Christmas Day, 2025

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians* around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, an opportunity for hypocritical politicians to tweet biblical verses they neither understand nor follow, and a month of generally uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts have replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family and friends. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads anxious to stoke the culture wars for political gain moan bitterly about an imagined “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to be exposed to religious holiday ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry conservatives fervently believe that, thanks to Der Furor, they are now permitted to say "Merry Christmas" rather than such detestable and divisive salutations as "Happy Holidays," "Season's Greetings," "Happy Hanukkah," "Joyous Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," or "Happy Festivus." Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove some displays from public places, or to install others more to their religious (or non-religious) liking. The Grinch lives on.

The once-happy season is increasingly characterized more by Scrooge than by Santa. Being of good cheer becomes increasingly difficult because of poisonous differences among family and friends over tribal politics and differing visions of the country’s history and its future. It’s hard to understand how people we love can be blinded by the disgraceful lies and bullying of Der Furor and his adherents. And it’s difficult to feel good about celebrating when so many people’s lives are lost or ruined by wars in Ukraine, Gaza, and other places Der Furor claims to have brought peace.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and good will toward men**?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their political and cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like human beings instead of despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, racism, religious bigotry, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. It's just got to be better than this one ...

Have a peaceful, loving, and reflective day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Real Christians who follow the example of Jesus Christ, not the noisy, ignorant, arrogant, heavily-armed, and intolerant sort so prevalent here in modern America.

** Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

The Cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas, 2025 Edition

One of the most popular traditional Christmas songs is "The Twelve Days of Christmas," which documents the cascading list of gifts "my true love gave to me" over the course of twelve days. Each year at this time, various banks and other organizations estimate the cost of the gifts, which ends up being ... well ... pretty substantial. According to PNC Bank, the total cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas for 2025 - counting the repetition of the gifts in each verse of the song - is $218,542.98, up 4.4% from last year.

That's all well and good, but I think that this year, we need to look at the gifts of the twelve days of Christmas in a manner that actually reflects the current political and economic environment ...

The traditional gifts are:

A Partridge in a Pear Tree;

Two Turtle Doves;

Three French Hens;

Four Calling Birds;

Five Gold Rings;

Six Geese a-Laying;

Seven Swans a-Swimming; 

Eight Maids a-Milking;

Nine Ladies Dancing;

Ten Lords a-Leaping; 

Eleven Pipers Piping; and,

Twelve Drummers Drumming.

Let's see how they're all faring this year.

First of all, scratch the Partridges, Turtle Doves, French Hens, Calling Birds, Geese, and Swans. The Centers for Disease Control, under the "direction" of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, has deemphaized research into and emphasis on the development and employment of vaccines that control diseases like ... bird flu. Thus, birds - as potential carriers of deadly avian-borne diseases - should be eliminated from the gift list.

Forget the Pear Trees ... Der Furor's Executive Order 14225 of March 1, 2025 ("Immediate Expansion of American Timber Production") opened up huge stretches of forests to commercial logging, which means that pear trees will be in increasingly short supply and their cost will skyrocket. 

Maids a-Milking are in short supply, as many of the people working in such low-level farming jobs have questionable immigration status and have either been scooped up and deported in ICE raids, voluntarily returned to their home countries, or gone to ground so as not to draw attention to themselves. If you can find any, you can probably get them cheap, although you'll risk prosecution for harboring criminal illegal aliens.

Dancing Ladies, Pipers, and Drummers are decreasing in number as a result of the administration's slashing of support to music and the arts. Those that remain may be willing to work at reduced rates just to have jobs.

Gold Rings remain a viable gift, but have been overshadowed by emphasis on cryptocurrencies and, for the MAGA faithful, by the $TRUMP memecoin as an expression of their slavish devotion to Der Furor and his relentless monetization of the presidency. "Five Trump memecoins" still follows the rhythm of the original song.

Finally, there should be plenty of Lords a-Leaping available for this year's Twelve Days of Christmas list. Der Furor's Executive Order 14351 of September 19, 2025, established the "Trump Gold Card" program to "facilitate the  entry of aliens who have demonstrated their ability and desire to advance the interests of the United States by voluntarily providing a significant financial gift to the Nation" - such gifts to start at a minimum of $1,000,000. This will encourage not only "lords" (with traditional hereditary titles and inherited fortunes) but plenty of otherwise unremarkable and often boorish ... or even criminal ... nouveau riche whose only qualification for citizenship is wealth with which to buy it. 

I'm sorry, but "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is probably not a very good holiday song this year. Better luck in 2026.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Updating Christmas Music for Safety and Inclusivity

At this time of year (actually, starting around Labor Day), we roll out all the classic Christmas music we've come to love over the years. These traditional tunes help lift our spirits and put us in the holiday mood, but one has to admit that they come from a different era. It's time we thought about whether or not those classic tunes reflect the ideals of inclusivity and safety we recognize today, and so I present some examples of how some of our popular Christmas music might be adjusted to better suit the legal and social needs of the present day ...

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh,

O'er the fields we go,

Laughing all the way.

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing

A sleighing song tonight!

Review Comments: A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh can be certified as safe for transporting members of the public. This assessment must consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Safety considerations may dictate the use of two or more horses, particularly if the sleigh is to travel over extended distances which could not be safely covered on foot by stranded passengers if a single horse expires during the trip. Note: permission must be obtained from landowners before entering any fields considered private property. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, laughter must remain at moderate levels and bells on bobtails must be equipped with noise dampening devices to minimize undesirable noise pollution.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched

Their flocks by night,

All seated on the ground,

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around.

Review Comments: The International Brotherhood of Shepherds and Nomadic Animal Caretakers has filed a lawsuit alleging that long-established health and safety regulations are violated by forcing shepherds to watch their flocks seated on the ground, without the provision of appropriate ergonomic seating; therefore benches, stools, or orthopedic chairs (when required by a doctor's certification) must be made available on demand. The Brotherhood also demands that, due to inclement weather conditions frequently encountered during the Christmas season, flocks be watched either via closed-circuit television cameras mounted in grazing areas or by drone-borne cameras, monitored from inside centrally-heated and insulated observation huts. In addition, angels of the Lord must be prohibited from shining glory all around prior to ascertaining that each shepherd has been issued safety glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UV-A, UV-B and glory.

We Three Kings of Orient Are

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar.

Field and fountain, moor and mountain,

Following yonder star.

Review Comments: While the gift of gold, which is considered legal tender and may be redeemed at a later date, is considered acceptable, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are inappropriate due to the potential risk of allergic reactions from oils and fragrances. Suggested gift alternatives include hypoallergenic skin creams and lotions which have not been tested on animals, donations to worthy causes in the king's name, or gift cards from local businesses. Traversing kings should also be discouraged from relying on astral navigation; instead, use of a suitable GPS navigation device to provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption is recommended. Camels employed to carry kings also require regular food, water, and rest breaks, and animal welfare regulations require the attendance of at least one trained veterinarian for each three camels. Because the repetitive action of the camels' hooves on sand creates high levels of airborne dust and other particulates, wear of appropriate HEPA-certified face masks is required both for kings and any accompanying support personnel.

Away in a Manger

Away in a manger,

No crib for a bed…

Review Comments: Social workers will be surveying mangers and similar places of temporary lodging throughout the season, and may remove any child found there to a place of safety pending further action against parents or other persons who may be found guilty of neglect by not providing adequate bedding and shelter for a child in their care. After a formal case study has been carried out and fully reviewed by the appropriate Child Protective Services organization, criminal proceedings may be instituted.

Little Donkey

Little donkey on the dusty road,

Got to keep on plodding

Onwards with your precious load.

Review Comments: The ASPCA has instituted strict guidelines regarding permissible maximum load and weight distribution levels for donkeys, mules, oxen, and other beasts of burden; these guidelines are carefully calculated according to the stature of the animal ("little," "big," etc). Additional guidelines govern feeding schedules and the number and duration of rest breaks required per given period (typically, four hours) of plodding. Due to the increased risk from inhalation of dust and other particulate pollution from primitive roads, HEPA face mask guidelines apply (see previous comment under We Three Kings of Orient Are) for both animals and riders. Reference to donkeys as "little" is considered demeaning to an animal of diminished stature; a simple "Donkey" is the preferred form of address. Finally, if donkeys (or other protected beasts of burden) are employed to carry loads characterized as "precious," the caretakers of said animals are required to carry, and show on demand to appropriately-identified officials, evidence of theft and liability insurance.

 The Little Drummer Boy

Little baby, pa rum pum pum pum

I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum

I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum

That’s fit to give a King, pa rum pum pum pum

Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum

On my drum?

Review Comments: There are multiple issues here, beginning with provision of age-appropriate labor in the music industry for "little boys" who are, in addition, "poor;" this must be referred to Child Protective Services to ensure compliance with child labor laws. From both a public nuisance and a medical perspective, the sound of drumming, especially at night, raises noise abatement issues as well as the need to asses both the impact of repeated percussive noises on the developing ears of young infants and the potential for repetitive wrist injuries from performing excessive pa rum pum pum pums.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Do you hear what I hear?

A song, a song high above the trees

With a voice as big as the sea

Review Comments: This song is, unfortunately, grossly insensitive toward individuals with diminished hearing capacity, and should not be performed without either subtitles or an accompanying sign language interpreter. There is also the issue of the effect of "a voice as big as the sea" on the unprotected hearing of audiences; a major study done by a team of qualified audiologists is necessary to assess the potential dangers. In addition, as noted above, noise abatement laws must be taken into account.

Ho, ho, ho and all that. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming, with or without musical accompaniment.

Bilbo

Christmas Day, 2023

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians* around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but annoying to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, an opportunity for hypocritical politicians to tweet biblical verses they neither understand nor follow, and a month of generally uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family and friends. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads anxious to stoke the culture wars for political gain moan bitterly about an imagined “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to be exposed to religious holiday ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry fools object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday greeting. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove some displays from public places, or to install others more to their religious (or non-religious) liking. The Grinch lives on.

The once-happy season is increasingly characterized more by Scrooge than by Santa. Being of good cheer becomes increasingly difficult because of poisonous differences among family and friends over tribal politics and differing visions of the country’s history and its future. It’s hard to understand how people we love can be blinded by the disgraceful lies and bullying of Der Furor and his adherents. And it’s difficult to feel good about celebrating when so many people’s lives are lost or ruined by war in Ukraine, Gaza, Yemen, and other places.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and good will toward men**?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their political and cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like human beings instead of despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, religious bigotry, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. It's just got to be better than the last few ...

Have a peaceful, loving, and reflective day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Real Christians who follow the example of Jesus Christ, not the noisy, ignorant, arrogant, heavily-armed, and intolerant sort so prevalent here in modern America.

** Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist

Christmas Day, 2022

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians* around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice, useful only as a cudgel with which to beat those who worship differently. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, an opportunity for hypocritical politicians to tweet biblical verses they neither understand nor follow, and a month of generally uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family and friends. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads anxious to stoke the culture wars for political gain moan bitterly about an imagined “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious holiday ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday greeting. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men**?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their political and cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. It's just got to be better than the last few ...

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Real Christians, not the noisy, ignorant, arrogant, heavily-armed, and intolerant sort so prevalent here in modern America.

** Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas, 2021

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians* around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice, useful only as a cudgel with which to beat those who worship differently. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, and a month of uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family and friends. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads anxious to stoke the culture wars for political gain moan bitterly about an imagined “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious holiday ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday greeting. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men**?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their political and cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. It's just got to be better than the last two ...

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Real Christians, not the noisy, ignorant, arrogant, heavily-armed, and intolerant sort so prevalent here in modern America.

** Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas Eve, 2020

Today is Thursday, December 24th, the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world frantically await the arrival of the auxiliary Santas from FedEx and UPS with gifts bought online that were "guaranteed" to arrive by Christmas. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will use salty language as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries they didn't realize they needed for that toy they had to assemble.

Here's a timely quote from Dave Barry:

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space**"

Ah, the holidays!

No peace on earth, though.

Today's commentary is fairly short ... I'll have more to say tomorrow in my traditional Christmas Day post. I'll just warn you to be careful if you plan to go out today, because the stores will all be madhouses, parking lots will look like the beaches of 1944 Normandy, and drivers will be more distracted than usual.

And I want to see you all safe and happy tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Some assembly required" is the shortened version of the statement, "Assistance by credentialed mechanical or electrical engineers is required."

** This was one of my mother's favorite cartoons.

Christmas, 2019

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, and a month of uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads complain about a nonexistent “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday greeting. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. 
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men*?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas, 2018

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but decline to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, and a month of uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family. But now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads complain about a “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. 
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men*?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their cultural tunnel vision and their petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. Blog on!

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas Eve, 2018

Today is the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world make their annual pilgrimage to the mall in search of the gifts they haven't yet purchased, or frantically await the arrival of the auxiliary Santas from FedEx and UPS with gifts bought online that were "guaranteed" to arrive by Christmas. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will use salty language as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries you didn't realize you needed for that toy for which "some assembly (is) required."

Here's timely quote from Dave Barry:

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space**" ...

Ah, the holidays!

There are other Christmas Eve activities going on as well, such as the traditional Denial of Responsibility by Donald "Grinch" Trump for the results of (fill in stupid decision here), and the half-hearted search for a solution to the partial government shutdown (for which Mr Trump, having definitively and on tape before a large audience, has claimed full responsibility, but now blames on Congressional Democrats). No peace on earth, here.

Today's commentary is fairly short ... I'll have more to say tomorrow in my traditional Christmas Day post. I'll just warn you to be careful if you plan to go out today, because the stores will all be madhouses, parking lots will look like the beaches of 1944 Normandy, and drivers will be more distracted than usual.

And I want to see you all safe and happy tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Some assembly required" is the shortened version of the statement, "Some assembly by credentialed mechanical or electrical engineers is required."

** This was one of my mother's favorite cartoons ... here's the original in situ in Esquire Magazine, December, 1960.

Cartoon Saturday

Oh, what a week ...

Secretary of Defense James Mattis resigned his position over a policy dispute with Donald Trump; stung by criticism from Faux News and other conservative pundits, Donald Trump reversed his earlier position and refused to sign a government funding bill, leading to a partial shutdown of the government ... including his beloved Department of Homeland Security; the beautiful, iconic rings around the planet Saturn are decaying, and will be gone entirely in about 100 million years; Donald Trump, ignoring the advice of his advisors, announced (on Twitter, of course) the precipitous withdrawal of 2000 US troops from Syria and directed planning for the withdrawal of half of the US forces in Afghanistan (leading to the resignation of James Mattis); and acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker has reportedly disregarded the advice of a Justice Department ethics official to step aside from overseeing special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation.

Christmas is just three days away, and we really need something worth laughing at ... so what could be better for Cartoon Saturday than a second collection of Christmas-related cartoons?

Me, too ...

Merry Christmas from the gun lobby ...

Donkey miles? ...

Busted! ...

At least the workshop wasn't partially shut down ...

Well, why not? ...

We wish you a merry GOP Christmas ...

Sad, but true ...

It's all in how you look at it ...

Oops ...

I hope you enjoyed this collection ... heaven knows we all need a good laugh at this chaotic time.

Have a good day and a great weekend, come back tomorrow for the Christmas edition of Poetry Sunday, and don't forget to vote for your preferred Ass Clown of the Year. More thoughts coming soon.

Bilbo

Season's Greetings, or Whatever

There are a lot of really stupid things going around nowadays, but one of the stupidest has to be the concept of the imaginary "War on Christmas." Along with all his other less-than-presidential acts, Donald Trump has claimed victory in this so-called war, shamelessly braying that under his magnificent and steadfast leadership we're allowed to say "Merry Christmas" again.

Now, I don't know about you, but I never stopped saying "Merry Christmas," never felt I wasn't able to say "Merry Christmas," and never knew anyone else who felt pressured not to say "Merry Christmas." The plain fact is that there never was a "War on Christmas." If you believe in that ludicrous fiction, I'm sorry, but you're just a few eggs short of an omelet.

But real or not, there has been one unfortunate effect of the so-called "War on Christmas" - it's turned simple expressions of seasonal goodwill into unwanted and unintended political statements. This year, for the first time in my life, every time I wished someone "Merry Christmas," in the back of my mind was the nagging question of whether that simple, heartfelt wish would be interpreted as an in-your-face political statement sneering that my holiday was better than someone else's.

That's the real tragedy of what the alleged "War on Christmas" has done to us. I'm adding it to the long list of things that Donald Trump and his followers and enablers will have to answer for.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - for a more lighthearted look at this imaginary war, read Angel's clever blog post. I wish I'd had her idea first.

B.

Christmas, 2017

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find great in theory but decline to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, and a month of uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family. But now, Christmas has been politicized as well. Conservative shouting heads complain about a “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to be exposed to religious ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday of choice. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. 
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men*?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their cultural tunnel vision and their petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I and our extended family wish all of you a very joyous Christmas and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. Blog on!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas Eve, 2017

Today is the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world make their annual pilgrimage to the mall in search of the gifts they haven't yet purchased. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will use salty language as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries you didn't realize you needed for that toy for which "some assembly (is) required."

Here's an appropriate quote from comic author Dave Barry:

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space**."

Ah, the holidays!

In our home, we celebrate Christmas in the German tradition, opening gifts and having our big dinner on Christmas Eve, which means that I've got to get moving to get the house cleaned and help Agnes get dinner preparations underway before the local grandchildren descend on us.

So this is going to be a short post today ... I'll have more to say tomorrow in my traditional Christmas Day post. I'll just warn you to be careful if you're going to be out today, because the stores will all be madhouses.

And I'll see you tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Some assembly required" is the shortened version of the statement, "Some assembly by credentialed mechanical or electrical engineers is required."

** One of my mother's favorite cartoons from many years ago showed two robed men on camels riding across the desert, with a third far behind them in the distance. One of the ones in front was turning and shouting, "Hurry up, Balthasar! It's a quarter to AD!"

Christmas Day, 2016

If you came here looking for Musical Sunday, come back again in two weeks ... today is the day for Bilbo's Traditional Christmas Post.

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find great in theory but decline to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, and a month of uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily replace the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts has replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family. But now, Christmas has been politicized as well. Conservative shouting heads complain about a “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to have to accommodate religious ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry idiots object to hearing a generic “Happy Holidays” instead of "Merry Christmas," "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," "Happy Festivus," or other seasonal holiday of choice. Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove nativity displays from public places. Scrooge lives on.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. 
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and goodwill toward men*?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their cultural tunnel vision and their petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which men (okay, persons) of goodwill can come together and treat each other like real human beings rather than like despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I and our extended family wish all of you a very joyous Christmas and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. Blog on!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

Christmas Eve, 2016

Note: this post is slightly updated from my Christmas Eve post from last year. Reruns aren't only found on television ...

Today is the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world make their annual pilgrimage to the mall in search of the gifts they haven't yet purchased. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will use salty language as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required," and stores will sell out of the batteries you didn't realize you needed for that toy for which "some assembly (is) required."

Here's an appropriate quote from comic author Dave Barry:

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."

Ah, the holidays!

Tomorrow, I'll have my annual Christmas post ... for now, here's a brief message for the clueless shouting heads that are trying to spin an idiotic "war on Christmas" ...

