The President's Cabinet, Updated

A lot of things have changed in the United States since I was young. For instance, we used to have a functioning Congress* and a president who cared about the American people rather than revenge, ballrooms, triumphal arches, golden statues, golf weekends, and the color of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building and the Reflecting Pool.

I think we need to make some changes to the president's Cabinet to bring it in line with Der Furor's approach to government by graft, threats, and intimidation. At the moment, there are 15 Cabinet departments:

The Department of Agriculture;

The Department of Commerce;

The Department of Defense (not War);

The Department of Education;

The Department of Energy;

The Department of Health and Human Services;

The Department of Homeland Security;

The Department of Housing and Urban Development;

The Department of the Interior;

The Department of Justice;

The Department of Labor;

The Department of State;

The Department of Transportation;

The Department of the Treasury; and,

The Department of Veterans' Affairs

Another nine offices are "Cabinet-level," but are not actually part of the Cabinet. They are:

The Vice President;

The Chief of Staff;

The Environmental Protection Agency; 

The Office of Management and Budget;

The U.S. Trade Representative;

The Ambassador to the United Nations; 

The Small Business Administration; 

The Director of National Intelligence; and,

The Director of Central Intelligence

Here are my recommended changes to the Cabinet and Cabinet-level departments to better represent the management style and governing priorities of Der Furor and the increasingly "Christian" fascist Republican Party. Let's start with the Cabinet:

The Department of Agriculture is eliminated. Farmers complain too much and no longer provide consistent political support.

The Department of Commerce is downsized and renamed the Department of International Fiscal Extortion.

The Department of Defense (not War) is expanded to incorporate 50% of resources freed up from other downsized and eliminated departments, and is renamed the Department of Furious and Imperialistic Bellicosity.

The Department of Education is eliminated (actually already underway). Who needs an education when the average American doesn't think, anyhow?

The Department of Energy is downsized and reorganized to focus exclusively on coal and oil, and is renamed the Department of Oil and Clean, Beautiful Coal. The motto of the reorganized department is established as "Terebra, mea voluptas, terebra" ("Drill, Baby, Drill"). 

The Department of Health and Human Services is eliminated. It's not the federal government's job to take care of you, and as an American, you are free to do your own research and make your own decisions about your health.

The Department of Homeland Security is expanded to incorporate 50% of resources from other disbanded cabinet offices. Its name is changed to the Department of Deporting Non-White Undesirables to more accurately reflect the primary focus of its activities.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development is eliminated. The federal government has no business interfering in real estate markets.

The Department of the Interior is eliminated. Presidentially-selected billionaires are better qualified to manage our national parks and resources than government bureaucrats.

The Department of Justice is plussed up and becomes the Department of Presidential Vengeance and Authority Maintenance;

The Department of Labor is downsized and renamed the Department of Corporate Management Support;

The Department of State is downsized and renamed the Department of Antagonizing Allies and Justifying Inconsistent Policy Positions;

The Department of Transportation is eliminated. We have all the roads and bridges and airports we need and they're safe enough. Those things are a state and local responsibility, anyhow.

The Department of the Treasury is downsized and becomes the Department of Enriching Corporations and the Wealthy, bringing it in line with its current function.

The Department of Veterans' Affairs is eliminated. Former Service members who can't pass gender-neutral physical fitness tests or deploy on a moment's notice should no longer absorb resources that can better be spent on the latest high-tech weapons.

Turning to the Cabinet-level offices, I recommend the following changes:

The Vice President remains. Somebody needs to attend funerals and perform other duties the President feels are unimportant, unpleasant, or boring;

The Chief of Staff is replaced by a drinking bird toy. Such a toy can be purchased for much less than the cost of hiring a professional chief of staff who simply nods agreement with the president all the time.

The Environmental Protection Agency is eliminated. It impedes the smooth functioning and profitability of business. 

 

The Office of Management and Budget is downsized to a single person. Only one employee is required to rubber-stamp presidential wishes;

The U.S. Trade Representative remains and is redesignated as the U.S. Tariff Threat Coordinator**;

The Ambassador to the United Nations remains, but is redesignated as Principle Spokesman for Delivering Threats and Supporting Autocrats; 

The Small Business Administration is eliminated. Small businesses negatively impact the profitability and operational flexibility of large corporations run by presidential campaign donors.  

The Director of National Intelligence remains and is refocused as the Director of Cherry-Picking Intelligence to Justify Presidential Actions; and,

The Director of Central Intelligence remains and is refocused as the Director of Explaining Complex International Threats to the President in Fourth-Grade Terms.

As long as Der Furor is intent on remaking the Federal Government, Washington, DC, and the rest of the country in his desired image, we may as well go whole hog.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I think we could save a lot of money if we just eliminate Congress, since we're not using it. In any case, it wouldn't surprise me if Der Furor decided to do that, anyhow, since he has only contempt for it. 

** The Administration prefers the use of "man" as the general designation of an incumbent, regardless of sex.

Poetry Sunday/Mother's Day, 2026

Today is Poetry Sunday, but it's also Mother's Day. This year, instead of my traditional Mother's Day post in honor of the most important lady in our early lives, I'm going to share once again this wonderful poem by Carrie Shipers that speaks to the point each mother - and father, for that matter - reaches in the lives of their children.

Mother Talks Back to the Monster

by Carrie Shipers

Tonight, I dressed my son in astronaut pajamas,

kissed his forehead and tucked him in.

I turned on his night-light and looked for you

in the closet and under the bed. I told him

you were nowhere to be found, but I could smell

your breath, your musty fur. I remember

all your tricks: the jagged shadows on the wall,

click of your claws, the hand that hovered

just above my ankles if I left them exposed.

Since I became a parent I see danger everywhere-

unleashed dogs, sudden fevers, cereal

two days out of date. And even worse

than feeling so much fear is keeping it inside,

trying not to let my love become so tangled

with anxiety my son thinks they're the same.

When he says he's seen your tail or heard

your heavy step, I insist that you aren't real.

Soon he'll feel too old to tell me his bad dreams.

If you get lonely after he's asleep, you can

always come downstairs. I'll be sitting

at the kitchen table with the dishes

I should wash, crumbs I should wipe up.

We can drink hot tea and talk about

the future, how hard it is to be outgrown.

It's hard to be outgrown, isn't it? - to know that it's now your children that are worried about taking care of you and protecting you from your fears.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful ladies out there doing the world's most difficult job in a difficult time. We love you.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Whoever the showrunners are this year need to be fired.

Much to the national dismay, Clarence Thomas, the first baby boomer to serve on the Supreme Court, has officially become the second-longest serving justice in history; in Mexico City, a nightclub has gone viral for charging Americans a nearly $300 cover charge, while citizens from any other country pay just $20 for access, and Mexicans and other Latin Americans pay only $14 ... according to the owner, "This is a response to a year of insults directed at us – as a country – by the United States;" health authorities across four continents are searching for passengers who left a cruise ship before an outbreak of deadly hantavirus was detected on board, and trying to trace potential victims who may have come into contact with them; a startup company in California is testing the concept of “distributed data centers,” which would encourage homeowners to allow placement of miniature data centers on their property that would network with other such centers to replace the gigantic data centers opposed by many communities; and in (where else?) Florida, a surgeon who killed a patient when he accidentally removed the man's liver instead of his spleen says "[it] was an incredibly unfortunate event that I regret deeply."

This week, because we all need some silliness we didn't elect, I thought a collection of cartoons featuring awful puns would be just the thing to take our minds off the state of things.

I wonder if this is actually covered in law school ...

It's not a serious attack - he's just egging them on ...

It's been around longer than we thought ...

You can just hear the rimshot ...

Well, if that don't beat all ...

Horror stories for children?

I guess which one you use depends on how formal the viewing is ...

Uh, oh ...

The mummy's curse ...

I guess they need a good place to chill after those long migratory flights ...

And that's it for this week's cartoon collection - hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for a Poetry Sunday salute to Mother's Day. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

It's time once again for another collection of great moments ... or not-so-great moments, depending on whether or not you were responsible ...

No wonder that pig was squealing ..

