How's That Again? More Editorial Gems.

It's been a while since we visited Bilbo's Big Collection o' Editorial Oopses and Related Stuff, so let's start the new week with a collection of head-scratchers ...

Remember what we discussed about proofreading yesterday? Somebody didn't ...

Somebody else didn't, either ...

I wonder how many fingers they used ...

It looks as if someone took "doing it doggy-style" to a whole new level ...

Must have been some of those "young earth" types ...

For those of you who feel the need for speed ...

How about a couple of food-related gems? I wonder if these are served on the International Space Station ...

Every recipe works better with the right ingredients ... especially the right oil ...

Budget crisis? I think there may be a solution here somewhere, if there were just some place we could find extra cash ...

 

I should have such problems ...

And there you have it ... another collection of editorial gems and similar oddities. Do remember that proofreading thing, won't you?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Nashunal National Proofreading Dey Day

I didn't mention it yesterday, because it was Cartoon Saturday and I was busy engaging in my orgy of self-congratulation over my blogoversary, but March 8 was National Proofreading Day - a day to "promote error-free writing and communication to enhance a professional and personal image," according to its official website.

There's a day for everything, isn't there?

This one is actually pretty important, though, when you think about it. Grammatical, error-free writing is important to the projection of a professional image. People who may never see us in person form opinions of us based on the way we write, and if that writing is full of errors, their opinion isn't likely to be a good one.

Here's a true story from The Annals of Bilbo on the importance of good proofreading ...

Many years ago, I was responsible for a project my organization was running in conjunction with a similar organization in another country. For political reasons, the project had been going along for years on a more-or-less informal basis, but at the time I was in charge, it was decided that it should be formalized. Our senior officials on both sides came up with the basic framework of an agreement (about two paragraphs), and it became my job to turn it into an official document that could be formally signed at an appropriately solemn and stately event.

I spent several agonizing months working with specialists in international law to make sure that the agreement was exactly right ... that everything was legal under the laws of both countries, all responsibilities of both parties were outlined accurately, all considerations of funding were addressed to ensure everyone knew who would pay for what, etc, etc ... by the time the lawyers got done with it, the simple couple-of-paragraphs-on-the-back-of-the-napkin agreement on which the seniors initially agreed had turned into a document of many pages of dense type, with appendices, annexes, annexes to the appendices, and appendices to the annexes. God Himself only needed ten commandments, but our agreement needed that many pages and more. So many people had their fingerprints on it that no one knew any more who had written what.

So ...

Fast-forward to the day the agreement was to be signed. The foreign dignitary and his staff had come to the US for the ceremonies. We'd made all the protocol arrangements, and two pristine copies of the agreement were laid out on the conference table with brand new pens* for the official signing. All was in readiness. Everyone filed into the room and took their places, appropriate remarks were made, and our boss and his foreign counterpart (a man of cabinet rank in his own country) picked up those nice new pens to apply their signatures to the agreement ...

... on which the foreign dignitary's name was misspelled.

Being a gentleman, he made a joke about it and signed anyway. I hid under the table.

And so, Dear Readers, that is my cautionary tale to you of the importance of good proofreading. Dozens of people had reviewed that draft agreement and looked at every letter of every word of every sentence of every paragraph ... and yet we all missed the glaring typo that might have proved to be a grave insult to a less jovial, more self-important person. I try very hard to make sure there are no typos in my posts, but - as you know - they occasionally do creep in, no matter how hard I try ... and there are those of you out there (yes, Dave, I'm talking to you) who will be happy to find them for me.

I wish all of you a happy, if belated, National Proofreading Day! May you never have trouble with your colons. Or any other punctuation, for that matter.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilby Bilbo

* Yes, we had done test signings to make sure the pens would actually write when called upon to do so.

Cartoon Saturday ... and My Eighth (!) Blogoversary

It's been a heckuva week, but now it's finally Cartoon Saturday. It's my eighth blogoversary, too, but we'll get to that later ... I think we need the cartoons first.

Massachusetts has enacted a law making photographing or recording video under a person's clothing - known as "upskirting" - a misdemeanor; members of an Illinois family have been arrested for shoplifting nearly $7 million worth of goods, which were smuggled out of stores in the mother's flowing black dress; GOP representative Darrell Issa has apologized to fellow representative Elijah Cummings for deliberately shutting off his microphone to keep him from speaking at a House committee meeting; the mummified body of a Michigan woman who hadn't been seen by her neighbors for nearly six years was found in the back seat of her car in her garage; and Russia appears to be settling into its newly-acquired Crimean real estate, unimpressed by US threats of economic sanctions.

