Poetry Sunday

Tomorrow is the national holiday of Memorial Day, on which we remember those who have died in the service of the nation, from the Revolutionary War to the war being waged in our name against Iran. It is a holiday with decreasing meaning to modern Americans, who are no longer used to the huge death tolls of our past wars and who observe it mainly by shopping Memorial Day sales and having picnics in the warm spring weather.

It's a day that had a much deeper meaning for our parents and grandparents, and the horror of war gave rise to generations of poets like Wilfred Owen, the British soldier poet killed in action in France just a week before the end of the First World War. 

Anthem for Doomed Youth

by Wilfred Owen

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?

Only the monstrous anger of the guns.

Only the stuttering rifles’ rapid rattle

Can patter out their hasty orisons.

No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;

Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,

The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;

And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all?

Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes

Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.

The pallor of girls’ brows shall be their pall;

Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,

And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

Have a good day, and on this weekend, remember those who died far from home and family so you could shop the sales and enjoy the picnics. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I never thought I could be so exhausted from simply trying to keep up with the news.

After nearly 11 years, comedian Stephen Colbert has gone off the air, likely because of a CBS network management desire to appease Der Furor; Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard announced that she will leave the regime on June 30th, ostensibly to spend time with her seriously ill husband; Der Furor dropped his $10 billion lawsuit against the Internal Revenue service in exchange for creation of a fund to reimburse his cronies prosecuted by the Biden administration and a blatantly corrupt agreement from the Justice Department to exempt himself, his family, his associates, and his businesses from tax audits in perpetuity; the United States has moved its consulate in Nuuk, the capital of Greenland, from a “little, red Nordic-style wooden house near Nuuk’s fishing harbor" to three floors in a new building on the main street, equipped with bulletproof glass, security grilles and space for armored vehicles, dubbed “Trump Tower” by local residents; and in Grand Traverse, Michigan, a woman arrested on charges of trespassing and suspected shoplifting was found to have concealed a full 750ml bottle of Pinot Grigot wine in her vagina.

This week, I thought a collection of cartoons about religion would be a good idea, before Der Furor's regime decides to smite you for laughing at them.

Sorry, no ...

That didn't age well ...

I feel the same way ...

Well, it's one way to choose your belief system ...

When deities compare their gripes ...

Moses meets Neptune ...

They always find a way to monetize the faithful ...

He's been a bad doughboy ...

How some people choose their idols ...

The good old days ...

And that's it for today's Cartoon Saturday salute to religion. Laugh now, before the Christian Nationalist Inquisition becomes the latest Cabinet agency. 

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for our final Poetry Sunday of the month. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

This will be our last collection of Great Moments for the month of May, so I tried to get a particularly good batch for you. Let's see how well I did.

I think I'd rather have the Deer Park water instead ...

I'm not sure this is the positive incentive they think it is ...

I wonder if "deranged" is better than "free range" ...

I hope it wasn't bought here ...

I don't know about you, but I'd love to hear the whole story ...

Ah, finally! A newsletter for the MAGA religious faithful ...

Every time I've bought stone, I've bought it by the ton, but I guess times change ...

I guess it says something about the quality of the candidates ...

Around here, the power outrage is caused by the data centers that are springing up like toadstools after a warm rain ...

Do you suppose it's AC chicken or DC chicken? ...

And that closes out another month of Great Moments in Editing and Signage ... I hope you got a chuckle out of the May collections.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll take a cartoon look at religion. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Ass Clown Special Award

Today, we present the third Ass Clown Special Award of 2026. I find it difficult to believe that I have to present this particular award, but such is the nature of our times.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I present this 

Ass Clown Special Award

to

The United States Department of Justice

The precipitous decline of the rule of law in the United States during Der Furor's spiteful second reign reached its nadir (so far, at least) this week when the Department of Justice (DOJ), now a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Trump Organization, settled Der Furor's legally and morally questionable $10 billion lawsuit against the Internal Revenue Service. The settlement came after Der Furor dropped his lawsuit, apparently to avoid the risk that the presiding judge would find it meritless, in exchange for the creation within DOJ of a $1.776 billion* "Anti-Weaponization Fund" that would use taxpayer dollars to "compensate" those (primarily on the angry right) who claim to have been victimized by a government supposedly weaponized against them by the previous administration. 

