What Type of Pooper Are You?

Not long ago, I ran across this fascinating article: There Are Two Types of Poopers—Which One Are You?

The article posits that there are two types of poopers: temporal and locational. A temporal pooper prefers to defecate at the same times every day, regardless of location, while a locational pooper wants to drop loads only at a particular place ... usually at home or some other preferred location ... without regard to time. I, myself, am neither of these; I'd call myself a necessity pooper, in that I go when the need arises, regardless of time or location*.

Okay, so we have temporal, locational, and necessity poopers ... are there other types?

Of course there are! In addition to the three standard types described above, we have several that apply to specific social and political groups, such as:

MAGA poopers, who don't care where or when they poop, but are obsessively fixated on the poop provided by Der Furor and his acolytes.

Alpha poopers, who proudly poop wherever and whenever they want, in the most ostentatiously masculine way possible.

Originalist poopers, who care less about the actual act of pooping than about whether they poop exactly as the Founders did.

Textualist poopers, who believe that pooping must be conducted according to the letter of long-established pooping traditions, regardless of any subsequently-approved changes that may have altered the original description.  

America First poopers, who insist on ensuring that only those legally authorized to do so may poop within the borders of the United States.  

And that's the straight poop.

Have a good day, however you poop. If you've identified any other types, let me know. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Although I won't use just any facility when duty calls ... I may hold a record for longest-held poop when I was in Copenhagen, Denmark, and the only nearby facility was too staggeringly filthy for normal human use.