Monday, May 18, 2026

Bilbo's Plan to Eliminate the Electoral College


This is a long post, but please bear with me.

One of the most frustrating things about being an American with friends and relatives overseas is having to explain and defend our presidential election system. Explaining gerrymandering is simple enough, although it reflects poorly on the fairness and accuracy of political representation, but what really makes people in other countries shake their heads is the concept of the Electoral College.

This bizarre method by which we elect our presidents grew out of arguments during the drafting of the Constitution. The larger, wealthier states believed that they deserved larger representation than the smaller ones ... and the smaller states, of course, feared that such an arrangement would result in a Congress that ignored their interests and concerns. After much negotiation, the solution was determined to be a bicameral system in which representation in the lower house (the House of Representatives) would be based on population (advantageous to the larger states), while the upper house (the Senate) would provide equal representation for all states, regardless of population.

Another issue was how the President should be elected. The members of the Constitutional convention were wealthy and well-educated men (no women, of course) who didn't have a lot of confidence in the ability of the average citizen to make an informed selection of their national leaders, and so they designed a system which would ensure that the President would be chosen by a smaller group of better-educated and wealthier citizens selected by the leadership of their states.  

The result is what we know today as the Electoral College. The Constitution (Article II, Section 1, Clauses 1-4, as modified by the 12th Amendment of June, 1804) stipulates that the President be elected not by direct popular vote, but by the vote of "electors" who are appointed by the political parties in each state in a number equivalent to the size of that state's representation in Congress - one elector for each Senator and Representative. With a Senate capped at 100 and a House of Representatives capped at 435, the total number of electoral votes is 538 (the other three electoral votes are allocated to the District of Columbia, which has no voting representation in Congress*, by the 23rd Amendment). The smallest states (by population) would have 3 electors, while the largest would have proportionally more ... at the moment, the state with the largest number of electors is California, with 54, while six states (Alaska, Delaware, North and South Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming) and the District of Columbia have only three. 

On election day, every eligible citizen votes not for a presidential candidate, but for their state's electors, who are pledged to vote according to the formula established by their state. Most states are winner-take-all, in which the electors pledge to cast their votes for the candidate who won the state's popular vote, while two (Maine and Nebraska) assign one elector per Congressional district and two statewide. A simple majority - 270 out of 538 - of the electoral votes is needed to win.

So, what happens if some or all of the electors disagree with the result of the popular vote and decide to vote for someone else? Given the raging partisanship in our current political system, it's not hard to imagine, say, electors belonging to the Republican party refusing to cast their votes for a Democratic winner. These are called faithless electors, and neither the Constitution nor Federal laws address the issue, although most states do. 

This is what we call, in precise and time-honored legal terms, an effin' mess.

The Electoral College is an anachronism that perhaps made sense as a way to finesse debate and get squabbling state representatives to agree on the whole Constitution, but it makes no sense in the 21st Century United States, for many reasons. The major one of these is that the voting blocs of the Electoral College are hopelessly corrupted by the widespread partisan gerrymandering of the states. Taking Texas (which started the current gerrymandering rush at the behest of Der Furor) as an example, if the 38 electoral votes based on House representation represent districts reliably crafted to ensure a GOP victory, all of the state's Democratic voters are effectively disenfranchised ... and the same would be true, in reverse, of a state gerrymandered for Democratic advantage.

The only truly fair system of electing the President and Vice-President is by direct popular vote, with every eligible citizen casting his or her vote for their candidate of choice. The 18th century political logrolling which made the adoption of the Constitution possible has long been overtaken by the explosive growth of the nation - geographically, economically, and politically.

It's time to drive a stake through the heart of the Electoral College by passing a Constitutional amendment to elect the President by popular vote and, while we're at it, consolidate and incorporate some of the changes made by previous amendments. Since Congress is too busy doing nothing to draft such an amendment, I've gone ahead and done it for them: 

Bilbo's Proposed Amendment XXVIII

Article II, Section 1, of the Constitution is amended as follows.