The motto of the DOJ is "Qui pro Domina Justitia Sequitur." This is a phrase the department itself finds difficult to translate, but roughly equates to "Who prosecutes on behalf of justice." It's an especially enigmatic motto for this moment in our history, because it could mean either (1) "Those trusted officials who prosecute criminals in the interest of justice," or (2) ask the question, "Who is prosecuting criminals in the interest of justice?" Under the "leadership" of the execrable Pamela Bondi and her replacement, spinely-challenged acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, the second translation is more accurate.

For all the self-righteous, frothing anger from radical right, it is clear that the actual weaponization of the federal government has been undertaken by Der Furor and a GOP-led Congress too spineless to stand up for the impartial rule of law that has always been the great strength of the American experiment. The complete submission of DOJ to the whims of Der Furor was first hinted by the hanging of a huge banner bearing his scowling image on the facade of the DOJ building in Washington

but it was made crystal clear by the creation of a slush fund of taxpayer money to "compensate" his foot soldiers who ignored the law and the Constitution while trashing the Capitol Building and beating police officers with American flags during the January 6th, 2021 insurrection 

But wait! - there's more!

Not only has the DOJ agreed to hand over our tax money to those who imagine themselves butt-hurt by a big, bad government that had the temerity to prosecute them for actual crimes, but it has given Der Furor**, his family, and his businesses the ultimate Get Out of Jail Free card - 

Read paragraph C: 

"The United States RELEASES, WAIVES, ACQUITS, and FOREVER DISCHARGES each of the Plaintiffs from, and is hereby FOREVER BARRED and PRECLUDED from prosecuting or pursuing, any and all claims, counterclaims, causes of action, appeals, or requests for any relief, including injunctive relief, monetary relief, damages, examinations or similar or related reviews, appeals, debt relief, costs, attorney's fees, expenses, and/or interest, whether presently known or unknown, thatas of the Effective Date of the Settlement Agreement-have been or could have been asserted by Defendants against any of the Plaintiffs or related or affiliated individuals (including, without limitation, family or others filing jointly), or parties including trusts, parent, sister, or related companies, affiliates, and subsidiaries, by reason of, with respect to, in connection with, or which arise out of (I) any matters that were raised or could have been raised in the Case or the Pending Agency Claims; (2) Lawfare and/or Weaponization; or (3) any matters currently pending or that could be pending (including tax returns filed before the Effective Date) before Defendants or other agencies or departments."

 The Reader's Digest version of the above is: Der Furor is forgiven for everything he's ever done, and the DOJ waives for all eternity the ability to hold him, his family, and his business empire to account for any crimes they may commit in the future. Historian Heather Cox Richardson has elegantly discussed this appalling travesty of justice her Letter from An American of May 19th, 2026, and legal analyst Joyce Vance elegantly commented in her "Civil Discourse" Substack early this morning that

"The optics of this are so bad that it’s hard to believe [Der Furor] would expose himself to their consequences unless he really needed this deal. The protection it offers must be essential in some way we are as of yet unaware of. The Supreme Court has already given [Der Furor] immunity from criminal prosecution for official acts, but paying taxes, personal business transactions, and a whole host of other activities fall outside of the scope of that protection. And the unusual waiver of the government’s ability to pursue civil claims could cover a whole host of possibilities, anything from recovering unpaid taxes to suing for unpaid White House meals that a president pays on his own. Beyond that, there is the protection for virtually everyone connected to him—”any of the plaintiffs or related or affiliated individuals,” an incredibly broad provision."

If you, as a taxpaying, law-abiding American citizen, are not horrified by this travesty of justice and mockery of our treasured concept of equal justice under law, you are officially beyond hope and deserve what you get. I only regret that you are willing to bring the rest of us down with you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, this Ass Clown Special Award, with the Poop of Distinction in Gold, is presented to Der Furor's Department of Justice. 

Need actual, impartial justice? Look elsewhere.

Have a good day, and remember all this when you cast your votes in the November midterms and the 2028 general election ... if meaningful elections are still allowed under the current regime. Der Furor is working hard to convince you that resistance is futile - don't let him succeed.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Wink, nudge.

** Don't forget that the Supreme Court has already given Der Furor a pass for criminal behavior: "... the nature of Presidential power entitles a former President to absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for actions within his conclusive and preclusive constitutional authority. And he is entitled to at least presumptive immunity from prosecution for all his official acts. There is no

immunity for unofficial acts."

Bilbo's Plan to Eliminate the Electoral College

This is a long post, but please bear with me.

One of the most frustrating things about being an American with friends and relatives overseas is having to explain and defend our presidential election system. Explaining gerrymandering is simple enough, although it reflects poorly on the fairness and accuracy of political representation, but what really makes people in other countries shake their heads is the concept of the Electoral College.

This bizarre method by which we elect our presidents grew out of arguments during the drafting of the Constitution. The larger, wealthier states believed that they deserved larger representation than the smaller ones ... and the smaller states, of course, feared that such an arrangement would result in a Congress that ignored their interests and concerns. After much negotiation, the solution was determined to be a bicameral system in which representation in the lower house (the House of Representatives) would be based on population (advantageous to the larger states), while the upper house (the Senate) would provide equal representation for all states, regardless of population.

Another issue was how the President should be elected. The members of the Constitutional convention were wealthy and well-educated men (no women, of course) who didn't have a lot of confidence in the ability of the average citizen to make an informed selection of their national leaders, and so they designed a system which would ensure that the President would be chosen by a smaller group of better-educated and wealthier citizens selected by the leadership of their states.  

The result is what we know today as the Electoral College. The Constitution (Article II, Section 1, Clauses 1-4, as modified by the 12th Amendment of June, 1804) stipulates that the President be elected not by direct popular vote, but by the vote of "electors" who are appointed by the political parties in each state in a number equivalent to the size of that state's representation in Congress - one elector for each Senator and Representative. With a Senate capped at 100 and a House of Representatives capped at 435, the total number of electoral votes is 538 (the other three electoral votes are allocated to the District of Columbia, which has no voting representation in Congress*, by the 23rd Amendment). The smallest states (by population) would have 3 electors, while the largest would have proportionally more ... at the moment, the state with the largest number of electors is California, with 54, while six states (Alaska, Delaware, North and South Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming) and the District of Columbia have only three. 

On election day, every eligible citizen votes not for a presidential candidate, but for their state's electors, who are pledged to vote according to the formula established by their state. Most states are winner-take-all, in which the electors pledge to cast their votes for the candidate who won the state's popular vote, while two (Maine and Nebraska) assign one elector per Congressional district and two statewide. A simple majority - 270 out of 538 - of the electoral votes is needed to win.

So, what happens if some or all of the electors disagree with the result of the popular vote and decide to vote for someone else? Given the raging partisanship in our current political system, it's not hard to imagine, say, electors belonging to the Republican party refusing to cast their votes for a Democratic winner. These are called faithless electors, and neither the Constitution nor Federal laws address the issue, although most states do. 

This is what we call, in precise and time-honored legal terms, an effin' mess.

The Electoral College is an anachronism that perhaps made sense as a way to finesse debate and get squabbling state representatives to agree on the whole Constitution, but it makes no sense in the 21st Century United States, for many reasons. The major one of these is that the voting blocs of the Electoral College are hopelessly corrupted by the widespread partisan gerrymandering of the states. Taking Texas (which started the current gerrymandering rush at the behest of Der Furor) as an example, if the 38 electoral votes based on House representation represent districts reliably crafted to ensure a GOP victory, all of the state's Democratic voters are effectively disenfranchised ... and the same would be true, in reverse, of a state gerrymandered for Democratic advantage.

The only truly fair system of electing the President and Vice-President is by direct popular vote, with every eligible citizen casting his or her vote for their candidate of choice. The 18th century political logrolling which made the adoption of the Constitution possible has long been overtaken by the explosive growth of the nation - geographically, economically, and politically.

It's time to drive a stake through the heart of the Electoral College by passing a Constitutional amendment to elect the President by popular vote and, while we're at it, consolidate and incorporate some of the changes made by previous amendments. Since Congress is too busy doing nothing to draft such an amendment, I've gone ahead and done it for them: 

Bilbo's Proposed Amendment XXVIII

Article II, Section 1, of the Constitution is amended as follows.

Clauses 1, 2 (as amended by Amendment XII), 3, and 4 are deleted in their entirety and replaced by the following:

The executive power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America, who shall serve as both Head of State and Head of Government. The President shall hold Office for a term of four years, and, together with the Vice President, chosen for the same term, shall be elected by the majority vote of eligible citizens of the United States. 

All persons who are citizens of the United States, whether native-born or naturalized, 18 years of age on election day, and not otherwise prohibited by federal or state law as punishment for a crime, are eligible to vote in presidential elections. 

Each eligible citizen shall have one vote, which shall be cast and counted according to the laws of the state in which they reside.

Congress shall specify the date of the Presidential election, which will be the same throughout the United States and shall be considered a federal holiday; however, planning for and execution of all elections shall be the exclusive responsibility of the individual states.

The designated election officials of the individual states shall certify the popular vote count according to the laws of their states and transmit the results to the Secretary of State, who shall tally the nationwide popular vote total and announce the official results.

Amendment XXII to the Constitution is revoked, and its terms incorporated into Article II, Section 1, as Clause 5. 

No individual may serve more than two terms as President, which need not be consecutive. An individual succeeding to the presidency because of the death, incapacitation, or removal of the President, regardless of the amount of time remaining in the term, may be elected to only one additional term of office. 

Amendment XXIII to the Constitution is superseded by the present amendment, and revoked. 

Congress shall have the power to enforce this article by the appropriate legislation.

*****

I'd also like to clean up, simplify, and incorporate the 25th Amendment on removal of a president for cause, but I need to give it some more thought. It'll work its way through my Blog Fodder file for a future post.

What do you think? Should we flush the Electoral College down the drain of history? Does my proposed Constitutional amendment do the job? How would you improve it? Leave a comment. If you like the idea, feel free to send it to your Senators and Reprehensives so that they can ignore it and continue fund-raising.

Have a good day. Today would be a good day to check voting registration status, and to make a plan to vote in every election - local, state, and federal. It's your civic duty, and if you don't vote you have no right to complain about the actions of the government that purports to represent you.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo 

* And that's another bizarre fluke of our system. 

Musical Sunday

One of my favorite singer/songwriters is the late Nanci Griffith. This 1994 song from her album "Flyer" has long been one of my favorites, and it resonates powerfully in our national time of trial and peril.

Here are the lyrics: 

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

We're living in a time of inconvenience

Compassion fails me with this meaness in the air

City streets are filled with violence

So we close our doors to the city

And pretend that it's not there

Here I go again

Back out on these mean streets

The evil seems to cling to the soles of my feet

Because I'm living in a time of inconvenience

At an inconvenient time

We're living in the age of communication

Where the only voices heard have money in their hands

Where greed has become a sophistication

And if you ain't got money

You ain't got nothin' in this land

But, here I am one lonely woman

On these mean streets

Where the right to life man has become my enemy

Cuz I'm living in his time of inconvenience

At an inconvenient time

And I've turned my cheek

As my history fades

While the clock ticks away

Any progress we've made

I never thought

I'd be ashamed to be human

Afraid to say

My time has seen its day

Because I'm living in a time of inconvenience

Living in a time of inconvenience

Living in a time of inconvenience

In an inconvenient time

This is a time of greed and power

Where everyone needs to have someone to shove around

Our children come to us for answers

Listening for freedom but they don't know the sound

And there they are, our children

Dumped out in these mean streets

The evil sweeps them up

And brings them to their knees

Because they're living in our time of inconvenience

They're living in the age of communication

This is a time of greed and power

This is a time that I wish was not mine

Because it's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

It's an inconvenient time

"This is a time that I wish was not mine." Truer words were seldom spoken.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

If I put up a 22-foot gold statue of me in my front yard, would you worship it?