Ho, ho, ho and all that seasonal stuff.

Tonight at Chez Bilbo Agnes and I will celebrate Christmas in the German way, with a good dinner of ham with Agnes's warm potato salad, followed by opening gifts under the tree and a good night's sleep. That constitutes a wild Christmas after a certain age.

Come back tomorrow for my traditional Christmas thoughts.

Bilbo

Naughty or Nice - How Does Santa Really Know?

As we all know, Santa Claus traditionally keeps two lists: the "naughty" list, identifying children who, on the basis of past performance, are less likely to have their Christmas wishes granted; and the "nice" list, identifying children who have behaved in an acceptable fashion during the previous year and are, thus, more likely to enjoy a materialistically positive visit from Santa.*

There are many hundreds of millions of children in the world, and keeping track of who's naughty and who's nice is a daunting challenge. How does he do it? How does he keep track of all those deserving (and undeserving) children? There are many ways to look at how Santa makes his naughty and nice decisions, but you may not have realized that at least some of them have been the subject of (quasi-) scholarly study.

Each year at Christmas, the esteemed British Medical Journal (BMJ) publishes an issue that features a number of satirical articles alongside the real ones. In this year's Christmas edition, the BMJ offered this article: Dispelling the Nice or Naughty Myth: Retrospective Observational Study of Santa Claus. This excerpt from the introduction to the study explains the basis of the study -

It has long been thought that Santa Claus visits children depending on whether they have been naughty or nice in the past year. This belief finds textual support in the popular holiday song “Santa Claus is coming to Town,” written by Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie and published in 1934. The Christmas classic goes on: “he sees when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!” Yet no empirical evidence exists to support the assertion that Santa Claus rewards children based on good behaviour or to establish whether this is the only factor determining the likelihood of a visit from him. We chose to study paediatric hospital wards because sick children are the most deserving of a visit from Santa Claus at Christmas. We evaluated the relative importance of children’s behaviour, distance to the North Pole, and contextual socioeconomic deprivation on the likelihood of a visit from Santa Claus.

Please don't share this with any Republicans, because they'll reflexively think it's a real study and their heads will explode at the waste of money.

Anyhow, we now see that a review of Clausian visits to pediatric wards can serve as a potentially source of information on Santa's naughty/nice decisions; nevertheless, there are any number of other sources of information available to The Big Man as he makes his assessments.

For instance, it has long been known that Santa Claus assigns senior liaison elves to America's National Security Agency (NSA) and Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), Britain's Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) and Secret Intelligence Service (MI-6), and their sister agencies around the world**. This means it's a good idea to always be nice on the phone, and not to act like a despicable troll online.

In addition, investigative journalists have uncovered indications that Santa has long-term contracts with major private investigation services to provide physical surveillance to complement the data provided by NSA and GCHQ.

And it has also been reported that Santa's North Pole Naughty/Nice Operations Center (known to insiders as the NPN2OC) has recently installed a new computer system that allows it to access - in addition to the information from NSA, CIA, GCHQ, MI-6, and other intelligence services - video feeds from traffic cameras, automatic teller machines, security cameras in banks and other businesses, as well as real-time text and video feeds from Facebook, Twitter***, Instagram, and other social media platforms.

Given the state of the world, with rampant religious intolerance, political chicanery, greed, corruption, anger, and general hostility, Santa needs all the help he can get to keep track of the naughtiness ... but he's up to the challenge. He really does know if you've been bad or good.

And a whole lot of naughty people out there are well and truly screwed this Christmas.

Have a good day. Be nice, if only for a little while.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* It's a little-known fact that Santa doesn't just track the naughty/nice statistics of children ... there are a lot of adults looking at a pretty bleak Christmas, too.

** This explains why a traitorous twit like Edward Snowdon will be on the naughty list in perpetuity.

*** There's a whole separate server farm at the NPN2OC specifically dedicated to Donald Trump's Twitter feed. He'll be on the naughty list for a long, long time.