Clauses 1, 2 (as amended by Amendment XII), 3, and 4 are deleted in their entirety and replaced by the following:

The executive power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America, who shall serve as both Head of State and Head of Government. The President shall hold Office for a term of four years, and, together with the Vice President, chosen for the same term, shall be elected by the majority vote of eligible citizens of the United States. 

All persons who are citizens of the United States, whether native-born or naturalized, 18 years of age on election day, and not otherwise prohibited by federal or state law as punishment for a crime, are eligible to vote in presidential elections. 

Each eligible citizen shall have one vote, which shall be cast and counted according to the laws of the state in which they reside.

Congress shall specify the date of the Presidential election, which will be the same throughout the United States and shall be considered a federal holiday; however, planning for and execution of all elections shall be the exclusive responsibility of the individual states.

The designated election officials of the individual states shall certify the popular vote count according to the laws of their states and transmit the results to the Secretary of State, who shall tally the nationwide popular vote total and announce the official results.

Amendment XXII to the Constitution is revoked, and its terms incorporated into Article II, Section 1, as Clause 5. 

No individual may serve more than two terms as President, which need not be consecutive. An individual succeeding to the presidency because of the death, incapacitation, or removal of the President, regardless of the amount of time remaining in the term, may be elected to only one additional term of office. 

Amendment XXIII to the Constitution is superseded by the present amendment, and revoked. 

Congress shall have the power to enforce this article by the appropriate legislation.

*****

I'd also like to clean up, simplify, and incorporate the 25th Amendment on removal of a president for cause, but I need to give it some more thought. It'll work its way through my Blog Fodder file for a future post.

What do you think? Should we flush the Electoral College down the drain of history? Does my proposed Constitutional amendment do the job? How would you improve it? Leave a comment. If you like the idea, feel free to send it to your Senators and Reprehensives so that they can ignore it and continue fund-raising.

Have a good day. Today would be a good day to check voting registration status, and to make a plan to vote in every election - local, state, and federal. It's your civic duty, and if you don't vote you have no right to complain about the actions of the government that purports to represent you.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo 

* And that's another bizarre fluke of our system. 

Sunday, May 17, 2026

Musical Sunday


One of my favorite singer/songwriters is the late Nanci Griffith. This 1994 song from her album "Flyer" has long been one of my favorites, and it resonates powerfully in our national time of trial and peril.


Here are the lyrics: 

It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time

We're living in a time of inconvenience
Compassion fails me with this meaness in the air
City streets are filled with violence
So we close our doors to the city
And pretend that it's not there
Here I go again
Back out on these mean streets
The evil seems to cling to the soles of my feet
Because I'm living in a time of inconvenience
At an inconvenient time

We're living in the age of communication
Where the only voices heard have money in their hands
Where greed has become a sophistication
And if you ain't got money
You ain't got nothin' in this land
But, here I am one lonely woman
On these mean streets
Where the right to life man has become my enemy
Cuz I'm living in his time of inconvenience
At an inconvenient time

And I've turned my cheek
As my history fades
While the clock ticks away
Any progress we've made
I never thought
I'd be ashamed to be human
Afraid to say
My time has seen its day
Because I'm living in a time of inconvenience
Living in a time of inconvenience
Living in a time of inconvenience
In an inconvenient time

This is a time of greed and power
Where everyone needs to have someone to shove around
Our children come to us for answers
Listening for freedom but they don't know the sound
And there they are, our children
Dumped out in these mean streets
The evil sweeps them up
And brings them to their knees
Because they're living in our time of inconvenience
They're living in the age of communication
This is a time of greed and power
This is a time that I wish was not mine
Because it's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time
It's an inconvenient time

"This is a time that I wish was not mine." Truer words were seldom spoken.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, May 16, 2026

Cartoon Saturday


If I put up a 22-foot gold statue of me in my front yard, would you worship it?