So, why bother applying? ...

I think they're going to have a hard time filling that vacancy ...

I would have thought that was part of the job description ...

It must have been quite some bleach job ...

What about the finger? ...

Service in arrears ...

I don't think I've ever seen a bathroom with a dance floor ...

It's never a good idea to hire the low bidder to do your translation work ...

I will not make the obvious comment about the results of Der Furor's last physical ...

And that's it for this week's collection of editorial and signage ya-ha's - I hope they helped get you through another Friday in the bizarre world of 2026.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday will feature cartoons with execrable puns. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

 

Updated MAGA Government Employment Aptitude Assessment and Placement Exam

 

In February of last year I published a document I received from a mole in the bowels of the administration - a copy of the application form for positions in Der Furor's regime. Since then, my source has provided an updated version, which I provide below for your information. 

MAGA Governmental Position Aptitude Assessment and Placement Exam, v2026.1

Thank you for your interest in serving in My Furor's Awesome Government for America (MAGA). This MAGA Governmental Position Aptitude Assessment and Placement Exam will help us evaluate your suitability for employment in the new and politically cleansed United States Government as of the date of your application. Please fill in the personal data requested in Part 1, then complete the exam in Part 2 by marking the appropriate answers.

PART 1

PERSONAL INFORMATION

Your Name: _______________________

Your Race:

a. ___ Caucasian

b. ___ Other (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Sex (there are only two choices):

a. ___ Male

b. ___ Female (attach photograph)

 

Your Religion:

a. ___ Christian (Trump Bible-observing denominations only)

b. ___ Other (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Estimated Net Worth (in billions of dollars, rounded to the nearest billion):

a. ___ 50

b. ___ 25

c. ___ 10

d. ___ 5

e. ___ Less than 5 (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Ethnic Background

a. ___ European

b. ___ Shithole Country (Stop here. No positions are available.)

If you claimed European ancestry in the previous question, which part of Europe does your family come from:

a. Northern Europe (Norway, Sweden) ___

b. Eastern/Western/Southern Europe ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

PART 2

GENERAL SUITABILITY EXAMINATION

1. Who won the 2020 Presidential election?

a. ___ Donald Trump

b. ___ Not Donald Trump (Stop here. No positions are available.) 

2. The Constitution consists of the Second Amendment and a variety of optional suggestions, subject to presidential interpretation, about government structure and function.

YES ___ 

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

3. The Founders clearly stated that the United States is a Christian nation, and that all other religions are crazy and cause terrorism.

YES ___  

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

4. "Climate Change" has no scientific basis, and people who believe in it are radical left lunatics who hate America and are probably terrorists.

YES ___ 

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

5. Do you support the development and use of alternative (that is, other than oil, coal, or natural gas) sources of energy?

YES ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

NO ___

6. The United States is the most exceptional nation ever founded, is a shining example for the rest of the world, and is incapable of doing anything wrong; anyone who says otherwise is a sick, godless, radical left terrorist lunatic who hates America.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

7. The federal government must eliminate wasteful spending on woke and fraudulent things like welfare, education, food safety, public health, environmental protection, and foreign aid.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

8. The most effective solution to all political, economic, and social problems is the elimination of taxes on businesses and the wealthy, and the application of large tariffs on imports.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

9. Taxes on businesses, corporations, and the wealthy are counterproductive because they limit the economic success which eventually benefits the lower-income population.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

10. Democrats can only win elections through flagrant cheating and fraudulent voting.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

10. Do you have any educational background or practical experience applicable to the position for which you are applying?

YES ___ (Stop here. Education and relevant experience disqualify you for consideration for any position)

NO ___

11. Just to be clear, who won the 2020 presidential election?

a. ___ Donald Trump

b. ___ Not Donald Trump (Why didn't you stop after question 1? Get lost.) 

12. Has Donald Trump ever made a mistake or been wrong about anything?

YES ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

NO ___

13. Anyone who disagrees with the correct answer to any of the above questions is a sick, godless, radical left terrorist lunatic who hates America.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Thank you for taking the MAGA Government Aptitude Assessment and Placement Examination. If you incorrectly answered any of the questions above, please turn in your answer sheet, leave, and go to some shithole country where your godless radical lunatic socialist ways will be appreciated.

