The MAGA Government Aptitude and Placement Exam

Obtained from a confidential source ...

Thank you for your interest in serving in Musk's Alternative Government for America (MAGA). This MAGA Government Aptitude and Placement Exam will help us evaluate your suitability for employment in the new, rightsized United States Government as established by the Department of Government Efficiency. Please fill in the personal data requested in Part 1, then complete the exam by marking the appropriate answers:

PART 1

PERSONAL INFORMATION

Your Name: _______________________

Your Race:

a. ___ Caucasian

b. ___ Other (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Sex (there are only two choices):

a. ___ Male

b. ___ Female (attach photograph)

 

Your Ethnic Background

a. ___ Northern European

b. ___ Shithole Country (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Your Religion:

a. ___ Christian (Trump Bible-observing denominations only)

b. ___ Other (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Do you claim hiring preference as a DEI (Definitely European Individual) candidate?

YES ___ 

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

PART 2

SUITABILITY EXAMINATION

1. Who won the 2020 Presidential election?

a. ___ Donald Trump

b. ___ Not Donald Trump (Stop here. No positions are available.) 

2. The Constitution consists of the Second Amendment and some other outdated and incorrect stuff about government.

YES ___ 

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

3. The Founders clearly stated that the United States is a 100% Christian nation, and that all other false religions are causes of terrorism.

YES ___  

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

4. "Climate Change" has absolutely no scientific basis, and people who believe in it are radical lunatics and probably terrorists.

YES ___ 

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

5. The United States is the most exceptional nation ever founded, is a shining example for the rest of the world, is incapable of doing anything wrong, and anyone who says otherwise is a radical lunatic terrorist.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

6. The federal government must rein in wasteful spending on useless and fraudulent things like welfare, education, food safety, public health, foreign aid, and environmental protection.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

7. All political, economic, and social problems can be solved by applying tariffs at a minimum rate of 75%.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

8. Taxes on businesses, corporations, and the top 1% of the population are counterproductive because they limit the economic success which eventually benefits the lower-income population.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

9. Do you have any educational background or practical experience in the position for which you are applying?

YES ___ (Stop here. Education and relevant experience disqualify you for consideration for any position)

NO ___

10. Just to be clear, who won the 2020 presidential election?

a. ___ Donald Trump

b. ___ Not Donald Trump (You're a loser. Stop here. No positions are available.) 

11. Anyone who disagrees with the correct answer to any of the above questions is a radical lunatic terrorist who hates America.

YES ___

NO ___ (Stop here. No positions are available.)

Thank you for taking the MAGA Government Aptitude and Placement Examination. If you incorrectly answered any of the questions above, please turn in your answer sheet, leave, and go to Canada (unless it has already been assimilated as the 51st state) or someplace else where your godless radical lunatic socialist ways will be appreciated.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

One Week Later

The world changed one week ago today, when not only the Electoral College total but the popular vote in the American presidential election went to the most manifestly unfit creature imaginable. Since then, I have kept asking myself where we went wrong.

On the day after the election, my friend Trang sent me this insightful article by Carlos Lozada: "Stop Pretending [Der Furor] Is Not Who We Are." Contrary to President Biden's insistent refrain that "this is not who we are," it is now obvious, as Mr Lozada eloquently explains, that it is who we are.

And my friend Mike pointed me to another sad, but important article, this one by Democratic strategist Max Burns: "America Will Regret Its Decision to Reelect Donald Trump."  

These two articles are both long, but offer important insights into what happened and why we allowed it to do so. They say what I had wanted to say in my own words in this post, so I hope you will take the time to read them and think deeply about what they say about today's America ... about who we are, the choices we've made, and why we made them. 

We've done it to ourselves, just as millions of Germans did in the 1930s. In the words of the famous (if controversial) curmudgeon and commentator Henry L. Mencken, which I quoted in the Ass Clown Special Award I presented last week,

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard."

We will. Unfortunately, the cost of the bitter lesson will be paid not only by those deluded into voting for one of the most awful human beings ever to draw breath, but by the rest of us, too.

It's going to be a long four years, and the education will be tough.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

 

Thinking about America in Terms of Names

This is a revised and updated version of a post I published in 2014.

In December of 2014, two New York City police officers were murdered as they sat in their patrol car. The killer ... who committed suicide rather than face arrest ... had threatened to kill police officers in retaliation for the killing of black men by police in Ferguson, Missouri and New York City. I found this justification a bit shaky, as he had murdered his girlfriend (who likely didn't have anything to do with the other incidents) in Baltimore before traveling to the Big Apple to murder random police officers, but I guess he had to justify it somehow.

I blogged about this at the time because one aspect of the senseless murder struck me right away - the names of the murdered police officers: Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu.

I think it says something about this country that police officers of Chinese and Hispanic descent were on patrol together. America has traditionally been a country that welcomed people - if eventually and often grudgingly - from everywhere, and although we've gone through cycles of discrimination based on racial, national, religious and other factors, we are still the refuge of choice for those fleeing bad conditions in their home countries. The phone book of any town in America is a compilation of names reflecting virtually every race, color, religion, and ethnic origin in the world.

Many years ago a cartoon in Mad Magazine lampooned movie stereotypes with an imagined scene from a World War II film in which a sergeant was selecting men for a patrol ... "Okay, listen up! Jones, Martinez, Chan, Goldberg, Pulaski, Schmidt, Yokuda, Giordano, and Wegryzynowicz, come with me! Oh, yeah, I almost forgot ... you, too, Olafsson!" The point, of course, was that America's army was made up of people from everywhere, brought together by the common ideal that allegiance was owed to an idea - the principles of the Constitution - not to a family, king, emperor, or dictator*. No matter where you or your parents were from, if you embraced those ideas, you were an American.

Nowadays, sadly, the idea is wearing thin with many Americans. Der Furor and his MAGAts insist that all immigrants (not just the illegal ones) are ruining the country and “poisoning our blood,” and must be kept out at all cost, with those already here rounded up and deported with no regard for the law** or history. Granted, there’s a small minority of immigrants who don't come here because they believe in American ideals and want to become Americans themselves ... they want to retain (and impose upon others) the very hatreds, customs, and beliefs that created the conditions from which they fled. "Honor killings," ethnic or religious enclaves, and the desire to implement Islamic Sharia law*** come to mind.

I don't have the answer to the underlying problem of hating the other. I wish I did. But one thing I do know is that we need to stop viewing each other with hatred and suspicion and start working together to build the nation the Founders imagined.

A nation officers Ramos and Liu died to make safe for us all.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Yes, Mango Mussolini, I’m talking to you.

** Speaking of the law, wouldn’t it be nice of Congress could get off its fat partisan backside and update our immigration and asylum laws instead of trying to impeach the people trying to work with the mess we have?

*** To be fair, there are a lot of evangelical “Christians” who want to impose their beliefs on everyone else, too, but because they're home-grown Americans, they don't seem to see it as a problem.

The Symptoms and the Problem

If you've been following this blog very long, you have a pretty good idea of where I stand politically. You know that I absolutely detest Der Furor and all of his hateful enablers and supporters. You know that I despise brainless and hypocritical figures like Louis Gohmert, Mo Brooks, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Mitch McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, Madison Cawthorne, Rudy Giuliani, Matt Gaetz, Devin Nunes, and ... well ... the list goes on and on and you probably don't have the time or desire to get your blood pressure up reading it.

Yes, I utterly detest all of these people. But they're really not the problem. They're the symptom of the problem. And the problem is that the America we thought we knew doesn't exist.

Underneath the relatively placid surface of the America I grew up in, the America I love, the America I served for 23 years as an Air Force officer, ugly things were bubbling and churning. But the structure of our society and our shared belief in the American ideal tended to keep those ugly things in check. But over time a few things came together to turn over the rocks of our common consensus and let the ugly things out.