Der Furor responded to a reporter's question about how he takes Americans' economic worries into account as he pursues his war with Iran by saying, “I don’t think about Americans’ financial situations, I don’t think about anybody. I think about one thing—we cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon;” in Japan, a company that manufactures the "Monster Wolf" - an animatronic scarecrow with flashing red eyes that howls and growls menacingly to scare away wild animals - is swamped with orders from persons afraid of bear attacks; CIA Director John Ratcliffe met with Cuban officials during a high-level visit to the beleaguered island; the latest attempt to invoke a war powers resolution to rein in Der Furor's war against Iran failed by a vote of 50-49 when Pennsylvania Democrat John Fetterman, a staunch supporter of the war, once again broke with his party and voted with Republicans; and in (where else?) Florida, a website featuring local news has closed down after its "local journalists" were exposed as AI-generated figures who republished content stolen from other sites, and whose Editor-in-Chief is not a real person.

This week, we take a cartoon look into the world of books and literature.

One upmanship ...


And if that doesn't work, try a sequel ...


She took a wrong turn coming out of the rabbit hole ...


When the apothecary has second thoughts ...


I wonder what books they were reading ...


That's just what they want you to think ...


I think her research may have been a little thin ...


She probably would have. And the book would have been more gripping ...


Do cockroaches really dream?


They subcontract to great Neptune's oceans ...


And that's it for this week's collection of cartoons - I hope it helped get your weekend off to a good start, and encouraged you to do some reading instead of sinking into your screens.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday serves up a beautiful and thought-provoking tune from the late Nanci Griffith. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, May 15, 2026

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026


It's time to announce the second of our three Ass Clown awards for the month. As usual, the competition was fierce, but in my mind, the winner was clear.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026


is presented to

John Mark Burns


Televangelist, evangelical minister, and GOP political figure John Mark Burns, a "spiritual adviser" to the president, last week presided over the unveiling at the Trump National Doral Miami of a 22-foot golden statue of Der Furor, an event he called "... far more than a ribbon cutting. It was a moment of gratitude, honor, and remembrance,” in which he was joined by dozens of other religious figures. 


The blowback from other religious leaders was fierce, with many of them accusing Burns of idolatry and violation of the First Commandment*. The reaction was such that Burns was compelled to reply, claiming in a post on Twitter (now known as "X") that, 

"This statue was not created for worship. It was created as a symbol of resilience, patriotism, courage, and gratitude. It was created to honor a man whom many may disagree with, but millions of Americans believe has done extraordinary things to make this nation stronger."

He added,

"Let me be very clear: we worship the Lord Jesus Christ and Him alone."

Regardless of Mr Burns' protestations, the optics of a "pastor" blessing a golden idol that praises a man who embodies every one of the Seven Deadly Sins does not speak well of the piety and morality of himself or of the crowd of "religious" figures who joined him in the act. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026, is "Pastor" John Mark Burns - a man whose already thin religious credentials have been eroded by his idolatrous worship of a golden idol.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll take a cartoon look at literature. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* For those of you unfamiliar with it, it reads (depending on the version of the Bible you consult), "I am the Lord, your god; you shall have no other gods before Me."

Wednesday, May 13, 2026

The Ass Clown Awards - Looking Back, Looking Forward


On April 17, 2011 (fifteen years ago!) I presented the first of my Ass Clown awards - my way of singling out truly despicable people for acknowledgement of their contributions to poisoning the gene pool. The first winner was a neophyte political buffoon named Donald Trump, and I presented the award "in recognition of his boundless egotism and willingness to embrace long-discredited birther conspiracies in an attempt to make himself look like a meaningful candidate for president." 

Sadly, we all know how that worked out, and Der Furor (I can no longer bring myself to write or say his name) has received more Ass Clown awards over the past 15 years than any other individual - 21 awards, consisting of 12 individual awards, 7 shared awards, two Ass Clown of the Year awards (2015 and 2025), and a Lifetime Achievement Award presented in 2017 along with his 11th award).