Don't call us. We'll call you. 

Choose wisely. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

The news has been so relentlessly bad recently that I think we need to have a beautiful song to take our minds off of it. Digging back into my collection, I found this favorite from Sting ...

The lyrics were in the video as subtitles, but in case you'd like to have them in full, here you go ...

You'll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky

As we walk in fields of gold

 

So she took her love

For to gaze a while

Upon the fields of barley

In his arms she fell as her hair came down

Among the fields of gold

 

Will you stay with me?

Will you be my love?

Upon the fields of barley

We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky

As we lie in fields of gold

 

See the west wind move like a lover so

Upon the fields of barley

Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth

Among the fields of gold

 

I never made promises lightly

And there have been some that I've broken

But I swear in the days still left

We'll walk in fields of gold

We'll walk in fields of gold

 

Many years have passed since those summer days

Among the fields of barley

See the children run as the sun goes down

Among the fields of gold

 

You'll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You can tell the sun in his jealous sky

When we walked in fields of gold

When we walked in fields of gold

When we walked in fields of gold

Have a good day. Walk your lover through the fields of gold - it will take your mind, however briefly, away from the sad state of the nation.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

May is only two days old and I'm already sick of it.

The State Department has unveiled new passport designs for the nation's 250th anniversary which feature the scowling image of Der Furor ... I'm glad my passport doesn't need to be renewed; Der Furor's vengeance tour continued this week as the Justice Department once again indicted former FBI Director James Comey, this time for his 2025 social media post in which seashells on a beach spelled out "86 47," a message DOJ claims was an assassination threat; all 22 members of the National Science Board, which that advises and oversees the US National Science Foundation (NSF), were fired without explanation “on behalf of President Donald J. Trump;” Der Furor and Secretary of Defense (not War) Hegseth once again blew past the Constitution, declaring - despite the clear requirement of the War Powers Resolution of 1973 - that they did not need to seek Congressional approval of their war against Iran because hostilities have "terminated" ... despite the fact that the Navy's ongoing blockade of Iranian ports is considered an act of war; and the Director of the U.S. Geological Survey says that researchers have discovered a gigantic cache of lithium worth tens of billions of dollars, that could provide hundreds of years of batteries to power American electronics, sitting under the Appalachian Mountains. Aw, go for it - who needs mountains, anyhow?

This week, in honor of a year that just seems to define the expression, "same crap, different day," a collection of cartoons about Sisyphus ...

I used to have my own radio show, and I thought this was hilarious ...

Old-time influencer ...

This one speaks to everyone who has spent endless hours on hold ...

I (and most parents) can relate to this one ...

I think we all ask this every day ...

This was probably edited out of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" ...

I wonder if that would really have worked ...

Uh, oh, is right ...

Is there really an app for that? 

Everybody's gotta start someplace ...

And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday of May, as I try to start you off with a smile. There's plenty of time for Der Furor and his horde of mindless acolytes to wipe it off your face.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Sting visits Musical Sunday with one of my favorite love songs. See you then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026

Ah, a new month dawns, and with it the opportunity to highlight another collection of ass clowns. May is one of two months this year (October will be the other) that offers three, rather than just two, opportunities to present ass clown awards, and there will certainly be no shortage of drooling social, political, and religious imbeciles upon whom to shine the light of shame.

And so we forge ahead with the first of our three awards this year as we announce

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026

and the the tinfoil and toilet paper crown - with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets and roll of muffled drums - goes to

Secretary of Defense (not War)

Pete Hegseth 

Today's award marks the sixth presentation (two shared and two back-to-back)* of the tinfoil and toilet paper crown to Mr. Hegseth, who retains his undisputed position as the least qualified and most incompetent Defense Secretary in the history of the office. 

Confusing bellicosity and anger with managerial and leadership competence, Mr. Hegseth continues to drive the formidable U.S. defense establishment onto the rocks of legal danger and sinking morale as he blindly follows the lead of a president with no military experience who desperately needs adult counseling as he sends American troops needlessly into harm's way.

In a contentious Senate hearing this week, Mr. Hegseth argued that the 60-day clock for the president to obtain Congressional approval for the conflict with Iran stopped when Der Furor announced a ceasefire ... setting up yet another legal question of presidential authority that will likely end up at the Supreme Court, as the law says no such thing and this administration's instinct is to rush to its heavily partisan SCOTUS when it hits legal snags. Mr. Hegseth angrily shot back at Senators and Representatives critical of the war and his management of it, accusing them of being traitors rather than acknowledging their legitimate questioning of the administration's performance. He loudly and continually praised the performance of U.S. forces, while ignoring any attempt to explain the administration's goals and the strategy it is employing to achieve them.

And you are paying record prices for gasoline at the same time that consumer prices for virtually everything are skyrocketing as a direct result of Iran's petulant refusal to admit that Der Furor and Mr. Hegseth have "won" their needless war.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026, is - for the sixth time - Secretary of Defense (not War) Pete Hegseth. We're in trouble.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll pay a visit to Sisyphus ... who might well be the poster child for this administration. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* April 2025 Right-Cheek; September 2025 Special Award (shared); March 2026 Right-Cheek (shared); March 2026 Left-Cheek; and April 2026 Right-Cheek.

P.S. - I thought you might be interested to know that Pete Hegseth is in third place for the total number of Ass Clown awards earned by an individual. The top four winners at this time are:

Der Furor with 21 awards (12 individual, 7 shared, Ass Clown of the Year for 2015 and 2025, and a Lifetime Achievement Award presented in 2017 along with his 11th award)

Mitch McConnell with 13 awards (11 individual, including 3 back-to-back Ass Clown of the Year awards - 2018, 2019, and 2020, and two shared)

Pete Hegseth with 6 awards (2 shared); and,

JD Vance with 5 awards (2 shared)

B.

Poetry Sunday

 

In spite of the historic fact that the Founders were intent on separating religion from government - having lived experience of times in which wars of religion were both common and vicious - we have an administration that panders to its aggressively religious base for support. This, of course, has the potential to cause major damage to our international relations, our health, our economy, and many other areas of our personal lives.

Faith can be a good thing but, as Emily Dickinson reminds us in today's poem, it's also good to have something else to fall back on ...

"Faith" is a fine invention...

By Emily Dickinson

"Faith" is a fine invention

When Gentleman can see—

But Microscopes are prudent

In an Emergency.

Have a good day. Keep your faith to yourself, don't use it as a weapon, and know when to look beyond your blind reliance on it. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

 

As my dad would have said, if this week had been a fish, he'd have thrown it back ...

Der Furor has reclassified medical marijuana as a less-dangerous drug, the first step to encouraging greater use of pot to cloud the minds of the MAGA faithful; the Department of Justice, as part of broader actions to strengthen the federal death penalty, has expanded death penalty protocols to include pentobarbital injections and firing squads; Der Furor read a Bible passage from the Old Testament in a taped video from the Oval Office, days after he clashed with Pope Leo XIV and upset some of his religious supporters by posting an AI-generated image appearing to depict himself as Jesus; Republicans who cheered the redistricting of Texas and other red states are howling with rage after Virginia voters narrowly approved a redistricting initiative that will increase the number of Democratic seats in that commonwealth; and in the forests of the African nation of Gabon, a big-game hunter from the United States was ambushed and trampled to death by five elephants while hunting for small forest antelope.

This week, in honor of the beating the economy is taking under Der Furor's management, a collection of cartoons about the victims of the ultimate beatdown - piñatas.

If you've been to a kiddie party with a piñata, you know this is true ...

Yes, please!

Somehow I don't think it matters much if the patient lives ...

I think a couple of knights need better squires getting their steeds ready ...

Well, where did you think they came from?

Congratulations - it's a snack!

Don't try to explain this one to the kids ...

And the treatment would be?

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away ...

If so, they're probably Three Musketeers ...

And that's it for this week's tribute to the poor piñata ... I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday, this week featuring Emily Dickinson. More thoughts then.

Bilbo