Sunday, March 17, 2024

Poetry Sunday


We live in strange and frightening times. A resurgent Russia, trying to seize back an independent Ukraine, threatens nuclear war. Der Furor noisily paints a picture of a "bloodbath for the country" if he loses the election, and a national hellscape utterly at odds with reality, but fervently believed by his cult. Storms become worse and sea levels rise as the climate responds to our centuries of abuse. Yes, it's a tough time. How do we cope? Today's poem by Kim Stafford has some suggestions ...

Citizen of Dark Times
by Kim Stafford

Agenda in a time of fear: Be not afraid.
When things go wrong, do right.
Set out by the half-light of the seeker.
For the well-lit problem begins to heal.

Learn tropism toward the difficult.
We have not arrived to explain, but to sing.
Young idealism ripens into an ethical life.
Prune back regret to let faith grow.

When you hit rock bottom, dig farther down.
Grief is the seed of singing, shame the seed of song.
Keep seeing what you are not saying.
Plunder your reticence.

Songbird guards a twig, its only weapon a song.


If your only weapon is a song, be sure you sing it loud enough to resonate with those who refuse to sing. 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


Please, just make it stop ... 

Russians are voting for president, with Vladimir Putin the only actual candidate - the sort of election favored by contemporary Republicans; Fulton County Georgia Judge Scott McAfee ruled on Friday that District Attorney Fani Willis can stay on and prosecute the Georgia 2020 election interference racketeering case against former President Donald Trump and 14 of his co-defendants, but only if she removes the special prosecutor with whom she engaged in a romantic relationship in order to avoid any appearance of impropriety (that prosecutor has resigned); the Army's West Point military academy changed its mission statement (but not it's motto, which remains "Duty, Honor, Country") to reflect the values it seeks to inculcate in future officers - which caused Congressional Republicans' heads to explode and charge the academy with the unforgivable sin of "wokeness;" the House of Representatives has passed and sent to the Senate a bill making offer of the popular social media app TikTok illegal in the United States unless its owner sells it within six months, ensuring it is no longer under the potential control of a "foreign adversary" (China); and in Thailand (not, oddly enough, Florida), a would-be alpha male is recovering after emergency room doctors successfully cut eleven penis rings from his swollen member. 

There are a lot of cartoons out there that take off on the lyrics to popular songs. This week, we'll take a look at a few of them ... 

Don't worry, he'll survive ...


Inspiration comes from many places ...


If you need something to sing at breakfast ...


Yep, some classics just can't be improved on ...


Most of us don't have to worry about our choice of washing machines, but classical musicians sometimes do ...


He needs somebody ...


It's a long setup for a joke, but I'll take it ...


It's a matter of opinion ...


It's important to pick the right song to sing to your beloved ...


Mr Zevon seems to have trouble with his alibi ...


And that's it for this week's cartoon Saturday sing-along - I hope you enjoyed it. Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, March 15, 2024

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


It's the ides of March, and time for us to take another stab (sorry) at Great Moments in Editing and Signage ... 

The 2024 official drink of the undecided voter ...


As endorsed by Alabama Senator Katie Britt in her bizarre State of the Union rebuttal last week ...


The high-caliber standard for modern American manhood ...


I'm no expert, but I think it's a bit late for that ...


Just what ... or who ... are we exhuming, here? ...


Has there ever been a better room number assigned for an office? ...


If I were going to pay $49 for an eerie antique wall sconce, I'd want it full evil ...


If this is the #1 school district in the state, I wonder which one is #2 ...


If I were going to name my "Christian center," I think I'd pick a less ... uh ... suggestive name ...


If this is the sermon topic at the Third Presbyterian Church, I wonder what the topics are at the First and Second ...


And, as the late, great Walter Cronkite would have said, that's the way it is for today's collection of great moments. I hope it brought a smile ... if not a grimace ... to your face.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Thursday, March 14, 2024

An Endless Series of Hobson's Choices


A "Hobson's Choice" is defined as: (1) an apparently free choice when there is no real alternative; and (2) the necessity of accepting one of two or more equally objectionable alternatives. In its second meaning, it can be compared to the popular expression "damned if you do, damned if you don't."


