that things just had to get better … but a mere six months later I recognized that the country I love had grown so appallingly insane that eight levels of stupidity were no longer enough to measure it. Thus, in July of 2017 I modified the scale yet again to add a much-needed ninth level - DUMBCON -3 (Minus 3).

Thirteen months later, in July, 2018, I decided to add an unprecedented tenth level - DUMBCON -4 (Minus 4). At that point, Dear Readers, we had officially exceeded the number of levels in Dante’s Hell.

And here we are – two years later, three years into the disastrous presidency of Der Furor, and a mere three months into the catastrophic reordering of our lives, economy, and society as a result of the novel coronavirus and our reactions – official and personal – to it. I’m sorry, Friends, but it’s time to rethink the entire DUMBCON scale and concept. My initial thought was to add yet another level, bringing us to a structure of eleven levels, but on reflection I decided that what I needed to do was scrap the entire unwieldy system and start over, revamping the DUMBCON system with a return to the original five levels.

Here is the new DUMBCON scale, effective immediately:


Here is the updated explanation of each level, with a slight revision of the descriptive colors used in earlier versions ...

DUMBCON 5 (Code Green): ordinary, day-to-day level of stupidity. This level has not been used since the administration of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

DUMBCON 4 (Code Blue): things are more stupid than usual. This level has not been seen used the administration of President John F. Kennedy.

DUMBCON 3 (Code Yellow): things are getting pretty stupid. Courtesy and civility begin to disappear from public discourse. Credulous Americans accept without the least shred of proof conspiracy theories that even the least-educated, religiously hidebound person in the Middle East would reject. This level has not been seriously considered for use since the administration of President George W. Bush.

DUMBCON 2 (Code Red): start shaking your head - it's getting really stupid out there. People pay attention to clueless blowhards on Fox News and OANN rather than proven experts in the fields of science and medicine. Crazy persons use firearms to murder large numbers of people, and gun rights activists claim that the guns are irrelevant to the discussion, that murderers denied access to guns would just smother their victims with pillows or something. Ninety-seven percent of serious scientists agree that climate change is a real threat, but conservatives refuse to accept it because "the science isn't settled."

DUMBCON 1 (Code Black): stupidity beyond anything you could ever have imagined. Go back to bed and hide under the pillows ... or, better yet, volunteer for that one-way mission to Mars. Der Furor rewrites history on the fly, blatantly denying actions he’s taken and things he’s said that have turned sour, while Vice President Mike Pence misses no opportunity to lavishly praise everything he does. Americans frantically buy up vast quantities of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, then buy vast quantities of guns and ammunition to protect their toilet paper and hand sanitizer from other Americans. Governors and mayors step up to compensate for the lack of leadership at the national level. The House routinely passes legislation which is ignored by a GOP-led Senate focused only on filling judicial slots with the most conservative judges possible and crafting economic aid packages which protect big businesses and special interests rather than everyday American workers. The United States has become a laughingstock, falling far behind other nations in the speed and quality of its response to the pandemic and the delivery of principled and empathetic leadership to citizens anxious for information other than incoherent Twitter tirades.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we are resetting our National Stupidity Level to DUMBCON One.

God help us, because we're not doing a very good job helping each other.

Have a good day, conserve your toilet paper, and wash your hands as often as possible. Be good to each other, from a distance of six feet. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Musical Sunday


Worried about coronavirus? Take a few minutes for a laugh with the doctor Der Furor will probably hire once he gets tired of Dr Fauci making him look like an idiot ...



Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend ... from a socially responsible distance and with clean hands, of course.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


It's been quite a week, hasn't it? ...

As part of the fight to control the coronavirus outbreak, the US has suspended all non-essential traffic across its borders with both Mexico and CanadaDer Furor called NBC News correspondent Peter Alexander a “terrible reporter” during Friday’s White House news briefing for asking what he would say to Americans who are scared about the coronavirus; a new scandal has erupted as a result of several senators apparently using their classified knowledge of the scope and effects of the coronavirus pandemic to sell stocks they knew would fall in value; legendary country music star Kenny "The Gambler" Rogers died at age 81; and in Las Vegas (where else?) the Little Darlings strip club not only remains open, but plans to offer drive-thru strip shows patrons can enjoy from the comfort and safety of their vehicles and nude hand sanitizer wrestling, starting this weekend.

This week, in honor of people who engage in unsafe, virus spreading actions, members of Congress who grandstand rather than act, and a president who refuses to accept responsibility for anything, I figured we could use some cartoons about clowns who are actually funny ...

It is, if you're reporting for Faux News and OANN ...


When clowns don't watch their health ...


I feel like doing that with each new What-a-Great-Job-I'm-Doing news briefing from Der Furor ...


I think he's in more trouble than he thinks ...


The training for Clown Team 7 ... 


Bedside manner, as adjusted for the patient ...


If only ...


I've had days like that, but I usually got both the pie and the cupcake ...


No other comment necessary ...


Easy ID ...


As we complete a new week of social distancing, sheltering in place, and economic turmoil, I hope this collection of clownery has helped you cope. Things are bad, but they're as bad as we let them be - keep your heads up.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow when Musical Sunday returns.

Bilbo

Friday, March 20, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Once more into the breach, Dear Friends ...

Police are looking for a Bloody Mary addict ...


The ones with bones are still in stock in most places ...


What goes around, comes around ...


Well, does you? ...


Glad we cleared that up ...


Closing the schools during the quarantine probably won't help ...


Tomato, tomahto ...


Probably pretty uncomfortable ...


Did they need the fire department or the EPA? ...


'Twas the day for the wearin' o' the green underwear, too ...


And that's it for today. Hope you are surviving the new reality ... wash your hands, practice social distancing, and try not to kill each other after being cooped up at home for a few weeks.

See you back here tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Monday, March 16, 2020

Guest Post


Oh, it's you again. Nice you could take the time to drop in, what with being all busy buying up lots of toilet paper and hand sanitizer and stuff.


Yes, it's me - Lucy, Bilbo and Agnes's grandcat. It's been quite a while since I've put paw to keyboard to share my thoughts with you, but it's time ... you silly humans really need sound advice right now instead of just more sound, and who better than a cat to give it to you?

So, what's with you and this coronavirus thing? It doesn't usually take too much for humans to act stupid, but you're really outdoing yourselves this time. You're tanking your economy and causing yourselves all sorts of grief because you don't sit back and plan for the long view like us cats do. This guy you elected president (Bilbo calls him "Der Furor" because he refuses to say his name) is doing a pretty miserable job of providing the leadership you thought you'd get because "he's not a politician." I'm not a politician, either, and I could do a better job of managing things than he does. I'm glad he's not in charge of keeping my litter box empty.

What about the people Der Furor has working for him? As far as I can tell, the ones who actually know what needs to be done (the ones he hasn't fired, anyway) are making progress in spite of all the other ones who are only concerned with making sure the boss escapes any responsibility if things go wrong. And who is this Pence guy, anyhow? I've never heard such a smarmy suck-up before, and that's saying something.

You humans really need help. Luckily, some of us are ready to stand up and be counted!

I've been talking the situation over with Basil (my fellow cat), Clara and Stella (the family dogs), and Cindy (the chicken at the top of the pecking order in the family coop), and we've decided to offer our help to get you past this crisis. Clara and Stella will stand guard over supplies to prevent mass panic-buying (Clara's a pit bull, and you don't want to get crossways with her), Basil will go after rats who try to take advantage of the situation*, and Cindy and her flock will ... well ... run around like acephalous poultry** (which they can do at a small fraction of the cost*** of the useless political - rather than professional - staff in the White House). What will I do? I'll coordinate everything and provide leadership of the effort.

As you now know, you can do worse.

That's all for now. Since I'm a cat, I really don't care what kind of day you have, as long as the food dish is full and the litter box empty. Just wash your hands and try to treat each other a little better.

Bilbo will have more thoughts later.

Meow.

Lucy

* She's about 500-0 against the household rodents, so she's ready.

** Bilbo found this expression in a story by Harry Turtledove. Cindy and the other chickens didn't think it was as funny as he did.

*** They work for chicken feed, after all.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Poetry Sunday


As we cope with the ever-spreading implications of the novel coronavirus for daily life, one of the most significant changes we have to make is that of how we relate to each other ... hugs and handshakes are out, fist bumps, foot taps, and "social distancing" are in. This poem by Robert Frost reminds us of the importance of taking the time to talk to one another, even if at a small distance ...

A Time to Talk
by Robert Frost

When a friend calls to me from the road
And slows his horse to a meaning walk,
I don’t stand still and look around
On all the hills I haven’t hoed,
And shout from where I am, ‘What is it?’
No, not as there is a time to talk.
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,
Blade-end up and five feet tall,
And plod: I go up to the stone wall
For a friendly visit.


Keep washing your hands, maintain your social distance and your sociality, and remember that this, too, shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it shall pass.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


Yet another bizarre week gone by ...