So much for March being an improvement on February. Good thing we have Cartoon Saturday to lighten things up.

Since I take quite a bit of grief from my friends* about my love of puns, I thought that a selection of cartoons based on puns would be appropriate ...

Horror movies for bugs? ...

Hey, if the argument works for the gun crowd, why shouldn't it work for me? ...

It's corny, but ...

Some puns are just for the birds ...

Oops ... wrong room ...

Well, he could certainly do it ...

Well, bless their hearts ...

How linguists get dates ...

Opposites do attract, or so I've been told ...

Well, what would you call it? ...

And finally for this week ... sometimes you can end up in the wrong place ...

So much for this week's puns ... how about a little shameless self-congratulation?

Today is my eighth blogoversary! Yes, Dear Readers, I wrote my first blog post on March 8th, 2006 ... you can read it here if you want, but it's not quite up to my current standards. I started writing this blog because of my friend Jake, who had invited me to join a discussion group on military matters and current affairs ... it seems I was a bit too participatory and contrary for the group, and they suggested I just write my own blog and leave them alone.

This blog has evolved a lot since my first few posts, and I've added recurring features like Cartoon Saturday, Ask Bilbo, Great Moments in Editing, and the Ass Clown of the Month. I've made a lot of friends through blogging, some of whom I've actually met in person ... Buggie, Mike, Peg, and Gilahi, among others). I've exchanged letters with Amanda, Fiona, allenwoodhaven, and Green Canary, and others, and I've become Facebook friends with many of you. You brighten my days and your comments keep me thinking and (when needed) honest and humble.

I really enjoy writing this blog. I like having the creative outlet, and meeting people from all over the country and the world, virtually, in writing, and in person. I read every comment left on every post, even if I don't respond to all of them, and always appreciate the time you took to leave them. We don't always agree on everything, but the world would be a lot less interesting if we all saw things the same way.

Bilbo's First Law says you should never let anyone else do your thinking for you ... but I'm glad you've decided to come here and think with me. Let's do the next eight years together!

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* My friend Bob wrote this on my Facebook page the other day, after Andrea put up the cartoon I shared with you in this blog yesterday: "It's not just beautiful women who associate you with bad puns. It's also handsome men, unattractive women, ugly men, all children, and most members of the animal kingdom." Arizona Dave added, "... and some plants, too, probably." I seem to have an image problem.

She's Got My Number

Andrea posted this to my Facebook page yesterday ...

Two things come to mind: 1) Andrea has excellent taste; and 2) What is it about me that causes beautiful women think of puns rather than ... well ... other things?

I've got a lot to do this morning, so I'll just leave you with something else on the theme we've already started ...

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday AND the celebration of my eighth blogoversary.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Blame Game

One of the things that drives me crazy about our current crop of elected reprehensives is their focus not on solving problems, but on scoring political points by assigning blame ... preferably as loudly and continuously as possible, and not necessarily with any connection to truth or reality.

Everybody does it. Each party has its beloved issues that it uses as cudgels to pound savagely on the other, and in the meantime nothing gets done. The only effect is that other countries shake their heads in amazement and wonder what happened to the strong and united nation that used to be where the United States is now.

Need some help with navigating the blame game? Here's a handy chart I drew up to help you understand how it works ... click to embiggen:

No need to thank me - it's all part of my continuing efforts to help you develop the necessary level of disdain for the people who are pursuing their political agendas instead of doing what's right for the nation.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Don't Touch That Dial!

I love being a grandparent. I have the fun of watching my grandchildren grow up, and the job of passing on to them the lessons I've learned through hard experience. It's also very interesting to watch them learn about the world around them ... which is, in countless ways, a very different world than the one in which I grew up. I'm amazed at how easily they've picked up on modern technology - at age 3, my granddaughter Elise understands and uses Agnes's iPad better than Agnes does. Or I do, for that matter.

I found this marvelous video on Miss Cellania's website this morning, and just had to share it with you. Warning up front: if you are a superannuated old coot like Mike and I, this is guaranteed to make you feel really old. Dear Readers, I give you the spectacle of modern children trying to figure out how to use a rotary phone ...

Feeling old yet?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Bovine Political Idologies

There are a lot of political ideologies out there ... so many, in fact, that there's an entire field of study called "political science" dedicated to helping us sort them all out. Most of us never could really understand the differences among them, though, and political scientists are really no help ... as you know if you've ever choked on the dust that arose when you read any political science books.

Fortunately, there are some alternative approaches to understanding the various political orientations. I think I may have posted a variation on this a few years ago, but yesterday I received a new version from Katherine, who blogs over at Purple Flowers ... it's a true classic. Welcome to Economic and Political Theory 101 ... with a few of my tweaks added, of course ...