Here are a few other historical observations and statistics about my Ass Clown awards:

1. As of today, I have presented 376 awards, slightly more than two per month.

2. The tradition of designating Ass Clowns by cheek (Right-Cheek and Left-Cheek) began in January, 2015. On July 31st of that year, a third available Friday necessitated a new designation - the On-Crack Ass Clown, which was originally suggested by my friend and fellow blogger John.

3. The burgeoning number of Ass Clowns led me to begin announcing the occasional Ass Clown Special Award, the first of which was presented to The Republican Party in September, 2020. I've presented a total of 25 Special Awards. 
 
4. I've presented 15 Ass Clown of the Year (ACOY) awards since 2011. Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell has won three consecutive times (2018, 2019, and 2020 - a record for successive wins), the Republican Party has won three times (2011, 2017, and 2023), Der Furor has won twice (2015 and 2025), and The American Electorate has won twice (2016 and 2024).  

5. In June of 2025, I introduced a system of designating multiple awards to the same recipient modeled on the military use of oak leaf clusters, stars, and other devices for that purpose. The second and subsequent Ass Clown Awards each earn a poison ivy cluster. The second, third, or fourth ACOY Awards earn the Poop of Distinction ... the fifth and each subsequent ACOY earns the Poop of Distinction in Gold. Unfortunately, this got to be too cumbersome, so I've stopped using it ... although I still like the idea of the Poop of Distinction, which I'm retaining for occasional future use.

Last month, in my post presenting the Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award for April, I wrote that 

"I wish I could give these awards to examples of a broader spectrum of ass clownery, but the staggeringly rich mother lode represented by the current administration in Washington has crowded out virtually every other potential awardee." 

In response to that plaintive wish, longtime reader allenwoodhaven suggested I might ease the selection problem by adopting a new category of Ass Clown awards that provides

"Some sort of special status, like Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for certain immigrants. They stay in that status until it's revoked but are otherwise (supposed to be) ignored. Their status is assumed. The equivalent could be Temporary Ass Clown Status (TACS). Repeat offenders or truly special first timers could earn the new status at your discretion. They then wouldn't be considered for regular awards because it would be assumed they're still Ass Clowns. If they ever stop being one, you could rescind it. That's probably unlikely."

I think there's merit in that suggestion. It lets me recognize ordinary levels of ass clownery without diverting attention from truly world-class ass clowns or needing to present a Special Award between cheeks. And so I have decided to introduce the Provisional Ass Clown (or PAC) award. PAC awards will be presented on an as-needed basis to ass clowns who deserve recognition, but do not rise to the level of a Right-Cheek, Left-Cheek, On-Crack, or Special award. The winner of a Provisional award can, of course, later be elevated to higher status by subsequent superior or continued acts of ass clownery.

Any comments? I don't have an inaugural PAC winner in mind yet, although the field is full of deserving weeds. 

Have a good day, and come back on Friday for the announcement of the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Monday, May 11, 2026

The President's Cabinet, Updated


A lot of things have changed in the United States since I was young. For instance, we used to have a functioning Congress* and a president who cared about the American people rather than revenge, ballrooms, triumphal arches, golden statues, golf weekends, and the color of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building and the Reflecting Pool.

I think we need to make some changes to the president's Cabinet to bring it in line with Der Furor's approach to government by graft, threats, and intimidation. At the moment, there are 15 Cabinet departments:

The Department of Agriculture;
The Department of Commerce;
The Department of Defense (not War);
The Department of Education;
The Department of Energy;
The Department of Health and Human Services;
The Department of Homeland Security;
The Department of Housing and Urban Development;
The Department of the Interior;
The Department of Justice;
The Department of Labor;
The Department of State;
The Department of Transportation;
The Department of the Treasury; and,
The Department of Veterans' Affairs

Another nine offices are "Cabinet-level," but are not actually part of the Cabinet. They are:

The Vice President;
The Chief of Staff;
The Environmental Protection Agency; 
The Office of Management and Budget;
The U.S. Trade Representative;
The Ambassador to the United Nations; 
The Small Business Administration; 
The Director of National Intelligence; and,
The Director of Central Intelligence

Here are my recommended changes to the Cabinet and Cabinet-level departments to better represent the management style and governing priorities of Der Furor and the increasingly "Christian" fascist Republican Party. Let's start with the Cabinet:

The Department of Agriculture is eliminated. Farmers complain too much and no longer provide consistent political support.

