The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2018

It's time once again for that exercise in futility known as the biweekly announcement of an Ass Clown Award winner.

I must admit to you, Dear Readers, that I'm starting to regret having begun presenting this award. Not because there are individuals and groups out there worth the distinction, but because it's become such a depressing exercise in wading through the miserable, reeking cesspool in which those individuals and groups bob to the surface in horrifying numbers. When I can no longer present the award to an individual because he's won it so many times that I decided to give him a lifetime "achievement" award and remove him from future consideration ... and when that individual is the President of the United States ... and when he works overtime to merit additional awards ... I have to shrug my shoulders and mourn for the future direction of the nation.

But regardless of how much our embarrassing leader continues to make our once-great nation an international laughingstock, ignored by allies and enemies alike, I have to hold to my decision and find another nominee ... and so I have.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, it is with a sigh of sadness and a toast of milk of magnesia that I announce

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2018

And the award goes to

The Republican Members

of the

House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence (HPSCI)

This past Monday, the Republican members of the HPSCI unilaterally announced that they had found no evidence that Donald Trump or members of his campaign had colluded with Russian officials to sway the 2016 election, or that the Kremlin sought to help the Trump campaign. As has been very widely noted*, this conclusion is, at best, premature, and is at odds with the opinions of the committee's Democratic members** and with what appears to be the building consensus of special counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s investigation***.

The work of the committee has been woefully undermined by partisan rancor, and by the evident refusal of the Republican members to do any investigating that might reflect poorly on the GOP in general and on Donald Trump and his the legitimacy of his election in particular. Rather than conducting a serious, open investigation to determine the truth, the HPSCI's GOP members have conducted a brazenly obvious whitewash that reflects badly on them and on their regard for the truth.

It remains to be fully determined whether or not there was any formal collusion between the Trump campaign and Russian entities, or whether the Trump supporters were duped and used by foreign elements a lot smarter than they were. That determination will not be made on the basis of a willfully incomplete GOP "investigation," but on the basis of professional work done by adults in the Senate and on the staff of special counsel Mueller who care more for the security of the nation than the bruised ego of a thin-skinned chief executive.

The GOP members of the HPSCI are presented a group award as the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2018. Nothing more need be said.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. We all need it.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Except, of course, on Faux News.

** Who were, of course, not consulted before the announcement was made.

*** And with the unanimous judgement of the entire US Intelligence Community.

Emergency Codes

I ran across an interesting article from Urbo.com not long ago - 10 Common Emergency Codes That Most People Don't Recognize. The article notes that "all sorts of organizations speak in codes to keep from alarming the public—or simply to communicate quickly. Airports, police departments, and public transportation hubs all have their own special lingo, and it's often impenetrable to the uninitiated."

This is true, of course. We all know about the "10-codes" used by police departments, of which the best-known is probably "10-4," which means "message received and understood." But there are a lot of other 10-codes that would cause us great concern if we heard them, such as "10-34," which warns of a riot in progress. You can read the whole list here.

Agnes and I enjoy going on cruises, and cruise ships have their emergency codes as well, one of which is "Operation Rising Star," which tells crew members that a passenger has died. And we occasionally shop at Wal-Mart, where an announcement of "Code Blue" evidently means that a bomb threat has been received.

You can read the whole article for yourself and learn about all sorts of emergency codes now in use. But it got me to thinking that we probably need a whole new range of emergency codes for you and I to use in the current social and political environment*. Here are a few suggestions:

Code Ananias - Donald Trump has told another ludicrous whopper;

Code AR - a person with a grudge and a high-powered semiautomatic rifle is on the loose;

Code Youlose - Congress has passed new legislation friendly to business, but bad for consumers;

Code Musical Chairs - Another White House reorganization;

and,

Code Voteski - Russian trolls are working with clueless Americans to undermine our democracy and civic culture.

Those are my suggestions ... do you have any? Leave a comment so we can share the collective angst.