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

TRADITIONAL RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

MODERN RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You pay the Mafia to keep them from killing your cows, and sell the milk to an oligarch who pays you what he thinks is fair. You pay the Mafia a percentage of what the oligarch paid you.

MODERN CHINESE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government redraws the map of Asia to obtain additional land so they will have plenty of room to graze.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY. You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk, but the party that's out of power refuses to let the ruling party distribute any milk unless the Affordable Care Act is repealed. The milk spoils.

ISLAMIC THEOCRACY: If you have two cows, it is Allah's will.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Thanks to Katherine for the idea. Hope this has helped you understand modern politics ... it makes as much sense as anything else.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Snowing Again

We're expecting either 8-12 or 6-9 inches of snow today, depending on whose forecast you listen to. As I asked this morning in a plaintive post on Facebook, why is nature storing all this damn snow in NoVa when there's a perfectly good Siberia available?

'Nuff said.

Have a good day. Stay warm. Send plows.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

And away we go ...

A convicted child rapist who escaped from a group home in Colorado by cutting off his ankle monitor has been arrested in Norfolk, Virginia; as the situation in Ukraine continues to deteriorate, President Obama has warned that "there will be costs for any (Russian) military intervention;" a fireball - probably caused by a meteorite - lit up the skies over the east coast on Thursday night; Bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox said Friday it was filing for bankruptcy protection after losing almost 750,000 of its customers' bitcoins; and an extremist Syrian Islamic group deemed too radical even for al-Qaeda live-tweeted its amputation of the hand of an accused thief.

February was a tough month ... we can only hope March will be better. At least we have cartoons to help it start out right.

Because we're still getting over our most recent session with our financial planner, I thought it would be interesting to have this week's theme cartoon set deal with fortune tellers of another kind ...

Sometimes, the news you get isn't quite what you wanted to hear ...

And sometimes the fortune can just ... uh ... bowl you over ...

Sometimes you can learn all you need from the FAF - frequently-asked fortunes ...

Dating the right person can save you time when ordering in restaurants ...

And this is about how my fortune would probably go ...

Turning to other cartoons ...

Sometimes you have to be careful that the program you select is right for you ...

I guess that would be the right style selection ...

Every time I go to the barber shop, Regina tries to sell me the latest hair lard they're hawking. I don't like most of them ...

I think this is the contractor who's developing the economic plans for the GOP ...

And finally for this week, every occupation has its hazards ...

Welcome to March! I hope this weeks set of cartoons has helped make your transition from February a little easier. Here in NoVa we're expecting a cold weekend finishing up with yet another winter storm* Sunday night into Monday morning - this one looks like more sleet, freezing rain, and ice, leading up to a 100% chance of snow on Monday for another memorable commute. Sigh.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* I'm afraid I may be waiting a while for those lovely spring tank tops. Sigh.

Better Sex Through Arugula

First of all, following up on yesterday's post in which I asked for opinions on whether I should participate in Mustache March, here are the results: the majority of you who voiced an opinion thought that I should go ahead and grow the 'stache. Agnes voted against. Sorry, Dear Readers ... you lose. Nevertheless, I will virtually participate in Mustache March by using the photoshopped image that Agnes created for me on my blog and on Facebook during the month:*

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about something more interesting. Aphrodisiacs.

Yes, I thought that might get your attention.

Yesterday I ran across this interesting article in Time Magazine online: Seven Foods for Better Sex. Forget the South Beach Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Imperial Diet, and the Diet of Worms ... this is a diet I can get into. In case you don't want to read the whole article, these are the seven foods that are, for various reasons generally involving vitamin and mineral content, conducive to better dancing the horizontal tango:

Avocados;

Almonds;

Strawberries;

Seafood;

Arugula;

Figs; and

Citrus Fruits.

Now, given the fact that I absolutely love everything on the list (well, Arugula is okay, but I prefer butter lettuce), you'd think that my sex life would have Hugh Hefner calling me for advice. Sadly, it isn't so, but diet can only compensate so much for looks, personality, and an overly modest bank account. Such is life.

I wonder why daikon radishes didn't make the list ...

They should have a place on the list if only for phallic imagery.

As for me, I'm waiting for the updated list that includes Reuben Sandwiches, french fries, butter pecan ice cream, and medium-rare steaks topped with sautéed mushrooms and onions and washed down with a nice Cabernet Sauvignon. Unfortunately, I think I'll be waiting a while for that one.

Have a good day. Eat healthy, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Oh, and you can probably forget about Novembeard this year, too.