Friday, February 28, 2020

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020


I find it somehow disheartening that I could probably give out an Ass Clown Award weekly ... if not daily ... rather than every other week. The condition of society and politics has resulted in a veritable flood of cringe-worthy ass clownery that threatens to overwhelm my ability to ration myself to a mere two selections per month. It's a dirty job that even Mike Rowe wouldn't want to take on, but I'm here for you, letting you know that the award for

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020


is presented to

Vice President and White House Potted Plant
Mike Pence
(Third Award)


You may not have heard much about Mike Pence, even though he's the Vice President of the United States and the designated coordinator of the government's response to the building Coronavirus pandemic. That's because his major qualifications for his position are the adoring gazes he directs at Der Furor, and his matchless ability to keep his head down and avoid overt connection to the worst excesses of the administration.

As governor of Indiana, Mr Pence botched the state's response to the HIV outbreak, at one point saying "I'm going to go home and pray on it," rather than taking immediate action on measures to combat the infections. He has absolutely no qualifications to manage a public health emergency other than his fawning obsequiousness to Der Furor.

One suspects that Der Furor's intention in appointing Mr Pence to direct the Coronavirus response is to provide a high-profile scapegoat to blame when the response falls short ... as it well could, because Der Furor has already slashed CDC budgets and gotten rid of the experts who might have been helpful in developing an effective campaign.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020 - receiving his third award* - is Vice President and Coronavirus Czar** Mike Pence. We're in good hands ... he'll begin deploying thoughts and prayers immediately.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. You know you need it.

Bilbo


** They're not actually calling him a "czar" ... Der Furor said at his news conference announcing the appointment that, “Mike is not a czar, he’s vice president.”  This is probably because a "czar" could be construed to rival a "president" in rank and prestige, and we can't have that, can we?

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Musical Sunday


Bad trips? You could be on the Diamond Princess, or you could be on the Sloop John B ...



Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


It's been the sort of week that makes you wish booze came in bigger bottles ...

Der Furor replaced his acting Director of National Intelligence with a new, unqualified (but presumably loyal) acting Director of National Intelligence, after flying into a rage over a new Intelligence Community assessment that Russia is still meddling in our electoral processes on his behalf; Secretary of State Mike Pompeo announced that the United States plans to sign a peace deal with the Taliban on February 29th; in Hanau, Germanym a man suspected of ties to right-wing extremists murdered 14 people, many of them Turkish, before murdering his mother and committing suicide; and Der Furor's friend Roger Stone, convicted on multiple counts of witness intimidation and lying to Congress, was sentenced to 40 months in jail ... which, given Der Furor's penchant for taking care of his friends, he is probably unlikely to serve.

Agnes and I recently decided to purchase unlimited passes for our local movie theater, which has turned out to be a remarkably good deal for a pair of retired people who can go to the less-well-attended matinees and enjoy the shows without a lot of background noise and annoying cell phone users. So, how about a collection of cartoons about theater and movies for today, eh?

The cost of food and drinks at movie theater concessions seems to be calculated by the same folks who brought you prescription drugs*. Here are a few riffs on the subject of movie snacks ...

Even with a senior discount, the price of snacks for two can approach that of dinner at a chain restaurant ...


I wonder why theaters don't have bank branches next to the concession stands to process the loans ...


I suppose that's an option ...


I don't understand why people would want to watch movies on a telephone screen. The screen of my iPad Pro is barely big enough ...


Truth in advertising ...


Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't ...


I don't think it's a very popular genre ...


We calculated that our unlimited passes would pay for themselves if we saw two or three movies a month at the senior discount rate. So far, it's working that way ...


Forsooth ...


Do you suppose it was as big a problem in the Bard's day? ...


Cut!! That's it for this week's collection of theater- and movie-related cartoons. At least you can enjoy them without worrying about whether or not Der Furor will insert himself into the business. Oh, wait ... he says "Parasite" didn't deserve to win Best Picture. Never mind.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow and sail away on the Sloop John B for Musical Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* They're serious about it, too. Last week, the ticket taker at the local cineplex wanted to search my Herrentasche to make sure I wasn't smuggling in any contraband snacks.

Friday, February 21, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Here we go again ...

I think I lived here when I was a college student ...


At that price, why not buy two? ...


It's tasty, and the wires serve as a handy floss ...


Worth every penny ...


Maybe it's not all it needs ...


A problem we haven't had this year. Yet. ...


Now, that's a useful survival tip! ...



We Pittsburghers learned this long ago ...


There's nothing like a full-service hospital, is there? ...


And that's it for this week. Be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, where we'll offer a handy distraction from the horrors of the past week. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Poetry Sunday


I featured this poem by John O'Keefe once before a few years back, but as we come down off the high of Valentine's Day, it seems to be a good choice once again ... for a closet romantic and a linguist, both!

Amo, Amas
by John O'Keefe

Amo, Amas, I love a lass
As a cedar tall and slender;
Sweet cowslip's grace is her nominative case,
And she's of the feminine gender.

  Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
  Harum, Scarum divo;
  Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
  Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Can I decline a Nymph divine?
Her voice as a flute is dulcis.
Her oculus bright, her manus white,
And soft, when I tacto, her pulse is.

  Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
  Harum, Scarum divo;
  Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
  Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Oh, how bella my puella,
I'll kiss secula seculorum.
If I've luck, sir, she's my uxor,
O dies benedictorum.

  Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
  Harum, Scarum divo;
  Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
  Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Have a good day and a great weekend, in whatever language you speak and with whomever you love. More thoughts later.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


I don't know about you, but after this week I need some laughs.

Der Furor claimed that he has a right to intervene in any criminal case he chooses; in a move certain to enrage Der Furor, the Justice Department has formally declined to pursue criminal charges against former acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe; celebrity attorney Michael Avenatti has been convicted of trying to extort the Nike sportswear corporation; more than 63,000 people in China, including more than 1700 medical personnel, are confirmed to be infected with coronavirus; and in an unusual Valentine’s move, a Russian army lieutenant arranged to have 16 tanks surround he and his girlfriend in a heart shape as he asked her to marry him.

Back when I was doing my radio show, my Valentine's Day program always featured songs about divorce, breakups, lost love, and so on. Today, we continue by moving the tradition of the Anti-Valentine's Day show to Cartoon Saturday ...

That's one way to look at it ...


Forsooth! ...


There's an app for that ...


Nice twist on an old joke ...


Then and now ...


Uh, oh ...


Since there's no cure ...


When lawyers wed ...


Yes. Yes, they do ...


I shop here a lot ...


Yes, Dear Readers, I love you all!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

Friday, February 14, 2020

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020


Yes, it's that time again ... a new month and a vast army of ass clowns clamoring for attention. But this time, there's absolutely no competition - the runaway choice for

The Right Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2020


is the second award* for the most well-qualified individual in ages,

United States Attorney General
William Barr


Attorney General Barr has set new standards for the politicization of the Justice Department and for slavish devotion to Der Furor. Consider:

After a hectoring tweetstorm from Der Furor, Barr's Justice Department reversed its sentencing recommendation in the case of Der Furor's friend and confidant Roger Stone - a blatant kowtow to political pressure that resulted in all four federal prosecutors who worked on the case removing themselves, and one of them quitting the Justice Department altogether. Der Furor reacted to this move by tweeting his praise of Barr for "taking charge" of the case, but piously denied having intervened in the case himself.

Barr also recently announced that he would be the sole decision maker on federal investigations of presidential candidates. While this might be viewed as a useful filter to ensure that investigations are justified, Barr's record as a devoted follower of Der Furor leads to obvious conclusions about which campaigns will be okayed for investigation ... hint: Der Furor needn't worry. 

And he also announced that the Justice Department was establishing an "intake process" for the receipt of political dirt on former Vice President Joe Biden and his family gathered and submitted by Der Furor's lawyer Rudy Giuliani.

There are many terrifying aspects to the administration of Der Furor, whose default setting seems to be "automatic autocratic"**, but the shameless perversion of the Department of Justice is probably the worst. That craven Republican members of Congress simply salute and fall in line with it is every bit as horrifying.

In a fairly transparent attempt to protect his image and control the damage, Barr told a reporter in an ABC News interview on Thursday that he wants Der Furor to "stop tweeting" and that his comments make it "impossible" to do his job as the head of federal law enforcement. Barr also maintained that
Der Furor has never asked him to intervene in a criminal case (blatant imagery to the contrary), but piously intoned that Der Furor's comments surrounding the recommended sentence for convicted felon Roger Stone have damaged the image of the Justice Department, which is supposed to be completely impartial in the administration of justice. Barr also gravely noted that “I’m not going to be bullied or influenced by anybody ... whether it’s Congress, a newspaper editorial board, or the president.”

Methinks the tool doth protest too much.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February is Attorney General William Barr - a man who has become one of the best reasons to vote to flush the pipes in November.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and be sure you're registered to vote. More thoughts tomorrow, on Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

* Read the first award here.

** Thanks to CNN's Chris Cuomo for this expression.

Sunday, February 09, 2020

Musical Sunday


With apologies to Jimmy Buffett and a shout-out to the Parody Project, here's a song about someone else wasting away ...



He's right ... nothing's ever his fault. Everything's perfect. Just read the transcript ... oh, wait ... there's actually no transcript. Sorry, my bad.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, February 08, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


A few more weeks like this and I'll be volunteering for that one-way mission to Mars ...

Hollywood legend Kirk Douglas passed away at the age of 103; Der Furor was acquitted following his impeachment by the House and a vague stage set of a trial in the Senate ... after which he began purging witnesses who'd testified against him ("flushing out the pipes," in the words of an advisor to Der Furor); the Chinese doctor who tried to issue the first warnings about the deadly coronavirus outbreak, but was threatened by police to keep silent, has died of the infection (it's not a good idea to tell the truth in China, either); according to acting Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf, the administration will no longer allow residents of New York to enroll in Global Entry or other Trusted Traveler programs because of “sanctuary” policies that limit federal access to state driver’s license data; and in Florida, police conducting a routine traffic stop found a bag full of drugs labeled "Bag Full of Drugs" in the stopped car.

This week there's no particular theme for the cartoon collection ... just a random group of new ya-ha's from my collection ...

I really think this is true ...


I remember being there long ago ...


If this is true, I'm buying a dozen. Or a gross ...


I always wondered how they did that in the old days ...


Yes, that's pretty much how it works, except that you end up with both in the long run ...


What the GOP senators were all thinking this week ...


Truth ..


Everclear would work ...


I did the screaming for him ...


Easy enough to tell the difference ...


So much for helping you get over the past week. Next week, you're on your own.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Friday, February 07, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


It's a new month, and we all need something to laugh at besides the Republican excuses for Der Furor's behavior ...

It's the only kind that Der Furor will allow to be served in the White House ...


The utility company has a good plan ... you, probably not so much ...


I've always suspected this was true ...


The disguises probably help ...


That's a pretty safe offer ...


I don't know what else to say about this one ...


Talk about great ad placement ...


"My darling rat" ...


Smile, Ruth and Shawn ...


Except for the arsenic? ... Your GOP-controlled EPA is hard at work keeping you safe ...


Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday helps you recover from the shocking news of the past week.

Bilbo