Sunday, July 31, 2022

Musical Sunday


I've loved the music of Charlie Dore ever since her big hit "Pilot of the Airwaves," which I later used as the theme song for my radio show. She's always been a great lyricist, but I think she really excelled with this wonderful song from her latest album, "Like Animals" ...


"No matter how strong, they always fall;
He picks up the dust - 
They're just collateral"

Nowadays, we're all just collateral.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, July 30, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Oh, for Pete's sake ... what did Congressional Republicans vote against now?

President Biden and Chinese leader Xi Jinping spoke for two hours as the Chinese government raged over a prospective visit to Taiwan by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi; Senate Republicans pitched a political hissy fit over Democratic legislative successes by voting against a hugely popular bill to provide medical aid to veterans ... which they overwhelmingly supported a month agoSupreme Court Justice Samuel Alito  mocked world leaders who criticized last month's ruling that overturned American abortion rights; Russia claimed that 40 Ukrainian prisoners were killed by a Ukrainian artillery strike, while the Ukrainian government charged they had been "brutally executed" by the Russians; and in the Japanese neighborhood of Ogori, 60 people have been attacked in their homes by monkeys since the beginning of July.

After a certain age, we think about things like insurance of all sorts. So do cartoonists, but they start earlier and have a lot to work with ...

I'm always amazed that more people haven't caught on to the scam that "access to" insurance and "insurance" aren't the same thing ...  


Pick your god whose acts aren't covered ...


The insurance racket has become very specialized ...


This is how insurance actually works* ...


You have to read the terms very carefully ...


Organized crime has to worry about insurance premiums, too ...


When you come right down to it, life is a pre-existing condition ...


I'm sure that this is actually a real thing ...


There's that fine-print thing again ...


Well they would, wouldn't they? ...


And there you have it ... your last Cartoon Saturday for the month of July, 2022. I hope you enjoyed it, and that all your insurance premiums are paid up so that you can argue forcefully ... if uselessly ... when they refuse to pay up when you finally need it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you tomorrow for Musical Sunday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* There was a great "Wizard of Id" cartoon years ago in which the Lackey introduced a life insurance agent to the king. The king asked, "what's life insurance?" The agent replied, "Think of it as a wagering game, your majesty ... we bet that you will live long enough to pay us more in premiums than you will ever get back in benefits." The king asked, "what happens if I die young?" The agent said, "You win!"

Friday, July 29, 2022

The On-Crack Ass Clown for July, 2022


This month is one of two in this year (December will be the other) in which the alternation of Fridays between Great Moments in Editing and Signage and Ass Clown Awards results in the ability to recognize ignorance and despicable behavior by awarding a third award for ass-clownery - the On-Crack Ass Clown*. Given the rate at which ass clowns are rising to the challenge of demonstrating their qualifications, I could present these awards weekly ... but will stick to the alternating-week schedule in order not to overwhelm my readers with depression at the state of humanity.

And so it is that I use the third opportunity of the month to present the award for

The On-Crack Ass Clown for July, 2022


to

Viktor Orban


Hungarian President Viktor Orban has made himself a darling of hard-core European nationalists with his strident anti-immigrant policies and authoritarian rhetoric. In a speech delivered last week, Orban railed against immigration from non-European countries, saying

“There is a world in which European peoples are mixed together with those arriving from outside Europe ... Now, that is a mixed-race world.”

He went on to say that in "our world" (by which he means white and "Christian")

“people from within Europe mix with one another. This is why we have always fought: we are willing to mix with one another, but we do not want to become peoples of mixed-race.” 

Orban's rhetoric has become so extreme that after this speech, one of his closest associates resigned, stating in a stinging resignation letter that his comments were unacceptable even by the standards of “the most bloodthirsty racist,” and adding, “I don’t know how you didn’t notice that you were presenting a pure Nazi text worthy of Goebbels.”

Orban is also approvingly viewed by European nationalists and far-right American conservative activists for his authoritarian rule and condemnation of liberal democracy. Fox News announcer Tucker Carlson broadcast his show from Hungary last year in an admiring show of support for Orban's governing policies, and the Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) held its first European conference in Hungary this year because it views Hungary under Orban as "one of the bastions of the conservative resistance to the ultraprogressive 'woke' revolution."

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, the On-Crack Ass Clown for July, 2022, is Hungarian President Viktor Orban - a man so intolerant that even one of his closest supporters for more than 20 years has abandoned him, even as he is idolized by American conservatives terrified of the threat posed by those who have the gall to look, live, and worship differently from them. 

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when we try once again to lift your spirits with Cartoon Saturday. See you then!

Bilbo

* Thanks to my friend John for suggesting this name for the third award presented in a single month!

Monday, July 25, 2022

The Road to January 6th


Like many of you, I watched last Thursday's televised hearing of the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol with a mixture of anger, sadness, and disbelief. The evidence of Der Furor's manifest unfitness for any position of adult responsibility ... much less the presidency ... is overwhelming, and the damage he has done to the nation and the world is almost beyond calculation.

But as awful as the legacy of Der Furor is, I think he was but the most recent logical bump in the torturous road down which the country has been heading since the creation of the Republic. 

We Americans are a feisty and contrarian lot, with a baked-in suspicion of and disrespect for authority that goes back to our successful revolt against a king who tried to exercise power and authority over us that we were unwilling to accept. Once we'd become an independent country, though, we needed to figure out how to govern a loose confederation of states that didn't really want to be governed by anyone else. Our first attempt to form a government resulted in the Articles of Confederation, which produced a national administration too weak to manage thirteen fractious former colonies, each with a "you're not the boss of me" attitude. We went back to the drawing board and came up with the Constitution, a flawed document we've managed to make work partly because of periodic amendment to fix major issues and partly because - until the advent of Der Furor - we've had presidents, legislators, and jurists willing to cooperate within a shared set of values and united by a love of country. 

But the suspicion and disrespect for authority that's baked into our national DNA has never quite gone away, and we've allowed it to grow and fester until it manifests itself in things like heavily-armed militias, Second Amendment zealots, white supremacists, "constitutional sheriffs," election denial, and the utter lunacy of the QAnon movement. How did we get to the point at which our sanity check has bounced?

Mistrust and suspicion of government authority - even within the government - has been building at an increasing rate since at least the presidency of Ronald Reagan and his assertion that "In the present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem." The fundamental difference between the conservative/Republican and liberal/Democratic approaches to governing has hardened into a belief on the right that government should be as small, cheap, weak, and non-intrusive as possible, and on the left that government should be large and powerful enough to better the lives and fortunes of ordinary citizens ... and the twain ain't meeting.

But it's more than that.

Look at our popular books and films, and consider that a major theme of many of them is government malfeasance and abuse of authority. As far back as 1962, the novel Seven Days in May (and its 1964 film version) envisioned an attempt by a military-political cabal to seize control of the US government. Rogue government agents and their flagrant violations of the rights of American citizens are a popular theme, as are corrupt government officials, police on the take, etc. Is it any wonder that impressionable Americans believe their officials and institutions are irredeemably corrupt?

The news media fuels this public cynicism by focusing relentlessly on the things that go wrong, rather than on - or at least, mentioning in passing - the things that go right. This reflects a belief that the job of the fourth estate is to hold government's feet to the fire and courageously expose its wrongdoing, not to applaud it for doing its job ... but it contributes to the perception that everything is wrong and everyone, everywhere is corrupt.

And, of course, our political parties have done their part. Members of Congress are elected noncompetitively in districts gerrymandered to provide safe party control rather than to represent the actual choices of the electorate. Time that might be spent in legislative work is devoted to fundraising to cover the huge cost of political campaigns. Popular legislation is blocked for spurious political reasons in order to prevent the opposition party from achieving any successes that might improve their approval ratings. "Debates," when they are held, consist of ad hominem attacks and scripted talking points often unrelated to the softball questions asked by the moderators, who are selected so as to be the least objectionable to both sides. The right and duty of a sitting president to nominate Supreme Court justices is shamelessly blocked to allow the packing of the court with religious conservatives who will advance a blatantly religious agenda in defiance of the Constitution.

And the vast amounts of money needed to fund election campaigns leave officeholders beholden to the special interests who provide that money, ensuring that legislation reflects the interests of corporate and special interest donors rather than those of ordinary citizens. 

All of these things, taken together, have created an electorate with a cynical, yet sadly realistic view of a government owned by special interests and completely uninterested in any concerns more complicated than arranging tickets for a White House tour or obtaining a flag flown over the Capitol. The realization that elected officials have no particular interest in the welfare of the average citizen made even an unqualified and egotistical blowhard like Der Furor, whose only real skill was riling up crowds by sticking a finger in the eye of the status quo, seem worth betting on. That appeal was summarized by New York Times opinion columnist Bret Stephens in this insightful article, in which he admitted having misunderstood why the 45th president was (and remains) so attractive not only to his most devoted followers, but to ordinary citizens desperate enough for something better than government as usual that they would elect a boorish ignoramus like Der Furor to the chair once held by towering figures like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

As journalist Henry Mencken observed many years ago, 

"As democracy is perfected, the office of the president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

And,

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary."