It occurs to me that the modern American presidency is a job defined as an endless series of Hobson's Choices:

Support Israel's war in Gaza (angering progressive and Arab-American voters), or act to protect needlessly suffering Gazan civilians (risking accusation of anti-semitism and support of genocide); 

Provide sensitive intelligence briefings to Der Furor (a provably untrustworthy scoundrel who could otherwise never qualify to hold a security clearance), or deny them (and be thunderingly accused of "election interference"); 

Try to reform immigration laws so they make sense (and offend both supporters and opponents of immigration, depending on what reforms are suggested); 

Support measures to decrease gun violence (and be denounced by gun rights advocates), or support unrestricted gun ownership and carriage (ensuring the probability of future mass murders); 

Advocate policies that ensure individuals and businesses pay fair shares of the tax burden (earning the support of Main Street), or support tax policies that benefit businesses and the wealthy, and place a higher burden on average taxpayers without political influence (earning the support of Wall Street); and,

Reduce government spending by cutting social programs (delighting the right and offending the left) or by ending policies that economically benefit businesses and the wealthy (delighting the left and offending the right). 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Will Rogers was right ... we shouldn't elect a president, we should elect a magician.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

The Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, Updated


I decided, back in 2021, that we needed a unit of measurement for stupidity. This was meant to augment both my National Stupidity Index (DUMBCON), which estimates the overall level of national stupidity at a given time, and the twice- (sometimes thrice-) monthly Ass Clown Awards, which single out specific individuals and groups for recognition of ass clownery above and beyond the call of doody.

I established the Gohmert Stupidity Scale* in a pair of blog posts (here and here) in June, 2021, and called the unit of stupidity the "gohmert," abbreviated ghm. Experience of use led me to change the scale in March of last year to the Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, taking advantage of the stupidity multiplier represented by Georgia representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene (aka Empty G) and updating the abbreviation to gag. Now, however, universal stupidity has reached such a level that I feel compelled to update the scale once again. The new version updates some descriptions and examples, and introduces "unfocused anger" as a contributing factor in the calculation.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I give you The Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, Version 3.0 ... click it to embiggen the image for easier reading.


Have a good day, and feel free to use the updated scale as you need to describe the idiocy state of individuals and groups in this bizarre year. Comments for improvements and updates are welcome.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Named in "honor" of former Texas Representative Louie Gohmert, whose level of personal stupidity set a new standard even in a Congress not noted for its intellectual brilliance.

Monday, March 11, 2024

Talking the Talk


Last Thursday evening President Biden delivered the traditional and Constitutionally-mandated* State of the Union speech. As has become sadly normal in these times, the speech was less a dignified overview of the current state and future direction of the nation than a feistily-delivered and angrily-received laundry list that checked all the expected boxes (reproductive rights, voting rights, Ukraine, Gaza, immigration, presidential vitality, etc).


Simply put, the State of the Union speech (or "SOTU," for short) is what has replaced inspirational, thought-provoking oration. As drama and theater critic Peter Marks said a few years ago, 

“... if you’ve ever listened to some of the desultory rhetoric from the well of the Senate, you know that American politics has not exactly built an assembly line of Ciceros.”

As you may recall, I love public speaking and think I'm pretty good at it**. I enjoy preparing and delivering an entertaining and thought-provoking speech, and I especially enjoy listening to one. Unfortunately, nowadays there aren't a lot of speeches worth listening to.

We've come a long way from Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, Franklin Roosevelt's stirring "Four Freedoms" and first inaugural ("Nothing to fear but fear itself") speeches, and John F. Kennedy's "Ask not what your country can do for you" inaugural address.

What do we have now?

We have angry, meaningless word salads from Der Furor that are nevertheless cheered by those unused to thinking in terms of the nation, the world, and the common good. Or, in fact, to thinking at all.


We have a State of the Union address delivered in a forcefully belligerent tone in an attempt to combat the persistent image of a president diminished by age ... an address that was memorable more for its delivery than for its content.

This is sad.

I serve from time to time as a judge for local high school debates, and enjoy the chance to see young people do the difficult work of organizing and presenting ideas with the aim of changing minds. Unfortunately, while they are almost always superb at amassing facts and assembling arguments, they tend to be far less skilled at actually delivering those arguments in a way that will sway the opinions of their audience. Emphasis is placed more on the rapid-fire delivery of as many facts and arguments as can be jammed into a given period of time (anywhere from two to seven minutes in most debates I judge) ... with the result that the listener feels like the exhausted survivor of an oratorical tsunami. 

I firmly believe that two of the most vital skills we can teach our children are to speak and write clearly ... and yet these are the skills lost on a population unable or unwilling to read complex arguments, write cogent and thoughtful letters, and deliver or listen to thought-provoking, challenging speeches.

We don't need the lost assembly line of Ciceros bemoaned by Peter Marks, but we do need a population that can read, listen, speak, and think ... the very population that, sadly, can be swayed by the useless blatherings of empty windbags.

Have a good day, and listen critically to the speeches you hear during this election year. Learn to separate the wheat of rational ideas and policies from the chaff of unfocused anger and retribution. Vote for content - not for noise.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Article 2, Section 3, Clause 1.

** Pats self on back.

Sunday, March 10, 2024

Musical Sunday


This past Thursday we celebrated the birthday of the great composer Maurice Ravel, whose marvelous orchestral composition Boléro has entertained millions of listeners with its haunting melody. Today, in honor of M. Ravel, we have the Wiener Philharmonic Orchestra playing his famous piece under the direction of conductor Gustavo Dudamel ...


