Tuesday, October 18, 2011

33 Steps Toward Personal Growth and Fulfillment

Yesterday at work, I received the notice that it's time once again for our managers to write our annual evaluations. This means that it's time for those of us in the trenches to try to remember all the good stuff we've done in the past year and remind our managers about it so that they forget all the things we screwed up. This can be hard, but it can also lead to a period of self-examination and renewal.

Here, from the Blog Fodder file, are some appropriate thoughts ...

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

23. False hope is better than no hope at all.

24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute ... I'll find someone.

27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

And now, off to help Agnes with her latest project before heading off to work...

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

This is a handy list to have stashed away.

Mike said...

Ahh the good ol' ROA. Record of Accomplishments. A true liars fest. We had one guy that could generate volumes. If he talked to you for a couple of minutes about your project during the year, it would wind up on his ROA.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thirty-three excellent things to think about. You have a inner calling as a philosopher! Consider a 34th one: cultivate deniability.

Banana Oil said...

While in some cultures what you do might be considered normal, does that also apply to participation in performance reviews?

KathyA said...

I think you should copy and paste this to your manager. If, when he/she reads it, and you notice him/her agreeing, you can run like hell.

Bilbo said...

Amanda - Oh, I have!

Mike - True. The higher you go up the ladder, the more work of others you can take credit for.

Angelique - An excellent addition, particularly useful for those in government positions.

Banana Oil - I'm sure that's true, although I'm always hesitant to use the term "normal" in referring to myself.

Kathy - Sadly, I have nowhere to run. My current philosophy of job maintenance is "hunker down."