The Things That Make Us What We Are

Sometimes I wonder how I ever survived to reach a normal and (more or less) well-adjusted adulthood.

As a child, I was not abused by my parents or relatives, my parish priest, or anyone else. I was called names and bounced around by schoolyard bullies. I drank water straight from the tap, the garden hose, and even the streams near our house. I was out of the house and out of parental sight during the summer from morning 'til after dark, often walking miles to visit friends, and was never abducted. I was occasionally humiliated by the cute girls in high school who tended to choose jocks over nerds, but still ended up with a beautiful wife and family.

It seems fashionable today to blame past abuses, real or imagined, as the shaper of our lives and the excuse for outrageous acts. The violent and bitter young man who murdered more than 30 people at Virginia Tech this week left videos and writings in which he accused everyone but himself for driving him to his killing spree, and the effects of a bad childhood are often cited in defense of even the most vicious criminals. And yet, many - if not most - people manage to overcome such adversity to become productive citizens, raise families, and contribute to society in ways large and small.

Thousands of events in the course of our lives shape us and make us what we are. Most are benign, some are terrible, and some are wonderful, and no two lives are the same. People will react to the same stimuli in different ways. I put up with the usual high school problems of bullies and competition for female attention and ended up a productive citizen. Another person may face the same problems and end up like a Cho Seung-Hui, plagued by inner demons that lead him to murder.

Psychologists and social scientists will continue to debate the reasons why we end up the way we do, but I believe one thing is sure: each of us contains, within himself, the capacity for good and for evil. How we react to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (sorry, Mr Shakespeare) shapes what we will become. I had the good fortune to have caring and loving parents, a stable home environment, and good friends. Others aren't so lucky. But we all end up having to share the same imperfect world. We can take charge of our destiny, or we can retreat into ourselves and claim the priviliges of victimhood to excuse bad behavior.

I'd like to think that most of us will make the right choice.

Have a good day. Remember what I wrote yesterday about giving and getting respect.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo