Nice Guys

I like to think of myself as a nice guy. I try to be pleasant to everyone, respect others' points of view (even when I think they're complete and utter morons), treat women properly, and generally live the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you). I've found that this results in two things: most people tend to like me; and many people try to take advantage of me.

Today in the blog "It Is a Numeric Life" (see the link at the left) the post was titled "Why girls go out with hot jerks?" According to the statistic on which the post was based, a University of Michigan study showed that about 60% of the 291 women surveyed said they would prefer to have sex with hot jerks (or "cads") when considering a brief affair, but preferred nice guys ("dads") when looking for a long-term investment in raising children. The authors of the study noted that "These preferences were expected, as they benefit the women's reproductive success."

The study paper (http://www-personal.umich.edu/~kruger/KF_DC_CRISP.pdf) is only 12 pages long and is fascinating reading. It offers insights into why some otherwise intelligent women seem to seek out men who treat them badly, as opposed to ones who would seem to be more desirable from a social and long-term stability standpoint. The conclusion (broadly stated) is that in seeking short-term sexual partners, women are drawn to men who are competitive, dominant, and brave (even if they're "cads" who treat them poorly) - in short, men they believe would provide genes which would be more advantageous to their children. In seeking long-term mates, though, the same women preferred the nice guys (the "dads") - those they believe would be more reliable providers and more likely to devote themselves to the care of a family.

Other books and studies reach similar conclusions. For instance, Howard Bloom's thought-provoking book The Lucifer Principle looks in part at the genetic basis of behavior and makes many of the same points about sexual selection and investment by women (in particular, the chapter titled The Expendability of Males makes many of the same points as the Michigan study).

So what does this mean for us "nice guys?"

On a very simple level, it explains why we stood along the walls of the gym at the high school dances while the desirable girls fawned over the athletes. But looking at it another way, it means that in the long run, those same girls will eventually find us to be the more desirable choice of partner. We just have to wait for them to figure it out.

Or, as my mother was fond of saying, "nice guys may finish last, but they do finish."

I've long since passed the time when I was worried about attracting potential mates. I've found my partner and I love her, and now I can just relate to women as friends without thought of competing with other men for their sexual attentions. There's something to be said, in short, for being a passably good-looking 55 year-old nice guy who's a competent ballroom dancer...and not a cad who treats women badly.

Have a good day. Don't forget that your taxes are due by midnight tonight...it's tough to read my blog from jail.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo