Today is Friday, October 2nd, 2026, and it's the first Friday of a month that gives us not two, but three opportunities to present Ass Clown Awards (not counting any interim special awards). Since it's an election year, there are more potential awardees than usual, driven by the frantic search for elective office and consequent official self-enrichment at our expense.
But in looking at the vast tsunami of ass clownery swamping our poor nation, it seems to me that it might be worthwhile to present the award not to an individual, a group, or even an object (like the hideous Arc de Trump), but rather to a mystical incantation used to justify much of the other ass clownery that besets us.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I hereby present
The Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award for October, 2026
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to
National Security
Those of you who know me personally, or who have been following this blog for more than a few months, know that I am a veteran of 23 years of service in the Air Force, having retired long ago as a Lieutenant Colonel. I served in a strategic bombardment wing of the old Strategic Air Command, and as an intelligence officer in West Berlin when it was still surrounded by the infamous Berlin Wall. I worked on intelligence plans, requirements, and budgets on the Air Staff in the Pentagon, spent another twenty years supporting Air Force intelligence and cyber programs as a civilian contractor, and have a Masters degree in International Relations. I tell you this to let you know that I think I know something about (at least) the military and intelligence aspects of national security.
What is "National Security?" The basic definition offered by the Cornell Law School's Legal Information Institute is "... the ability of a nation to protect and defend their citizens." It goes on to add that "According to the U.S Department of Justice ... national security is also an umbrella term that includes 'national defense, intelligence and counterintelligence, international and internal security, and foreign relations.'"
Nowadays, though, National Security is less a concept or ability than it is a talismanic incantation, as I've written about before in this space. When all other arguments fail, invoke national security to get your way from compliant Supreme Court justices and slavishly servile members of Congress ...
Getting pushback on your expensive, over-the-top gilded ballroom? Stress the bunkers and drones and snipers that enhance national security.Nobody wants your garish and unnecessary "triumphal arch?" Emphasize its importance to national security and stress the number of snipers and drones it will house, and the vast amount of ammunition it will store*.Tired of all those black and brown people running around unsupervised? Round them up and deport them in the name of national security.Upset that American firms aren't able to compete with their foreign competitors? Invoke national security and launch salvos of tariffs.Worried that your policies and behavior are going to cost you and your party the election? Invoke national security to justify meddling in a process that has worked fine for 250 years.
You may recognize the image I used in this post to epitomize national security - the 700-foot high wall of magical ice that protected Westeros from the Wildlings and White Walkers in Game of Thrones. You can bet that Der Furor would build it along the northern and southern borders if he could, and that it would have plenty of drone ports and snipers and lasers and boiling oil to protect us from those of the wrong race, color, religion, or ethnic group who might dare try to enter Fortress America.
Abracadabra, NATIONAL SECURITY! - your Right-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2026.
I don't feel secure. Do you?
Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, as we start our annual month of Halloween-themed cartoons with ghosts ... bwa, ha, HAAAAAA! More thoughts then.
Bilbo
* In the middle of a traffic circle on a major roadway in a large city. Smart.
P.S. - I wrote this post before Missouri Senator Eric Schmitt beclowned himself in front of the Senate, the nation, and the world with a clumsy attempt to trap Judiciary Committee witness Jack Smith in perjury that blew up in his face. I was tempted to scrap the award to National Security and give it instead to Mr Schmitt, but I decided I could hardly expose his hapless ass clownery better than he'd already done himself. The memes write themselves.
B.