Have a good day; more thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* In addition, of course, to my already well-established National Stupidity Index (DUMBCON). As a reminder, we have been at DUMBCON Minus 3 since June 5, 2017.

Post Number 4000

Yes, Dear Readers, today I have reached a milestone - this is my four-thousandth post!

Yes, Post Number 4,000!!

I created this blog twelve years ago, after I was asked to leave an online discussion group whose members thought I was insufficiently conservative. My first post was published on March 8th, 2006, and I have posted more-or-less regularly since then.

As you know, my topics vary depending on what interests me at the time I start writing. Over time, I've established certain "regular" posts: Cartoon Saturday appears weekly; Great Moments in Editing and Signage and the Left- and Right-Cheek Ass Clown Awards appear on alternate Fridays; and Sundays alternate between Poetry and Music. The rest of the time, it's whatever I feel like writing.

Many of you have been with me for a long time, and have tolerated (if grudgingly) the full range of my random thoughts; some posts are, of course, better than others, but I think that all have something worthwhile (or at least, entertaining) to say. Here are links to a few of my favorite posts from the last twelve years:

Don't Dig Here! As a linguist, I'm fascinated by the uses and designs of language and communication, and in this post, I looked at the challenges of designing warning signs for radioactive waste dumps that will be deadly for tens of thousands of years.

Another Word for "Hero." I wrote this post after the death of American astronaut Neil Armstrong, the first man to set foot on the moon; it was based on a speech I gave to my Toastmasters Club in 1977. The bottom line was that we don't need another word for "hero;" we need men and women who can live up to the meaning and expectations of the word we have.

The Ways We'll Be Remembered. This genesis of this post was a quote from a book I'd been reading - "Most human beings have vanished into the past without leaving a trace of their existence." The author's point was that few people leave anything of themselves behind after they die, such as diaries or letters to families and friends, and so there's nothing for future generations to remember them by. I think that's sad beyond words.

DUMBCON 1. This was the post in which I introduced my concept of the National Stupidity Condition (DUMBCON) based on the military's system of "Defense Conditions" (or DEFCONs). My original construction, like the military system, had five levels; I have updated and revised the system a number of times since then - it now has nine levels to accommodate the ever upwardly-spiraling level of national stupidity, and we have been at the new highest level, DUMBCON -3 (Minus Three), since June 5th, 2017.

Thoughts About Flags. On July 7, 2015, I wrote a post about the principles of flag design, and what makes a particular flag meaningful and memorable. I proposed a revision of the American flag to change the outdated symbolism of 50 stars and the red-white-and-blue motif to reflect modern American values. Check it out.

Celebrating a Life. My father passed away in January of 2015, and I wrote this remembrance of his life and the lessons he tried to teach me.

When Walls Don't Work. This post from two years ago was the latest iteration of my detailed plan for solving our contentious immigration debate. Most of you liked it as written or posed valid and well-reasoned issues; I also sent it to all of my elected representatives, who replied with the usual "thanks for your interest" form letters and went back to talking past each other.

Okay, that's enough self-congratulatory back-patting. Go back and look at those posts if you're new to the blog, or are interested in golden oldies, or just want to kill some time. And keep coming back - you're always welcome.

I want to close by thanking each and every one of my just-dropping-by readers and my regular readers and friends, some of whom I've been lucky enough to meet in person: John, Mike, Andrea, Amanda, Kathy, and Buggie, among so many others. You make writing this blog worthwhile every day.

Have a good day. Lots more thoughts coming!

Bilbo

The Shirky Principle

Clay Shirky is an American writer, consultant and teacher who specializes in analyzing the social and economic effects of Internet technologies, and his name has been applied to one of those "laws" that the world seems to follow without realizing it.

The "Shirky Principle" is fairly straightforward. It reads,

“Institutions will try to preserve the problem to which they are the solution.”

For instance, an organization that wants to simplify its procedures forms a committee or stands up a new office to figure out how to simplify things. But adding the extra layer of bureaucracy maintains the already-complicated nature of the organization.

A recent example of the Shirky Principle in action is the announcement by the Trump administration of a commission chaired by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos to recommend policy and funding proposals for preventing school violence*.

By the way, the announcement of the establishment of this commission comes less than a day after Trump told a raucous rally in Pennsylvania that, "We can't just keep setting up blue-ribbon committees," because they do nothing but "talk, talk, talk."

No chaos, nothing to see here, folks, just move on.

I believe the Trump administration's constant rollback of environmental regulations and restrictions on the financial services industry, and its gutting of the Affordable Care Act, are also prime examples of the Shirkey Principle. After all, if you do something that makes a problem go away, it's bad for the people with a vested interest in perpetuation of the problem ... and that's bad for the political and financial support you get from those interests.

Have a good day. Watch the Shirkey Principle in action around you, and cry.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* It goes without saying that restrictions of any sort on firearms or the ownership thereof are not on the table. 

Were I to Run ...

Every so often after one of my ranting posts, someone leaves a comment along the lines of "Bilbo for President."

While I appreciate the sentiment, I really wouldn't want to be president. I think I'd do a better job than Donald Trump, but that's a pretty low bar to clear ... as was evident if you listened to the bizarre speech he gave in Pennsylvania last Saturday evening. I'd rather be the trusted advisor to a president who knew he wasn't the smartest guy ever and was willing to listen to advice from people who live in the real world.

All of that being said, in the unlikely event that I found myself being elected President (hey, it worked for Trump), here are a few of the policies you could expect me to champion:

Immigration: my plan is already on the table, and it doesn't include stupid walls.

Trade: I believe in free trade, but I also realize that each nation must look out for its own interests. My administration would enter into fair and equitable trade agreements with any nation or group of nations. Tariffs and taxes on imports would be imposed only as a last resort in response to egregious abuses by specific trading partners. Foreign-owned businesses seeking to operate in the United States would be subject to the same restrictions imposed on US firms operating in their home nations*.

Guns: let's get serious and quit the stupidly apocalyptic arguing on all sides. The Constitution, as interpreted by the courts, gives "the people" the right to "keep and bear arms," independent of any membership in a "well-ordered militia." Whether or not this is a good idea in a 21st century where a single private citizen can own an arsenal more powerful than that of some armies of earlier centuries is questionable, but the truth is that it's a Constitutional right enshrined in law, it would require a further amendment to the Constitution to change or revoke that right**, and no US government is going to take away the tens of millions of guns now in circulation. I advocate the following: a nationwide ban on sales of guns to individuals under the age of 21 who are not military veterans; funding studies by the CDC to obtain hard data on the role of guns as a public health issue; a ban on sales of guns to any person convicted of a felony, under the care of a mental health professional, or on a terrorist no-fly list; a ten-day waiting period for the purchase of a gun unless a specific exemption has been provided by the local police department***; a ban on dangerous enhancements to weapons (such as "bump stocks," semiautomatic-to-automatic conversion kits, large-capacity magazines, and silencers/suppressors); registration of all guns (including documentation of the rifling marks on a bullet recorded after a test-firing of the weapon); and mandatory additional prison sentences for crimes committed using a firearm^†.

Health Care: I support a national single-payer medical insurance system paid for by a separate health tax, with Medicare and Medicaid made a part of the program. Every citizen would be required to pay into the system, and every provider would be required to accept the national insurance. I haven't completely thought through this one, and there's more detail to come. All I know is that we have what is potentially the world's finest health care system, and Real People can't afford it.

Education: I support mandatory publicly-funded education from kindergarten through grade 12, with private school at one's own expense as an option. We need to bring down the cost of a college education, but I'm not quite sure yet what the best way to do that is ... more on that later. And we need to recognize that there are a whole lot of essential jobs for which a college degree is not required, meaning that we need to invest in vocational and technical training and, perhaps, a traditional apprenticeship system like much of the rest of the world.

Those are a few things to start you thinking whether or not you want to endorse Bilbo for president. And as Groucho Marx once said, "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others."