Der Furor responded to a reporter's question about how he takes Americans' economic worries into account as he pursues his war with Iran by saying, “I don’t think about Americans’ financial situations, I don’t think about anybody. I think about one thing—we cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon;” in Japan, a company that manufactures the "Monster Wolf" - an animatronic scarecrow with flashing red eyes that howls and growls menacingly to scare away wild animals - is swamped with orders from persons afraid of bear attacks; CIA Director John Ratcliffe met with Cuban officials during a high-level visit to the beleaguered island; the latest attempt to invoke a war powers resolution to rein in Der Furor's war against Iran failed by a vote of 50-49 when Pennsylvania Democrat John Fetterman, a staunch supporter of the war, once again broke with his party and voted with Republicans; and in (where else?) Florida, a website featuring local news has closed down after its "local journalists" were exposed as AI-generated figures who republished content stolen from other sites, and whose Editor-in-Chief is not a real person.

This week, we take a cartoon look into the world of books and literature.

One upmanship ...

And if that doesn't work, try a sequel ...

She took a wrong turn coming out of the rabbit hole ...

When the apothecary has second thoughts ...

I wonder what books they were reading ...

That's just what they want you to think ...

I think her research may have been a little thin ...

She probably would have. And the book would have been more gripping ...

Do cockroaches really dream?

They subcontract to great Neptune's oceans ...

And that's it for this week's collection of cartoons - I hope it helped get your weekend off to a good start, and encouraged you to do some reading instead of sinking into your screens.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday serves up a beautiful and thought-provoking tune from the late Nanci Griffith. See you then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026

It's time to announce the second of our three Ass Clown awards for the month. As usual, the competition was fierce, but in my mind, the winner was clear.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026

is presented to

John Mark Burns

Televangelist, evangelical minister, and GOP political figure John Mark Burns, a "spiritual adviser" to the president, last week presided over the unveiling at the Trump National Doral Miami of a 22-foot golden statue of Der Furor, an event he called "... far more than a ribbon cutting. It was a moment of gratitude, honor, and remembrance,” in which he was joined by dozens of other religious figures. 

The blowback from other religious leaders was fierce, with many of them accusing Burns of idolatry and violation of the First Commandment*. The reaction was such that Burns was compelled to reply, claiming in a post on Twitter (now known as "X") that, 

"This statue was not created for worship. It was created as a symbol of resilience, patriotism, courage, and gratitude. It was created to honor a man whom many may disagree with, but millions of Americans believe has done extraordinary things to make this nation stronger."

He added,

"Let me be very clear: we worship the Lord Jesus Christ and Him alone."

Regardless of Mr Burns' protestations, the optics of a "pastor" blessing a golden idol that praises a man who embodies every one of the Seven Deadly Sins does not speak well of the piety and morality of himself or of the crowd of "religious" figures who joined him in the act. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026, is "Pastor" John Mark Burns - a man whose already thin religious credentials have been eroded by his idolatrous worship of a golden idol.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll take a cartoon look at literature. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* For those of you unfamiliar with it, it reads (depending on the version of the Bible you consult), "I am the Lord, your god; you shall have no other gods before Me."

The Ass Clown Awards - Looking Back, Looking Forward

On April 17, 2011 (fifteen years ago!) I presented the first of my Ass Clown awards - my way of singling out truly despicable people for acknowledgement of their contributions to poisoning the gene pool. The first winner was a neophyte political buffoon named Donald Trump, and I presented the award "in recognition of his boundless egotism and willingness to embrace long-discredited birther conspiracies in an attempt to make himself look like a meaningful candidate for president." 

Sadly, we all know how that worked out, and Der Furor (I can no longer bring myself to write or say his name) has received more Ass Clown awards over the past 15 years than any other individual - 21 awards, consisting of 12 individual awards, 7 shared awards, two Ass Clown of the Year awards (2015 and 2025), and a Lifetime Achievement Award presented in 2017 along with his 11th award).

Here are a few other historical observations and statistics about my Ass Clown awards:

1. As of today, I have presented 376 awards, slightly more than two per month.

2. The tradition of designating Ass Clowns by cheek (Right-Cheek and Left-Cheek) began in January, 2015. On July 31st of that year, a third available Friday necessitated a new designation - the On-Crack Ass Clown, which was originally suggested by my friend and fellow blogger John.

3. The burgeoning number of Ass Clowns led me to begin announcing the occasional Ass Clown Special Award, the first of which was presented to The Republican Party in September, 2020. I've presented a total of 25 Special Awards. 

 

4. I've presented 15 Ass Clown of the Year (ACOY) awards since 2011. Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell has won three consecutive times (2018, 2019, and 2020 - a record for successive wins), the Republican Party has won three times (2011, 2017, and 2023), Der Furor has won twice (2015 and 2025), and The American Electorate has won twice (2016 and 2024).  

5. In June of 2025, I introduced a system of designating multiple awards to the same recipient modeled on the military use of oak leaf clusters, stars, and other devices for that purpose. The second and subsequent Ass Clown Awards each earn a poison ivy cluster. The second, third, or fourth ACOY Awards earn the Poop of Distinction ... the fifth and each subsequent ACOY earns the Poop of Distinction in Gold. Unfortunately, this got to be too cumbersome, so I've stopped using it ... although I still like the idea of the Poop of Distinction, which I'm retaining for occasional future use.

Last month, in my post presenting the Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award for April, I wrote that 

"I wish I could give these awards to examples of a broader spectrum of ass clownery, but the staggeringly rich mother lode represented by the current administration in Washington has crowded out virtually every other potential awardee." 

In response to that plaintive wish, longtime reader allenwoodhaven suggested I might ease the selection problem by adopting a new category of Ass Clown awards that provides

"Some sort of special status, like Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for certain immigrants. They stay in that status until it's revoked but are otherwise (supposed to be) ignored. Their status is assumed. The equivalent could be Temporary Ass Clown Status (TACS). Repeat offenders or truly special first timers could earn the new status at your discretion. They then wouldn't be considered for regular awards because it would be assumed they're still Ass Clowns. If they ever stop being one, you could rescind it. That's probably unlikely."

I think there's merit in that suggestion. It lets me recognize ordinary levels of ass clownery without diverting attention from truly world-class ass clowns or needing to present a Special Award between cheeks. And so I have decided to introduce the Provisional Ass Clown (or PAC) award. PAC awards will be presented on an as-needed basis to ass clowns who deserve recognition, but do not rise to the level of a Right-Cheek, Left-Cheek, On-Crack, or Special award. The winner of a Provisional award can, of course, later be elevated to higher status by subsequent superior or continued acts of ass clownery.

Any comments? I don't have an inaugural PAC winner in mind yet, although the field is full of deserving weeds. 

Have a good day, and come back on Friday for the announcement of the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The President's Cabinet, Updated

A lot of things have changed in the United States since I was young. For instance, we used to have a functioning Congress* and a president who cared about the American people rather than revenge, ballrooms, triumphal arches, golden statues, golf weekends, and the color of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building and the Reflecting Pool.

I think we need to make some changes to the president's Cabinet to bring it in line with Der Furor's approach to government by graft, threats, and intimidation. At the moment, there are 15 Cabinet departments:

The Department of Agriculture;

The Department of Commerce;

The Department of Defense (not War);

The Department of Education;

The Department of Energy;

The Department of Health and Human Services;

The Department of Homeland Security;

The Department of Housing and Urban Development;

The Department of the Interior;

The Department of Justice;

The Department of Labor;

The Department of State;

The Department of Transportation;

The Department of the Treasury; and,

The Department of Veterans' Affairs

Another nine offices are "Cabinet-level," but are not actually part of the Cabinet. They are:

The Vice President;

The Chief of Staff;

The Environmental Protection Agency; 

The Office of Management and Budget;

The U.S. Trade Representative;

The Ambassador to the United Nations; 

The Small Business Administration; 

The Director of National Intelligence; and,

The Director of Central Intelligence

Here are my recommended changes to the Cabinet and Cabinet-level departments to better represent the management style and governing priorities of Der Furor and the increasingly "Christian" fascist Republican Party. Let's start with the Cabinet:

The Department of Agriculture is eliminated. Farmers complain too much and no longer provide consistent political support.

The Department of Commerce is downsized and renamed the Department of International Fiscal Extortion.

The Department of Defense (not War) is expanded to incorporate 50% of resources freed up from other downsized and eliminated departments, and is renamed the Department of Furious and Imperialistic Bellicosity.

The Department of Education is eliminated (actually already underway). Who needs an education when the average American doesn't think, anyhow?

The Department of Energy is downsized and reorganized to focus exclusively on coal and oil, and is renamed the Department of Oil and Clean, Beautiful Coal. The motto of the reorganized department is established as "Terebra, mea voluptas, terebra" ("Drill, Baby, Drill"). 

The Department of Health and Human Services is eliminated. It's not the federal government's job to take care of you, and as an American, you are free to do your own research and make your own decisions about your health.

The Department of Homeland Security is expanded to incorporate 50% of resources from other disbanded cabinet offices. Its name is changed to the Department of Deporting Non-White Undesirables to more accurately reflect the primary focus of its activities.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development is eliminated. The federal government has no business interfering in real estate markets.

The Department of the Interior is eliminated. Presidentially-selected billionaires are better qualified to manage our national parks and resources than government bureaucrats.

The Department of Justice is plussed up and becomes the Department of Presidential Vengeance and Authority Maintenance;

The Department of Labor is downsized and renamed the Department of Corporate Management Support;

The Department of State is downsized and renamed the Department of Antagonizing Allies and Justifying Inconsistent Policy Positions;

The Department of Transportation is eliminated. We have all the roads and bridges and airports we need and they're safe enough. Those things are a state and local responsibility, anyhow.

The Department of the Treasury is downsized and becomes the Department of Enriching Corporations and the Wealthy, bringing it in line with its current function.

The Department of Veterans' Affairs is eliminated. Former Service members who can't pass gender-neutral physical fitness tests or deploy on a moment's notice should no longer absorb resources that can better be spent on the latest high-tech weapons.

Turning to the Cabinet-level offices, I recommend the following changes:

The Vice President remains. Somebody needs to attend funerals and perform other duties the President feels are unimportant, unpleasant, or boring;

The Chief of Staff is replaced by a drinking bird toy. Such a toy can be purchased for much less than the cost of hiring a professional chief of staff who simply nods agreement with the president all the time.

The Environmental Protection Agency is eliminated. It impedes the smooth functioning and profitability of business. 

 

The Office of Management and Budget is downsized to a single person. Only one employee is required to rubber-stamp presidential wishes;

The U.S. Trade Representative remains and is redesignated as the U.S. Tariff Threat Coordinator**;

The Ambassador to the United Nations remains, but is redesignated as Principle Spokesman for Delivering Threats and Supporting Autocrats; 

The Small Business Administration is eliminated. Small businesses negatively impact the profitability and operational flexibility of large corporations run by presidential campaign donors.  

The Director of National Intelligence remains and is refocused as the Director of Cherry-Picking Intelligence to Justify Presidential Actions; and,

The Director of Central Intelligence remains and is refocused as the Director of Explaining Complex International Threats to the President in Fourth-Grade Terms.

As long as Der Furor is intent on remaking the Federal Government, Washington, DC, and the rest of the country in his desired image, we may as well go whole hog.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I think we could save a lot of money if we just eliminate Congress, since we're not using it. In any case, it wouldn't surprise me if Der Furor decided to do that, anyhow, since he has only contempt for it. 

** The Administration prefers the use of "man" as the general designation of an incumbent, regardless of sex.