Boléro has always been one of my favorite instrumental pieces, and I hope you enjoyed it as well, in spite of the stupid ad inserted in the middle, which you can skip after about five seconds. I hope there's an extra-hot spot in Hell for the guy who came up with that idea. 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, March 09, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


Who ordered the March with a double side of crazy? 

President Biden delivered a fiery State of the Union address that earned stony silence from Republicans who refused even to acknowledge Russia's aggression in Ukraine; the Republican National Committee has installed Der Furor’s handpicked leadership team - including his daughter-in-law Lara Trump, completing his transformation of the GOP into a cult of personality and giving him access to more funds to help with his mounting legal bills; Der Furor has posted a $91.6 million bond as he appeals his losing verdict in E Jean Carroll's defamation lawsuit; a United Airlines plane taking off from San Francisco International Airport on Thursday morning lost one of its tires shortly after takeoff, but landed safely at Los Angeles International Airport ... although the falling tire badly damaged two cars in an airport employee parking lot; and a doctor in Louisville, Kentucky, will stand trial for allegedly trying to hire a Brazilian 'spiritual healer' - who claimed an 85% death rate using voodoo - to cast a death spell on her ex-husband.

Spring is just about here, and the birds are singing in the trees around our house, which made me think that birds would be an appropriate theme for today's Cartoon Saturday. And since this year's already for the birds, it's even more appropriate!

After a certain age, that's just how it is ...


Bird obstetricians ...


You can bet they'll specify in the future ...


Well, it doesn't hurt to try ...


Bird foodies ...


Namedropper ...


It was worth a try ...


Good idea ...


Sometimes, the geese want to send a message back ...


And sometimes they REALLY want to send a message back ...


I'd write more, I have to wren along* and do other things.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for a Musical Sunday salute to composer Maurice Ravel, whose birthday we celebrated this past Tuesday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Sorry.

Friday, March 08, 2024

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2024


A new month has arrived, and with it the opportunity to explore expanded horizons of ass-clownery. We'll just skip the usual blah, blah, blah about how hard it is to single out a single ass clown for the award, and get right to it -

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we present the award for

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2024


to

Senator Mitch McConnell (R, KY)


Today marks the twelfth ass clown award presented to Senator McConnell - a record exceeded only by the 19 awards won by the Republican Party and the 16 presented to Der Furor since I instituted these awards back in 2011. Senator McConnell, however, has the added distinction of being the Ass Clown of the Year for three consecutive years - 2018, 2019, and 2020.

But that's all history. Senator McConnell recently announced that he would step down as the Senate Minority Leader after the upcoming election, having apparently decided he had done enough to destroy the nation he was sworn to serve. 

You may recall that, after the attack on the U.S. Capitol by a mob of Der Furor's partisans on January 6th, 2021, Mr McConnell stood before the Senate and solemnly intoned that Der Furor was "practically and morally responsible" for the insurrection. Now, with an election coming up, Mr McConnell has made a disgraceful about-face to endorse the man he once denounced, simply because he is his party's nominee. 

It is apparently not enough for him to have taken a lead role in destroying the independence and reputation of the Supreme Court by shamelessly rushing through unqualified justices ... now, he hypocritically supports a disgraced former president facing dozens of state and federal criminal charges, a man who is a convicted sexual offender, and a man who childishly insulted McConnell's own wife using racially-charged language. Raw political power and advantage are the only things he understands or cares about - the nation and the world be damned.


Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2024, is Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell - surely one of the most profoundly hypocritical men ever to disgrace a seat in the United States Senate.

Have a good day. Be sure to come back tomorrow for some much-needed laughs on Cartoon Saturday - you know you need them. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Thursday, March 07, 2024

Thoughts and Observations About Super Tuesday


As many of you know, I work as an Election Officer in my home precinct in Fairfax County, Virginia. I've blogged about the experience many times, stressing how it has enabled me to understand the inner workings of our electoral system and to push back with authority when I'm confronted by dumbasses whining about rigged elections when their candidate doesn't win.

I worked at my local precinct for the presidential primaries on Super Tuesday, and thought I'd share a few of my candid observations with you. I don't pretend that every voting precinct in every state is as well-organized and well-run as those in my county in particular and Virginia in general, but I firmly believe that our elections are overwhelmingly free, fair, and honest. Is there corruption? In a very few isolated instances, probably. Is it on a vast, organized scale that would tip an election? Don't make me laugh.

Here are a few of my observations.

To those of you who maintain that fraud is rife and elections are rigged, you are simply displaying your ignorance. The number of checks and balances built into the system makes it all but impossible to rig the system. Consider the system we use to calculate and validate the counts at the end of the day ... 

Once the polls close, we cannot leave until every number balances. Using example numbers, say we started the day with 1,000 shrink-wrapped ballots in packages of 200. The packages are opened one at a time as needed. Each voter who checks in receives a ballot card, which they exchange for a ballot at a separate station. After marking the ballot, the voter takes it to an optical scanning machine, where it is recorded. After the polls close, we must account for every single ballot: the number of voters who were checked in must equal the number of ballots we handed out, which must equal the number of ballots scanned. Ballots which were marked in error by the voter or rejected by the scanners for whatever reason must be turned in, marked as spoiled, replaced by new ballots, and accounted for at the end of the day like any others. The number of votes cast, as tabulated by the optical scanners, must agree with the number of voters checked in. 

On Super Tuesday night, we went crazy for a while because our numbers were off ... by one vote. It took us a while to figure out the discrepancy, which was the result of human error ... because this was a two-party primary, voters had to check in for either the Democratic or the Republican primary (although a number of people wanted to vote in both, which was not allowed). Depending on the primary in which they wanted to vote, they were issued either a blue or a red ballot card, which was then exchanged for the appropriate ballot. What happened to throw off the numbers was that a voter had checked in to vote in the Democratic primary, but - once he'd been issued his ballot card - had changed his mind and announced that he wanted to vote in the Republican primary instead. There being no way to go back into the system and change his choice of primary, he was simply given a card for the other primary and allowed to proceed. Thus, at the end of the day, our records showed a one-vote discrepancy between party primary check-ins and votes recorded ... a discrepancy of one vote, which we were able to explain. I doubt that that single vote would have been sufficient to sway most elections.

A few other observations ...

Although our precinct is historically strongly Democratic, voters in the Republican primary outnumbered voters in the Democratic primary by almost three to one. Why? Was it a measure of surging support for the GOP, or an attempt on the part of Democratic voters to sway the Republican outcome, or were there just more excited Republicans coming out to vote than Democrats? No idea, but the ratio was interesting.

Many voters didn't realize that there were two separate primaries running in parallel. As we checked in each voter, we told them that there were two primary elections - Democratic and Republican - and asked them which one they wanted to vote in. Some voters objected to having to publicly state a choice of party, claiming it violated ballot secrecy. When we explained that they could vote in either primary, and were not being asked to specify which specific candidate they would vote for, most understood. There was, however, a small handful of voters who continued to grumble about it, although no one refused to vote over the issue.

As I noted above, quite a few voters wanted to vote not in one or the other primary, but in both, and some were upset that this wasn't allowed. Go figure.

A distressingly large number of voters arrived unsure of what they wanted to do, and agonized at check-in over which primary in which to vote. Many seemed to select voting in the Republican primary because there was "more choice" - there were five names on the GOP ballot, and three on the Democratic one.

The average age of the voters skewed to the high end, which is normal in primaries. We did have two young, first-time voters, both of whom were excited to be casting their first votes and one of whom wanted to know how to apply to work as an Election Officer in the future. We always make a fuss over first-time voters (clapping, cheering, handshakes, etc) ... they're momentarily embarrassed, but we want them to know it's something special.

Although we election workers are forbidden to make any sort of comment or give the least sign of any partisan leaning*, the same isn't true for the voters. When I was handing out ballots, I'd tell each voter that they could sit an any of the desks we'd set up to mark their ballots, and that we'd placed pens at each table for them to use. I'd usually note that there was a pen at each table "unless it had been stolen as a valuable souvenir" (silly, because they're the absolute cheapest of mass-produced plastic pens) ... one voter actually glared at me and growled angrily that, "those f...ing Democrats probably steal them like they steal elections." I guess I know how he'll vote in November.

One of my duties is to serve as a "Same-Day Registration Specialist." Virginia law allows a person who has not already registered to vote to register on election day and cast a provisional ballot, which is counted at the County Board of Elections after the registration has been confirmed as accurate and legal. The process is complicated and time-consuming, but it allows more people to vote. I think it's great that Virginia tries to make it easier, rather than harder to vote.

Those are a few of my observations on how the Super Tuesday voting went at my precinct in Northern Virginia. Election days are always long for us (5 AM until all the numbers balance and everything is cleaned up after the polls close ... usually around 9 PM), but it's good to be able to see the election administration process from the inside and to recognize that, for all the baseless claims of rampant fraud, we run a clean, honest, and accurate election.

I'll be working two more elections this year - another primary in June, and the General Election in November, which will be ... interesting. Get out there and vote. And if you are one of those people who are convinced everything is "rigged," volunteer to be an election officer and get trained on the actual procedures that ensure voting security ... it will help keep you from sounding stupid.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the naming of the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* It's not mandated one way or another, but most of us won't even wear anything red or blue for fear of being accused of sending subliminal messages.