One was the Vietnam War, which was wildly unpopular and which showed us that the government we trusted (well, most of us, anyhow) was willing and able to lie to us.

Another was the rise of the Internet, which allowed instant communication and the immediate, widespread sharing of unfiltered information. It gave the most ludicrous of ideas an audience that wasn't bothered by pesky things like accuracy and truth.

A third was the introduction and proliferation of camera-equipped smartphones, that allowed ordinary people to capture on video (and disseminate uncensored on the Internet) the ugly things that were not being reported by the major news networks - in particular the casual cruelty of some police officers toward minorities.

The rise of specialized news networks was another. The general homogeneity of the news as presented by the traditional networks (ABC, CBS, NBC) and newcomers like CNN - which contributed to a shared reality and world view most Americans understood and accepted - was undermined by new networks like Fox News and OANN that offered not only a different perspective, but a completely different and often totally unhinged reality based on anger and grievance rather than evidence and perspective.

The next one was the election of Der Furor as president in 2016. A majority of Americans, fired up in large part by the first five items on this list, voted for an odious, narcissistic, bombastic, openly racist buffoon who convinced them that he alone understood their anger and resentments and could restore the America of their fevered dreams. He was an utterly unqualified president who trampled over every line of honor, decency, and competence while ruining our standing in the world, and whose rhetoric told the angry mob not only that it was all right to hate, but that it was the truly American thing to do.

And the last one was Der Furor's loud and angry refusal to acknowledge his loss to Joe Biden in the 2020 election. This refusal - supported by not the least shred of evidence - has undermined faith in our system of voting, and of our government in general. The fact that a great many Americans still send this odious creature money and show up at his rallies to sing his praises is a sad commentary on the state of our education, our politics, and our society.

So, Dear Friends, the problem isn't the loons in Congress  ... it's us. We just see it now because the worst of us believe they've been empowered by a failed former president. They wave their Confederate flags next to the American flags and gaudy Der Furor vanity flags on their pickup trucks, send their hard-earned dollars to a fake billionaire with a string of bankruptcies, go to church and mouth the words, yet believe that God sent them a savior who has openly violated every one of the Ten Commandments, and hate their neighbors because they need someone to blame for their own problems and shortcomings. 

I don't know where we go from here, but I don't see any evidence that the tsunami of anger, intolerance, and resentment that's been unleashed is going to go away any time soon. I hope that better people will prevail, but I wonder what sort of America we are leaving for my grandchildren.

Have a good day. More thoughts later, after I calm down.

Bilbo

Derangement Syndrome

If you are one of my many friends on Facebook, you may already have seen all or part of what follows ... feel free to stop reading and come back another day. Otherwise, feel free to read on and to leave civil and thoughtful comments. I will summarily delete any comments that involve name-calling or fail to clearly and cogently address the issues raised here.

A while back, I engaged in a long-running online debate with one of my old co-workers, a person whose opinions I respect although we fundamentally disagree on many political issues. At one point early on in the discussion, he admonished me for exhibiting "TDS" ... "Trump Derangement Syndrome."

Derangement Syndrome is not a new thing in American political life. I first heard the term used during the administration of the second President Bush, when Republicans and conservatives accused Democrats and liberals of "Bush Derangement Syndrome" - an inflexible opposition to everything said or done by George W. Bush. Derangement Syndrome returned in its mirror image a few years later when it morphed into "Obama Derangement Syndrome," an inflexible opposition to everything said or done by Barack Obama ... including the absolute conviction (against all evidence) that Mr Obama was not born in the United States and was thus ineligible even to be president. Obama Derangement Syndrome was particularly virulent because it was laid over an ugly layer of racism that bubbled beneath the more or less calm surface of American life.

And now, of course, comes the third mutation of the condition - "Trump Derangement Syndrome," an inflexible opposition to everything said or done by Donald Trump*.