Thus, we find ourselves menaced by the shrieking hobgoblins of Critical Race Theory, migrant caravans, Antifa, BLM*, and satan-worshiping cannibalistic pedophiles, which serve to distract us from the very real hobgoblins of climate change, drastic economic inequality, surging gun violence, and a general worship of ignorance.

It's taken 233 years, but we seem finally to have reached the culmination of the pressures and desires and political cognitive dissonance that drove the founding generation. We've paved for ourselves the road that led to January 6th, 2021, and beyond it to a future darker than I could ever have feared.

Have a good day. Think hard about the country you want for your children and grandchildren, and vote accordingly.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Not, of course, the Bureau of Land Management, which surely receives its share of threatening phone calls from idiots who assume it's burning down our cities to combat racism.

Sunday, July 24, 2022

Poetry Sunday


We're well into the second half of July now; summer is marching on toward fall, and with it the start of school in September and the tensions rising toward the midterm elections in November. Today's poem by Louis Jenkins reminds us that Mother Nature is waiting in the wings to extract her winter payment for the joy of the summer days, hot though they may be.

July
by Louis Jenkins

Temperature in the upper seventies, a bit of a breeze. Great
cumulus clouds pass slowly through the summer sky like
parade floats. And the slender grasses gather round you,
pressing forward, with exaggerated deference, whispering,
eager to catch a glimpse. It’s your party after all. And it couldn’t
be more perfect. Yet there’s a nagging thought: you don’t really
deserve all this attention, and that come October, there will be
a price to pay.


Don't worry about the heat. You'll be complaining about the cold soon enough.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, July 23, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Okay, okay ... I'll come out from under the covers long enough to give you your weekly cartoon fix ...

The International Union for the Conservation of Nature added the beautiful migrating monarch butterfly to its “red list” of threatened species and categorized it as “endangered” — a designation two steps from "extinct;" the latest hearing of the House committee investigating the January 6th insurrection demonstrated that Der Furor did nothing to call off the mob attacking the Capitol and threatening to murder the Vice President, choosing instead to watch the violence on Fox News from his private dining room in the White House; electrical utilities across the US are struggling to keep up with the demand caused by a heat wave of historic proportions; a man was arrested and charged with attempted assault after attacking Representative Lee Zeldin, the Republican candidate for New York governor, with a knife at a campaign rally; and in India, the Chief Minister of Punjab state was admitted to the hospital after he drank a glass of water from a heavily-polluted holy river in a seriously misguided attempt to demonstrate it was safe.

Because most of our national political news is for the birds, I thought this week I'd post a collection of cartoons about - of course - birds ...

Polly wants a keyboard ...  


Clever! ...


What a show-off ...


Because of course it does ...


Trouble in the nest ...


I always wondered how they decided on their positions ...


Oops ...


Sample collection ...


I guess I'm not the only one who does that ...


Good question! ...


And that's your bird's-eye view for Cartoon Saturday ... I hope it gave you a chuckle to help you cope with the past week and helped get you ready for the one to come.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Friday, July 22, 2022

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


And away we go ...

Ah, who cares? ...  


You have to wonder why this sign was necessary ...


When there just aren't enough hours in the day ...


I think I'd just leave the teeth, thank you very much ...


Maybe these would be better than the ones found at the sewer plant ...


Well, yes, that would indeed be a pretty unmistakable sign ...


There's value in diversifying your business in today's economy ...


This genetic modification thing is just getting out of hand ...


I didn't know it required fuel ...


So, this coupon is valid when? ...


And that's it for this week's collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage. Don't forget to send me pictures or scans of your favorite bloopers ... I'll even give you credit when I use them!

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then. 

Bilbo

Sunday, July 17, 2022

Musical Sunday


I've featured songs by The Parody Project several times on previous Musical Sundays, because they're devastatingly and brilliantly satirical. This week, the group offers a new parody based on the Irish folk song "Lily the Pink." You will not be surprised to find that the color stressed in their song "Anthem for the Insurrection" is orange, rather than pink ...


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Saturday, July 16, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Can we find the person who organizes these weeks and just shoot him (or her, or pronoun of choice) into space?

NASA released the first stunning images from the Webb Space Telescope, their quality far exceeding the most optimistic expectations of the scientific community; the Department of Homeland Security's inspector general announced that the Secret Service deleted agents' text messages from January 5th and 6th, 2021, after being ordered to produce them by oversight officials investigating the agency's response to the January 6th riot; in true fashion, Der Furor's announcement of his ex-wife Ivana's apparently accidental death included a link for contributions to his PAC; six people were killed in a twenty-one vehicle crash on Interstate 90 in Montana caused by a huge dust storm; during his visit to Saudi Arabia, President Biden raised the issue of the murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi, which the Intelligence Community assesses was ordered by the Saudi crown prince ... predictably, the Saudis denied any responsibility; and in England, doctors are recommending that people help cope with the extreme heat wave by not wearing underwear, but warn men against possible injuries when closing zippers.

I'm feeling old and grouchy this morning, so I figured I'd offer up a set of cartoons about the joys and pitfalls of advancing age.

Yes, it's a lot of fun, even if the title is honorary ...   


The trailer we want to see ...


They need to add a fifth horseman for Aches ...


I can relate ...


Breakfast of geriatric champions ...


Apologies for those of you not familiar with the classic character of Pippi Longstocking ...


The need for that supplement package is getting more important by the day ...


It's been a long time since I was able to move without sound effects ...


Yes, there's a downside to healthy living ...


Shack! ...


Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Musical Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, July 15, 2022

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2022


I quite honestly don’t know how to wrap my head around the level of toxic ass clownery that seems to get worse by the day. Whether it’s in the realms of government, entertainment, media, or whatever, we seem to be on the way to a world of ass clownery so vast that the James Webb Space Telescope couldn’t see all of it.

I had to grit my teeth and keep a barf bag handy as I wrote this week’s award. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, designation as

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2022


is assigned* to

Representative Jim Jordan (R, OH-4)


Mr Jordan already has made a name for himself as one of the noisiest, yet least effective members of Congress, using his committee positions to angrily browbeat witnesses in the hope of scoring sound bites for the conservative base while authoring not a single significant piece of legislation. His only claim to Congressional fame is as a bomb-throwing, full-throated advocate for Der Furor and owner of the libs.

Mr Jordan descended to new depths of smug depravity this week when he issued a tweet accusing a ten-year-old rape victim forced to travel to another state for an abortion of being a liar. 


When the story was proven to be true, Mr Jordan reacted in typical fashion by quietly deleting the tweet and, when challenged by a reporter to explain why he'd deleted it, Jordan replied with an astounding leap of fact and logic, “Well, because we learned this was an illegal alien that did this heinous crime. So we deleted the tweet.” Further asked if he had apologized to the victim and her family for accusing her of lying, Jordan fired back at CNN reporter Manu Raju,

“I never doubted the child. I was responding to a headline from your profession, the news profession, which happens all the time on Twitter. I doubted Joe Biden, which is usually a smart thing to do.”

Even a despicable bottom-feeder like Jim Jordan can find new depths of angry depravity to plumb.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2022, is Ohio Representative Jim Jordan - a shining example of the depravity represented by today's increasingly authoritarian and undemocratic Republican party.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. I'll have calmed down and have more thoughts by then.

Maybe.

Bilbo

* This is Mr Jordan's second award. He was previously the Right Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2019.

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Preamble, Shmeamble


The Preamble to the Constitution is one of our most famous and frequently cited pieces of American history. In case you need a refresher (and nowadays, most Americans do), here it is:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

A while back, in a post titled "So, How's That Constitution Thing Working Out for You?," I examined the stirring words of the preamble in light of current events and what today passes for civic behavior. Today, I offer a rewrite of the Preamble for an era the Founders would never recognize or accept:

We the Wealthy, White, Christian citizens of the United States, in order to preserve our political power, ensure justice appropriate to the race and economic station of each individual, insure domestic tranquility by militarizing the police and strengthening their qualified immunity, provide for the common defense by fully funding the defense industry, promote the general welfare insofar as such promotion does not create a culture of dependence which turns lazy individuals into public charges or limit the funding available for corporate welfare programs, and secure the blessings of liberty to those belonging to traditionally American racial, economic, and religious groups, do ordain and establish this updated Constitution for the United States of America. If you don’t like it, leave.

The chances of actually updating our entire Constitution to clean up the Founders’ errors and clarify their intent are less than zero, but updating the Preamble to bring it up to date is at least a start.

Have a good day. Be careful how you vote in November, or that change to the Preamble may come sooner than you expect.

More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo


Monday, July 11, 2022

The Gettysburg Address as Delivered by Der Furor


Last week we observed the anniversary of the Civil War battle of Gettysburg, and the memory of the brief, but powerful speech President Abraham Lincoln delivered at the dedication of the military cemetery after the battle ... his "Gettysburg Address" remains one of the most moving speeches ever delivered by an American president. Sadly, the quality of political oration has been greatly reduced since Mr Lincoln's time, leading Washington Post columnist Peter Marks to comment that “... if you’ve ever listened to some of the desultory rhetoric from the well of the Senate, you know that American politics has not exactly built an assembly line of Ciceros.”

All of which has led me to wonder how a speech in the style of the Gettysburg Address might have been delivered by one of the most cringe-worthy presidents and worst public speakers of our time, Der Furor ...

"Seventy-six years ago, my father brought forth your favorite president - me! - because only I can make America great again. Now the radical left Democrats have started a great culture war, testing whether my MAGA followers, our religious freedom, or our beloved Second Amendment, can survive much longer. My followers have come out to listen to my huge and unmatched wisdom. They have come to boost my ego and swell my bank accounts as I fleece the nation. It's the right thing for you to do, but you must do even more if you want to help save America. The brave patriots who stormed the Capitol have given you an example far above my great powers of intelligence and persuasion, as hard as that may be to believe. The world will forever remember what I say here, and it should, because I have the best words. But you need to keep up the unfinished work our Republican senators and representatives and judges and office holders have started, because you're very special, and we love you. You have to make sure that the heroes of January 6th - who were punished by the disgraceful Democrats for nothing more than peacefully protesting a stolen election - don't serve their prison terms in vain, that this nation - under me, of course - shall continue to stack the Supreme Court and pass laws which ensure that the white Christian right remains supreme, that we keep the freedom to carry whatever guns we want, and that government of the corporate donors, by the corporate donors, and for the corporate donors, shall not perish from Washington. Don't forget to donate to my PAC on your way out."

It's satire, of course ... but not all that far from the truth.

Have a good day. Vote in November like your country depended on it ... because it does.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Sunday, July 10, 2022

Poetry Sunday


I think about growing old a lot less than I used to. I am old, after all ... at least compared to a lot of the self-important young clowns who hang out at the mall. Nevertheless, we old fogies know how to relate to each other, as Ken Hada tells us in today's poem ... 

Old Men
by Ken Hada

I make it a point now
to wave to old men I pass
old men standing in shade
of a yard, maybe
a daughter's place
where now he's just a tenant
trying to understand role reversal.

I raise my forefinger
As I steer country roads or pass
Through tired neighborhoods.
Most return a wave or nod Howdy.
Driving gives you some perspective,
shows you how you might end up.

We allow something
now, especially those of us sitting
on porch swings, those
who never got around to going
somewhere, those
who still feel like something 
somehow is missing.


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. And wave to an old guy - he'll appreciate it.

More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Saturday, July 09, 2022

Cartoon Saturday


Two Saturdays into July, and it doesn't look a whole lot better than June ...

The owner of a Colorado funeral home has been arrested and charged with selling human bodies or their parts for scientific or educational purposes; WNBA star Britney Griner has gone on trial in Russia on drug-related charges, although her arrest and trial are likely politically motivated; UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has resigned, probably to spend more time with his hairdresser; South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham says he will fight a subpoena to testify before a special grand jury in Georgia investigating Der Furor’s attempts to subvert the 2020 election; and in San Antonio, Texas, a man celebrating the Fourth of July in true Texas fashion was killed instantly when he lit a mortar-style firework on top of his head … the mortar apparently fired backwards into his brain, with predictable results.

Okay, once again this week it's a collection of random cartoons. I'll get back to the themed collections eventually ...

I think everyone who has an MRI has had this nightmare at some point ...  


It wouldn't surprise me ...


This is the sort of shopping advice I get from my wife before I head out to do the grocery shopping ...


The dangers of relying on the wrong history when you make moral decisions ...


That's a big "uh, oh" ...


Everything's going modern ...


The story behind a famous work of art ...


My eagle-eyed friend Gonzo Dave would approve of this one ...


Seems logical ...


If I were ever to end up back in the dating pool ...


And that's it for another edition of Cartoon Saturday ... I hope it helped you cope with the rigors of the past week. Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then. 

Bilbo