The Department of Commerce is downsized and renamed the Department of International Fiscal Extortion.

The Department of Defense (not War) is expanded to incorporate 50% of resources freed up from other downsized and eliminated departments, and is renamed the Department of Furious and Imperialistic Bellicosity.

The Department of Education is eliminated (actually already underway). Who needs an education when the average American doesn't think, anyhow?

The Department of Energy is downsized and reorganized to focus exclusively on coal and oil, and is renamed the Department of Oil and Clean, Beautiful Coal. The motto of the reorganized department is established as "Terebra, mea voluptas, terebra" ("Drill, Baby, Drill"). 

The Department of Health and Human Services is eliminated. It's not the federal government's job to take care of you, and as an American, you are free to do your own research and make your own decisions about your health.

The Department of Homeland Security is expanded to incorporate 50% of resources from other disbanded cabinet offices. Its name is changed to the Department of Deporting Non-White Undesirables to more accurately reflect the primary focus of its activities.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development is eliminated. The federal government has no business interfering in real estate markets.

The Department of the Interior is eliminated. Presidentially-selected billionaires are better qualified to manage our national parks and resources than government bureaucrats.

The Department of Justice is plussed up and becomes the Department of Presidential Vengeance and Authority Maintenance;

The Department of Labor is downsized and renamed the Department of Corporate Management Support;

The Department of State is downsized and renamed the Department of Antagonizing Allies and Justifying Inconsistent Policy Positions;

The Department of Transportation is eliminated. We have all the roads and bridges and airports we need and they're safe enough. Those things are a state and local responsibility, anyhow.

The Department of the Treasury is downsized and becomes the Department of Enriching Corporations and the Wealthy, bringing it in line with its current function.

The Department of Veterans' Affairs is eliminated. Former Service members who can't pass gender-neutral physical fitness tests or deploy on a moment's notice should no longer absorb resources that can better be spent on the latest high-tech weapons.

Turning to the Cabinet-level offices, I recommend the following changes:

The Vice President remains. Somebody needs to attend funerals and perform other duties the President feels are unimportant, unpleasant, or boring;

The Chief of Staff is replaced by a drinking bird toy. Such a toy can be purchased for much less than the cost of hiring a professional chief of staff who simply nods agreement with the president all the time.

The Environmental Protection Agency is eliminated. It impedes the smooth functioning and profitability of business. 
 
The Office of Management and Budget is downsized to a single person. Only one employee is required to rubber-stamp presidential wishes;

The U.S. Trade Representative remains and is redesignated as the U.S. Tariff Threat Coordinator**;

The Ambassador to the United Nations remains, but is redesignated as Principle Spokesman for Delivering Threats and Supporting Autocrats

The Small Business Administration is eliminated. Small businesses negatively impact the profitability and operational flexibility of large corporations run by presidential campaign donors.  

The Director of National Intelligence remains and is refocused as the Director of Cherry-Picking Intelligence to Justify Presidential Actions; and,

The Director of Central Intelligence remains and is refocused as the Director of Explaining Complex International Threats to the President in Fourth-Grade Terms.

As long as Der Furor is intent on remaking the Federal Government, Washington, DC, and the rest of the country in his desired image, we may as well go whole hog.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I think we could save a lot of money if we just eliminate Congress, since we're not using it. In any case, it wouldn't surprise me if Der Furor decided to do that, anyhow, since he has only contempt for it. 

** The Administration prefers the use of "man" as the general designation of an incumbent, regardless of sex.

Sunday, May 10, 2026

Poetry Sunday/Mother's Day, 2026


Today is Poetry Sunday, but it's also Mother's Day. This year, instead of my traditional Mother's Day post in honor of the most important lady in our early lives, I'm going to share once again this wonderful poem by Carrie Shipers that speaks to the point each mother - and father, for that matter - reaches in the lives of their children.

Mother Talks Back to the Monster
by Carrie Shipers

Tonight, I dressed my son in astronaut pajamas,
kissed his forehead and tucked him in.
I turned on his night-light and looked for you
in the closet and under the bed. I told him
you were nowhere to be found, but I could smell
your breath, your musty fur. I remember
all your tricks: the jagged shadows on the wall,
click of your claws, the hand that hovered
just above my ankles if I left them exposed.
Since I became a parent I see danger everywhere-
unleashed dogs, sudden fevers, cereal
two days out of date. And even worse
than feeling so much fear is keeping it inside,
trying not to let my love become so tangled
with anxiety my son thinks they're the same.
When he says he's seen your tail or heard
your heavy step, I insist that you aren't real.
Soon he'll feel too old to tell me his bad dreams.
If you get lonely after he's asleep, you can
always come downstairs. I'll be sitting
at the kitchen table with the dishes
I should wash, crumbs I should wipe up.
We can drink hot tea and talk about
the future, how hard it is to be outgrown.

It's hard to be outgrown, isn't it? - to know that it's now your children that are worried about taking care of you and protecting you from your fears.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful ladies out there doing the world's most difficult job in a difficult time. We love you.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, May 09, 2026

Cartoon Saturday


Whoever the showrunners are this year need to be fired.

Much to the national dismay, Clarence Thomas, the first baby boomer to serve on the Supreme Court, has officially become the second-longest serving justice in historyin Mexico City, a nightclub has gone viral for charging Americans a nearly $300 cover charge, while citizens from any other country pay just $20 for access, and Mexicans and other Latin Americans pay only $14 ... according to the owner, "This is a response to a year of insults directed at us – as a country – by the United States;" health authorities across four continents are searching for passengers who left a cruise ship before an outbreak of deadly hantavirus was detected on board, and trying to trace potential victims who may have come into contact with them; a startup company in California is testing the concept of “distributed data centers,” which would encourage homeowners to allow placement of miniature data centers on their property that would network with other such centers to replace the gigantic data centers opposed by many communities; and in (where else?) Florida, a surgeon who killed a patient when he accidentally removed the man's liver instead of his spleen says "[it] was an incredibly unfortunate event that I regret deeply."

This week, because we all need some silliness we didn't elect, I thought a collection of cartoons featuring awful puns would be just the thing to take our minds off the state of things.

I wonder if this is actually covered in law school ...


It's not a serious attack - he's just egging them on ...


It's been around longer than we thought ...


You can just hear the rimshot ...


Well, if that don't beat all ...


Horror stories for children?


I guess which one you use depends on how formal the viewing is ...


Uh, oh ...


The mummy's curse ...


I guess they need a good place to chill after those long migratory flights ...


And that's it for this week's cartoon collection - hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for a Poetry Sunday salute to Mother's Day. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, May 08, 2026

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


It's time once again for another collection of great moments ... or not-so-great moments, depending on whether or not you were responsible ...

No wonder that pig was squealing ..


So, why bother applying? ...


I think they're going to have a hard time filling that vacancy ...


I would have thought that was part of the job description ...


It must have been quite some bleach job ...


What about the finger? ...


Service in arrears ...


I don't think I've ever seen a bathroom with a dance floor ...


It's never a good idea to hire the low bidder to do your translation work ...


I will not make the obvious comment about the results of Der Furor's last physical ...


And that's it for this week's collection of editorial and signage ya-ha's - I hope they helped get you through another Friday in the bizarre world of 2026.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday will feature cartoons with execrable puns. More thoughts then.