Have a good day. Invest your vote wisely.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Are you listening, China?

** Unlikely in the extreme ever to happen.

*** This protects persons who wish to purchase a gun in response to a specific, demonstrable threat.

† In addition to whatever the normal sentence for that crime would be. Say, an extra five or ten years, the number depending on whether anyone was injured or killed.

Poetry Sunday

I found this marvelously thought-provoking piece - not quite short story, not quite essay, and not quite poem - by Kathy Fish on .Jellyfish Review ...

Collective Nouns for Humans in the Wild

by Kathy Fish

A group of grandmothers is a tapestry. A group of toddlers, a jubilance (see also: a bewailing). A group of librarians is an enlightenment. A group of visual artists is a bioluminescence. A group of short story writers is a Flannery. A group of musicians is — a band.


A resplendence of poets.

A beacon of scientists.

A raft of social workers.


A group of first responders is a valiance. A group of peaceful protestors is a dream. A group of special education teachers is a transcendence. A group of neonatal ICU nurses is a divinity. A group of hospice workers, a grace.


Humans in the wild, gathered and feeling good, previously an exhilaration, now: a target.

A target of concert-goers.

A target of movie-goers.

A target of dancers.


A group of schoolchildren is a target.


And I, Bilbo, would add that a group of Senators and Representatives is an irrelevance.

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

The hits just keep on coming ...

According to a story broken by ProPublica this past week, the Trump Organization has ordered dozens of 12-inch replicas of the presidential seal to be used as tee markers at Trump golf courses - a violation of laws governing use of the seal and an abuse of the presidency for personal profit; a former Russian spy and his daughter were deliberately poisoned by a nerve agent in England last weekend, according to British police; top White House economic advisor Gary Cohn resigned this week after Donald Trump ignored his advice and announced the imposition of new tariffs on imported steel and aluminum; former porn star Stormy Daniels has sued Donald Trump, arguing that the nondisclosure agreement she signed before the 2016 election over an alleged affair with Mr Trump is not valid because Trump never signed it; and as North Korea signals a willingness to talk and Donald Trump expresses a willingness to meet with Kim Jong-un, a State Department gutted by the Trump administration has few people remaining with the experience to provide advice on negotiating with the notoriously difficult North Koreans.

This week, because we need to calm down a bit, here's a collection of cartoons about books, reading, and great literature ...

I think he'll be waiting a while ...

It's always good to look on the positive side ...

We found out about this in NoVa last weekend, when the windmageddon storm knocked out power in our area for anywhere from a few hours to several days ...

He's lucky she didn't call the police ...

I know how hard it can be to put down a really good book ...

Yep, pretty much ...

Ba-dum, TISS! ...

Yes, that would be a rare book ...

It's all in how you look at it ...

A letter by any other color ...

And there you have it - a collection of more-or-less literary cartoons for this weekend.

Here in NoVa, we're sitting tight and waiting to see if we'll get slammed by the latest winter storm. At least if the worst comes to the worst, we'll be able to stay warm under a few feet of Agnes's beautiful homemade quilts.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and stay warm. More thoughts tomorrow, on Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

And away we go ...

What could possibly go wrong? ...

Stock up now! At this price, they won't last ...

Anything I could say will get me into trouble, so I'll just leave this one here ...

It's an understandable mistake ...

Nothing like trying to appeal to a diverse clientele ...

Oh, my ...

"It's kind of ironic" doesn't even come close ...

I think they could have come up with some better clip art for the ad, don't you? ...

It worked! ...

Well, if you're going to get sick somewhere, I guess this is as good a place as any ...

And that's it for today. Be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

"A Phrase for Our Time"

Earlier this week, Merriam-Webster - the dictionary people - announced the addition of 850 new words and phrases to its online dictionary. One of them has been described as "A Phrase for Our Time."

The phrase is not something heroic like "this was their finest hour" or stirring like "ask not what your country can do for you." The phrase is "dumpster fire," defined as “An utterly calamitous or mismanaged situation or occurrence.”