Der Furor, finally recognizing that the coronavirus is not a "Democrat hoax," announced the imposition of a "national emergency" to fight it, although he pointedly accepted no responsibility for previous missteps in responding to the situation; legendary actor Max Von Sydow, who most recently played The Three-Eyed Raven in "Game of Thrones," died at age 90; New York Governor Andrew Cuomo ordered a containment area to be set up in the city of New Rochelle, within which schools and facilities will be closed for two weeks to stop the spread of coronavirus, and said the National Guard would deploy to help support the community; in a televised address on Wednesday, Der Furor announced a 30-day ban on travel from Europe, which generated several clarifications and modifications within a matter of hours; and a huge tornado killed 24 people and caused enormous destruction across Tennessee.

As the coronavirus panic grinds on, I thought another collection of cartoons about doctors and medicine would be appropriate for today. I thought about cartoons about politicians, but they're not funny any more.

Well, that's relatively good news ...

Yes, literally ...


The new nurse still needs a little experience ...


It's a legitimate question ...


You have to use the right terminology ...


When you take the instructions too literally ...


How triage works nowadays ...


I understand that problem ...


It's right there in the fine print - "Procedure D9120: Splinter Removal, Left Hand, Index Finger" ...


But it's what your insurance will cover ...


And that's it for another week in cartoons ... I hope it helps compensate you for the loss of the visitors you might have had from Europe, the shortage of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, and the demise of the NBA season.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Stay home, read more, and wash your hands often. More thoughts tomorrow, on Poetry Sunday. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, March 13, 2020

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2020


The challenge of dealing with the "novel coronavirus" has caused the number of potential Ass Clown awardees to increase exponentially. From claims that the virus is harmless and simply a ploy by "Democrat politicians and deep staters at the CDC" to harm the president* to silly idiots who frantically strip store shelves of toilet paper**, the Covid-19 scare has smoked out some of the craziest of the crazy. I was even tempted to make an exception and present yet another award to Der Furor, but why waste the dishonor on a person who is immune to it? And so it is that we present

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award
for
March, 2020


to

Representative Matt Gaetz (R, FL-1)


Grandstanding douchebag Matt Gaetz, a fervent supporter of Der Furor who is always fond of silly stunts to get attention, outdid himself last week when, in an effort to mock worries about the spreading coronavirus epidemic, he ostentatiously wore a huge gas mask onto the House floor. The stunt backfired a few days later when a constituent in his home district died from the virus, and Gaetz himself was forced to self-quarantine after learning he'd interacted with an individual at last month's Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) who had been infected with coronavirus.

Nothing says "I'm a useless political hack" like mocking the actions needed to cope with a deadly pandemic.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2020, is Florida Representative Matt Gaetz. If stupidity were a contagious virus, he'd be its Typhoid Mary.

Have a good day, wash your hands frequently, don't touch your face, cough into your sleeve, avoid unnecessary personal contact, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. It hasn't been quarantined yet.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Who's doing quite a good job of shooting himself in his own feet, thank you very much.

** Because what else would you wrap around your head if protective masks sell out?

Sunday, March 08, 2020

Musical Sunday


As the overheated political rhetoric continues to build, with no evident interest on the part of anyone to see things from other perspectives or in other than stark black and white, this 1967 song from The Monkees is as timely as ever.



Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, March 07, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


Coronavirus, shmoronavirus - there's other bad news out there, too ...

In the wake of the Super Tuesday primaries, Senator Elizabeth Warren and multibillionaire Mike Bloomberg withdrew from the Democratic race, leaving Senator Bernie Sanders and former Vice President Joe Biden as the leading contenders for the nomination; as the "novel coronavirus"* continues to spread, stores across the nation are selling out of hand sanitizer, filter masks, and ... toilet paper; a federal judge has harshly criticized Attorney General William Barr over his handling of the Mueller Report, saying that his actions "cause the Court to seriously question whether Attorney General Barr made a calculated attempt to influence public discourse about the Mueller Report in favor of President Trump despite certain findings in the redacted version of the Mueller Report to the contrary;" Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer was reprimanded by Chief Justice John Roberts after he made ill-advised comments about Associate Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch that were widely interpreted by Republicans as a physical, rather than a political threat; and coronavirus continues to take a toll on the national and world economies.

Most days, I don't feel my age. However, on occasional days it all catches up to me. This week, a collection of cartoons about old age ...

The part of the story you never hear about ...


Yep, I think they need to try again ...


And stay off the lawn, dammit! ...


I think that's a good way to look at it ...


Ah, yes ... I remember the good old days, when I could get up and down without sound effects ...


Oops ...


I can relate to this one ...


Yes, indeed - we've got plenty enough old and stupid people ... and they don't all wear red hats ...


Ah, cursive ... the secret code of the Boomers ...


I wish I couldn't ...


And that's it for another week ... now you young whippersnappers know what you have to look forward to.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow on Musical Sunday. See you then.

Bilbo

* As opposed to the less-frequently observed "nonfiction coronavirus."