Bilbo
 

Tuesday, May 05, 2026

Updated MAGA Government Employment Aptitude Assessment and Placement Exam

 
In February of last year I published a document I received from a mole in the bowels of the administration - a copy of the application form for positions in Der Furor's regime. Since then, my source has provided an updated version, which I provide below for your information. 

MAGA Governmental Position Aptitude Assessment and Placement Exam, v2026.1

Thank you for your interest in serving in My Furor's Awesome Government for America (MAGA). This MAGA Governmental Position Aptitude Assessment and Placement Exam will help us evaluate your suitability for employment in the new and politically cleansed United States Government as of the date of your application. Please fill in the personal data requested in Part 1, then complete the exam in Part 2 by marking the appropriate answers.

PART 1
PERSONAL INFORMATION

Your Name: _______________________

Your Race:
a. ___ Caucasian
b. ___ Other (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Sex (there are only two choices):
a. ___ Male
b. ___ Female (attach photograph)
 
Your Religion:
a. ___ Christian (Trump Bible-observing denominations only)
b. ___ Other (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Estimated Net Worth (in billions of dollars, rounded to the nearest billion):
a. ___ 50
b. ___ 25
c. ___ 10
d. ___ 5
e. ___ Less than 5 (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Ethnic Background
a. ___ European
b. ___ Shithole Country (Stop here. No positions are available.)

If you claimed European ancestry in the previous question, which part of Europe does your family come from:
a. Northern Europe (Norway, Sweden) ___
b. Eastern/Western/Southern Europe ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

PART 2
GENERAL SUITABILITY EXAMINATION

1. Who won the 2020 Presidential election?
a. ___ Donald Trump
b. ___ Not Donald Trump (Stop here. No positions are available.) 

2. The Constitution consists of the Second Amendment and a variety of optional suggestions, subject to presidential interpretation, about government structure and function.
YES ___ 
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

3. The Founders clearly stated that the United States is a Christian nation, and that all other religions are crazy and cause terrorism.
YES ___  
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

4. "Climate Change" has no scientific basis, and people who believe in it are radical left lunatics who hate America and are probably terrorists.
YES ___ 
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

5. Do you support the development and use of alternative (that is, other than oil, coal, or natural gas) sources of energy?
YES ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)
NO ___

6. The United States is the most exceptional nation ever founded, is a shining example for the rest of the world, and is incapable of doing anything wrong; anyone who says otherwise is a sick, godless, radical left terrorist lunatic who hates America.
YES ___
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

7. The federal government must eliminate wasteful spending on woke and fraudulent things like welfare, education, food safety, public health, environmental protection, and foreign aid.
YES ___
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

8. The most effective solution to all political, economic, and social problems is the elimination of taxes on businesses and the wealthy, and the application of large tariffs on imports.
YES ___
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

9. Taxes on businesses, corporations, and the wealthy are counterproductive because they limit the economic success which eventually benefits the lower-income population.
YES ___
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

10. Democrats can only win elections through flagrant cheating and fraudulent voting.
YES ___
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

10. Do you have any educational background or practical experience applicable to the position for which you are applying?
YES ___ (Stop here. Education and relevant experience disqualify you for consideration for any position)
NO ___

11. Just to be clear, who won the 2020 presidential election?
a. ___ Donald Trump
b. ___ Not Donald Trump (Why didn't you stop after question 1? Get lost.) 

12. Has Donald Trump ever made a mistake or been wrong about anything?
YES ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)
NO ___

13. Anyone who disagrees with the correct answer to any of the above questions is a sick, godless, radical left terrorist lunatic who hates America.
YES ___
NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Thank you for taking the MAGA Government Aptitude Assessment and Placement Examination. If you incorrectly answered any of the questions above, please turn in your answer sheet, leave, and go to some shithole country where your godless radical lunatic socialist ways will be appreciated.

Don't call us. We'll call you. 


Choose wisely. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo