Shaken (Up), Not Stirred

If you are a Faux News sort of person and despise National Public Radio (NPR) on principle as a leftist commie pinko waste of the broadcast spectrum, you would have missed this March 1st report on NPR's Planet Money show: Is There Really A Difference Between Expensive Vodka And Cheap Vodka? As it happens, my poison of choice is gin*, but we do have a few bottles of vodka of various flavors in the freezer for special occasions, like thirst, and so my ears perked up when this report came on.

If you don't care to read the transcript of the show (linked above), here's the key point: There is actually a federal law - 27 CFR 5.22(a)(1)** - that requires all vodkas to be more or less identical. The text of the law reads,

“'Vodka' is neutral spirits so distilled, or so treated after distillation with charcoal or other materials, as to be without distinctive character, aroma, taste, or color."

"Without distinctive character, aroma, taste, or color." What this means, of course, is we consumers pay a very hefty price for a super-premium brand-name vodka that - by law - is virtually indistinguishable from the cheapest bottle on the lowest shelf at your local spirits store.

Who knew?

When I first met Agnes and was trying to impress her with my worldliness and savoir faire, it didn't take her long to realize that I was selecting wines based on the attractiveness of the label ... if it had a picture of a castle or a few naked ladies cavorting with bunches of grapes, it had to be good, right? She soon straightened me out on that. But here we are, 36 years later, horrified to discover that the elegant, frosted-glass bottles of premium vodka prominently displayed at our bar are ... well ... pretty much the same as the cheap stuff, particularly when mixed with other ingredients.

I need a drink.

Of course, the distillers of the super-premium vodkas like Grey Goose, Belvedere, Skyy, and so on see things differently, particularly for their flavored vodkas. But if you're living on a tight budget and trying to economize ... if, for instance, you're a school teacher wondering how you're going to afford the gun and ammunition the NRA and the GOP want you to bring to your classroom on top of everything else ... isn't it good to know that plain old bottom-shelf vodka offers you a chance to save money without compromising your standards?

Bottoms up!

Have a good day, and drink responsibly (and cheaply, where possible). More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* I have made my own gin at home, using a kit my daughter bought for me at a local cooking store and, as the base liquid - plain, cheap vodka. It was actually pretty good, too.

** Here's how to read the whole citation: 27 CFR 5.22 = Title 27 (Alcohol, Tobacco Products, and Firearms) of the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR), Chapter I (Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, Department of the Treasury), Subchapter A (Alcohol), Part 5 (Labeling and Advertising of Distilled Spirits), Subpart C (Standards of Identity for Distilled Spirits), Section 5.22 (The Standards of Identity).

"Calculated Misery"

In the wake of the moral, economic, and public relations disaster that resulted from the beating and forcible removal of a paying customer from a United Airlines flight last week, there's been a lot of discussion of exactly why such a monstrous thing could happen. Many reasons have been put forward, ranging from the morality of capitalism to devaluation of individual rights and dignity in a me-first culture. Another interesting explanation comes in this article by Alex Abad-Santos, writing in Vox - “Calculated Misery”: How Airlines Profit from Your Miserable Flying Experience.

The bottom line is this: because we are always seeking to pay the lowest price for the goods and services we buy,

"... (the) airlines ... use “calculated misery” to make their baseline products and services so low-quality and unpleasant that lots of people will be willing to pay more to avoid them."

Think of all the things about flying that used to be included in the cost of your ticket: your luggage, the seat of your choice (when it was available), snacks (on short flights) or meals (on longer ones), and enough leg room that your knees didn't prevent you from wearing a headset. Now, of course, you may pay a relatively low price for your ticket, but you are nickel-and-dimed to death for all the things that used to be included. The article points out that although the calculated misery model is used to some degree in other businesses (you pay extra for bacon and cheese on your basic hamburger, for instance), the airlines have taken it to new heights* (when you go into a restaurant, you don't pay extra for all the members of your family to sit together at the same table).

If, to get the lowest possible fare, you are willing to be miserable for the length of a flight, jammed into a middle seat with no legroom and hoping you can board early enough to put your too-large "carry-on" bag into an overhead bin before they're all full, that's fine. But the airlines are working hard to make sure that the level of misery you are willing to accept will be exceeded by a margin large enough that you'll swallow all the extra fees for the things that used to be included.

The calculated misery model may be the wave of the future as businesses intent on maximizing profits try to attract customers who have less and less disposable income ... or even jobs. And the ability and willingness to pay for improved levels of service will be a new marker of class distinction in society.

And who knows how far it will go? As far back as 1997, the satirical online newspaper The Onion ran this story: U.S. Offers PlatinumPlus Preferred Citizenship:

"By becoming a PlatinumPlus citizen, you join an exclusive club of elite Americans ... And as part of that club, you'll be eligible for many special benefits, including tax breaks, excusal from jury duty, and vacations at special PlatinumPlus Caribbean resorts, which are off-limits to ordinary, EconoBudget citizenry. It's our way of saying thank you to our best customers ... And, of course, there are never any annual fees ... PlatinumPlus citizens—selected according to a number of demographic factors, including age, race and socio-economic status—will enjoy a wide variety of other benefits, including immunity from speeding tickets; separate, no-wait lines at over 50,000 post-office locations nationwide; and wider, more comfortable window seating ... After just one year in the club, members can also begin earning extra votes for elections. 'Wouldn't you like to earn up to five bonus votes for the next presidential election?' said U.S. Rep. Roger Wicker (R-MS), a co-sponsor of the measure. 'With your new PlatinumPlus citizenship, you can.' According to Wicker, those at the highest level of the new program, or "Diamond Club" citizens, will enjoy additional rewards, including a pass good for acquittal from one crime (misdemeanor or felony), a no-interest credit line of up to $500,000 and, for able-bodied male PlatinumPlus members between ages 18 and 35, excusal from the draft should a foreign war arise."

I can see the Trump administration jumping on this like a hobo on a hot ham sandwich.

So ... are you okay with calculated misery as a way of keeping prices down? Are you okay with the PlatinumPlus Preferred Citizenship that - in many ways - is available to the top 1% today? If so, I'm happy for you.

But, whiner that I am, I'd be happier if we could just go back to the quaint concept of equality of opportunity as the basis for getting that aisle seat. Or a tax break.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Sorry.

Non-Functional Slack Fill

Because I enjoy cooking and because pepper is one of my favorite spices, I perked up when I heard NPR's take on this story on the car radio yesterday morning: McCormick Sued by Minnesota Competitor over Amount of Pepper in Tins.

It seems that McCormick, one of the leading marketers of spices in the US, has reduced the amount of pepper in its containers by 25%, but without packaging in smaller tins or making any outward changes in its packaging other than the small-print "net weight" label on the tin ...

The suit, filed by competing Watkins, Inc, contends that McCormick is gouging customers by not making it clear that they are being charged the same price for 25% less product. 

At issue is an obscure (to consumers, anyhow) manufacturing and packaging concept called "slack fill" - the amount of empty space left in a package once the proper amount of product has been put into it. There are two kinds of slack fill: "functional" and "non-functional." Functional slack fill serves a useful purpose, as when a bag of potato chips contains a large amount of empty space to prevent the chips from being too tightly packed and crushed*, or a product requires a certain extra amount of air space to keep it fresh. Non-functional slack fill, in contrast, is unnecessary empty space left in a package of a particular size to create the illusion that the package contains more product than it actually does.**

One could argue that the emptor ought to be caveating more carefully ... that the customer is responsible for carefully reading the labeling on the package to be sure of what he or she is buying. But in the case of the McCormick pepper tins, the size and design of the container had remained unchanged for many years, and so a customer would probably assume that it contained the same amount of pepper that it always had, see no need to check the labeling more closely, and end up paying more for less***.

Since I usually buy my pepper and other spices at Penzey's, McCormick's pepper-marketing shenanigans don't directly affect me. But I think that the concept of non-functional slack fill has wider applicability.

Consider the current crop of presidential candidates. It seems to me that the very considerable difference between their campaign rhetoric and the mundane details of how they propose to deliver on their empty promises constitutes a prime example of political non-functional slack fill.

Another example is movie trailers, which invariably show the most dramatic and exciting two minutes of the film, artfully packaged to obscure the fact that the rest of the movie is devoid of content and interest.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Watch out for the non-functional slack fill in other areas of life and commerce, because as much as we might wish it so, some people just ain't honest.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for the naming of April's Left-Cheek Ass Clown.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Which is why a bag of chips has a note on it warning that it has been packed by weight, rather than volume.

** Some of you may remember the famous "where's the beef?" commercials from the Wendy's chain, in which a chain called "The Home of the Big Bun" created the illusion of a huge hamburger, but with a tiny beef patty. Same idea.

*** Pretty much what we do when our taxes are used to pay Congressional salaries.