With the arrival of July, the year begins its downhill slide toward winter and another six months of opportunities to recognize the superstars of ass-clownery. The only thing that grows faster than the dill and oregano in my garden is the pool of potential award winners, and I spend a great deal of time trying to sift the chaff from the other chaff to make good decisions. This period was a little more difficult than most for a lot of reasons, but I think I've made the right choice.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with a loud blare of vuvuzelas and a roll of drums, we announce selection of
The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2026
and the award goes to
Der Furor*
and
FIFA President Gianni Infantino
with dishonorable mention to
Federation Internationale
de
Football Association**
As the World Cup - one of the world's premiere sporting events - raced toward its exciting final games, a major game between the United States and Belgium was tainted before it even took place as a result of improper political interference in the sport on the part of Der Furor.
During a game between the United States and Bosnia-Herzegovina,
star American player Folarin Balogun received a red card and a one-game suspension from a referee after stepping on the ankle of Bosnian player Tarik Muharemovic. The red card award would have been controversial in any case, given the high stakes of World Cup games and the lesser penalties for other similar actions, but the one-game suspension meant that Balongun, the U.S. team's star scorer, would miss a critically important match against Belgium.
Well, we can't have that, can we? Der Furor - who cares about soccer and the World Cup only insofar as it provides an opportunity to demonstrate his view of American exceptionalism - called his friend Gianni Infantino*** (president of FIFA, the sport's
notoriously corrupt world governing body) to complain about the penalty and to denigrate the referee as "very suspect." After their conversation, FIFA announced that the red card and one-game suspension awarded to Mr Balogun would be lifted, allowing him to play in the match against Belgium.
The reaction from other teams and national governments was, unsurprisingly, swift and angry, calling into question the integrity of the game and the legitimacy of the outcome of the pending U.S. - Belgium game. Der Furor, of course, saw nothing wrong with yet another of his "perfect" phone calls†, this time to “... a man who’s highly respected, and by the way, whose level of respect has gone up tenfold.” For his part, Mr Infantino denied doing anything wrong, claiming that the decision to lift Balogun's penalty was made by FIFA’s disciplinary committee.
The U.S. team
lost the game to Belgium - bigly - on Monday evening by a score of 4-1, in spite of the presidential thumb on the scale.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown award for July, 2026 is shared between Der Furor and FIFA President Gianni Infantino, who have managed to cast a damaging political pall over the world's premiere sporting event, and to once again make the United States look like a spoiled bully.
But wait! There's more!! Mr. Balogun has become an example for defenders of birthright citizenship, the right enshrined in the Constitution that gives automatic citizenship to children born in the United States to foreign parents, which is despised by Der Furor and his MAGA base. It seems that Mr. Balogun - the star scorer of the U.S. men's soccer team - was born in the United States while his parents, who were born in Nigeria and lived in London, were on a trip. If Der Furor had his way, Folarin Balogun would be shooting goals for some other country. You couldn't make this stuff up.
Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll raise our glasses to celebrate ... wine! See you then with more thoughts.
Bilbo
* Twenty-second award.
*** And the individual who dreamed up the silly "FIFA Peace Prize" to bestow upon Der Furor.
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