It's not a new phrase, having been first defined in the Urban Dictionary in 2008 as "1. A complete disaster; 2. Something very difficult that nobody wants to deal with."

By that definition, there are plenty of dumpster fires blazing away today: mass murders, immigration reform, health care, ludicrous conspiracy theories, Russian interference in our politics and society, and utterly inept government, just to name a few. 

But I guess if you add all those big dumpster fires together, the Merriam Webster definition is better ... what do we have in this country today other than an utterly calamitous or mismanaged situation.

If you voted for it, thanks for nothing.

Have a good day. Avoid dumpster fires when you can. More thoughts tomorrow, when Great Moments in Editing and Signage returns.

Bilbo

The Decline of Courtesy Titles

As a general rule, we Americans don't like titles. The Constitution even clearly states (Article 1, Section 9) that "No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States." 

We have no Dukes or Earls*, Counts or Viscounts, Barons or Baronets, Lords or Ladies. Of course, we do have an aristocracy here in the US of A, we just pretend it isn't there, and we don't mark it with formal titles of nobility. The American aristocracy is based on wealth and the perception, if not the reality of success, rather than on family lineage **.

Most of us who aren't in the military, a fraternal organization, or some stratified business don't have titles. We're not "colonels," "generals," or "admirals;" "Illustrious Potentates***" or "Grand Poobahs;" or "Presidents" or "CEOs." We're just ... well ... average Joes or Janes.

Which brings me to this 2017 article from Intellectual Takeout: "Why We Should Bring Back 'Ma’am' and 'Sir'." The article laments the loss of the courtesy and gentility we used to convey by using courtesy titles like sir and ma'am. Here's the money quote:

"Unfortunately, the day is coming when no one will make the mistake of calling [someone] either 'sir' or 'ma’am' because the generation now coming of age believes a clipped 'No' or 'Yes' is all that is required of them, no matter the title, education or age of the person to whom they are speaking."

Some people object to the use of sir and ma'am (or miss) because they're viewed as archaic and sexist, and perhaps they are - sexist, I mean, rather than archaic. After all, in today's cultural environment, it's not considered polite or proper to draw a distinction in address between a married ("ma'am," in verbal address and "Mrs" in writing) and a single ("miss") woman. I must admit, though, that I use both terms when addressing women, but use them as a matter of courtesy based on age and maturity rather than on marital status^†. And not many people outside of the military (and my family) say "sir" or "ma'am" any more when addressing an adult whose name they do not know^††.

I believe that something is lost when we don't address people courteously. The late comedian Rodney Dangerfield used to moan, "I don't get no respect," and it's true that many of us today don't show respect to one another. Indeed, the showing of respect based on age, education, or significant achievement ... or anything else ... is often viewed as being subservient to another person. We demand respect from others, but are unwilling to give it ourselves.

How should we address people we don't know? There's no single answer on which all agree, but this summary from an interesting article on dictionary.com sounds good to me:

"What is the proper manner to address men and women^††† today though? Well, it isn’t impolite to ask how someone wants to be addressed. Respect can come in the way you address someone as well as in the thought that goes into that address."

Have a good day. Be courteous and respectful. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* The Duke of Earl doesn't count.

** Although we have lots of "aristocratic" families in various realms: in politics, the Kennedys and Bushes; in entertainment, the Fondas and the Kardashians; in business and industry the Rockefellers, Carnegies, and ... yes ... Trumps.


*** I can see myself as an "Illustrious Potentate" ... see my post on that topic here.

† I don't think "Ms" translates well from the printed page to the realm of the spoken word ... "miz" grates on the ear in a way "ma'am" or "miss" doesn't. But that's just me.

†† "Master" was once used as the form of address for a young man, but nobody says that any more.

††† It gets even more complicated ... some people are pushing "Mx" as a gender-neutral abbreviation. And I have no idea how to pronounce it ... "mix" sounds stupid to my traditional ear.