Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Spam Roundup

It's time once again to explore some of the weirdly amazing things that have shown up in my e-mail in-boxes over the last few weeks ... punctuation and spelling are as in the originals ...

I seem to get a lot of e-mail from "President Trump" - the latest one is titled "How to gain wealth in 2017." I know this is spam, because there's no policy Mr Trump advocates that will result in my gaining wealth in 2017 or ever. If the GOP has its way, Social Security will be gutted and Medicare will be slashed, which will pretty much wipe out any illusory "tax cuts" I'd be eligible for (if I were rich enough to be eligible for them ... although living in a cardboard box in an alley would probably save money over my mortgage payments.

Russian brides are so 2016 ... now I'm being offered Ukrainian brides in an e-mail which offers video chats in which I can "care for the lonely women." Although I do, in fact, know several absolutely beautiful Russian and Ukrainian women, I think I'll pass on the opportunity to import any others.

From the Department of How on Earth Did They Get My Address comes an e-mail from "Miracle Bust" with the subject line, "Before and After Results: Natural Breast Enlargement."

"Matt Roberson, MD" sent me this interesting message: "This hidden muscle makes you look 10 lbs lighter." The joke's on him ... I'm over 65 - all my muscles are hidden.

"Keranique" says that I can "Regrow Thicker, Longer, Stronger, Healthier Hair." The problem is, it will probably grow in my ears and nostrils.

"Burial Insurance for Seniors" is still after my business, urging me to "Protect loved ones with burial insurance - details inside." Yes, I'm going to hurry up and click on that one right away.

Here's an interesting one: "Megan Kelly Controversy" sent me an e-mail with the subject line, "NBC Hires Megan Kelly After Controversial Drug Discovery." Hmmm ... if anyone were on drugs, I'd think it would be Kellyanne Conway, but I'm not interested in more information about either lady.

"Joel" has sent me one e-mail offering "Grandma & grandpa's 2 min ritual for rapid fatloss" and another with the subject line "Grandparents shed flab fast." I suspect they have something to do with recommending divorce attorneys.

"Cannabis Gummies" is offering me the chance to "Legally Buy Cannabis Extract in All 50 States (9072014)." I'm not sure what the "9072014" in the subject line means; it's probably the paragraph number in the US Code that lists the federal penalties for the purchase of cannabis extract.

Spam. What would we do without it?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when we crown our Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

Bust enhancer ads: designed to make you insecure. Oh, where is my Nigerian prince or the Boob Fairy?

Mike said...

They should be selling breast reduction surgery to old guys.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

There was a Mississippi brides ad once.

Hell Hound said...

Bulgarian airbags are the only foolproof breast enhancers.