Disclaimer: I frankly admit that I despise Donald Trump. I didn't like Hillary Clinton either, but Trump to me represents the worst in American politics - a man without scruples, with no knowledge or understanding of significant issues of domestic or foreign policy or international economics; a man utterly unfamiliar with and dismissive of Constitutional norms; a shameless liar even when lying was unnecessary and who, when his lies are exposed, simply doubles down on them; a man willing to hurl juvenile insults at opponents; a man who blithely alienates our closest allies and cozies up to the worst dictators; and a man willing to utter the worst sort of banana republic-style threats of violence and legal action against his opponents.

If being horrified by this constitutes TDS, then I guess I'm guilty as charged. But despite my friend's urging to respect the office of the presidency if not the incumbent, I cannot accept the debasement of the office once held by George Washington, one of the most civil and thoughtful of men, by a man who completely lacks the common decency, civility, and gravitas required by the nation's highest office ... once the most powerful position in the world. I cannot support or admire a man who does not accept that he is the president of all Americans, with a responsibility to unite the country (difficult though the job may be) ... not just to pander to those who wear red hats and cheer his every word at his endless ego-trip rallies.

One can make the specious argument that Trump supporters felt the same way about life under President Obama, but then, Obama did not blatantly lie at every turn, constantly ridicule his opponents, declare the press to be the enemy of the people, call for his electoral opponent to be jailed, insult and ignore the warnings of his own intelligence community, and deliberately insult our closest allies while embracing autocrats who represent the opposite of traditional America values.

My friend says that he doesn't like everything Trump says, but he likes what he does, and he urges me to recognize the positive things Trump has accomplished, but I don't see any. As far as I can see, the much-ballyhooed tax has resulted in my taxes going up. Our traditional alliances are in tatters. North Korea, having vaguely sort of halfway maybe promised to stop its nuclear program, has been caught secretly upgrading its facilities and has blithely insulted Secretary of State Pompeo with the accusation that the United States is engaging in "gangster politics" ... a turn of events anyone with any knowledge of previous negotiations with North Korea could have foreseen. We have unnecessarily antagonized the rest of the world and gotten ourselves into a trade war that others will be happy to help us lose. While we desperately need a complete revision and update of our immigration policy, we have squandered our moral high ground by engaging in horrifying acts of brutality unworthy of a great nation. I am probably the only person who has actually put forward a potentially-workable plan for immigration reform ... but nobody's interested.

If opposing - on firm and defensible grounds - the sort of man we've placed in office constitutes derangement, then I'm deranged. But I'd rather be considered deranged by some than sit back and watch the country I love go down the drain. There is no ... no excuse for the sort of behavior demonstrated by Donald Trump and his cronies and enablers**. Someday ... sooner rather than later, I hope ... we will realize what we've done and right the ship.

But I'm afraid its already too late.

Have a good day. Demand better of your government, even if there's little hope of getting it.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* There's also a Hillary Derangement Syndrome which is every bit as virulent as Trump Derangement Syndrome, but it doesn't really count in this discussion because she was not elected (according to law and the Constitution, if not the popular vote) and has no measurable influence in government any more.

** Yes, I know that I will be excoriated by those suffering from whataboutitis, angry because I have not equally castigated Those Damn Democrats who, everybody knows, started the whole thing. Maxine Waters is as big an idiot as Donald Trump, but is not in a position to cause as much lasting damage to the nation as Trump is. 

Patriotism vs Nationalism

A while back I published a post with my thoughts on the topic of patriotism in the era of Donald Trump. After reading it, one of my friends (yes, Richard, that's you) suggested I comment on the topic of patriotism versus nationalism. I thought it was a pretty good topic, especially for the Fourth of July, so here goes ...

My Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines patriotism as, "Love for or devotion to one's country;" and nationalism as, "Loyalty and devotion to a nation; especially: a sense of national consciousness; exalting one nation above all others and placing primary emphasis on promotion of its culture and interests as opposed to those of other nations or supranational groups."

I believe we are well beyond patriotism in today's America. Today, "love and devotion to one's country" seems to be measured not in mutual respect for our fellow citizens and devotion to our founding traditions, but in ostentatious displays of the flag (including the flag of the Confederacy, which had nothing to do with loving the USA, and the Gadsden "Don't Tread on Me" Flag, which praises love of individual rights over love of country and responsibilities of citizenship). It also seems to include an insistence on "America First." We are living in the age of "Red, White, and Blue, So Screw You!" nationalism.

I consider myself a patriotic American. I love my country. I spent 23 years in uniform serving it, and I'm proud of its melting pot tradition and of the largely positive role we've played in the world. Americans don't always do the right thing the first time, but over the 240-plus years of our history, we've usually managed to work things out among ourselves in a way that has made us arguably the most wealthy and successful nation on earth.

Unfortunately, we are shedding many of the qualities that have allowed us to create this great nation. Consider our attitude toward immigration. Immigrants ... which virtually all of us are, if you go back far enough* ... built this nation. My paternal grandparents came from Hungary in the late 1800s, and my maternal ancestors came from Germany before then. They worked hard, learned to speak a foreign language (English), and built new lives for themselves and a strong base for those of us who came later. Do we need secure borders? Of course we do. Should those who try to enter illegally be turned back? Yes. But as Americans, we should recognize why it is that so many people want to come here, legally or not - because they have the same dreams and aspirations our own ancestors had.

Responsibility for the present social and political disaster of our immigration "policy" - such as it is - rests squarely on the shoulders of the president and Congress. By ignoring our history and our shared values in favor of kowtowing to a mindless blaming of "immigrants" for every problem, they have - confusing patriotism and nationalism - led us directly to the horrific mess we have today. As far as I can tell, I'm the only person who has ever proposed a workable and realistic immigration policy**, and it's been pretty much ignored by every president (Bush, Obama, and Trump), Representative, and Senator I've sent a copy to.

Another thing that separates destructive nationalism from patriotism is the tendency to demonize those with whom one politically disagrees as enemies who wish only the destruction of the nation. We see this in the overheated rhetoric of Donald Trump, who denounces Democrats - individually and collectively - at every opportunity, accusing them of wanting totally open borders and the unlimited influx of foreign criminals, and who denounces the media as "enemies of the people" rather than First Amendment guardians of what's left of our democracy. We also see it in the overheated rhetoric of Democrats who allow their passion to overrule their brains (yes, Maxine Waters, I'm talking to you) ... all it does is convince passionate Republicans that equally passionate Democrats are all crazy.

So ...

Patriotism vs Nationalism. What's the real difference? I think it's best summarized in the comment attributed to Carl Schurz: the nationalist says, "my country, right or wrong;" the patriot says, "my country, right or wrong. If right, to be kept right; if wrong, to be put right."

Unfortunately, we've reached a point where no one can agree on - or even discuss rationally - what's right.

And that's wrong.

Have a good day and a safe and happy 4th of July holiday. More thoughts later.

Bilbo


* It's not PC, but in this category I also include "Native Americans," many of whose ancestors originally arrived in North America via the prehistoric land bridge from Siberia to displace whoever might have been here even before them.

** Check it out here if you haven't seen it any of the other feensky-zillion times I've shared it.

Magic Words

Magic words and incantations are a staple of fairy tales, fantasies, and horror stories. They are the words that give mystical powers to those who say them, or call up arcane forces for good or evil. You know some of the classic magic words:

Abracadabra (a version of this, avada kedavra, was the Killing Curse, one of the Unforgiveable Curses, in the Harry Potter stories)

Shazam

Open Sesame (used by Ali Baba to open the cave of the 40 Thieves)

Sim Sala Bim (from the TV series Johnny Quest and the film Oz the Great and Powerful)

Alakazam

Oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang (from the 1951 song “Witch Doctor”)

And the ones our parents (well, mine, anyway) always wanted us to use: Please and Thank You*.

There are also the evil incantations, such as H.P. Lovecraft’s unpronounceable "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

Of course nowadays we’re pretty sophisticated, and we know that there aren’t any real magic words, right?

Wrong.

We use powerful incantations, and experience their use upon us, every day. The most widely used and powerful of the modern incantations is

National Security, which can be used to justify almost any action, no matter how unconstitutional or unconscionable.

Other powerful incantations, capable of clouding the mind and judgement of those who don't think for themselves are:

Fake News, which, like The Shadow, has the power to cloud men's minds.

And

Second Amendment, used to dispel and confuse arguments about ways to reduce gun violence in America.

Magic words and incantations are real, and are being used on us every day. What other examples do you see? Leave a comment.

Have a good day and protect yourself against political enchantments. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* If you watched the old Captain Kangaroo show, you know his magic words were "abracadabra please and thank you."

On Being Patriotic

A few days ago I went out with Agnes on a field trip to her favorite crafts store ... after all, someone needs to mind the cart while she ponders the difference between six different shades of blue fabric, right?

Anyhow, I took notice of the store’s large displays of decorations for the upcoming Fourth of July holiday. Great piles of red, white, and blue bunting, flags in all sizes, fierce-looking eagles, Gadsden flags, and dozens of different sizes and styles of signs shouting the single word “freedom” - everything you need to decorate for Independence Day in true American style.

But it just doesn’t seem to ring true, somehow.

Make no mistake: I am a proud American and I love my country ... at least, I love the America that used to be where some other strange country is now. I’m embarrassed by ostentatious displays of “patriotism” purchased at the local crafts store and unsupported by the actions of a thoughtful, well-informed citizen. Here’s what I think:

It’s not “patriotic” to worship the Second Amendment if you ignore all the other ones.

It’s not “patriotic” to believe freedom of religion applies only to those who worship like you do.

It's not "patriotic" to believe freedom of speech doesn't apply to those whose ideas differ from yours.

It’s not “patriotic” if you believe that people of the other political party hate America.

It’s not “patriotic” if you believe the borders should be hermetically sealed to keep others from aspiring to the American dream*.

It’s not “patriotic” to fly the Confederate flag, the Gadsden flag, or any flag other than the Stars and Stripes.

It’s not “patriotic” to demand your rights and ignore your responsibilities.

It’s not “patriotic” to insist on your right to carry weapons everywhere you go unless you’re also willing to enlist in the armed services to defend your country.

It’s not “patriotic” to complain about your government if you didn’t vote.

As we get ready to celebrate Independence Day, be a real patriot. Don’t be an empty-headed, flag-waving poser.

Have a good day. More thoughts later.

Bilbo

* This does not mean that crossing the border illegally is okay - it's not. What it means is that we need to get rid of a feckless Congress that doesn't have the guts to enact rational immigration laws for 21st century America.

The New Symbols of Hate

The events that happened in Charlottesville, Virginia, last weekend, when a group of white nationalists and other far-right groups staged a "Unite the Right" rally that degenerated into violence and murder, should shock and dismay everyone who believes in the traditional idea of America as a welcoming and inclusive nation*. And the sad fact that Donald Trump delivered such a weaselly commentary on the situation underscores the utter lack of moral leadership we have at the top of our government.

As you know, I'm interested in language and symbology, and I found this CNN article to be particularly interesting: These Are the New Symbols of Hate. I won't reproduce any of those symbols here, because they don't deserve any more attention; I'll just point out that they are intended to replace the most historically objectionable symbols, such as the Nazi swastika and the "blood drop cross" of the KKK, and help far-right characters identify each other in the murky darkness of their ideas.

As it happens, I have a few suggestions for symbols they could use.

This one seems appropriate ...

As is this one, for those who also consider information with which they don't agree to be "fake news" ...

As for me, I think the right symbol for America is the one we all should honor - 

Have a good day. Don't let the haters win.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Yes, I know we've not always lived up to that ideal, but we've managed to build a pretty good place in spite of underlying racist ideas and spasms of things like "No Irish need apply."